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DannyFenton123

Aromantic Moments

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Speaking of crushes, I had this crush on a polyamorous person who I lost interest in, after finding out they seemed to be somewhat infatuated with me. I tried to reduce contact with them to more of a "friends" level rather than "crush" level, except they ended up rarely talking to me at all, which pissed me off. It's like, the only reason they wanted to talk to me was to see if they could date me, and they weren't really interested in being friends at all. I unfriended them on Facebook, and blocked them on Steam. We haven't interacted with each other for a couple of weeks, and after seeing them flirt with other people, I assumed they moved on.

 

But then, yesterday, I noticed them staring at me through the window between our classrooms. Like, literally, just standing there staring. 

 

I aggressively avoided eye contact with them. I'm so frustrated, both with myself and them. I don't want to date my crushes; I want to be friends with them. But then if my crush ends up liking me back, they start acting all weird and the friendship turns into a terrible performance where they try to do ridiculous things to get my approval. I wish there was a way to approach my crushes without risking this kind of situation happening. Maybe I should just not approach my crushes at all. 

 

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Just remembered this random conversation with my mom. We were talking something about charming men and women who fall in love with their pretty words and then find themselves in an unhappy relationship with a totally horrible guy. Then the conversation went like this,

Mom: "Don't ever fall in love with a guy like that."

Me: "Lol no worries :D" 

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Love my family, but I've had it up to here with the number of times they've tried to convince me I'l marry some butcher and stop being a vegetarian. Apparently ideal boyfriends aren't supposed to respect your differences, but instead tear them down until you're just exactly the same.

 

I actually lost my temper over it: I kind of ended up saying, 'No, I won't!' and then storming off ¬¬

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My friends were talking about their crushes and what kind of girlfriends they'd be if they were dating.... I was just sitting there thinking "please don't ask me about any of this" 

 

Eventually one of my friends said "are you okay, you're being pretty quiet" 

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My friend asking me what my wedding will be like. Cue 15 minutes of me explaining how I'll set it up like the Great Hall in Harry Potter, and I'll make the seating arrangements so that I can just sort everyone into their houses, and me and my closest friends and family can be the teachers, and I'll dress as Dumbledore.. And so on and so on. Then I remembered you're actually supposed to marry someone. So I said scrap that, that money goes to the fifth/sixth course of food.

 

... And maybe I'll just make that my yearly party. Should have plenty of money with no partner and no kids, right?

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11 hours ago, DannyFenton123 said:

Love my family, but I've had it up to here with the number of times they've tried to convince me I'l marry some butcher and stop being a vegetarian. Apparently ideal boyfriends aren't supposed to respect your differences, but instead tear them down until you're just exactly the same.

 

I actually lost my temper over it: I kind of ended up saying, 'No, I won't!' and then storming off ¬¬

I get this from the distant, but really traditional, countryside part of my family. Not sure how to tell them I already eloped with a handsome bucket of greasy pork gelatin about ten years ago.

 

Also, the "you are such a wonderful cook, your husband and children will be so lucky to have you" discussion. Wut? Really?

I don't even know where to start. Usually, I don't even argue, because I know its pointless, and also try to avoid eye contact with my siblings, cos the shrieking laughter would be hard to explain.

Anyway, I see them like once in every four years, for only a couple of hours, so...

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So, I seem to be asked out by my friends a lot for some reason. (Doesn't matter if they identify as male or female.) And every time I either say "I'm gay" or "I'm straight" to get out of it...it's actually a pretty bad thing to do and I don't recommend it, but that's what I've done xD 

Sometimes I mentally prepare myself to turn people down because a lot of times my actions are read as flirty? All I'm doing is being friendly helpp

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Weird story: when I came out as trans to my mom, my mom thought it was because I had a crush on a gay guy and so I wanted to change my gender so he would like me...

I don't think anyone would really follow that logic, even if they're romantic. It was really frustrating though :( 

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30 minutes ago, breaddd said:

 

Weird story: when I came out as trans to my mom, my mom thought it was because I had a crush on a gay guy and so I wanted to change my gender so he would like me...

I don't think anyone would really follow that logic, even if they're romantic. It was really frustrating though :( 

Lmao wtf. That is one of the weirder logical reasoning cases I've seen in a while! Is she better now??? That's dumb! D:

__

 

Before I knew that crushes were real and that I was ace and aro and all that, someone asked me what I find attractive in people. I had no idea what to say. I was like, "Uhh.. Umm... I... I guess.. If people are kind and nice??? I've never really thought about it??? WHATABOUTYOU?" I must have come across as super weird. He started talking about liking tall women or something stupid like that. Then I dug myself into like 10 holes. I was stumbling so much and so lost and confused he must have thought I had a crush on him or something.

 

 

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59 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

Before I knew that crushes were real and that I was ace and aro and all that, someone asked me what I find attractive in people. I had no idea what to say. I was like, "Uhh.. Umm... I... I guess.. If people are kind and nice??? I've never really thought about it??? WHATABOUTYOU?" I must have come across as super weird. He started talking about liking tall women or something stupid like that. Then I dug myself into like 10 holes. I was stumbling so much and so lost and confused he must have thought I had a crush on him or something.

 

 

 

I always hate those kind of questions! Whenever someone would ask about what my "type" is or what qualities I find attractive in a partner, I would freeze up or try to deflect. Now that I'm more open about being aro I just answer honestly,  but before I would get super awkward.

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1 hour ago, Dodgypotato said:

Before I knew that crushes were real and that I was ace and aro and all that, someone asked me what I find attractive in people. I had no idea what to say. I was like, "Uhh.. Umm... I... I guess.. If people are kind and nice??? I've never really thought about it??? WHATABOUTYOU?" I must have come across as super weird. He started talking about liking tall women or something stupid like that. Then I dug myself into like 10 holes. I was stumbling so much and so lost and confused he must have thought I had a crush on him or something.

 

 

I always just thought "Well a relationship is like a super friendship so... everything I like in friends but?? more??"

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4 hours ago, breaddd said:

So, I seem to be asked out by my friends a lot for some reason. (Doesn't matter if they identify as male or female.) And every time I either say "I'm gay" or "I'm straight" to get out of it...it's actually a pretty bad thing to do and I don't recommend it, but that's what I've done xD 

Sometimes I mentally prepare myself to turn people down because a lot of times my actions are read as flirty? All I'm doing is being friendly helpp

omfg I have that too! Though it's only been from the male friends. (Then again, I've never had a lot of friends and so most of the females have been straight.) It's awful, always wondering if what you're doing is being taken as a joke or as something romantic! :P 

I'm always terrified of the "I really like you!" confession and I've gotten decent at anticipating them (and then panicking about them.)

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My mom gets on my nerves sometimes but I don't say anything. I mentioned that maybe my brother might not want a girlfriend, and then she said that the only other option is that he's gay. And then she talked about how all boys are basically sex-fiends and that's the way the are "biologically programmed." She said something like "all boys, even nerds eventually want sex" >_> And before she talked about how she's okay with me dating anyone... except for trans people. WTF?

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1 hour ago, Spud said:

My mom gets on my nerves sometimes but I don't say anything. I mentioned that maybe my brother might not want a girlfriend, and then she said that the only other option is that he's gay. And then she talked about how all boys are basically sex-fiends and that's the way the are "biologically programmed." She said something like "all boys, even nerds eventually want sex" >_> And before she talked about how she's okay with me dating anyone... except for trans people. WTF?

??????

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22 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

Lmao wtf. That is one of the weirder logical reasoning cases I've seen in a while! Is she better now??? That's dumb! D:

I don't know. She doesn't think it's because of a crush anymore if that's what you mean. She still has doubts about whether I'm trans or not but yesterday she tried to not misgender me! It wasn't gendering me correctly but I saw her struggling for a bit before she said "themselves". 

~progress~

(A little off topic but oh well)

 

-

 

I constantly find myself wondering whether it was flirting or people just being nice xD How often is it being friendly and how often are they flirting? Who knows? Are there specific signs I should be looking for?

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6 hours ago, breaddd said:

I constantly find myself wondering whether it was flirting or people just being nice xD How often is it being friendly and how often are they flirting? Who knows? Are there specific signs I should be looking for?

I don't get when people are flirting either... Unless it's suuuuuper obvious, but most times I don't notice until someone mentions it. The confusing thing to me though is, that apparently for flirting you don't need to be nice? I know guys who were really rude to me and everyone told me afterwards that they were flirting. It simply doesn't make sense to me at all, it's so confusing :S

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23 minutes ago, aihpen said:

I don't get when people are flirting either... Unless it's suuuuuper obvious, but most times I don't notice until someone mentions it. The confusing thing to me though is, that apparently for flirting you don't need to be nice? I know guys who were really rude to me and everyone told me afterwards that they were flirting. It simply doesn't make sense to me at all, it's so confusing :S

Moral of the story: everything is flirting and no one is safe :ph34r:

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1 hour ago, breaddd said:

Moral of the story: everything is flirting and no one is safe :ph34r:

Stop flirting, breaddd! xD

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43 minutes ago, DannyFenton123 said:

Stop flirting, breaddd! xD

Oh no, I forgot ninja emoticons are the new way to flirt!

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On Tuesday, April 26, 2016 at 11:51 AM, PerformativeSurprise said:

 

I always hate those kind of questions! Whenever someone would ask about what my "type" is or what qualities I find attractive in a partner, I would freeze up or try to deflect. Now that I'm more open about being aro I just answer honestly,  but before I would get super awkward.

"What's your type?"

"I use the backspace key a lot. Which, incidentally, is what I will use on YOU if you continue to ask me such questions."

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So PE is currently awful. I'm in a team with several people including a creepy guy I'm told has a crush on me, playing american football. American football! >:(

 

Anyway, creepy guy very much likes standing awkwardly close to me and staring at me and other awkward stuff that terrifies me about people who have a crush on you. But I did have an awesome moment: today they held their hand up like they wanted to high five, but I was kind of frozen in place and pretended I didn't have any peripheral vision until he gave up.

 

I do feel kinda bad, but at the same time I'm completely at the end of my string dealing with him on a daily basis and hopefully one day or another he might get the message and leave me alone. Maybe he might think I'm a bit of a jerk, but I can live with that if I end up with people not crushing on me.

 

Seriously, crushes are terrifiying.

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I was at a club thing last night and I was talking with these two guys that are in the club with me but I don't know very well. One of them says, "You know, I've been pretty lonely in college" and I'm about to agree, like I have friends but I don't really feel like part of group, you know, and then he continues, "I haven't had a girlfriend my whole time here even though I had one in high school, and it'll be hard to meet people once I graduate", and then I was like, oh yes, I totally agree, that's definitely what I meant. 

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My parents were going to some kind of party yesterday and they asked me if I wanted to come too. And when I said no my dad had to tell me "but there are going to be lots of boys!". He always uses that as his reasons why I should go somewhere... And once I picked me up from this art school I went to and when he saw that there wasn't a single boy in the class, he asked me why I'd go there if I can't meet any cute boys there anyway. Saying I'm annoyed would be an understatement >:(

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On 18/04/2016 at 5:21 PM, aihpen said:

Whenever my friends need any kind of romantic relationship advice the first person they come to for advice is me. Why me? I haven't told them about being aro ace, but they know I've never been in a romantic relationship and they never witnessed me having a crush. So out of all their friends I'm the one who has to give advice on this thing that I really don't understand?

Maybe they value the opinion of an objective outsider.

On 26/04/2016 at 5:51 PM, PerformativeSurprise said:

 

I always hate those kind of questions! Whenever someone would ask about what my "type" is or what qualities I find attractive in a partner, I would freeze up or try to deflect.

I'd go with "human", though if I were to include fictional characters that isn't strictly true, so possibly "sentient".

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On 01/05/2016 at 10:23 AM, aihpen said:

And once I picked me up from this art school I went to and when he saw that there wasn't a single boy in the class, he asked me why I'd go there if I can't meet any cute boys there anyway.

Don't people usually attend classes there to learn about something they are interested in learning about?

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