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Everything posted by Ettina

  1. Aroace and childfree are different things.
  2. I've been trying to conceive via sperm donation, because I want to be a single parent by choice. Anyone else aro and want to have kids? I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.
  3. Same. I'm sex-repulsed and romance-favorable, personally. For me, romance-favorable feels important to mention in aro communities, because I sometimes feel alienated by the assumption that all aros dislike romance and have negative reactions towards romance.
  4. Plus, I feel like the concept of aspec is valuable for aroaces. It's important to acknowledge the split-orientation folks too, but aroaces shouldn't have to feel forced to divide themselves between two separate communities for something that is often a unified experience in the same way that gay, lesbian, straight, etc are for people with non-split orientations.
  5. Personally, I don't find "fetishizing" a useful term, and I feel that it's pretty much inextricably linked to kink-negativity to the point where I'd be happy just completely tossing that term in the trash heap. A lot of times, when people talk about "fetishizing" as a harmful thing, what they're really talking about is objectification. Which is treating someone else as if their thoughts/feelings/desires don't matter, all that matters is how they can meet your desires. The fact that you seem to be more inclined to have squishes on trans guys doesn't strike me as a concern at all. What's important is how you actually treat the trans guys in your life, not what types of attraction you feel towards them.
  6. I'm an aromantic bi-asexual. In my case, I'm grey-ace, so I do feel attraction sometimes, and when I do, it can be to multiple genders.
  7. But do they see them as guys, or as butch girls who they're willing to humor because they're cute?
  8. 33% alloromantic ace 33% aroace 25% aro I'm surprised allo ace was so high. I think it's confusing not being romance-repulsed with feeling romantic attraction.
  9. To me, including allies under LGBTQIAA+ makes about as much sense as including white people under POC. I don't need to be included in the POC umbrella to be anti-racist, so why should we include allies in the LGBT+ umbrella? Being an ally doesn't make you part of the group, it makes you an ally of the group.
  10. I'm not sure if I'm autochorisromantic or not, but it's definitely adjacent to how I experience romance. I don't feel romantic attraction, but I do find romance fun to fantasize about or read about sometimes.
  11. Emotional vulnerability is not exclusive to romance, it's a feature of any really close emotional bond. Basically, it's the emotional equivalent of a cat letting another cat lick their neck. You allow another person access to stuff they could use to seriously hurt you emotionally, because you are confident that they won't. For example, when I was first questioning my sexuality, I briefly thought I might be a pedophile (confusing squishes for sexual attraction). And the way I dealt with it was by confessing my worry and the reasons for it to my mother. That was me making myself emotionally vulnerable. She could have freaked out and told me that I was a disgusting monster, and I'd have been absolutely crushed if she had. But the whole reason I told her was because I was very certain that she wouldn't react that way - that she'd listen and support me and help me figure this out. And it turned out I was right to trust her with that.
  12. I headcanon Odo from Deep Space Nine as greyromantic asexual. A bunch of good aro moments with him reacting to romance, especially with regards to Loixanna Troi's attraction to him.
  13. To be honest, personally my worst experiences have been with LGB aros. But you can't generalize from a few individuals to the entire group. (I mean, Cassiopeia is an aro lesbian and she's awesome!) Comments like the ones you describe are terrible and uncalled for, and abusive prejudiced people shouldn't be welcome in any safe space. But to link that behavior with any orientation means that you're being prejudiced yourself.
  14. I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back. Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.
  15. That reminds me of Jughead. Didn't he squish on a girl because she was dressed up like a burger?
  16. I wish I had an aro friend. My only a-spec friend is allo ace.
  17. Regarding divorce, from what I understand, it's not a big deal unless you have children. Childless couples divorcing just divide up the property and then go their separate ways. And regarding the Mutual Adoption Club, that sort of thing, while it sounds cool, would either not be very good for the kids, or else in most cases wind up looking like a kid living in one home with the other families being more like aunts/uncles/(is there a gender neutral term for aunt/uncle?). Kids don't seem to be able to treat more than a few adults as primary caregivers, psychologically. One of the big reasons why it's actually a good thing that it's hard to get kids away from mildly psychologically abusive parents - taking kids away from a primary caregiver is really damaging to the kid, and only worth it if staying with that caregiver is even worse. In Israel, when the country was refounded recently, some communities tried a kibbutz system where kids were raised communally in a shared home, kind of like a 24/7 daycare, with lots of adults working in shifts to care for the kids. Researchers have found that those kids have a higher rate of psychological problems and insecure attachment. Since then, most kibbutz have become basically just free daycares, with kids going home each night (and having a consistent kibbutz caregiver), and that's turned out much better. Essentially it's become a three-parent system.
  18. Do you think skin hunger is more of an issue for AMAB or male aros? I've noticed that expressions of affection that no one bats an eye at me doing with female friends (I'm AFAB), get taken as gay when two guys are doing it. (I remember seeing someone who claimed David Attenborough was erasing homosexuality in animals because he didn't ascribe sexual motivation to two male chimpanzees hugging. Which blew me away, because girls are socially expected to hug close friends, especially other girls, and it's not seen as romantic at all.) I've also heard alloromantic wlw complaining that people mistake them for best friends even when they're doing explicitly romantic acts with each other. So it seems to me that an aro girl or passing as girl who craves platonic touch might have an easier time getting it.
  19. I'd be really leery of trying to be QPPs with someone who doesn't get that you're not romantically interested in her, personally. Especially with using the word, because to straight allos 'queer' kind of implies gay and 'partner' implies romantic. So given that she's shown she doesn't listen to explanations, I'm guessing that she'd assume you're wanting a gay romance with her.
  20. I've heard a lot of greyromantic people describe feeling like that.
  21. As an aroace, I'm not particularly likely to have a FWB, but yeah, I don't like the term. Firstly, because benefits is implied to be sex, which makes it even harder to avoid implying sexual stuff with non-sexual language, and secondly, because the way most FWB seem to work, they really aren't actually friends. They're generally either 'acquaintances who have sex', 'romantic partners who don't want to admit it', or a consolation prize for someone who really wants romance. (I have heard so many allo/allos saying "he turned me down. Should I get into a friends with benefits relationship with him?")
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