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Everything posted by hangryeowyn

  1. You might be talking about a different car ad, but there's this car commercial I keep hearing on spotify that's like "The moon roof I'll propose to you under...the backseat our kids will grow up in..." Blah blah blah aka these are things literally everyone should want and plan for. If you're selling a car tell me it's a good car, don't rely so much on pathos. Drives me bananas. I always mute it.
  2. Not sure if this is the right place for this question, but I've noticed across a lot of different threads (mostly in the Platonic Marriage and Internalized Arophonia threads, but also in several others) that some of you (myself included) previously wanted/thought you wanted romantic relationships with a romantic partner for certain perks. Some said legal reasons, which makes a lot of sense, but some others said things to the effect of you want to have someone who will make time for you and you wouldn't be a burden from your "lower" spot in the relationship hierarchy. I totally get this. Disregarding the abstract romantic feelings aspect, there's a lot of appealing things about romantic relationships that are frustratingly unattainable. I mentioned this once before in a post, but recently I was told that the reason one of my former friends left me was because I apparently smothered her. This really got to me, because when I feel things, I feel them very strongly or not at all. So when I love my friends, I really really love them. This, as I've come to realize, is not acceptable in most friendships. I don't know how to be lowkey about how much I love my friends, even if they don't love me back. Therefore, the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone more or less guarantees that A) they want me, B) my company is not secondary or a burden, and C) they want me to show affection. For a long time, I understood romantic attraction and relationships as kind of like Fate is saying "okay here you go, this one is yours" as opposed to friends, whose connections to each other are often comparatively tenuous. Another perk I envy is the comfortable way romantic partners can do activities without it being weird or questioned. Couple-coded stuff you see in those aesthetic posts you see on tumblr and instagram, y'know? Long walks, fancy couples dinners, couples vacations, cuddling under a blanket watching a Chopped marathon, living together and supporting each other into old age, etc. Finally, weddings. I know a lot of you will disagree, but I love the idea of having a wedding. I don't necessarily care about the symbolic aspects of marriage as a concept, I just love the party and gift aspect. I've been fantasizing about my dream wedding since I was old enough to know what a wedding was. Putting on a nice dress, getting did up, eating a lot of great food, hanging out with my friends and family, my friends and family being obligated to give me gifts, me being the center of attention without being seen as self-centered? Sign me up! Naturally I was crushed when I learned only couples are allowed to do this. And I was even more confused when I learned that when you marry more than once your second wedding is supposed to be lowkey, or even better, a courthouse wedding (Baptists don't like divorce, you see-but divorce AND remarriage is super scandalous). I understand that these are "perks" that you can technically do with a QPP or close friend, but it's not exactly the same. Sometimes it's tempting to pretend so I can have someone to do couple stuff with. What are some "perks" of romantic relationships you guys wish you could experience?
  3. Hi, um I'm not sure if this question was intended for me (am I too normative? sorry), but my aro identity is more important to me. When I say "important" I guess I just mean how much I notice it or it affects my life. In my case I notice my aro-ness A LOT more when I'm interacting with religious folks. Baptists would prefer to pretend that sex drives aren't real and that sex is only to reproduce and is otherwise SINFUL (~ooohhhhhh spooooky~ XD). In less strict Christian circles it's just kind of a taboo subject to talk about. Therefore to them, Romance and Ultimate Love have always been the Most Important Things. Seriously, they never stop talking about it. And when I'm interacting with a sexual partner sometimes they'll say something like "don't fall for me haha" and I'm like yeah totally (note: some dudes get annoyed if you don't play along and pretend that you might actually fall for them lmao). Of course I'm only conscious of my sexuality when I'm around my friends, who are all either bi, pan, or ace. I recognize that my straight privilege is why I don't always notice, but it's thanks to my friends and their gentle guidance that I have learned and continue to learn how to be more sensitive to other people's identities. Because after all, we aren't all born 100% aware of every social justice issue. On the other hand, I could make the argument that my sexuality is more important because of the privilege it gives me and its visibility. Being aro is more abstract I think. I can and have faked romantic interest since I know what it looks like but I dunno...
  4. This is so so so accurate to me. My issue is that I don't usually have casual friendships-I don't know how, I guess. So I feel this strongly about every friend, and the trouble is that not everyone wants a close friend like that. Recently I was told that a friend who left me most recently felt "smothered" by me and I thought about it for a long time, trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I could have dialed it back. We had been friends for almost a decade so I felt like we had reached that friendship level where I could act like I was close to her. I have no idea what I did, but ever since finding out I apparently smothered her I'm afraid to give in to feelings like in this comic. I don't want to drive potential friends away by enjoying their friendship too much or something. I'm a very passionate person and as soon as I'm comfortable around someone it's hard to dial it down because I love them so gosh darn much. Maybe I have to keep this comic inside and be distant on the outside I dunno lol
  5. I play otome games all the time! There's ham and cheese galore for sure, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of the strategy behind choosing the right options to win a person's heart. I think it's really fun to go in a game with a ridiculous premise (just google "Shall We Date" games and you'll see-they're incredible lol), pick a guy from a group, and then acquire them. It's kinda like beating a dungeon in an adventure game, except it's a person. And it's fun to see how different dialogue/action options affect the different partner choices. Like for example the object of the "Jerk Type" storyline is to break down his emotional walls (my favorite because it's the most challenging imo), while the "Prince Type" usually responds well to the more stereotypically "feminine" (aka passive) dialogue options. And then of course there's the added nuance of choice in games where you can get many different endings. I played one once that had a bad ending (rejection), a wedding ending (aka the "sweet" ending), the steamy ending (which was basically the wedding ending but with sex), and the mediocre ending (the casual relationship ending). I can't speak for people who enjoy the opposite version of this genre of games, but reverse harem games and anime can be a lot of fun. Obviously I have no idea how romo folks feel when they play otome games but like I said the strategy and satisfaction of winning is fun. After a while you kinda understand the patterns of the types of characters, unlike in real life when people seeking romance are as mysterious as the darn sphinx.
  6. As a matter of fact, if the Leading Man and Leading Lady don't have True Love's Kiss then "Dramaworld" (the dimension in which tv shows happen) ceases to exist. So in this case it could have turned into a disaster show. It was a lowkey parody of these romance dramas though...
  7. Second Arizona person here GMT -7. I'm usually here between 9pm and 2am, depending on what I have going on the next day.
  8. I think the biggest thing for me is feeling wanted. Like, there's this unspoken rule that if you can't do romantic love then no one will want you in any capacity. This is why I don't openly list my aromantic identity on my dating profiles or social media-I have this paranoia that if potential friends or sexual partners see it, they'll no longer want me or bother to associate with me because I can't give them the love they want/won't be able to relate to them. This is such a terrible thing to internalize I know, and I'm working on it but even on good days the anxiety likes to hang out in the background.
  9. I'm a bad aro in mind and body I'm sorry don't expel me. Oh golly here we go: 1) I really enjoy fictional romance and romantic songs for the most part. Romance fanfic, romance books, Kdramas, romantic subplots in movies and shows (if they're done well)-I even have my shipper goggles on and get on board with non-canon romantic ships on my own. Ed Sheeran songs are sweet. Flash mob marriage proposals make me cry. I eat that stuff up, man. 2) People being in romantic relationships doing romantic things doesn't bother me any, as long as they aren't getting in my way(making out on the stairs, for example) or aren't being obnoxious. 3) I like physical intimacy like cuddling, linking arms, etc (with both nonsexual partners and sexual partners), and I like sex and kissing in sexual contexts. (I've noticed a lot of posts talking about being repulsed by kissing and physical things as a matter of fact, but hey that's not necessarily a romo thing yo) 4) I think it would be neat to have a wedding and get married 5) I use Tinder and I don't see anything wrong with choosing a partner based on looks, age, and distance. I mean some people use it to find a Romo Partner, but in my experience mostly not and that works just fine for my needs. 6) On that note, I'm sexually monogamous 7) I like myself the way I am as an aro but I don't want to be alone forever and I don't feel like that's something to be ashamed of/something that needs fixing 8) I like the idea of receiving romantic gestures 9) I lowkey want to be loved while knowing full well I can't return the feelings at any point 10) I like sex in general, but I prefer sex with someone I platonically care about more (right into the Danger Zone on that one lol) 11) I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to date my squishes (with no intention to follow through obv)
  10. I'm anxious about coming out to my brothers because every single subject has strong potential to become an argument. We have so so so many ideological differences I somehow doubt they would understand. One of my brothers is even a pastor. I've thought about just blurting it out one day during a family meal like if we're talking about romance or marriage or something and I say "I don't have to worry about that since I don't feel romantic love" Just, you know. Casually like that. Subtle-like.
  11. This is long because I have three separate aro moments that lead into each other... 1: At a really young age I decided I didn't want to get married, and the oh-so-familiar adult response all the way up to my early teen years was that I would "grow out of it" or change my mind when I met "the right one" and "felt the spark." I guess this sort of ingrained in me the idea that the reason I wasn't feeling anything was because I hadn't met "the right one" yet, and when I met him, I would be able to feel what everyone else felt. 2. (This moment is a lot more embarrassing to think about now but I'm sure you guys will understand) In high school, I was paranoid that the guys I knew might approach me out of the blue one day and ask me out or something and I wanted to be prepared ahead of time, so I would regularly sit myself down and analyze my feelings towards the guys I knew to see if I had a crush on any of them. It wasn't until later that I was informed that people who feel romantic attraction don't actually need to sit down and go over it: they automatically know. 14/15/16 year old me didn't know that at the time, but oh well. This was Young Me actively trying to be prepared to meet "the right one." 3. And then finally in the last couple years of high school I had an intense squish on this guy friend in my year. Later I would realize that I just aggressively wanted to be his friend, but at the time I thought it was my first real crush ("the right one" to fix me and make me feel something, is what I assumed was happening). I liked his company and I liked talking to him and stuff. I guess I thought back then that was what romantic interest was. Problem was this: one of my closest female friends had an actual crush on him at the same time and was rejected, and this guy apparently was interested in me to some degree. I backed off for her sake (and I'm fairly certain she never found out the guy was interested in me), but boy howdy that situation could have needlessly ruined a friendship. So awkward to think about now...
  12. My romo ace friend and I were watching this miniseries called "Dramaworld" where a girl had to go into a tv show and make sure the main couple fell in love, and the Big Rule was that she wasn't supposed to fall in love with the Leading Man. When they say this rule in the show I comment that if it was me that wouldn't be a problem and she turns to me and goes "Oh yeah right, you would totally fall for him" And I'm thinking to myself 'Girl, you know I'm aro, why are you like this???'
  13. I drink fairly often at home, but not usually when visiting my parents (unless it's a holiday meal) since they're conservative and think all drinking leads to alcoholism. Bourbon and red wine are my favorites. A little bit helps me wind down and quiets down the anxiety in social situations.
  14. Oh my god it's so awkward. I had a friend back in high school (in my various posts you'll find me mentioning him in reference to this issue) that I thought was a great friend but then we went to the movies together and like lunch and stuff a few times and I didn't find out until way, way later that he thought those were dates??? And I thought we were just doing fun stuff together as friends??? I don't understand these things, and I doubt I ever will. It sounds juvenile I guess, but I feel like it's better to be up front about your intent when asking someone on an outing. "Want to go on a date" is something I think is good to say, otherwise i'm going to assume it's as friends.
  15. I came out to my mom a while ago and it took a long time and several different ways of explaining it for her to get it. When I explained that it was a spectrum she started to understand a little bit more because we discovered that she might be demiromantic and demisexual. The fact that I'm allosexual is a point of contention between us because she thinks sex outside of marriage is a sin against God yadda yadda yadda, so we just sort of avoid that subject to avoid conflict. Sometimes when we're watching a movie or tv show she'll be like "I bet that character is aromantic" so that's kind of nice. I've tried to come out to my dad multiple times but I don't think he understands what I'm trying to say. Eventually I'm going to have to be as plain and direct as possible. I don't know if he'll understand it as a concept, but I think he'll be in favor of me not getting married or anything-he's one of those dads who thinks no one is good enough for their daughter. I'm not out to either of my brothers. Neither of them would get it, and I don't care if I have their approval or not anyway.
  16. I think it would be a challenge to have a QPR with an allo person, but like with any type of relationship it really depends on the person. My best friend and I are basically in a QPR and there's no danger of her falling for me or anything like that, and we have an understanding that her boyfriend is important and I'm also important and one is not necessarily prioritized over the other. In the future I would be interested in a long term sexual friendship/partnership, but I feel like that kind of QPR would be trickier with a romo person. I dunno.
  17. PLEASE PUT ME IN THE FRIENDZONE I WANT ALL THE FRIENDS In all seriousness, I get being disappointed that someone rejects your advances, but if you were only acting like someone's friend so you could be "upgraded" to something else then you're not just a crappy friend but also a crappy person. All through high school (before I knew I was aro), I was so terrified my guy friends were going to come on to me. I remember one time my friend group was sitting around talking about the friendzone issue and how saying "I'm so glad we're friends" is code for "I'm not interested in you" so I stood up and half-jokingly told everyone something along the lines of "Just so you all know, I'M SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS" One of my guy friends that had a thing for me was grumpy but he got over it tolerably well. "I'm so glad we're friends" is a nice code phrase to say every once in a while if you think a friend might be interested in you romantically, if what I'm saying.
  18. I find that sometimes my unique perspective helps. Like since I'm not blinded by a romantic perspective, I can point out the BS in the situation, but sometimes it can be really difficult to relate to one or both of the people in the relationship, know what I mean? For example, when one of my friends was with someone who wasn't good for her, I could objectively give her advice about it. But my other friend, who is dating a guy who is actually nice, wants to know what she's supposed to do as a good girlfriend and stuff like that I'm clueless. It makes him feel good to buy stuff for her and it makes her feel obligated to do things for him and she's like "What should I do?" and all I can say is "idk man does he like bread"
  19. I'm very introverted and I struggle with depression (and with that comes the self-isolation that some of you mentioned), so a certain level of companionship is very important for my mental health, but not always. I live alone now, but a while back I lived with a close friend of mine and it was such a nice situation. We're both pretty introverted and since we knew each other so well we could sense when the other person needed space. Even better, we could be hanging out in the living room and one person would say "I'll be in my room" and leave and neither of us would be offended or anything. We were okay with being in each other's company until we didn't want company and that was okay, if that makes any sense. In contrast, whenever I visit my parents my mom wants to spend time with me all the time and it's really draining, and if you want your space she gets really upset. And then my college roommate would hang out with me for hours and hours at a time, being super draining, or would ignore me for days on end and that would be really lonely-no in between. So I think it really depends on who you're living with. My friend and I were in sync enough to have a good dynamic going, with enough solitude to not tire each other out but enough companionship to not feel isolated. As far as an ideal living situation goes, I would love to buy a house with a group of good friends who know each other's boundaries. I really like domestic stuff, but Society tries to make that exclusive to romantic relationships which I think is unfair. I love the idea of making dinner for someone, watching a Chopped marathon while cuddled on the couch, that kind of stuff. I love companionship (in moderation). My best friend and another friend of mine like to play with the idea that one day we'll buy a cottage in New Zealand one day and raise chickens.
  20. Uuuh, I'm ashamed to admit I can't remember any interactions with Monty other than with Jasper...
  21. I could see that. I mean he had that one chick who died (Gina? idk) but eh overall he doesn't seem into romantic stuff.
  22. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo it was so close! I had it! I had this headcanon in my arms and now it's gone! Damn you, writers!
  23. I'm only behind a little bit! Last bit I watched was the season 3 premier. Some might say she loved Finn and loves Lexa. I say she cares about them but doesn't love them romantically. Her people come first (er, so far).
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