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Everything posted by SoulWolf

  1. I've been kinda semi-unsure my whole life. When I started reading about aro stuff, I was still unsure. 2 years of trying to figure it out later, I'm still unsure. I think the only thing I can be sure of is that I'll be unsure forever! 🤣
  2. I tell very few people anything substantial about myself, mostly because I don't usually like answering people's questions. I find it stressful and very tiring. So... if you have the energy for that, great! I don't, though. I mostly only "come out" online, where it's easy to copy and paste links to people that do all the hard explaining work on my behalf.
  3. I haven't seen anyone talk about how it affects website owners who don't reside in the EU and who aren't hosted there. I mean... the EU surely can't make laws on behalf of the whole world, can they? I know we have them to thank for those irritating "This website uses cookies!" bars that waste screen space (which I will never, ever implement on my sites, and I'm not in EU and none of my stuff is hosted there, so I like to think they can't really do anything... or can they?).
  4. I can relate to this somewhat. I think it's because a lot of the things I now know most people consider romantic, I don't personally consider romantic, so I just never thought of it that way until I started reading a lot of aro stuff. That made me realize just how differently most people perceive things, so now I have less tolerance for romantic stuff because of knowing that that's most likely how other people intend things, even if I personally wouldn't have thought of it that way before. Ignorance is kind of bliss in a way...
  5. @NullVector Thanks, I like that quote. :D
  6. I like how there's a mix of different people with different orientations and experiences here (and out there on blogs etc as well) - I've found it very useful for comparison purposes to see who I can relate to and for what reasons, etc. It's helped me figure out quite a lot of things about myself. I don't really bother with the politics of "sides" and whatever though, so I guess I don't really know what's going on from that perspective. I'm so used to people making incorrect assumptions about me IRL, that I stopped caring (almost) completely about what people call me. Like, what people think is their business and their problem, and I will only bother to correct people if I really care about them. Strangers can think whatever they like, it's not like I'm likely to interact with them much. I still don't feel like there's anywhere I really fit in completely. Parts of me "fit in" to various extents with various communities online and IRL, but never 100% completely. I don't expect that to ever happen. I'm too much of a unique snowflake.
  7. Heyyy, this sounds like me! Growing up I used to think I might be a psychopath because people kept saying people love their parents and other family members, and I was just sitting there wondering how that works. Is it automatic? If so, I don't seem to have that function. I mean I kinda like some family members, but I just don't feel that 'love' thing for them really. Dunno how to. Which is strange, because it's really easy for me to love animals. I love pretty much all of them automatically, but that same function doesn't apply to 90% of humans for some reason. My theory about why this is (for me, at least), is that animals are always truly themselves. Humans tend to 'act' and hide behind masks, and they don't project their true feelings a lot of the time. That makes it hard for me to connect with them, because I can't really even see who they are. The few humans that I do love are ones who are more open and true to themselves, and don't do the mask thing that much. Even they do it as a defense mechanism sometimes, I think, because around many people it just isn't safe to open up... but the point is that they are at least open enough that I can connect with them, and they hopefully see me as a safe person, and then drop the mask around me. I also think I have alexithymia and probably Asperger's, so those might be worth looking into as well.
  8. http://lissarankin.com/what-is-intimacy Doesn't mention aro/ace stuff anywhere, but I like how it explains the differences between various things that often confuse people.
  9. How do you know it's a crush and not a squish? (I'm not arguing, I just genuinely find it hard to tell them apart lol)
  10. Interesting. I always wanted a 'best friend' but never really had one. What I really wanted was someone who understood me 100% and accepted me unconditionally, so I can just be myself around them. I have a few people who accept me unconditionally now, but nobody here really uses the term 'best friend' for that sort of thing. Apparently my idea of these things is different than other people's. I also have accepted that nobody is ever going to understand me 100% because I don't even understand myself that well.
  11. Cool idea! I'm glad someone is doing this. Are there actually any books about this sort of thing out there at all? I filled in the survey thingy. As a random side note, one of the reasons I've avoided doctors and such for most of my life is because I fear they would invalidate me somehow. I've especially avoided mental health people just in case they'll say I'm crazy and lock me up.
  12. Has he actually told you this, or is it a rumour, or are you guessing? I'd go with just saying something like "I'm not available" if he asks.
  13. Based on my experiences with people in school and college, I'd say this is probably true. It's the reason I got along better with guys in general - more of them actually talked about things I found interesting.
  14. It's not just you. That sort of thing drives me nuts also. All of my friends changed once they got married. They stopped being their own person and had to get permission from their "owner" to make any decisions or do anything...
  15. I guess I'm the weird one who would be really honoured if my friend Googled it and did independent research and then used their new knowledge to ask me intelligent questions about my personal experiences... but yeah, it'd be a bit weird if they did that right next to me. On the other hand, I could see myself reacting like that in certain situations because I'm pretty weird too. I've told basically 3 people about my aro/ace-ness. One was super supportive right from the start, and actually knows another ace, so that's gone well (she's lesbian). One is doing his utmost to ignore it and I've sent him links and stuff and it's like he just doesn't want to learn more, like he's in some kind of denial (he's hetero). My third friend (also hetero) just kinda went like "ok, I'm a sexual and a romantic", but he has a tendency to have weird short responses involving playing with words, so I guess I didn't really expect much, lol.
  16. It's one of my favourite sites. I really like the way the author thinks.
  17. I'm gonna say some stuff that might be a bit controversial... Right, so you say you love her, and you also say you don't have feelings for her. What? Loving her means you do have feelings for her. Maybe they're just not romantic (sounds like they probably aren't, based on what you said, but what do I know, I don't think I've had romantic feelings either so I don't really know what that's like). Why should this ruin your relationship with her? I mean, even most romantic people lose their romantic feelings for their partners eventually. A friend of mine told me that it's apparently normal to "fall in love" and have all those weird giddy feelings and whatnot, and then eventually for them to morph more into a stable form of love. Like what you already have. So basically you skipped all the giddy stuff and went straight to the good part. There's nothing wrong with that. I have no idea why people like the giddy feelings, but apparently they're all temporary anyway. Don't do anything drastic like end it - but do talk to her about your feelings and fears and stuff.
  18. True, to an extent. Some people will avoid you, but I personally would prefer those kinds of people to avoid me anyway. I'd rather hang out with people who can appreciate weirdos.
  19. I can relate to this a lot! I've always been extra-awkward around people in relationships, because I don't know where the appropriate boundaries of "closeness" are. Especially with closer friends. I used to get all awkward and paranoid around certain friends who are very huggy and generally touchy-feely... like... isn't someone going to think you're flirting? Isn't your partner going to think you're cheating? I have since concluded that it isn't really like that, and most people aren't actually that possessive. I've just read too many dumb psychology articles.
  20. First thought: Oooh, pretty colours! Looks really good, I like how you've organized it, and I think this would be a really good resource to point people to as a good place to start. I'm bookmarking it
  21. I actually found 5 people within a 100km radius of me who seem potentially interesting. Nobody in my town, but that's to be expected
  22. Can I install this in my brain? I needs it! Interesting app, will check it out.
  23. Welcome Night It seems like being confused is kinda part of the aro package, I think. But we have ice cream!
  24. The question responses were really weird how they lumped seemingly unrelated things together... I was thinking WTF a lot of the time. Also, it said "Your results were not clear." lol. Thanks, very helpful answer. Not surprising given the weird "answers" i had to select from. Results: 33% chance I'm aro/ace, 33% chance I'm demisexual, 17% just aro, 17% just ace. I think I broke it.
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