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The relationships poll

The relationships poll  

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I was wondering how many of us want to be in a QPR, and in general what is the ideal type of relationship for the average aro spec person. :aropride:

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I do and I don't, I guess. I mean, I want companionship and I would love to be able to have someone I could depend on, and with whom I had a more permanent relationship. I am scared of what people always say, that my friends will eventually leave me for families and other "more important" relationships.
At the same time, I'm a massive introvert and sometimes I can go a week without needing to talk to another person.

So I guess I'd need someone who was also enough of an introvert that they understood my need for my own space, but who also did want to do things together and sometimes go out. I've also realized within the past year just how much more comfortable I feel with other women, and I think I'd rather have a female QP than a male. (Can't say anything about nonbinary people, since I've not got experience with friends like that.)

 

But I'm starting to get worried. I've never had strong feelings for anyone, not even platonic and I really don't want that to be the case with me. I don't mind being aro or ace but I hate the idea of not feeling close to anyone and I don't know why I can't connect.

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When I say Squish, I mean the one person I feel completely relaxed around who isn't my sister.

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Hmm, relationship anarchy looks pretty popular here... time to gather on an island? :aropride:

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I kinda fluctuate between "I'd love a QPR!" and being completely repulsed and terrified of the idea.

I always wanted a closer friend relationship like thing (just... without romance) but after struggling when I was in a close friendship (not a QPR) I figured it might not be for me.

Like Vega said, I'd definitely need someone who was introvert (my close friend was very extroverted, I think a large reason I couldn't cope with it all). Although, I think I'd be more comfortable with a nb/masc/male person, I'm not sure.

 

I do sometimes really like physical contact, hugging and holding hands, but a lot of the time it makes me pretty uncomfortable, so someone who wouldn't be too fussed either way, I think.

 

I don't think I'd like to live on my own despite how introverted I am (I'd get nothing important done :P) and it'd be really nice to have someone living with me, even if we spent most our time doing different things on our own. 

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I already have someone special, but if I didn't, I know that QPRs would be much better suited for me than romantic relationships in general, because they feel much more natural. But the thing is that they're so much harder to find...

I'm not poly, because I have a natural desire for a primary relationship (which can be friendship or romantic, although always with a very strong friendship as the basis), but I also love the idea of a big friends group, bound both by closeness and fun ! Friendships are sacred, to me it's "les copains d'abord" ("buddies first of all") as Georges Brassens said so well in his song :) 

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Team Anarchy \o/ I always felt close to the poly community, but I can barely handle one relationship, let alone multiples. I just steal the "do relationships however suits you" ethic.

 

QPRs sound great! But going around doing my own thing also sounds great, I'm flexible.

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I'd be open to a QPR as long as no romance and sex were involved, but I'm not activity looking for one.  All I really need to feel fulfilled in life is a few really close friendships, which I already have.  As for whether I need emotional closeness with sexual partners, I've never had a sexual partner, so it's never been an issue for me :)

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I'd love a QPR, but I kind off gave up on one as soon as I accepted that I'm aro. I'm already picky concerning my close friends and we aro's are still so few and far between. Than there's the thing with me preferring females in general and my, probably unstable job chances (the game industry is constantly in motion to say the least..). In general there are to many factors preventing any kind of QPR for me so.... I'd love one though, I just don't think it to be fair to 99.999% of people existing? 

 

I'd hate to life alone though. I have always had roomies, but some grow very distant and some older ones who are not ace or aro get very strange and I would very much prefer to room with people, that I actually like...

 

Same with the poly thing. I'm open to multiple people, but finding the right ones seems so improbable that I can't really count myself as open to it in general? So Team Anarchy whatever happens happens it is =D 

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Specifiying post because I answered "other" to "Would you like to be in a QPR?". I answered "other" because I would like something similar, but not exactly like a QPR, and also because I already have QPR-like relationships in my life right now.

 

I think it's really weird to formally ask someone who doesn't really identify with the terms aro or ace to get into a QPR. Allo people tend to connect the term "relationship" with romance, and there's no way to approach them for a QPR (at least as far as I know) without causing lots of confusion. So the term QPR does not work for me--especially because I often experience alterous feelings towards my squishes and I wouldn't be able to be a completely romantic or completely platonic partner. I seek emotional intimacy from my squishes. So I strive to build intimate friendships with them. If the friendships change into a romantic relationship, depending on the person, I might be okay with that too (but usually I won't be). 

 

 

What exactly is an intimate friendship for me? I consider a friendship intimate if we both care about each other a lot, and regularly express it, even if it may be an unconventional form of expression. For example, my first squish is a very shy aroace who tends to express affection through action, rather than words. I know that she cares about me a lot, because she's always there to support me, and makes time to regularly be with me one-on-one. On the other hand, my second squish is a more extroverted allo who frequently expresses affection verbally, through inside jokes/references to things I've said before, and compliments. And both of them have directly stated that they care about me a lot. I see no need to approach them about a QPR. Knowing that they care about me a lot is all I need to know to be happy.

 

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As I said previously, I get bored of people way too fast if they are always around. I would kinda like a QPR as long as I don't see the other too often.

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I don't really think classifying my relationships is useful to me, at least not right now. I guess I'm not clear what a queerplatonic partner would mean or why it would be helpful to use that term. 

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I don't really know if I want a QPR. Pretty much all physical contact with other people (aside from handshakes) is just awkward for me. I've also never been close to anyone, so I don't know how I would feel about being physically intimate with someone if I was close to them. I'm open to a QPR at the moment, but I'm not really looking for one. In regards to considering myself poly, I, again, don't know. Sharing most of my time with just one other person just doesn't sit right with me. But then again, I don't think having multiple friends classes me as poly.

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I am only fifteen, so I can't exactly have a QPP. However, one of my best friends and I seriously consider living together when we are adults, but she is much more romantically inclined than I am so I don't know if it would satisfy her, or if it would be kind of a poly deal.

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I would really like to have a QPR. I have a close friend already, but I would like to have a "relationship" with another which did not involve romance. A relationship with someone, or several people, that is based on everyones preferences but with a security and connection. To live with people/ a person who's equally introverted. That would be lovely.
 

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I answered "yes, but not really looking" and "other" on the first question because I'm already in a QPR. If I were not in one, I would most likely be looking; as I am already in one, I don't exactly need to. :P

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11 hours ago, shotinthehand said:

I am only fifteen, so I can't exactly have a QPP.

 

You can. You don't have to live together to call it a QPP :) 

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Normally it isn't something I would seek, I am very happy living alone, with just friendships and familial relationships. However I have a massive squish on my best friend. She has no idea, and I don't ever plan on telling her. She is amazing, I would love to share my life with her in some way more than traditional friendship, but she is, so far as I know heteroromantic and heterosexual. I haven't seen her as much recently due to health issues and I miss her. Still, I am happy alone, and I have her friendship, which is what matters I guess.

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I've been in semi QPR relationships before, as well as relationships we labelled QPR but they haven't gone anywhere. I'd definitely conisder pursuing them, and other types of partnership as well, to be honest, I have a tendency to think that the way we think of relationships is ill fitting for a lot of people so I'm definitely on board with team relationship anarchy, and defining your relationships only as you see fit.

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22 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

I was wondering how many of us want to be in a QPR, and in general what is the ideal type of relationship for the average aro spec person. :aropride:

My actual requirements seem quite simple  lots of affection with partners who are at least interested in having other partners. With hard limits of exclusivity and "nesting behaviour". Just about everything else is negotiable.

21 hours ago, omitef said:

Allo people tend to connect the term "relationship" with romance, and there's no way to approach them for a QPR (at least as far as I know) without causing lots of confusion.

Not sure there's an easy way to approach anyone for a QPR. Though I can see that to an allo it might seem entirely bewildering, especially if they have no understanding of RA.

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12 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

 

You can. You don't have to live together to call it a QPP :) 

I just don't want to disrespect people who have worked very hard to build QPRs as adults...We are really close though and she calls me her QPP and that makes me very happy!

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the thought of maybe one day having a QPP is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day, but i've never even come close to having one :$

 

one day though. one day

 

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1 hour ago, shotinthehand said:

I just don't want to disrespect people who have worked very hard to build QPRs as adults...We are really close though and she calls me her QPP and that makes me very happy!

There is nothing disrespectful about that.

I'm glad you are happy.

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I honestly don't know.  I'm not currently interested, but I don't know that I won't ever be interested.  I've never met anyone I would consider being in a QPR with, but I can see the possibility in the future if I met someone compatible enough.  I find the chances of that happening pretty slim, though. 

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I'm not sure how likely it is to happen. I made a local ace friend and we were talking online before we met, and were both really excited at the idea of a possible qpr, this of course depended on what happened when we met. We never ended up having that "platonic chemistry" and I also felt a little awkward cause she was a couple years younger than me (16 and 19, though it really shouldn't matter). That was such a rare occurrence, and also taking into account how rarely I experience platonic attraction I'm not sure it will ever happen though I do really want a QPR one day.

 

My ideal QPR would be with another aro, ace or someone who isn't attracted to women who's also introverted but sensual. So not having the obligation to hang out all the time but having the occasional cuddles and a movie sounds really nice.

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