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About aro-fae

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  1. Gray-aro can refer to a variety of experiences, including crushes without desire to "follow up" on them, but also including : experiencing (romantic) attraction rarely, experiencing attraction ambiguously/uncertainly, experiencing attraction at a low intensity, experiencing an attraction that is very fleeting/short lived....It can describe a lot of things. The fact that you are wondering if you've ever had a crush kind of indicates that you may be on the aro-spectrum, as romantic attraction tends to be described as a gut feeling that is very obvious. It also sounds like you've spent very little time thinking about or pursuing romance in general, and for someone in their 30s, that tends to be considered non-normative. At the end of the day the choice is up to you. You could identify as aro-spec or gray-ro, which can act as ambiguous catch-all terms. You could identify as aro. You could identify as questioning. Lurking around sites like this will give you more of an idea of what the aromantic experience is like and may help you decide.
  2. Like a few others here, learned about aromanticism and asexuality in freshman yr of high school. And I do feel older than a fair amount of the community? Even though I am relatively a child (early 20s). I feel way past the phase of "figuring it out" and needing "validation" for it, which seems to be a sign of age in this community lol.
  3. I don't use this terminology simply because it feels pointless to my own identity. Like, there are some things that I am repulsed by (like most romance movies/narratives) and there are things that I am favorable to (like hand holding). Trying to paint with a broad brush would just be pointless. And If anyone would need specifics, they would likely be close enough to me to warrant a proper conversation about it rather than a quick label.
  4. We have an aros and aces group on my campus as a branch of our larger Pride Alliance so we mix a bit of programming with them (things like brunches, picnics, game nights). The Aros and Aces group also has a bi weekly meet up where we just chat. If it's at all possible to get affiliated with a larger lgbt+ group I would recommend it, as that will not only help with gaining recognition for your group but will also gain you access to some bigger events that you couldn't do on your own. I would also recommend providing some formal resources because discussion groups tend to be very chill and it's easy to get off topic, so if you could provide something like an emailing list or a facebook group where you can link them to websites, make book/reading recommendations, provide socializing that isn't in-person, etc, that would be very helpful to your members. I would recommend email over facebook as its considerably more anonymous. And the more welcoming you can make it for allo aros the better. I don't have the best tips for this as it's something my campus group is currently working on and struggling with, as almost all of us are ace or aroace. 😥
  5. I've luckily not had to deal with anything longterm, but I've had a lot of experiences of people driving up to me while I'm on a walk or approaching me in public spaces (I remember one incident at a grocery store and another at my gym) and asking a lot of questions of Can I have your number, Why can't I have your number, What do you mean I can't have your number... Very bizarre things to bother a child about in public - and I do mean child, as I'm just now out of my teens and most of these experiences happened several years ago with men considerably older than me. Worst thing was when some neighbor showed up on my doorstep and tried to ask me on a date, when I wasn't home, and my grandmother told him off 😆 Like on the one hand I'm happy I didn't have to deal with it and I'm sure it made him feel pathetic, but I do worry about what would have happened had he been more aggressive.
  6. The case of Mary Read isn't the norm, gender assigned at birth/assigned gender is a modern term that references the frequent modern concept of a doctor declaring a child's gender at birth, the parents agreeing with it, and then the child being raised as such. There can be another distinction made for children who are assigned intersex, and a few years past birth through means of surgery and other medical procedures are made to more closely align with one of the biological sexes. I see a few people mentioned children being unisexed - there is plenty of research that shows how children relate to gender and have some kind of understanding of it. This more recent study is small, but looks at how transgender children (having socially transitioned) perceive gender in comparison to their cisgender counterparts.Trans girls and cis girls held similar gendered preferences (Barbies and the color pink, essentially), and the same for trans boys and cis boys. I had a hard time finding studies that weren't behind pay-walls but I recommend looking into "gender constancy in children" and "gender preference in children" if you want to learn more. TLDR whatever gender is, people seem to connect to it pretty early and find it meaningful in their interactions, no matter how socially constructed certain aspects of it are.
  7. I know on Tumblr (and I'm sure a few other internet spaces) MOGAI is short-hand for "anything that isn't the L,G,B, or T" and the boundaries of what is MOGAI depends on the person you're talking to. Some people consider all non-binary identities MOGAI, whereas others think "non-binary" is fine but more niche genders are not. MOGAI literally means "Marginalized Orientations, Genders, and Intersex" and is to be used as a synonym of LGBT+, but it has developed a new connotation/meaning over time. As to the general topic, as @Lokiana said, it would be nice if we could keep these terms for historical purposes but also note that they aren't frequently used and why it may be redundant. As mentioned with cupioromantic, it seems to boil down to another way to say "non-romance repulsed aromantic", so a lot of the community that may feel cupioromantic is relevant may actually be found using the term aromantic. This way people who relate to the label aren't just left out in the cold, so to speak, and still have somewhere to go and find like-minded individuals.
  8. I definitely avoid the folkish side, yes. I wouldn't say that many religions have an issue with asexuality/lack of sex or desire in itself, however, a lot of religions (in my opinion) have an issue with aromanticism. Christianity and Hinduism pop to mind as ones that really emphasize a male/female partnership (in the form of marriage) as necessary to spiritual peace and goodness. The only times the single lifestyle seems acceptable is when someone takes a vow of devotion such as with nuns and monks. Since you mentioned Wicca, I would add that there is a huge focus on sex and male/female duality. Whether that's an asexual problem, a gender non-conforming/genderqueer problem, or simply an all around non-cishet problem is debateable.
  9. Norse polytheist. I have never had an issue within this religion regarding my orientation, outside of a few general bigots. It's also been nice that the deities most connected to the concept of love - Frey, Freyja, and Frigg - all have multiple other aspects. Frey and Freyja are primarily fertility and war deities, not love deities, and Frigg is a deity of family and prophecy.
  10. I mean, a "fear of commitment" can really just be reworded as "experiences minimal romantic attraction which makes the beginning stages of a relationship manageable, but more serious/longterm aspects of them unbearable." It's not an odd experience in the aromantic community to experience a mild attraction or be tolerant of romantic actions. Other attractions, such as sexual and platonic, can also play a role in making these relationships enjoyable until they hit a "definitely romantic" threshold. If the aromantic label and community feels right and feels useful in explaining how you relate to others, then no-one can stop you from using it. You may also find aro-spectrum experiences, such as grey-romantic, to be relatable. I don't see any reason for you to be feeling selfish about these occurrences. You said that you begin relationships "with feelings" and then these feelings leave - that's how most relationships end, regardless of romantic orientation. There's nothing particularly terrible or news-breaking about losing interest in someone, so please be gentle with yourself.
  11. I technically had 2 high school relationships, but they both lasted a week and ended because they would try to hug me or take me on a date (you know, ~dating stuff~) and I would freak out and dump them. For the most part I would say I've never had a relationship and I've never done ~relationship stuff~. Mainly because I don't want to lol.
  12. That's also something I've come across a lot, and to this I would reply with something along the lines of "isn't having a queer experience tied directly to lacking a straight/cisheteronormative experience? In that case, aros do have a queer experience, as they lack that straight/cisheteronormative experience". That wording is messy, but I mean that as long as aros are excluded from the 'mainstream' narrative, they are sharing a key experience with the queer community. That mainstream narrative appears to me as something that is hetromantic + heterosexual + cisgender (and possibly + amatonormative?), and any queer example I can think of off the top of my head is removed from at least one of those concepts. Aromantics obviously missing the hetromantic (and amatonormative) part(s). I also think this is a great idea, as this allows people (both aro and non-aro) a way to conceptualize and maybe empathize with the ~aro experience~.
  13. We're all just a bunch of Care Bears.
  14. Care 100% Loyalty 39% Fairness 72% Authority 8% Purity 69% Liberty 50% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is closest to that of a Left-Liberal. I find it hilarious that my Care is at 100% (I knew I was a sap but c'mon) and my Purity is at 69%.
  15. I think there's also a lot of individual variation to that. Where all aromantics lack romantic attraction, I think most of us can say "I prioritize x over romance" or "My long term plans involve x rather than romance". What x is will be different to different people, and can be friendship, a successful career, learning to play the cello, etc. (also I'm now imagining the hilarity of the expressions of alloromantics if you tell them that cello playing is more important to you than marriage🤣)
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