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Missing friends but too afraid to tell them?


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Ever really miss a friend you haven't seen in a while, but you can't bring yourself to actually tell them that you miss them? Because... well... it seems needy and I don't want to be a burden and I know they're not very social either, and they have a significant other person and a busy life and all that stuff... they can't possibly think it's a nice thing for me to say I miss them, right? lol

 

This ever happen to any of you?

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It has in the past, and sometimes it's felt like I've been the one doing all the initiating of conversations. It makes it feel like nobody really cares that much, which I know isn't true (with the friends I have now, anyway), but it's so difficult to not feel that way.

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I sometimes get this feeling specially with folks who seams to have their life together or/and have significant others, then my mind goes all "ah they dont need me they have this other person, im just bothering them or I will come across as this " evil ex-type" of annoying person.

 

(notice despite not being an ex or anything I often feel like this because the way I like to have friendships with people are somethimes not too normative and I feel like im making people super jealous and messing up stuff)

 

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6 hours ago, Hey you in the corner said:

I feel the same about my sister, who literally dumped me and my parents once she got in her first, and current, serious relationship. I want to tell her that I miss her and scream at her for basically abandoning me, but I won't because it won't change anything. 

 

My older sister pretty much abandoned us emotionally five years ago when a lot happened (and I honestly don't blame her for giving up on my mum, but I don't think she deserved it and I certainly didn't)

 

But it became even more so when she got her first boyfriend (who she is now engaged to, which is insane IMO). So at this point I hate her guts and don't miss her in the slightest, in fact I'm counting down the days until we can finally part ways. But yeah my sister did the same thing and I can kind of relate. But I'm really sorry because I know how much that loss hurts :hugs:

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This was basically me this entire summer because there was a large portion thereof where the 3 people I talked to most on a daily basis were all at least 500 miles away, each in a different direction, and I'd only known one of them for more than a year at that point so it seemed really awkward and clingy to say how I felt about the situation, so...yeah.

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Well, I think its a nice thing you miss them, and perhaps if you invited them for some 'not too social social activity', they might spend some time with you. 

What did you used to do together before? 

 

I have many friends I rarely see because I moved away, but once or twice a year I go and visit them. We also write emails and call each other sometimes. Of course I would like them to be closer, but that's what we have at the moment. 

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On 01 December 2016 at 11:32 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Well, I think its a nice thing you miss them, and perhaps if you invited them for some 'not too social social activity', they might spend some time with you. 

What did you used to do together before? 

[deleted]

I'm just gonna have to work up the courage to say those words at some point, I guess. :P

 

Thanks everyone. And wow, some of you have way bigger problems than I do... :hugs:

 

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I had a similar thing with a really close friend of (back then) three years, whom I really treasured. We started to lose contact, after both of us moved to different cities. Her chat answers became short and the conversation one-sided until I stopped trying to chat her up, because it seemed pointless. I knew her to be a caring person though, so when she visited me, I started talking about it. Told her she's important to me, that I miss her and our conversations and that I wouldn't want to break contact over something as silly as chat-problems. It helped that she knows I'm aromantic and that her own relationship with her boyfriend is loving and healthy, but not the typical "clingy" type. They are very independent from one another (and very close to the best buddy living scenario I'd want).

 

It was really awkward at first, but she told me she understood were I was coming from and that she couldn't promise anything, but would try to be better at chatting.
It didn't get better right away, but now we chat each other up every now and than or grab a beer and skype together, while talking about our problems and stuff that's on our minds.

 

So yeah, this might not happen in your case, but I'm sure glad I told her that I missed her =)
Maybe just invite her to coffee over at yours or at a café (we had our talk in a quite corner at a mall xD) and have an open conversation about that :arolovepapo:

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On 2016-11-30 at 9:55 PM, SoulWolf said:

Ever really miss a friend you haven't seen in a while, but you can't bring yourself to actually tell them that you miss them? Because... well... it seems needy and I don't want to be a burden and I know they're not very social either, and they have a significant other person and a busy life and all that stuff... they can't possibly think it's a nice thing for me to say I miss them, right? lol

 

This ever happen to any of you?

 

I think they would like to hear you miss them as long as it doesn't make them feel guilty. Say something about how you've missed them in the class and if they want to meet up sometimes or do something different to let you know. Maybe suggest something you know they like to do. Or something that would be very little effort on their part, if they have a lot on their mind.

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Awhile back I heard someone with a similar laugh to my best friend (who lives in another town) and got really sad & lonely, so I texted her to say I missed her. She was very nice about it and didn't seem bothered at all. 

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Well, I told her, and she said she's considering coming out of 'hermit mode' soon, and then she'll let me know when she has a spot of time and we can get together. I guess she's more antisocial than me... although, even when I'm antisocial, she's on my (very short) list of people I'd still hang out with regardless... but I guess that's just me.

 

The reason I have so many fears relating to telling people how I feel is from how previous friends handled it. So far this one has handled all my weird tendencies really (surprisingly) well, so... I guess it's all good. :)

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On 2016-12-07 at 7:32 PM, SoulWolf said:

Well, I told her, and she said she's considering coming out of 'hermit mode' soon, and then she'll let me know when she has a spot of time and we can get together. I guess she's more antisocial than me... although, even when I'm antisocial, she's on my (very short) list of people I'd still hang out with regardless... but I guess that's just me.

 

The reason I have so many fears relating to telling people how I feel is from how previous friends handled it. So far this one has handled all my weird tendencies really (surprisingly) well, so... I guess it's all good. :)


That's great to hear :)

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I'm too repulsed by the word love that any affectionate phrase that is "I _ you" makes me nervous lol. 

there are some friends that I miss terribly and wish I could be friends with them again, but they live far away and have their own life now. what could we even do?

 

I have a few friends in my area who I kind of want to ask to hang out again, but I am unaware of any strategy of discussion that would both let me feel comfortable approaching them and also avoid looking strange and weird. 

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On 11/30/2016 at 3:55 PM, SoulWolf said:

Ever really miss a friend you haven't seen in a while, but you can't bring yourself to actually tell them that you miss them? Because... well... it seems needy and I don't want to be a burden and I know they're not very social either, and they have a significant other person and a busy life and all that stuff... they can't possibly think it's a nice thing for me to say I miss them, right? lol

 

This ever happen to any of you?

Well, not because of her relationship, but a close friend of mine started attending a different school this year. And it has really sucked because I used to see her almost every day but now I only see her like less than once a month. And she's made all these cool new friends and every time I ask to hang out with her I kind of feel like I'm being annoying ;-; I was really scared that once she switched schools we would drift apart and I kinda feel like that's what's happening.

 

I'm also really bad at asking people if they want to do things with me. Like if I want someone to go to a movie with me or hang out or go eat food, I can never say it and half of the time I just chicken out. It's also happened a bunch of times while walking home with my friend after school where I kinda want to hang out with her but then I'm like "Nope I'm too awkward to ask I'll just go sulk in a corner."

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On 10 December 2016 at 8:07 PM, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

I'm too repulsed by the word love that any affectionate phrase that is "I _ you" makes me nervous lol. 

there are some friends that I miss terribly and wish I could be friends with them again, but they live far away and have their own life now. what could we even do?

 

I have a few friends in my area who I kind of want to ask to hang out again, but I am unaware of any strategy of discussion that would both let me feel comfortable approaching them and also avoid looking strange and weird. 

I know what you mean... I don't know how to approach people comfortably without seeming weird, either. I think it's impossible - I'm going to seem weird no matter how I do it, so lately I've been being as weird as possible on purpose. More fun that way. Haven't actually even managed to scare anyone off yet either, surprisingly...

 

14 hours ago, Spud said:

Well, not because of her relationship, but a close friend of mine started attending a different school this year. And it has really sucked because I used to see her almost every day but now I only see her like less than once a month. And she's made all these cool new friends and every time I ask to hang out with her I kind of feel like I'm being annoying ;-; I was really scared that once she switched schools we would drift apart and I kinda feel like that's what's happening.

 

I'm also really bad at asking people if they want to do things with me. Like if I want someone to go to a movie with me or hang out or go eat food, I can never say it and half of the time I just chicken out. It's also happened a bunch of times while walking home with my friend after school where I kinda want to hang out with her but then I'm like "Nope I'm too awkward to ask I'll just go sulk in a corner."

:hugs:

Yeah, I had that problem all the time in school, too. Although I didn't actually have any close friends there. Mostly just "people who let me hang out with them, sometimes"... I dunno. I cared about some of those people a great deal, though.

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I have literally 0 friends within a 300-mile radius right now, and I'm stuck here for the next 2 weeks. Actual social interaction is not a thing I get other than through texting the same 3 or 4 people (coincidentally, the same 3 people whom I was talking about being really geographically far away from in my previous post here...are you sensing a theme here?), and if I text them too often I feel like I'm being clingy and needy and demanding too much of their time over the break. This thread is basically me right now. 

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31 minutes ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

I have literally 0 friends within a 300-mile radius right now, and I'm stuck here for the next 2 weeks. Actual social interaction is not a thing I get other than through texting the same 3 or 4 people (coincidentally, the same 3 people whom I was talking about being really geographically far away from in my previous post here...are you sensing a theme here?), and if I text them too often I feel like I'm being clingy and needy and demanding too much of their time over the break. This thread is basically me right now. 

:hugs:

It's not a nice feeling at all. I just distract myself from it... need to find a better way to redirect that energy elsewhere. Would be nice if I could turn it into something productive...

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  • 2 months later...

@Screw Amatonormativity omg why the fuck would you miss me breeeeeeeeeeeeeh ;_; 

 

Confession, my super affectionate friend and my super affectionate ex-qpf have made me more open towards expressing affection, so I tell people when I miss them. They tend to appreciate it, a lot, and go "AWWWWWWWWWWWWW OMG WTF I MISS YOU TOO"

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