Aromantic Moments

[Mark]

10 hours ago, hangryeowyn said:

My romo ace friend and I were watching this miniseries called "Dramaworld" where a girl had to go into a tv show and make sure the main couple fell in love, and the Big Rule was that she wasn't supposed to fall in love with the Leading Man. When they say this rule in the show I comment that if it was me that wouldn't be a problem and she turns to me and goes

 

"Oh yeah right, you would totally fall for him"

 

And I'm thinking to myself 'Girl, you know I'm aro, why are you like this???' 

 

Unless the TV show is something like Seven Days or Tru Calling my first question would be "What's the worst that can happen if X and Y don't get in a romantic relationship?" I'd also ask if a romantic relationship was an absolute requirement to defat Skynet; shoot down the alien mothership; banish Cthulhu; prevent a major war; etc. (Have a missed any apocalyptic movie plots here?)

More seriously it shows that alloromantic asexuals and aromantic allosexuals can have very different points of view.

[hangryeowyn]

On 6/27/2016 at 10:31 AM, Mark said:

"What's the worst that can happen if X and Y don't get in a romantic relationship?"

 

As a matter of fact, if the Leading Man and Leading Lady don't have True Love's Kiss then "Dramaworld" (the dimension in which tv shows happen) ceases to exist.  So in this case it could have turned into a disaster show. It was a lowkey parody of these romance dramas though...

[Rising Sun]

I just watched a documentary about animal reproduction. One part was about stag beetles, and it was filmed to look really funny. One male stag beetle wanted to reach a female, who lived among the highest branches of a huge tree. For this, he had to fight many other males, which he violently threw one after another to the ground, for a fall dozens of feet deep. After his victory, he ran after the female, who wasn't really willing at first... And once he eventually got what he wanted, he treated the female exactly the same way as his rivals, he threw her without any pity.

I thought how much human relationships are often the same. We aren't very different from stag beetles in love, after all.  

[shotinthehand]

Just now, Rising Sun said:

I just watched a documentary about animal reproduction. One part was about stag beetles, and it was filmed to look really funny. One male stag beetle wanted to reach a female, who lived among the highest branches of a huge tree. For this, he had to fight many other males, which he violently threw one after another to the ground, for a fall dozens of feet deep. After his victory, he ran after the female, who wasn't really willing at first... And once he eventually got what he wanted, he treated the female exactly the same way as his rivals, he threw her without any pity.

I thought how much human relationships are often the same. We aren't very different from stag beetles in love, after all.  

Romance is weird.

[Dodgypotato]

This is more of a rant than anything, but...

 

I went to a sleepover at friend 1's house, with friend 2, friend 3, and friend 4. Friends 1, 2, and 3 know that I'm aro. Friend 4 does not. So, we get onto the inevitable conversation of, 'who do you have a crush on?' I'm trying my best not to be seen, but friend 4 is doing the questioning. And she gets around to me.

 

"So... Who do you like, Dodgy? Who did you like at our old highschool?" She said. I replied, "No one." And of course went super red because my body betrays me, making her think that I'm lying. In fact I was super nervous because I know she'd never believe me. I hate this line of questioning. She accused me of lying and said to just tell the truth, because everyone else did. I insisted that I was telling the truth. My friends are awesome and tried to convince her that I was telling the truth. Then they diverted it from me.

 

The thing is, I already told her that I've never liked anyone and never had a crush before, and this was merely a few weeks prior. She didn't even believe me then, I really doubt she'd believe me if I came out. Why is it so hard for people to grasp that not everyone is into romance? It's such a surprisingly big part of most people's lives!

 

I asked friends 1, 2, and 3 (after friend 4 left) if they'd rather have a boyfriend or icecream, and they said definitely a boyfriend. Made me sad . Then I ate the rest of the icecream.

[MiniChelonia]

My aromantic moment is every time someone shows romantic interest

 

Getting paranoid and anxious because "oh no I think they like me" "what if they ask me out?!?" 

 

I hate feeling responsible for allo people's feelings because they have the bad luck to be interested in me "that way" I always end up feeling awkward and guilty, wondering if I did something which "led them on"

[NewHamsterdam]

In college, my friends and I get stuck with a roommate who essentially allows her boyfriend to move in with us, without ever asking permission. Their relationship is...loud, and he's an inconsiderate slob. This is made even worse by the fact that one of the girls in the room is Muslim, and can't wear comfortable clothing or let her hair down in her own dorm anymore, because it's anybody's guess when the guy will show up.

My friends and I get together to discuss future rooming arrangements, and we're all very glad to find out the roommate won't be joining us next year.

 

Friend: We'll finally get some peace and quiet in here. And [Muslim friend] can relax.

 

Me: Yeah, it'll be really nice. And you know, we should make a pact, so nothing like this ever happens again.

 

Friend: Oh? What kind of pact?

 

Me: We should all promise not to get boyfriends!

 

Friend: (looks at me strangely) Um, no. I'm not gonna promise that.

 

I was so confused; it seemed like the perfect solution to me. It wasn't until several months later that, looking back, I realized she wanted a boyfriend, in spite of all the trouble one might cause.

[AlexisS]

6 hours ago, MiniChelonia said:

My aromantic moment is every time someone shows romantic interest

 

Getting paranoid and anxious because "oh no I think they like me" "what if they ask me out?!?" 

 

I hate feeling responsible for allo people's feelings because they have the bad luck to be interested in me "that way" I always end up feeling awkward and guilty, wondering if I did something which "led them on"

I feel so much same when this happens..!  

[owl]

Does anyone else feel bad hanging out with their friends' crushes? A lot of people seem to get worried that people are "stealing" their crush if someone else is talking to them.. And I know my friend's got a crush on this guy so it almost feels like I can't talk to him much (especially when she's around).. I dunno, it's usually in the back of my mind when I'm talking to someone my friend has a crush on. Obviously I know I just want to be friends but so many people don't see that..

[RedNeko]

13 hours ago, NewHamsterdam said:

I was so confused; it seemed like the perfect solution to me. It wasn't until several months later that, looking back, I realized she wanted a boyfriend, in spite of all the trouble one might cause.

If you want an idea that isn't trying to persuade all your friends to not have boyfriends, you could get a whiteboard so you can write notices to each other including if you're expecting someone round. It can be more convenient that trying to figure out if you've told everyone.

2 hours ago, Simowl said:

Does anyone else feel bad hanging out with their friends' crushes? A lot of people seem to get worried that people are "stealing" their crush if someone else is talking to them.. And I know my friend's got a crush on this guy so it almost feels like I can't talk to him much (especially when she's around).. I dunno, it's usually in the back of my mind when I'm talking to someone my friend has a crush on. Obviously I know I just want to be friends but so many people don't see that..

I think that people tend to grow out of this way of thinking as they get older. But I'm not sure because I never talk to any of my friends about this stuff these days and they don't bring it up either. After all, the crush is their own person and not a thing to fight over.

[Hey you in the corner]

This happened a few years ago. I went to the store with my mom. We walked past the electronics section and my mom told me to go back and check out the games. I was like sure. I spent a few minutes browsing and when I meet up with her she said "so, what did you think?" I said that I wasn't really interested in any of the games. Apparently she wanted me to go back there to check out the guy manning the electronics kiosk. Me being my oblivious self responded with "what guy?" Now she makes sure to directly point out whatever "cute" guy she's talking about so I don't walk right past them. 

[DannyFenton123]

3 hours ago, Hey you in the corner said:

This happened a few years ago. I went to the store with my mom. We walked past the electronics section and my mom told me to go back and check out the games. I was like sure. I spent a few minutes browsing and when I meet up with her she said "so, what did you think?" I said that I wasn't really interested in any of the games. Apparently she wanted me to go back there to check out the guy manning the electronics kiosk. Me being my oblivious self responded with "what guy?" Now she makes sure to directly point out whatever "cute" guy she's talking about so I don't walk right past them. 

What? Who cares about cute people when there are video games??

[Zema]

30 minutes ago, DannyFenton123 said:

What? Who cares about cute people when there are video games??

Have you ever heard of dating simulators? They're a thing. I really don't understand how anyone could get any enjoyment out of them.

[aussiekirkland]

10 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

Have you ever heard of dating simulators? They're a thing. I really don't understand how anyone could get any enjoyment out of them.

I feel like that's a bit like harem anime. Who cares about the cute girls and their... Bodies... When you've got monsters to fight!!!

[hangryeowyn]

On 7/6/2016 at 8:22 PM, Zemaddog said:

Have you ever heard of dating simulators? They're a thing. I really don't understand how anyone could get any enjoyment out of them.

 

I play otome games all the time! There's ham and cheese galore for sure, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of the strategy behind choosing the right options to win a person's heart. I think it's really fun to go in a game with a ridiculous premise (just google "Shall We Date" games and you'll see-they're incredible lol), pick a guy from a group, and then acquire them. It's kinda like beating a dungeon in an adventure game, except it's a person. And it's fun to see how different dialogue/action options affect the different partner choices. Like for example the object of the "Jerk Type" storyline is to break down his emotional walls (my favorite because it's the most challenging imo), while the "Prince Type" usually responds well to the more stereotypically "feminine" (aka passive) dialogue options. And then of course there's the added nuance of choice in games where you can get many different endings. I played one once that had a bad ending (rejection), a wedding ending (aka the "sweet" ending), the steamy ending (which was basically the wedding ending but with sex), and the mediocre ending (the casual relationship ending).

 

I can't speak for people who enjoy the opposite version of this genre of games, but reverse harem games and anime can be a lot of fun. Obviously I have no idea how romo folks feel when they play otome games but like I said the strategy and satisfaction of winning is fun.  After a while you kinda understand the patterns of the types of characters, unlike in real life when people seeking romance are as mysterious as the darn sphinx.

[Mikasa]

12 hours ago, hangryeowyn said:

 

I play otome games all the time! There's ham and cheese galore for sure, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of the strategy behind choosing the right options to win a person's heart. I think it's really fun to go in a game with a ridiculous premise (just google "Shall We Date" games and you'll see-they're incredible lol), pick a guy from a group, and then acquire them. It's kinda like beating a dungeon in an adventure game, except it's a person. And it's fun to see how different dialogue/action options affect the different partner choices. Like for example the object of the "Jerk Type" storyline is to break down his emotional walls (my favorite because it's the most challenging imo), while the "Prince Type" usually responds well to the more stereotypically "feminine" (aka passive) dialogue options. And then of course there's the added nuance of choice in games where you can get many different endings. I played one once that had a bad ending (rejection), a wedding ending (aka the "sweet" ending), the steamy ending (which was basically the wedding ending but with sex), and the mediocre ending (the casual relationship ending).

 

I can't speak for people who enjoy the opposite version of this genre of games, but reverse harem games and anime can be a lot of fun. Obviously I have no idea how romo folks feel when they play otome games but like I said the strategy and satisfaction of winning is fun.  After a while you kinda understand the patterns of the types of characters, unlike in real life when people seeking romance are as mysterious as the darn sphinx.

 

Yeah, this. I've played games like that before, I think they're pretty fun 

 

Today my coworker was talking about this wedding he attended this week, apparently it was sooo special and romantic, it was really impressive. And then he talked about how beautiful marriage is, how wonderful it is when two people are so in love they decide to spend the rest of their lives together. I had to do my best not to just roll my eyes. 

[Dodgypotato]

Background: I visited Zema's house yesterday, and they drove me home. We hung out in my room a while afterwards before they left.

 

This morning:

Dad: "So, is he your boyfriend?"

Me: "... No. They're not even into women. They're asexual." (I'm closeted in all shapes and forms.)

Dad (thinking I was talking about myself?): *turns away* "That's bullshit. You like girls?"

Me: "No..? I said zema, and not into women."

Dad: "That's f-ing weird. Why're you mixing with him them?"

Me: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

-5 minutes later, me in the other room with my cat trying to eat my hair-

*dad walks over to me*

Dad: "So what's this... Asexual?"

Me: "It means... You're not interested in anyone... In that way..." *awkwardly, kind of put on the spot*

Dad: "Bullshit."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Dad: "I've never heard of that. That's bullshit." (he really seems to like the world bullshit)

Me: "People can be attracted to the same gender, opposite, or both-" (my parents are too closed-minded to think there's more than 2 genders, I have to go along with it while I'm with them) "-, so why not none?"

Dad: "Whatever. I've never heard of it." *mutters some more*

 

Unless he's completely stupid, he's going to put 2 and 2 together and figure out that I'm asexual as well. Or at least 'think' I am, in his opinion.

[aussiekirkland]

Me, my sister and her boyfriend were in the car on the way home from the shops today when she started talking about the bachelor/bachelorette. She mentioned a winning couple that didn't work out because he wasn't affectionate enough:

 

Me: why doesn't she just have an affectionate friendship as well as her relationship? Like a cuddle buddy!

BF: it doesn't work like that

Sis: most people would consider that cheating

 

I just... There's a point where monogamy is taken too far? Needing every single one of your needs met from a single person (particularly non romantic needs) sounds seriously unhealthy to me. I just can't understand it. That ideology (which has come up a few times now) is probably the reason why some romantics are so quick to replace their friends and family with a romantic partner.

[Zema]

1 hour ago, Dodgypotato said:

Dad: "That's f-ing weird. Why're you mixing with him them?"

You didn't tell me that part! That's just.... I don't even know.

[DannyFenton123]

1 hour ago, Dodgypotato said:

.

Oh no dodgy, that's awful 

[owl]

On 7/7/2016 at 4:22 AM, Zemaddog said:

Have you ever heard of dating simulators? They're a thing. I really don't understand how anyone could get any enjoyment out of them.

You've clearly never played Hatoful Boyfriend (it's a dating game with pigeons. It gets surprisingly creepy..)

 

[DannyFenton123]

21 minutes ago, Simowl said:

You've clearly never played Hatoful Boyfriend (it's a dating game with pigeons. It gets surprisingly creepy..)

 

A dating game with pigeons. What?

[Zema]

10 minutes ago, DannyFenton123 said:

A dating game with pigeons. What?

Someone made a game which has a dating simulator minigame.... with hats.

[RedNeko]

5 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

Dad: "Bullshit."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Dad: "I've never heard of that. That's bullshit." (he really seems to like the world bullshit)

Me: "People can be attracted to the same gender, opposite, or both-" (my parents are too closed-minded to think there's more than 2 genders, I have to go along with it while I'm with them) "-, so why not none?"

Dad: "Whatever. I've never heard of it." *mutters some more*

If he thinks that things don't exist just because be hasn't heard of them before he's going to be in for some surprises.

[Dodgypotato]

1 hour ago, RedNeko said:

If he thinks that things don't exist just because be hasn't heard of them before he's going to be in for some surprises.

I know right? I mean, what even is a quark? Therefore he doesn't exist either! (;