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eatingcroutons

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About eatingcroutons

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  • Name
    crou
  • Orientation
    aro

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  1. Passengers. I think this article says it well: "It’s a story about a woman inexplicably falling in love with a stalker who ruined her life. And for some reason, we’re meant to root for this relationship." Marketed as a love story, described as a love story by the director, actually fucked-up beyond belief.
  2. It's the repetitiveness that gets to me. I don't mind stories that include romance, but a lot of stories that centre on romance seem to be telling the same story over and over. When I'm getting nothing out of the romance itself that just doesn't appeal to me.
  3. On top of the issues others have described, trying to treat queerness as a single-axis "scale" like this seems like it would inevitably end up with that scale being treated as a hierarchy, which is never going to end well.
  4. I tried doing veganuary this year and really enjoyed learning about substitutes for meat and dairy and expanding my cooking repertoire - it was delicious and great fun! Unfortunately my digestive system really couldn't handle it, and I had to give up after three weeks when it got bad enough that I couldn't keep food down. But I have been using what I learned to reduce the amount of meat and other animal products I eat whenever I can.
  5. Oldest child, one of my brothers is gay.
  6. Two issues I run into being straight-ish and alloaro: 1. As @NullVector describes, I'm wary of whether I'd be welcome in queer spaces solely on the basis of being aro. (Setting aside my ongoing journey with gender identity, and complications with sexuality described below.) I know logically that it's all bullshit but I've internalised, to some extent, the ideas that "a straight person who prefers being single doesn't count as queer", and that I don't share experiences of being discriminated against to the extent other queer people have, and therefore I'm not "queer enough" to really belong. Those are my own hang-ups to deal with, but what I really fear is that if I try to involve myself in queer spaces I will run into people who do genuinely believe these arguments and will tell me I'm not welcome on that basis. 2. There doesn't seem to exist language or terminology to describe what my sexuality is. I don't know how much of this is an alloaro thing, but sexual attraction for me is entirely about bodies, and has nothing to do with gender. (Often, it even has nothing to do with personality!) And all of our terminology about sexuality seems to be defined exclusively in terms of gender. I don't seem to have a way to say that there's only one kind of genitalia I'm interested in getting intimate with, without sounding or being transphobic. And I do feel like the fact that sexual attraction for me is so utterly separate from any notion of love or even like for a person or their identity is probably a factor in this. It's possible that this is also related to my "I fundamentally do not experience gender as a significant part of my identity" thing but like I said, ongoing journey.
  7. Mid-thirties here, and I know there are a handful of others older than me hanging around. I have to admit that a lot of the discussion about school and college makes my eyes cross. I only have so much mental capacity for trying to get myself back into that early-twenties headspace to give thoughts or advice; It's exhausting even to remember some of the ridiculous drama that went on when I was at uni. So I'm not super active on these forums compared to on a few Discord servers where there are more people around my own age.
  8. So you admit the scale graphic is amatonormative? That's a start, at least. So you're using an amatonormative image to describe non-romantic relationships to people who aren't familiar with the aspec community? That is a problem. What your graphic is doing, is telling people outside the aspec community that relationships exist as a hierarchy. That there is a spectrum of relationship closeness/strength that goes from "stranger" at one end to "romantic partner" at the other. That idea is deeply, deeply harmful to aromantic communities and people. Your graphic reinforces the idea that "romantic partner" is objectively a closer/stronger relationship than "queerplatonic" or "friend". Your graphic perpetuates the extremely harmful and amatonormative idea that relationships exist in a hierarchy where "romantic partner" is an endpoint, a pinnacle, the strongest and closest kind of relationship that can exist. Again, you've got some good infographics here. But the graphic you yourself admit is an "oversimplified amatonormative scale" is not one of them. It's not helping anyone. It's not teaching anyone anything new. It is, in fact, perpetuating harmful amatonormative ideas.
  9. When you put relationship types on an axis that lists "stranger" and "romantic partner" as opposite ends of a spectrum, that carries a strong implication that "romantic partner" is the polar opposite of "stranger", and therefore the closest possible kind of interpersonal relationship. That implication is actively harmful to aromantic people. I think it's misleading and extremely unhelpful to rank relationship types in the way that you have, as though "Queerplatonic" is closer than "Friend", and as though "Romantic partner" is closer than anything else. You've done great work on the rest of the infographic but I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish with that panel.
  10. I'm AFAB, have been to mixed onsen, and didn't feel unsafe going in naked. On the contrary, I thought it was hilarious how many men were obviously uncomfortable when my female friends and I walked in naked to enjoy the mixed baths. This despite the fact that every man there was completely naked. Honestly, fuck that double standard.
  11. I love that I've trained myself out of being a kid so terrified of social interaction they couldn't even start a conversation, into an adult professional who actively jumps into leadership roles when a problem needs to be solved.
  12. To be honest, the main impact for me has been that many of my friends are more willing to have sex with me knowing that it won't lead to any kind of romantic attachment.
  13. It can be really tough to realise that the things you've been taught to expect and want your whole life aren't actually things you want for yourself. It can be especially tough to realise you don't want those things when your entire social and cultural worldview tells you that those things are necessary to make your life normal and fulfilling. But can I let you in on a couple of secrets? You don't have to have a committed, romantic, sexual relationship to live a fulfilling life. Romantic love isn't objectively the best feeling in the world. It is subjectively the best feeling in the world for some people. It isn't remotely close for others. It's really, really hard to change the expectations you might have had for yourself and your future. It's really, really hard to realise that you're never going to have the white picket fence and 2.3 children that you've always been told would make your life complete. A word of advice, though: That "ideal" life is only "ideal" for people who genuinely want romantic relationships and kids. The internet is littered with stories from people who got married or had kids because society told them it would make their lives "normal and fulfilling", and who now feel like their decisions to marry or have kids have destroyed their lives. So when you talk about things being "yanked from your grasp" it might be worth sitting down and asking yourself: did I really, genuinely, ever want those things? Would it actually make me happy if I had those things? It's okay and totally understandable to be angry and upset that your life will probably never conform to society's expectations of what's "normal", and that your parents will never understand. This is an experience that all sorts of people go through - for example when they realise they're gay, or trans, or in any way non-conforming with the status quo. But not being "normal" doesn't preclude you from living a happy life on your own terms that fulfils your own ambitions and needs. The important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want, and pursue it regardless of what bullshit society expects. What would you say to a gay person who believed they can never live a "normal and fulfilling life"? What would you tell them if their parents were unable or unwilling to understand their orientation? Could you say the same things to yourself?
  14. This would be my first question too. In my experience the main advantages of using labels are (a) to use a shortcut to convey information about yourself to others, and/or (b) to find a community of people with similar experiences to yours. How important are these things to you? Is there some other reason having a specific label would be important to you?
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