eatingcroutons

Having a real weird moment here realising that one of my absolute favourite songs as a teen is basically an Aro Anthem: I was gonna quote some lyrics but the entire fucking song is an aro mood

Alloaro here. It's pretty common for me to see a person - in real life, in pictures, in a TV show - and based on their physical appearance, want to have sex with them. Even if I don't know them, even if I know them but don't like them, I can still feel sexual attraction based on their physical appearance.

Anyone who unironically uses the word "simp" has some deeper issues with how relationships work that they need to sort out, tbh. Especially if they also aren't capable of seeing physical affection as anything but romantic. For practical strategies though, I agree with Jedi. If these people are getting a kick out of winding you up, protesting too much is just going to make it more fun for them.

Extremely ENTP, alloaro.

Don't tolerate people who ignore your explicitly-stated boundaries, or people who try to push for things you aren't comfortable with. If you've told someone you're not interested, and they've pretended to "forget" what you said and made you uncomfortable, that's a massive red flag that they have no respect for your boundaries.

I've said pretty much all I have to say on this topic here, but I would like to reiterate: Arguments that "allo" shouldn't be used as a term because it groups oppressed with oppressors are nonsense. "Cis" as a term groups white people with people of colour, and men with women. Having a word for people who share a particular characteristic does not mean or imply that everyone who shares that characteristic has equivalent privilege. Many people have very, very good reasons for not wanting to be identified as "sexual" by others. The adjective "sexual" brings up connotations of objectification, and assumptions of sexual availability, which can can be especially uncomfortable for members of groups that societies already objectify and sexualise.

Well, there is a difference between assuming that any hook-ups that happen in clubs are purely physical, and assuming that everyone in a club is open to hooking up.

? ? ? Let's take a look at this guy's actual actions, during your first interaction with him: When you said said you weren't interested, he continued to pressure you When you said you weren't interested a second time, he continued to pressure you When you were reluctant to give him your phone number, he forced you to reveal it in a way that couldn't be circumvented This isn't a well-meaning nice man, this is a modus operandi. He may have "sounded nice", but this guy has proven definitively by his actions that he has no respect for your comfort or boundaries, only in getting what he wants out of you. You don't owe him, or anyone like him, any politeness or respect. Ghost him, block his number, make sure you aren't searchable by phone number on any social media platforms, and make sure your WhatsApp profile or anything else tied to your phone number doesn't reveal any more personal information in case he goes looking. Society teaches women to be polite and respectful no matter how many boundaries men trample over, and that's bullshit. I know it's not always safe or easy to do so, but next time someone tries to pull something like this on you, try just telling them outright, "No, please leave me alone." You may discover very quickly just how "nice" they actually are (so again, only try it if you're in a safe place). But I find that every time you practise enforcing your boundaries like this, it gets easier. You are under no obligation to pretend to like a total stranger who has decided they want something from you. "No, please leave me alone" is a perfectly polite thing to say.

Man, the number of times my current housemate and I ran into "no sharers" clauses when we were looking for rental properties... We're both adults in our thirties with permanent, full-time jobs; each of us could have afforded the entire rent for most of the places we looked at on our own, let alone together. A couple in our position would have been a shoo-in for anything we were looking at. But as "sharers" we couldn't even apply for half the properties we found.

Huh, to me a large part of the appeal of nightclubs is hooking up with no expectation of it being for more than one night. Or hell, even just making out with hot strangers. I like them as a place where the default assumption is that any connection is purely physical.

I fucking love Mika's Elle Me Dit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiHWwKC8WjU Not strictly an "aro song" but the entire sentiment of it resonates so well with my approach to life.

The friends I've had semi-regular sex with have included a friend I met when we were undergrads, a friend I met via a sports club, one of my brother's friends from university, a friend I initially met online... basically all the same sorts of places I meet friends generally. It sounds self-evident to say so but the wider your friendship circle, the more likely you are to find people who are interested in and comfortable with casual sex.

@Nobody do you have a school counsellor or trusted adult outside of your immediate family that you can talk to about this? It would be much better for you to get advice from someone who can help and support you in real life, if you can.

I think it means you need to spend some more time figuring out what kind of relationship you want with this person. What specific things do you want to do/share with her? What don't you want to do/share with her? Like Erederyn said, try to reflect and be honest with yourself about what you actually want for yourself, before signing up for something you're not sure about.

I don't think of it that way. I am genuinely happy for my coworkers who are getting married, and having or adopting kids. I think those things should be celebrated, and I'm happy to contribute to gifts for them. I just wish there were more things that were culturally accepted as things to be universally celebrated in the workplace. Maybe moving or buying a house? Getting promoted? Milestone birthdays?