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Ettina

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Personal Information

  • Orientation
    aromantic
  • Gender
    female-aligned nonbinary
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    I'm autistic
  • Occupation
    university student

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  1. Aroace and childfree are different things.
  2. I've been trying to conceive via sperm donation, because I want to be a single parent by choice. Anyone else aro and want to have kids? I feel like aro spaces are often overwhelmingly childfree to the point where sometimes I feel erased because I'm aro and one of my biggest dreams is to be a parent.
  3. Same. I'm sex-repulsed and romance-favorable, personally. For me, romance-favorable feels important to mention in aro communities, because I sometimes feel alienated by the assumption that all aros dislike romance and have negative reactions towards romance.
  4. Plus, I feel like the concept of aspec is valuable for aroaces. It's important to acknowledge the split-orientation folks too, but aroaces shouldn't have to feel forced to divide themselves between two separate communities for something that is often a unified experience in the same way that gay, lesbian, straight, etc are for people with non-split orientations.
  5. Personally, I don't find "fetishizing" a useful term, and I feel that it's pretty much inextricably linked to kink-negativity to the point where I'd be happy just completely tossing that term in the trash heap. A lot of times, when people talk about "fetishizing" as a harmful thing, what they're really talking about is objectification. Which is treating someone else as if their thoughts/feelings/desires don't matter, all that matters is how they can meet your desires. The fact that you seem to be more inclined to have squishes on trans guys doesn't strike me as a concern at all. What's important is how you actually treat the trans guys in your life, not what types of attraction you feel towards them.
  6. I'm an aromantic bi-asexual. In my case, I'm grey-ace, so I do feel attraction sometimes, and when I do, it can be to multiple genders.
  7. But do they see them as guys, or as butch girls who they're willing to humor because they're cute?
  8. 33% alloromantic ace 33% aroace 25% aro I'm surprised allo ace was so high. I think it's confusing not being romance-repulsed with feeling romantic attraction.
  9. To me, including allies under LGBTQIAA+ makes about as much sense as including white people under POC. I don't need to be included in the POC umbrella to be anti-racist, so why should we include allies in the LGBT+ umbrella? Being an ally doesn't make you part of the group, it makes you an ally of the group.
  10. I'm not sure if I'm autochorisromantic or not, but it's definitely adjacent to how I experience romance. I don't feel romantic attraction, but I do find romance fun to fantasize about or read about sometimes.
  11. Emotional vulnerability is not exclusive to romance, it's a feature of any really close emotional bond. Basically, it's the emotional equivalent of a cat letting another cat lick their neck. You allow another person access to stuff they could use to seriously hurt you emotionally, because you are confident that they won't. For example, when I was first questioning my sexuality, I briefly thought I might be a pedophile (confusing squishes for sexual attraction). And the way I dealt with it was by confessing my worry and the reasons for it to my mother. That was me making myself emotionally vulnerable. She could have freaked out and told me that I was a disgusting monster, and I'd have been absolutely crushed if she had. But the whole reason I told her was because I was very certain that she wouldn't react that way - that she'd listen and support me and help me figure this out. And it turned out I was right to trust her with that.
  12. I headcanon Odo from Deep Space Nine as greyromantic asexual. A bunch of good aro moments with him reacting to romance, especially with regards to Loixanna Troi's attraction to him.
  13. To be honest, personally my worst experiences have been with LGB aros. But you can't generalize from a few individuals to the entire group. (I mean, Cassiopeia is an aro lesbian and she's awesome!) Comments like the ones you describe are terrible and uncalled for, and abusive prejudiced people shouldn't be welcome in any safe space. But to link that behavior with any orientation means that you're being prejudiced yourself.
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