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eatingcroutons

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    crou
  • Orientation
    aro

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  1. Well, there is a difference between assuming that any hook-ups that happen in clubs are purely physical, and assuming that everyone in a club is open to hooking up.
  2. 💯 💯 💯 Let's take a look at this guy's actual actions, during your first interaction with him: When you said said you weren't interested, he continued to pressure you When you said you weren't interested a second time, he continued to pressure you When you were reluctant to give him your phone number, he forced you to reveal it in a way that couldn't be circumvented This isn't a well-meaning nice man, this is a modus operandi. He may have "sounded nice", but this guy has proven definitively by his actions that he has no respect for your comfort or boundaries, only in getting what he wants out of you. You don't owe him, or anyone like him, any politeness or respect. Ghost him, block his number, make sure you aren't searchable by phone number on any social media platforms, and make sure your WhatsApp profile or anything else tied to your phone number doesn't reveal any more personal information in case he goes looking. Society teaches women to be polite and respectful no matter how many boundaries men trample over, and that's bullshit. I know it's not always safe or easy to do so, but next time someone tries to pull something like this on you, try just telling them outright, "No, please leave me alone." You may discover very quickly just how "nice" they actually are (so again, only try it if you're in a safe place). But I find that every time you practise enforcing your boundaries like this, it gets easier. You are under no obligation to pretend to like a total stranger who has decided they want something from you. "No, please leave me alone" is a perfectly polite thing to say.
  3. Man, the number of times my current housemate and I ran into "no sharers" clauses when we were looking for rental properties... We're both adults in our thirties with permanent, full-time jobs; each of us could have afforded the entire rent for most of the places we looked at on our own, let alone together. A couple in our position would have been a shoo-in for anything we were looking at. But as "sharers" we couldn't even apply for half the properties we found.
  4. Huh, to me a large part of the appeal of nightclubs is hooking up with no expectation of it being for more than one night. Or hell, even just making out with hot strangers. I like them as a place where the default assumption is that any connection is purely physical.
  5. I fucking love Mika's Elle Me Dit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiHWwKC8WjU Not strictly an "aro song" but the entire sentiment of it resonates so well with my approach to life.
  6. The friends I've had semi-regular sex with have included a friend I met when we were undergrads, a friend I met via a sports club, one of my brother's friends from university, a friend I initially met online... basically all the same sorts of places I meet friends generally. It sounds self-evident to say so but the wider your friendship circle, the more likely you are to find people who are interested in and comfortable with casual sex.
  7. @Nobody do you have a school counsellor or trusted adult outside of your immediate family that you can talk to about this? It would be much better for you to get advice from someone who can help and support you in real life, if you can.
  8. I think it means you need to spend some more time figuring out what kind of relationship you want with this person. What specific things do you want to do/share with her? What don't you want to do/share with her? Like Erederyn said, try to reflect and be honest with yourself about what you actually want for yourself, before signing up for something you're not sure about.
  9. I don't think of it that way. I am genuinely happy for my coworkers who are getting married, and having or adopting kids. I think those things should be celebrated, and I'm happy to contribute to gifts for them. I just wish there were more things that were culturally accepted as things to be universally celebrated in the workplace. Maybe moving or buying a house? Getting promoted? Milestone birthdays?
  10. Yeah, this is the main thing for me. That, plus the fact that there are certain Life Events where it's standard practice for everyone in the office to pitch in for a gift and a card, and those are all related to the typical amatonormative life path: Engagement, marriage, childbirth, etc. I have nothing against doing this! I'm just sad that I'm never going to get a present from my colleagues like that 🙁
  11. This argument is disingenuous at best. The words "sexual" and "non-asexual" do exactly the same thing. "Non-asexual" seems like an overly contrived double negative to me. Calling people "sexual" has its own problems. If someone wants to identify that way then sure, more power to them. But as a general label for third parties? Consider the connotations of calling a woman, especially a woman of colour, "sexual" in conversation. It brings up connotations of objectification, and assumptions of sexual availability, none of which are particularly comfortable. "Sexual" comes with multiple meanings and significant cultural baggage. Edit: Case in point: I am AFAB, generally present as a woman, and when I tried reading that AVEN thread just now I had to stop because I was extremely skeeved out by people referring to people like me as "sexuals" and "sexual people". I've had far too many bad experiences of people using that sort of language to describe me. My sexual orientation is complicated! But the one thing I can be 100% certain about my sexuality is that I am allo. My understanding is that it is one of several terms for queer used in one part of one French-speaking country. The two words developed independently, and any speaker of both French and English will be familiar with the concept of faux amis. So I'm not sure quite what "problem" this creates. Personally I've had far more instances where if I just say I'm aro, people assume I'm also ace. To get to the actual point of this thread: I don't often have occasion to identify as just "allosexual" by itself, but "alloaro" is a very important term to me, which I use all the time - and which explicitly includes my allosexual identity. Edit: Sorry the quotes from the OP are out of order here but it's fucking impossible to rearrange them on mobile.
  12. Yeah, my understanding is that a "queerplatonic relationship" is not defined by any particular kind of attraction that the people involved may or may not feel. Rather, it's a relationship that is not a romantic relationship, but which the people involved have chosen to call something other than a friendship, because they don't believe "friendship" would accurately describe the relationship either.
  13. You may be interested in these results from a survey that went around late last year - there are definitely more of us out here who identify as aro and poly! I feel like a key commonality between aro and poly attitudes is pushing back against the amatonormative narrative that we must all prioritise a single romantic relationship over all other relationships in our lives. Before I identified as aro I definitely knew I didn't want to be in an exclusive relationship of any kind, and I know at least one other person on Discord who identified as poly before they knew being aro was a thing.
  14. Don't try to soften your response in a way that might give them false hope. You really need to be clear and direct. Far, far too much of society teaches us to treat a "no" as a "try harder", and you don't want to give them an inch that they'll try to run a mile with. Don't make excuses like, "I've got other stuff going on in my life right now." Tell them some variation of, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship with you." Practise some alternative phrasings if it helps! But whatever happens, do not give in to the urge to equivocate. Something I also find helpful: Tell them that if they need some time to get over their feelings, you'll understand if they need space. But also tell them that if and when they feel comfortable continuing your existing friendship, without expecting anything more, you still care about them as a friend and you'll be there.
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