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aro-fae

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  • Name
    Cinnamon
  • Orientation
    Grey-A
  • Gender
    Non-Binary
  • Pronouns
    They/Them
  • Occupation
    Bog Creature

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  1. In school I actually dated a bit because I didn't understand that it meant something to people and I found it briefly entertaining. After those few months, although I heard about people's relationship problems a lot, it never felt like I was expected to date. Very different at work. It seems like the majority of working adults center their social life and weekends around their significant others, so its all they talk about and all they want to know about from others. Basically every job I've had, has involved people asking me about my romantic life within the first week. And people tend to be open if they find it odd that I'm not dating.
  2. I just didn't attend prom, but I was also "one of those people" who didn't attend school dances. I don't remember if it was looked down upon, but there were distinctly people who did attend dances and people who didn't.
  3. 1) I don't know if its *common*, but I'd say its definitely possible. I've met gray aces that are sex-favorable and sex-indifferent, so I presume the variation would extend to sex-repulsed. 2) I've heard of something called "arcflux" but can't find anything solid on it now. I remember that its an identity for ace people who have fluctuating repulsion/favorability towards sex. Also from my own experience, certain sexual acts can definitely shift between "ok" and "not ok" categories. So yes, repulsion can fluctuate. 3) Very uncertain about aceflux specifically.
  4. This sounds really fun, no clue what my January schedule looks like right now but hopefully I'll be able to attend!
  5. I see one of the proposed topics is "hardship", and I'm wondering if there could be like, a "joy/pride" category to go alongside that? I know you wanted to narrow down rather than expanding, but yeah :3
  6. When it comes to romantic or sexual attraction, it's kind of a crap shoot. Chaotic personalities? I think that's the only consistent thing. I've only been attracted to maybe 4 people in that manner. 2 of them were very tall women (well, compared to me. They were like 5'10 I think.) Aesthetically I like square jawlines and broad shoulders. If they're goth that's a plus but it's not required.
  7. As a grayro person, I consider myself aromantic much more than I consider myself aro-spec. I know a few other aro's who use "aro" to imply "aro-spec", similar to ace. I don't think its a common idea however. I still see a lot of people using the terms separately.
  8. The only term that will be sufficient is the term that someone is actually happy to use for themselves. Creation of language is good and necessary, even if some of it reinvents the wheel. Anyways. I agree with those understandings of primary and secondary attraction, although I have to admit I don't see them used frequently. I actually brought this up in a demi discord server I was in (back when I was identifying as demi) as to whether they agreed with the sentiment that demi- people experienced secondary rather than primary attraction. In that instance, several others agreed that while secondary attraction was a necessary part and could take a while to develop, it eventually caused some overlap with primary attraction. I.e., although attraction based on an emotional bond and personality traits would "kickstart" attraction, it would still eventually include attraction to immediately apparent physical features. If that provides any kind of insight into how those two can interplay. I identify as gray but I simply can't be helpful here as my attraction is *vague hand gesture* or *light gust of wind*, but I'll take that poll anyways lol. *Editing to say, my poll answer is both*
  9. Here's a post about quoiromanticism, here's something about demiromanticism, and here's something about grayromanticism. That's all I can really do without any info. Feel free to read through things! And don't feel obligated to share all of your experiences, just know that the less information an outsider has, the less helpful that we can be
  10. Welcome to the forum. There are some pinned threads in the subforum "Aromantic" that discuss common aro experiences, if you need help figuring out whether you're aro or not. It's not something anyone can really "assign" you, it's something you have to choose to identify with for yourself, because the identity and community feel useful in your understanding of yourself and how you relate to the world. Hope that helps!
  11. It could be alterous attraction as well. It could be a mild sexual attraction. It could be aesthetic. It may help to think about what that attraction made you want to do - did you want to have sex with her? Be physical in some other way? Just keep looking? If it was a mild feeling or happened a while ago it may be hard to figure that out, but desire for certain behaviors can generally point to what kind of attraction it is.
  12. Welcome to Arocalypse! I'll try to address some of your points as a grayromantic person myself and with what I've heard from alloromantics. 1. I don't really think its a line that's drawn rather than a completely different realm. Platonic feelings/attraction and romantic feelings/attraction can overlap when you feel them for one person, but they're different feelings. I can't speak to the inability to be friends with people I'm romantically attracted to because my romantic attraction isn't strong and doesn't mean very much, but that is something I've frequently heard from my alloro friends. 2. I've heard this from a lot of aros. It's hard to watch a close friend suddenly prioritize someone else. Jealously does not need to be romantic. 3. I and several aros I know also get really upset when this happens. It could happen because you're nervous or because you don't like the person, but try to think of a scenario when it wouldn't upset you. Try to think of a person whom you would actually want to make romantic advances on you. Craft the ideal person in your mind. Do you want to be romantic with them? And to finding romance nice theoretically and maybe finding the "right person" in time, that doesn't change if aromantic feels like a nice identity for you right now. And many alloromantic people have had a variety of romantic interests by the time they are in their early twenties. So you could be aro/aro-spectrum, and that might be more useful for you than identifying as a late bloomer. It's absolutely your own choice in the end, though. And how you identify can be changed at any time
  13. Lesbians experience attraction to womxn, and that extends beyond romantic and sexual attraction. As was mentioned above, "oriented" aroaces are those who experience some other attraction that is strong enough to cause them to identify with something other than aroace. Platonic and alterous attractions are commonly at play in those scenarios! "Angled" aroace is a related term for those who are grey-, demi-, or some other aroace-spectrum identity. I'll use myself as an example - I'm greyromantic and grey-ace, but when I do experience attraction its towards any gender, so I'm bi (angled) aroace. In those situations people may also say grey-bisexual or bi/grey aroace.
  14. Grayro and vegan~~I've been vegan for about 5 or 6 years now? I was vegetarian for a few years before that and transitioned slowly.
  15. I would say it does based on the fact that people can begin dating and be romantically attracted to people they are not friendly with, for example, people they've only briefly spoken to on dating apps. I think in the case of successful relationships, platonic attraction does eventually occur and likely runs alongside romantic attraction. I also think it's kind of dependent on how you define platonic attraction, because if its "desiring friendship or a close emotional relationship" with someone, I don't know if that would happen if you've already developed a deep romantic tie with them? I.e. if romantic attraction leads you to becoming very close, would you necessarily desire closeness on other terms. Especially in the case of a fling or a romantic relationship that simply isn't a major factor in your life or something all-encompassing.
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