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Lokiana

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Everything posted by Lokiana

  1. I'm demiromantic and currently a bit...irritated with this whole statement. Every demiromantic person is different and your roommate does not speak for everyone who identifies as demi-. I identify with aromanticism because I experience things like aromantic people do. I did not experience crushes and was mocked for it from the time I was in middle school all the way through my senior year in high school. I was mocked for stating that I might not want to get married. I was literally isolated from my friend group and sent home crying because of my aromanticism. Connecting to people on a lot of romantic ideas is a weird concept to me. The way I approach relationships is different, and aromantic communities have helped me with that. Figuring out I was demiromantic was a hard thing, because I identified with aromanticism for so long before I ever experienced romantic attraction. In short: And it's really not your business to go telling certain aros they're not really aro. It's called the "m-spec" or "multi-spec". It's not a scale, and it encompasses all identities (bi, pan, polysexual/romantic, etc.) that feel attraction to more than one gender.
  2. Iโ€™m demi bi, so itโ€™s interesting to hear about your experience from my perspective. Sorry for the non clarity. ๐Ÿ˜Š
  3. Of course! Iโ€™d love to hear them! Itโ€™s futuristic, somewhat post apocalyptic Sci fi- a lot of the technology was destroyed by a massive wave of computer viruses...in the scavenging afterwards, someone broke open a lab that held viruses (Iโ€™d like to point out he wrote this before corona)...basically, thereโ€™s only small pockets of humanity left, and a bunch of travel via airships. The main character is a badass who repairs the technology that keeps the airships running, and it goes from there. (Iโ€™ve read all 150+ pages and love this book, seriously. Itโ€™s kind of awesome.)
  4. Amen to that. Seconded. The thought of someone else liking me romantically and getting blamed for not reciprocating when all I wanted was to be friends quite literally can make me shiver in fear, not even because of romance repulsion, but simply because I get attached and losing people over something like that is a horrible thought. Interesting to hear about this from a demi-bi perspective, because I'm also super picky about who I have sex with because for most of the reasons stated above, and I'm in a romantic relationship. And that's on why it took me forever to realize I'm bi.
  5. so my boyfriend is writing a book and i have convinced him to write in one of the characters as explicitly aro and bi (she was kind of headed in that direction, but to make it official) he's amazing and wants a lot of my input on it, because he and i are both bi, so it's really easy for him to write from that perspective, but wants to make sure he captures the aro part as well. anyone have specific thoughts on how your aroness affects your bi-ness and vice versa?
  6. I just loved this quote, and really, it is a nice, succinct way of putting it.
  7. I did not major in Computer Science to spend four hours on the phone with a tutor for badly written Java projects.

    And yet, here I am.

    1. Apathetic Echidna

      Apathetic Echidna

      four hours? that just seems way too long.

    2. Lokiana

      Lokiana

      it was.

    3. Momo

      Momo

      To be honest, you'll spend far more time in CS projects maintaining old stuff instead of writing new stuff. Just because everything new you write needs to be maintained. Inheriting old, bad projects is always a nightmare though.

  8. more embarrassed than I've ever been in my life. you should not be friends with your boyfriend's sister. or you should, but don't tell them any funny stories about their siblings. ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

  9. So I've felt what I'm fairly sure is romantic attraction for the first time (which freaked me the hell out, caused a mild identity crisis, and made me realize I'm demiromantic). For me, it started as friendship and was pretty hard to recognize - I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, hang out, play video games, etc., pretty standard friends stuff. What kind of "clued me in" to feeling something else is a bit of a story, but he started giving me a hug at the end of every night and it went from a quick friendship thing to me wanting one all the time and wanting to stay there? And there was kind of a feeling of warmth that accompanied it. Then he kissed one of our mutual friends (casually) and I felt pretty devastated, and realized I had no reason to feel that way, and then kinda went....oh. Oh. OH. He and I went to formal together as friends. The butterflies people talk about were there in a mild form of anxiety for me as I was getting ready - my best friend was laughing at me - in the form of being a little obsessive about my appearance. And then we were just on the couch after the formal and I realized our mutual flirting was a little more than just friendly, and so after a lot of hinting between us, I kissed him. For me it's not anything super dramatic, but I smile when I get to talk to him, it hurts right now to not be with him (several states away, unfortunately, due to circumstances). A feeling of warmth and safety, combined with some mutual affection. Like, I feel at home when I'm with him? If that makes any sense to y'all. So yeah. There's what it felt like in my experience, after years of being slightly fascinated and not understanding. Hope that helps y'all, remember to be kind to grayromantics in this thread. ๐Ÿ™‚
  10. If anyone has any questions about how it works from the AUREA end, I'm happy to help - contact details are on my page. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ
  11. I use romance-favorable - I'm in a romantic relationship (๐Ÿ˜Š) and generally I don't mind romance in media. However, forced romance or amatonormative concepts (Valentine's Day in particular) still make me fairly upset. From a demiro perspective, I many how many aros that feel some romantic attraction would say romance favorable vs. aros that feel no romantic attraction would say romance favorable.
  12. Definitely in agreement here. The conflation is bad but that's not necessarily the terminology's fault (although the way it was coined is...interesting). Although it is perhaps an example for the "this could have been thought through better but now we're here so we have to find a way to deal with it because it's not going away" bucket - it definitely could use improvement, and individuals are welcome to use/disuse terminology as they please, but I think correction of misinformation is the best way to deal with it, not to discard the grouping as useful. Given that start, I wonder when and how agender began to be grouped into the asexual and aromantic spectra(ums? I have no idea how English works and this is my native language.)
  13. Just a question for y'all, and this is slightly off topic so pardon me: do you consider agender people to be on the a-spec? I've heard conflicting answers and am curious what y'all's thoughts are.
  14. I love Marvel and Percy Jackson as well (although I'm not caught up on the new books :๐Ÿ˜”). Welcome to the forums!
  15. Welcome to Arocalypse! ๐Ÿ’š
  16. Just wanted to give you some reassurance here - I'm turning 19 soon, and felt the same way you did in about my sophomore year of high school. You don't have to be lonely and just because you haven't found someone who you're close to yet doesn't mean you never will. From a Christian (Methodist ) to a Christian, God will put people in your path, and there might be someone with your same experience, or there will be someone that understands. You will find friendship and comfort. Right now, everyone's figuring out who they are, and that means a loooot of focus on relationships for some people, but you don't have to be lonely. Just keep reaching out and you will find friendship. (Ps: Always here for you. โค๏ธ Let me know if we can do anything.)
  17. Yeah at age 19 (in three days) I definitely feel much younger than my friends who are graduating and have graduated college at 23.
  18. That actually is a really good idea. If different people add small contributions and the section grows really large, someone would be able to propose moving it, which would be less sudden than creating another page that might get merged back into asexuality. One thing AUREA might be useful for, if not citing as a source, would be sourcing flags - including the aroallo and the aroace flag. Since Wikipedia doesn't accept Tumblr as a source and most news articles will use the main aromantic flag. It might be good to include those flags because they are more prominent recently.
  19. Was this part really necessary? Like truly, really necessary? All you did was discourage me from continuing the conversation. I won't name any specific people, or any specific blogs, but as far as I can tell the divisions are mostly defined by: (and some people fall into multiple factions or associate with multiple groups) -purely positivity blogs -identity (ie: aroallos, aroaces, non-SAM aros, greyromantics, romo aros) -how people prioritize and group identity (ie: some aroaces prioritize aroness or aceness, some aroallos consider their identities inseparable, etc. and i could go on but...) -Discord servers (people in the same small groups tend to organize, so you can usually tell who's chatting outside of Tumblr) -shipping discourse -discoursers and former discourse blogs (generally very combative blogs) -when they began to id with the community (flags and terminology are generally a big indicator of this) -a couple more "official blogs" (the AUREA blog, for example, or the ASAW blog) -and some people are really just ~vibing~ trying to follow whoever they find interesting
  20. I thought it w as but wasn't quite sure. Connecting across platforms is not my strength. ๐Ÿ˜… (Also, I know it's kind of strange, but I just wanted to sidenote here that I no longer id as ace, but I'm not iding as aroallo either. So I'm just...here. I know a lot of y'all on a personal level so figured I'd disclaimer that.) 100%.
  21. I'll offer up a discussion I had with someone about using "dirty allosexuals" which is just straight up ace discourse rhetoric.... The person I brought it up with was good about it, but it's relatively common and it's just straight up ace discourse rhetoric.
  22. No, you weren't clear, and that's a consistent problem this thread seems to have. And as far as initial discussions...there was a discussion happening. You yourself even said " I'm glad I posted this here then! When a lot of people are saying it and it seems to add up, it's easy to just take their word for it." Mark asked, "I was thinking about this kind of issue. In terms of aplatonic along with squish and alterous. Were these also coined in an "ace-first" environment? I think it's also worth asking which terms originate from the "aro community"?". Personal things started being brought into it. You yourself cited something incorrectly, which leads to more distrust, especially when talking about misinformation. There wasn't any discussion of the actual topic other than "correct misinformation, people need to be better about understanding correction, and here's the correct information" past a certain point, so people got argumentative and personal in the middle. The infographic thing is a good idea....but there were like 4 maybe 5 people that seemed to be active by that point. Even then, people were being cooperative and still having a discussion throughout the thread...maybe not everyone was arriving at the same conclusion and maybe not everyone had the same opinion, but people were listening, is the overall impression I get. (Also, regarding your question: aro tumblr is a mess nowadays. It's developed into multiple factions and groups as far as I can tell, the hivemind thing is only slightly a joke, and there's a lot of conflict. Because aros can't agree on anything and especially not now.)
  23. Lack of accessibility, in my opinion, but also intercommunity cooperation. As long as I've identified as a-spec, there's been some tension between aces and aros - not bad tension always, but a clash of priorities and ideas. Personally, I think a lot of people are willing to listen when conversations are held well, but when conversations become heated or intense, they become a bit of a struggle to keep up with. There's a lot of community collaboration in some spaces, and some conversations are being held in good faith: I distinctly remember having the conversation about the phrase "dirty allosexuals" with someone because they were using it in aro spaces, and they listened. While some whispers are bad, and some conversations are not productive in the least, and some people are well, people, I'm starting to see a culture grow of more collaboration and listening to each other in many spaces, and it gives me hope that some people are listening, or are willing to listen if approached right.
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