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PhysicsOwl

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About PhysicsOwl

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  • Name
    Robin
  • Orientation
    aro (?)
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    Upstate New York
  • Occupation
    College Student

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  1. I posted a while back about my best friend (M) having a crush on me (http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/115-advice-my-best-friends-has-a-crush-on-me) and I ended up kind of talking to her over the summer after another friend (D) kind of forced me to confront the issue. I wasn't as clear as I could have been because I was really nervous so apparently both of them are still kind of confused and think we could/should get together. M is coming to visit this weekend, so D was telling me I should talk to her about stuff so we're more clear about our feelings and stuff, and I still don't think I want to date her, but talking to D about it has made me less sure. Basically, I've been pretty sure I'm aro after thinking about my past romantic history, but because of heteronormativity, it's only ever been guys. I know I don't like guys, but how can I be sure I don't like girls either? I don't want to force myself to date her just to make sure, but I don't know how to be sure . I can't tell whether heteronormativity is making me think I'm aro when I'm not or if amatonormativity is making me hold out hope that I might still like her. I'm just really confused right now
  2. This has been my problem too. I've been wanting to come out to my friends, but it's hard to just bring up in conversation and I haven't been able to bring it up out of nowhere myself. I had a really great opportunity where we were joking about relationships/sex and my friend actually asked me what my sexuality was, but I was so caught off guard and nervous about it that I just kind of shrugged awkwardly and avoided the question until they moved on. It's pretty hard to casually mention lack of attraction and I don't know how to make it big thing even if I wanted to.
  3. I am a big fan of my bed and my laptop, but as a camp counselor, my heart lives in the woods.
  4. My ex and I are friends again, but it took us several months (and him getting a new girlfriend) to get over the awkwardness. I think it depends on your relationship before you started dating and the circumstances of the break up. We were good friends before we started dating and see each other at band stuff at least 4 days a week, so it was hard for us to really ignore each other, and easy to find something to talk about (by ourselves or in a group) to work back to being friends. Also, our break up wasn't the best ever, but I told him that I liked him as a person but didn't have romantic feelings for him anymore (haha I was aro) and that I would still like to be friends. He was upset, but there wasn't a big fight or cheating or anything that would cause us to not like each other as people. I get why in certain situations it would be weird to be friends with an ex, and I certainly know that it takes time, but if you had enough in common to date, shouldn't you have enough in common to stay friends? It just seems weird as a general rule and not as a situational thing.
  5. The one thing that sucks about doing things by yourself is that other people are all doing them together. Our end of semester carnival was yesterday and I went by myself because I wanted to go rock climbing and get cotton candy (there was no cotton candy ). I ran into a couple people I knew and we chatted, but I ending up sitting around by myself for a while and it just sucked that everyone else had people to hang out with and they were all having fun together while I was sitting alone. And one of the guys I ran into was like super shocked I came by myself and felt bad about it. I guess this isn't a dating thing per se, but it is nice to have someone to do stuff with and I was sad I didn't have any one yesterday.
  6. I don't want kids, but I think that it's more influenced by my being ace. I guess my aro-ness would influence me not wanting to adopt, but I don't know how to separate those. And honestly I don't really like kids, so I would be happy just being an aunt to my friends' and siblings' kids.
  7. When my ex started dating someone else, it made it way less awkward for us to be friends. After he was no longer upset I broke his heart and I was no longer worried he still liked me, talking became a lot easier. However, all 3 of us (me, my ex, and his new gf) went on a band trip the weekend that would have been our one year anniversary (he asked me out on the same band trip the previous year too) and they were super couplely and I felt really weird about it. She's super nice and it's funny that whenever they're together and they see me, she's the one that says hi even though he and I are closer. I guess he thinks it's weird, but I just think it's funny.
  8. As a cis het aro I still totally identify as straight. Though I understand that other cis het aros might not. Sorry, I didn't mean to invalidate your identity. I just don't want het aros to have to identify as straight if they don't want to, and I don't like the idea of aro aces being seen as "basically straight". I also started a separate post about this article if you/anyone want to discuss it more. I didn't see this before I started a new thread to talk about this article. I can take that down if you guys don't think we should be discussing this author. I would like to learn more about some of the ideas/topics they present, so if you have suggestions of better articles, I would be interested in reading them.
  9. In the thread on Morallygrayro's survey about whether aros and aces should be considered queer, Blue Phoenix Ace posted a link to this article. We discussed it a bit over there, but I have some thoughts on it not related to that thread. I don't know that I'm informed/qualified to talk at length about it, but I wanted to discuss it further. I was put off a bit by the tone of the article, but I put that aside to look at the points. My main concern was the lack of separation between the "queer community"/those who can reclaim the word queer and the LGBT+ community. I was also conflicted about their paragraph on closeted aros/aces, their discussion of the separation of bi and gay aros from het aros as a community, and their dismissal of the existence of a LGBT+ community as a whole. I don't think I'm informed enough to have solid opinions on these topics, but I would like to hear your thoughts to learn more about these issues.
  10. Until I read this article, I thought that aros and aces should be considered qu**r because it's used as an umbrella term for "not straight", but I now am not sure. I think there is definitely a difference between being LGBT+ and being qu**r (even though the author of the article doesn't), and I definitely feel that aros and aces, even cis het ones, are LGBT+ (which the author of the article seemed not to?). As several people said above, we can and should form our own community, but it should be as a sub community of the larger LGBT+ community. We're not straight, and I feel like having to be separate from the LGBT+ community could come to close to the "basically straight" arguments and cause problems from non het aros/aces. I feel uncomfortable considering myself part of the "gay community" when that's used to refer to all non straight people, and I guess I also feel that way about qu**r now, but I'm going to try to figure it out. One of the questions on the survey was odd in that there wasn't an option for considering both aromantic and asexual queer. ETA: I'm re reading the article again, and I have thoughts and concerns about some of it. I don't know if I'm qualified to talk about it, but I would be interested in discussing it. Would it be okay if I made a separate post to talk about?
  11. I figured out I was asexual a few years before I figured out I was aromantic. Looking back, I can see a lot of signs of being aro, but at the time I assumed a lot of my lack of interest in romance, dating, hot people, etc came from being ace, and I was still heteroromantic. Once I got my first real boyfriend however, I realized that I felt trapped and uncomfortable and I really don't get the appeal of kissing. So I eventually broke up with him, and admitted to myself that I was probably aro too, which explained a lot. I still haven't told anyone not on here, but I'm hoping to soon. I honestly don't know how to describe romantic attraction, but this post helped me figure out that my (lack of) feelings were because I was aro. The definition of aromanticism is something we're still talking about on this forum, but some people also think that a lack of interest in romantic relationships is also a part of aromanticism, if that is clearer to you than lacking romantic attraction.
  12. Not to be pedantic, but there's a difference between general attitude towards sex and personal attitudes to sex, so this terminology isn't what's usually used for personal attitudes.. Sex positive is usually used as the opposite of sex negative, and means someone who encourages everyone to have sex in whatever way they want as long as its safe and consensual (ie sex positive feminism). For personal attitudes towards sex, people usually use sex favorable. Also some people use sex averse as another point in the spectrum for people who don't want sex but aren't actively repulsed by it. But we can use the equivalents for romance for sure.
  13. I was at a club thing last night and I was talking with these two guys that are in the club with me but I don't know very well. One of them says, "You know, I've been pretty lonely in college" and I'm about to agree, like I have friends but I don't really feel like part of group, you know, and then he continues, "I haven't had a girlfriend my whole time here even though I had one in high school, and it'll be hard to meet people once I graduate", and then I was like, oh yes, I totally agree, that's definitely what I meant.
  14. I went to Prom (but not Junior Prom, because I wasn't dealing with it twice). I didn't really want to go because I hate dressing up and pop music, but I figured I only had one shot to go and it would be a fun last hurrah for high school, so I might as well. I was planning on going with a bunch of my friends, but they slowly all started getting dates until everyone at my table of 12 (idk, thats how ours was organized) had a date except me and one of my best guy friends. We decided together that it made more sense for us to go together than to 11th and 12th wheel, so we did. Our friends were sad that our plan to go together was so boring, but it was pragmatic rather than romantic so I liked it better that way. It was nice to have a designated person to hang out with, but we would have hung out anyway, and we spent a lot of time with the other people at our table. So it was dumb that we "had" to go as dates but I didn't mind because it ended up being purely platonic and fun and we took some nice pictures together. I got out of a lot of talk about dates by not wanting to go, so my friends were happy enough I was going that they didn't care I was planning on going alone. In general, I spent a lot more time talking about dresses than dates, but I will admit I enjoyed hearing all the gossip about who everyone else went with and how they got asked even though it was dumb and I spent a lot of time judging people. I would definitely say I don't like Prom as an institution and what it represents, but my own Prom experience ended up being pretty good.
  15. I'm pretty private about my personal life, but I would like to come out to my friends eventually. Most of them are bi, and I'm tired of them assuming that I'm the "token straight friend". I mean, I wouldn't understand a lot of their bi specific problems, but every time they assume I'm straight and I don't correct them I feel wrong. I also would like them to stop insinuating that I'm going to have sex eventually. Also, one of my friends has a crush on me, and I want to A. clear the air with her and B. be able to talk to my other friends about it. The problem is that I don't usually share a lot of deep personal stuff, so it's hard for me to open up. But I don't think I'll be super open about it when I come out, because it's personal and most people don't need to know.
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