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About Ettina

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    cis female
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    I'm autistic
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    university student

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  1. Emotional vulnerability is not exclusive to romance, it's a feature of any really close emotional bond. Basically, it's the emotional equivalent of a cat letting another cat lick their neck. You allow another person access to stuff they could use to seriously hurt you emotionally, because you are confident that they won't. For example, when I was first questioning my sexuality, I briefly thought I might be a pedophile (confusing squishes for sexual attraction). And the way I dealt with it was by confessing my worry and the reasons for it to my mother. That was me making myself emotionally vulnerable. She could have freaked out and told me that I was a disgusting monster, and I'd have been absolutely crushed if she had. But the whole reason I told her was because I was very certain that she wouldn't react that way - that she'd listen and support me and help me figure this out. And it turned out I was right to trust her with that.
  2. I headcanon Odo from Deep Space Nine as greyromantic asexual. A bunch of good aro moments with him reacting to romance, especially with regards to Loixanna Troi's attraction to him.
  3. To be honest, personally my worst experiences have been with LGB aros. But you can't generalize from a few individuals to the entire group. (I mean, Cassiopeia is an aro lesbian and she's awesome!) Comments like the ones you describe are terrible and uncalled for, and abusive prejudiced people shouldn't be welcome in any safe space. But to link that behavior with any orientation means that you're being prejudiced yourself.
  4. I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back. Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.
  5. That reminds me of Jughead. Didn't he squish on a girl because she was dressed up like a burger?
  6. I wish I had an aro friend. My only a-spec friend is allo ace.
  7. Regarding divorce, from what I understand, it's not a big deal unless you have children. Childless couples divorcing just divide up the property and then go their separate ways. And regarding the Mutual Adoption Club, that sort of thing, while it sounds cool, would either not be very good for the kids, or else in most cases wind up looking like a kid living in one home with the other families being more like aunts/uncles/(is there a gender neutral term for aunt/uncle?). Kids don't seem to be able to treat more than a few adults as primary caregivers, psychologically. One of the big reasons why it's actually a good thing that it's hard to get kids away from mildly psychologically abusive parents - taking kids away from a primary caregiver is really damaging to the kid, and only worth it if staying with that caregiver is even worse. In Israel, when the country was refounded recently, some communities tried a kibbutz system where kids were raised communally in a shared home, kind of like a 24/7 daycare, with lots of adults working in shifts to care for the kids. Researchers have found that those kids have a higher rate of psychological problems and insecure attachment. Since then, most kibbutz have become basically just free daycares, with kids going home each night (and having a consistent kibbutz caregiver), and that's turned out much better. Essentially it's become a three-parent system.
  8. Do you think skin hunger is more of an issue for AMAB or male aros? I've noticed that expressions of affection that no one bats an eye at me doing with female friends (I'm AFAB), get taken as gay when two guys are doing it. (I remember seeing someone who claimed David Attenborough was erasing homosexuality in animals because he didn't ascribe sexual motivation to two male chimpanzees hugging. Which blew me away, because girls are socially expected to hug close friends, especially other girls, and it's not seen as romantic at all.) I've also heard alloromantic wlw complaining that people mistake them for best friends even when they're doing explicitly romantic acts with each other. So it seems to me that an aro girl or passing as girl who craves platonic touch might have an easier time getting it.
  9. I'd be really leery of trying to be QPPs with someone who doesn't get that you're not romantically interested in her, personally. Especially with using the word, because to straight allos 'queer' kind of implies gay and 'partner' implies romantic. So given that she's shown she doesn't listen to explanations, I'm guessing that she'd assume you're wanting a gay romance with her.
  10. I've heard a lot of greyromantic people describe feeling like that.
  11. As an aroace, I'm not particularly likely to have a FWB, but yeah, I don't like the term. Firstly, because benefits is implied to be sex, which makes it even harder to avoid implying sexual stuff with non-sexual language, and secondly, because the way most FWB seem to work, they really aren't actually friends. They're generally either 'acquaintances who have sex', 'romantic partners who don't want to admit it', or a consolation prize for someone who really wants romance. (I have heard so many allo/allos saying "he turned me down. Should I get into a friends with benefits relationship with him?")
  12. My mom the lawyer says that the dividing line is lying about your identity, as opposed to your actions or characteristics.
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