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Violet Stars

The Aro-Ace Thread™

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This is an attempt to form a megathread, a union of the aroaces across this site. Come here to chat, to share your experiences, send memes, and plot your villainous schemes while the others are busy falling in love/having sex. With this, the alien invasion can truly begin, MWAHAHA!

On a more serious note, a discussion about aromanticism in relation to asexuality made me realize we do not have a dedicated space to talk about our own experiences, so I'm making one! Feel free to talk about anything you want here. Aroallos and others are welcome as well!

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I have no villainous schemes but I do have memes!

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@Oatpunk there are two wolves inside of me.... they're both grown men and they're yelling

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2 hours ago, nisse said:

@Oatpunk there are two wolves inside of me.... they're both grown men and they're yelling

I am several large men, I contain multitudes.

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I have a whole bunch of LGBT+ friends and whenever the straights share relationship stuff, the lesbians will go: ew boys, and the gays will go: yay boys, and I'm always sitting there, in the closet, going: haha... 😅 yeah... to everything 

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1 hour ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

I have a whole bunch of LGBT+ friends and whenever the straights share relationship stuff, the lesbians will go: ew boys, and the gays will go: yay boys, and I'm always sitting there, in the closet, going: haha... 😅 yeah... to everything 

This reminds me of when I worked at Pride last year and my colleagues were thirsting over a hot cop and I was just ......yeeeeah. And as time went on they began putting pressure on me to act like I was attracted to her and gave me weird looks when I didn't! Like, I'm just here to have a good time, mate, let me sit in my corner and eat my damn donut.

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I've been IDing as gray ace for a long time. But recent research has made me question of maybe I'm in fact just ace. Although I've decided it really doesn't make that much difference either way. I don't have any plans to have sex anytime soon regardless.

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15 minutes ago, Holmbo said:

I've been IDing as gray ace for a long time. But recent research has made me question of maybe I'm in fact just ace. Although I've decided it really doesn't make that much difference either way. I don't have any plans to have sex anytime soon regardless.

These are my exact feelings about my greyro identity! I don't get attracted to people and even if I did I don't think I'd want a romantic relationship with them anyway, so what does it even matter? Me probably being in love with someone as a teenager feels like such an irrelevant thing now.

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Hello fellow aroace peeps!

Out of curiosity, did anyone else here have trouble realizing their identity because they just... didn't get into situations where it would come into play? (For example, I was never around other people my age until I was in uni, so a lot of the "wait, I don't experience what other teenagers seem obsessed about" moments I've heard other aro and ace people describe just didn't happen to me at all.)

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35 minutes ago, FaerySilverwings said:

Hello fellow aroace peeps!

Out of curiosity, did anyone else here have trouble realizing their identity because they just... didn't get into situations where it would come into play? (For example, I was never around other people my age until I was in uni, so a lot of the "wait, I don't experience what other teenagers seem obsessed about" moments I've heard other aro and ace people describe just didn't happen to me at all.)

Not exactly that I didn't get into the situations, but I tended to avoid them and didn't realize anything from them. I've never really hung out with the type of people who obsess over their relationships/crushes, and when they did talk about it, I kind of just went in my head "that will happen someday." Spoiler alert, it didn't.

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1 hour ago, FaerySilverwings said:

Hello fellow aroace peeps!

Out of curiosity, did anyone else here have trouble realizing their identity because they just... didn't get into situations where it would come into play? (For example, I was never around other people my age until I was in uni, so a lot of the "wait, I don't experience what other teenagers seem obsessed about" moments I've heard other aro and ace people describe just didn't happen to me at all.)

Don't know if this is part of why I didn't discover my identity before (main reason if I didn't know it was a possibility), but yes. I had friends my age but we never talked about crushes at all. Fun fact : I don't know if she is aro or not but one of these friends is still single because she thinks her studies and finding a job are more important right now, and she keeps refusing to date.

So I never relate to the "all my friends say that and I feel alienated" because my friends don't talk about crushes. The only time they did, well they were not really my friends but people of my class. They wanted to know my crush and I said the name of a cute guy. That's it.

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Honestly while I am aroace, I always find my aromanticism to be way more important than my asexuality. I will definitely speak on ace stuff as an ace person, but I just find myself more reflective upon my aromanticism more, and I feel like it shapes me as a person more, so I tend to focus on it.

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43 minutes ago, emmafriendly said:

Honestly while I am aroace, I always find my aromanticism to be way more important than my asexuality. I will definitely speak on ace stuff as an ace person, but I just find myself more reflective upon my aromanticism more, and I feel like it shapes me as a person more, so I tend to focus on it.

Me too! I wonder if it's because I spent my entire life being bombarded with the definite romance in my future while sex didn't join the discussion until much later.

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16 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Don't know if this is part of why I didn't discover my identity before (main reason if I didn't know it was a possibility), but yes. I had friends my age but we never talked about crushes at all. Fun fact : I don't know if she is aro or not but one of these friends is still single because she thinks her studies and finding a job are more important right now, and she keeps refusing to date.

So I never relate to the "all my friends say that and I feel alienated" because my friends don't talk about crushes. The only time they did, well they were not really my friends but people of my class. They wanted to know my crush and I said the name of a cute guy. That's it.

I had this too! My friends were always more concerned with critique our government and society than anything else, ha

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Who can relate? I remember when I was in middle school to early high school. Some people were already in relationships and whatnot. For some reason (probably because I thought everyone was too young to be serious about such stuff), I couldn't take the romantically active students seriously, and I thought they were kidding. Only during my sophomore or junior year, however, did I come to realize that they weren't kidding, but were serious the whole time.

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1 hour ago, RepublicServicesVolunteer said:

Who can relate? I remember when I was in middle school to early high school. Some people were already in relationships and whatnot. For some reason (probably because I thought everyone was too young to be serious about such stuff), I couldn't take the romantically active students seriously, and I thought they were kidding. Only during my sophomore or junior year, however, did I come to realize that they weren't kidding, but were serious the whole time.

Ha ha, yeah. I have only recently come to realize that people in relationships weren't just in them to fit in.

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I always knew I didn't want everything the people around me wanted, but didn't know why.  Two decades ago I heard the word "Asexual" for the 1st time.  Looking it up on a library computer I found a few blogs & websites including AVEN.

I recently found a posting on AVEN about Arocalypse, so here I am.  Can anyone tell me how long Arocalypse has been around?

Edited by 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess

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On 9/17/2020 at 10:24 PM, nonmerci said:

Don't know if this is part of why I didn't discover my identity before (main reason if I didn't know it was a possibility), but yes. I had friends my age but we never talked about crushes at all. Fun fact : I don't know if she is aro or not but one of these friends is still single because she thinks her studies and finding a job are more important right now, and she keeps refusing to date.

So I never relate to the "all my friends say that and I feel alienated" because my friends don't talk about crushes. The only time they did, well they were not really my friends but people of my class. They wanted to know my crush and I said the name of a cute guy. That's it.

It was the same for me. I had friends who never even mentioned crushes, and we would laugh about how silly our 1 friend who was really into dating was acting. I didn't feel "different" at all. Then at uni the social culture shifted so that there was just far less emphasis on sex and relationships in general. Plenty of people didn't show much sign of dating, those that did where quiet about it, again I felt perfectly normal in not being interested in relationships, though this was the stage where I realised that I was asexual.

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Hey everybody!

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I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

 

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On 9/17/2020 at 11:24 PM, emmafriendly said:

Honestly while I am aroace, I always find my aromanticism to be way more important than my asexuality. I will definitely speak on ace stuff as an ace person, but I just find myself more reflective upon my aromanticism more, and I feel like it shapes me as a person more, so I tend to focus on it.

I can relate to this. Maybe it's because I'm still new to discovering aromanticism is even a thing, whereas I'd known about my asexuality for a couple of years. But even though finding out the word 'aromantic' was a big relief and I feel like it applies to me and explains my feelings, I'm not sure I've come to terms with it yet? I'm still finding myself reading romance books and thinking "but maybe I might feel like that about someone one day", even though if I actually try to imagine myself in that situation, I just can't, and I didn't like it in real life when someone felt like that about me.

I don't know, I think it's probably because society is so so allonormative and I haven't got used to it yet. But can anyone else relate?

15 hours ago, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

 

Nice! :) Not yet for me but I've made things that kind of subtly have the purple/white/grey/green colour scheme. I like that together the aro and ace flags are kind of the same colours as the suffragettes' too, I find that cool!

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On 8/27/2020 at 5:47 AM, Oatpunk said:

aromeeemes6.png

Aroace and childfree are different things.

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On 11/12/2020 at 4:14 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

I made friendship bracelets in the aro and ace colors respectively! I might do a combined one eventually, but I would probably have to get more colors for it (my favorite is the orange and blue flag, it's soo pretty. My friends have dubbed it the "tidepod flag" :P)

 

On 9/17/2020 at 5:24 PM, nonmerci said:

So I never relate to the "all my friends say that and I feel alienated" because my friends don't talk about crushes. The only time they did, well they were not really my friends but people of my class. They wanted to know my crush and I said the name of a cute guy. That's it.

Kinda same here. My friends talk about crushes... rarely? I'd say like once a month, max. It immediately gets really awkward for everyone when they bring it up, though. Lots of "you're so lucky to be aro!" 🙄 I can't be the only one who hates when alloros say that.

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