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About FaerySilverwings

  • Birthday 05/26/1991

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  • Orientation
    Aromantic Asexual
  • Gender
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  • Location
    TN, USA
  • Occupation

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  1. I'm the eldest of two; as far as I know my brother isn't any sort of GSRM. As far as biological family members, while I suspect that I inherited some of my aromantic traits from my mother, there are no confirmed GSRM relatives that I'm aware of.
  2. I've heard "GSM" for "Gender and Sexual Minority" recently, too. (Which seems to be pretty all-inclusive as a term for the greater community.) [although personally I'd add in an "R" for "romantic minorities" as well]
  3. Yeah, if it comes up again I may do that with them. The other piece of the story here is that I've been running this campaign for the same group of people for three years now, and most of the awkward romance-toned stuff happened a lot earlier on... and I've only been fully aware of the words for my identity for a month. [but I do want them to know eventually because I want to be openly me to the world, if that makes sense?] I think one of my favorite parts of being DM is that I can set the standards for "this is a safe space for us to have fun, if something is pushing your real-life buttons, tell me and we'll adjust accordingly". Granted, I had a couple of... uncomfortable experiences? with the group I was with when I first started playing, so I'm probably a bit more sensitive about that than a lot of people? And you're right, any time a game gets focused around one player's romance for an extended period of time, it's really alienating. I was a player in a different game with some of the same people for a while and I'm pretty sure my characters in that were the only ones who didn't have a love interest plot going on... and I never did understand why all of the other players were so keen on the romance aspect of it. (... yeah, that's definitely an "Aro sign", isn't it?)
  4. Greetings, Adventurers! I realized when I was reading through the Aromantic Moments thread (and posting one of my stories) that this might be a nice thread to have, and I couldn't find one that already existed. There seem to be a good number of other people who play around here, and I'm interested in hearing how people's aromantic/aspec/etc identity affects their game and characters. As for me, I'm aro and ace and I've realized recently that it definitely affects how I run the game, especially in the light of handling some of my players. I DM for a pretty allo party, and among the characters at my table I have a Swashbuckler that might as well be a stereotypical bard and a Barbarian who came with "lecherous" as one of her flaws (although thankfully that almost never gets activated, because the player doesn't bring it up and neither do I). I used to have a Sorcerer whose player had the stated goal of acquiring a girlfriend as part of his character arc, which was weird for a number of reasons but... irl stuff happened and I removed him from my game and brought Barbarian in from the group I used to play with instead. When I'm a player, which isn't often, I never go for flirty/seductive characters... I mean, seriously, the first character I really got into playing was a Shardmind. And since then everything I make tends to turn into a tree/bird that just wants friends and adventures, regardless of the system. [I'm starting to think I need to actually come out to my players, but since I'm running everything online now because... well, obvious reasons plus I moved and now live on the other side of an ocean from most of them... I haven't found a good moment or reason to do it.]
  5. Continuing on from what you and @Oatpunk said: Both of you sound like the kind of bards I would be thrilled to have as players. Being the DM and being aromantic is a weird combination sometimes. As a player, you only have the one character that may or may not be flirted with... as the DM, any time one of my players tries to flirt with an NPC it's me that's on the other side of that interaction. And I am terrible at trying to role-play flirting. And since I don't think of it by default, unless one of my players instigates it or I'm planning to use the flirty NPC to kill/betray them later for plot reasons I just forget to include it in the game. Luckily I have a group that doesn't push me too far most of the time, but there is so much potential for awkwardness... and for the most part I tend to just steer my game away from romance/seduction type interactions. Come to think of it, in my current campaign for the most part the only time my players bring up either thing is to laugh at the tropes or because of some running joke or other we've acquired over the three years I've been running it. [Sidenote: As far as I know, all of my players are allo of some kind, and I'm not sure how aware any of them are about my aroace-ness (since I didn't have the words until recently but they've known me for 3+years now...).] Funnily enough, though, the only bard I've ever had in my game is more of the "mischief maker" than the "seducer". Our swashbuckler, on the other hand... well, "bisexual tomcat" is an accurate description. He literally tried to seduce Tiamat once. At 2nd level. It didn't work out. (His dice were on my side, he ended up cursed... Long story.) The running joke with my party is that he's going to try again at the final confrontation they're bound to have with her, but seriously... Tiamat does not find you attractive, swashbuckler! There are not enough dice in the multiverse to roll high enough to change that. I think my most highly aromantic DM moment was the time I turned a pair of monsters into recurring characters to deal with the problem of having to awkwardly role-play flirting with two of my players: Swashbuckler keeps trying to romance all of my NPCs on this never-ending caravan escort module. (And Sorcerer-I-later-kicked-out-of-game has openly said that one of his character's goals is to acquire a girlfriend even though his IRL girlfriend plays with us too and it's so weird because he wasn't interested in relationship-ing her character.) Swashbuckler also has a thing for elves but knows better than to flirt with the elf paladin in the party. Okay, module says two "buxom" elf-form doppelgängers are going to show up and try to seduce/kill members of the party. I can work with this. Let doppelgängers infiltrate according to text, and specifically let them awkwardly reciprocate interest from Swashbuckler and Sorcerer. (Initially plan for them to turn on the party according to text, and then have different, brilliant idea to make them part of the actual plot) Have one doppelgänger declare herself Swashbuckler's girlfriend. Swashbuckler takes the bait. Excellent. Now I can just hand wave that he's off with her in the evenings instead of sleeping near the rest of the party and just occasionally reference that she's affectionate towards him. Other stuff happens in caravan and someone tries to murder Swashbuckler in his sleep (and technically succeeds, but then he's possessed and then he gets better later... long story.) Dice cooperate with me when his girlfriend deals with the assassin. Nat 20. She kills them in one round, unarmed, and unclothed, by slamming them into the ground in one hit. Swashbuckler no longer tries to flirt with my NPCs, he's pretty sure his girlfriend wouldn't like that.
  6. I haven't been aware of my aro-ness long enough to really get into conversations around it with my irl friends. Particularly because I'm still under almost complete social isolation outside of the internet for health/safety reasons. (although granted, I have had the "well, I'm not into relationships/dating" sort of half-conversations with them occasionally before, but I didn't have words for what I was describing at the time) Weirdly, I have had quite a few "well, aro..." sort of conversations with my mother lately? I've not had a full definition conversation with her, but since I get at least some of my aro traits from her and we've always been close, whenever the baffling topics of romance (and sex, since I'm ace too) come up it just ends up happening.
  7. I've only experienced squishes a handful of times, but this is what I can answer of your questions. How did I know it was a squish and not just another friendship? > For me, it's kind of a more urgent draw to be friends with the person. I guess the feeling is best described as "This person is wonderful and it matters to me that they want to be friends with me too"? (And with this, a sensation of "if this person tried to initiate hand-holding or cuddles, I would happily accept") Did I ever feel jealous? >Not really? I get sad if said squish doesn't have time for me and hurt if they end up being closer friends with someone who's mean/aggressive towards me, but I'm not really jealous by nature. Did I want to get over it? >Um... well, back when I initially mistook these feels for crushes? YES. Because it hurt and I didn't understand why and the people in question barely even acknowledged me as existing. Once I found out that "squish" was a thing? It kind of made it okay that the feels I have don't really go away, they just diminish once the person stops being around me and then are stored in the back of my brain for reference. Granted, I have never been in a position where I told someone that I had acquired squish-feels for them, because for the longest time I assumed it was crush-feels (and I'm really romance repulsed and couldn't risk the possibility of ending up in a relationship with them)... and then because I'd rather have them as a friend that I consider special than to potentially mess things up or encourage them to acquire crush-feels for me. Another note: I sort of imprint like a duckling on people (especially teachers/professionals in my field) who validate my existence or abilities in general. Like "wait, you're being genuinely encouraging and validating and nice? I will live up to your approval if it's the last thing I do and follow you to the ends of the earth as your squire." Kind of squish-adjacent, I guess? I have no idea if any of that was helpful for you, but that's what I've figured out of my own experience.
  8. I feel like I need to apologize for starting off with the "QPRs confuse me" statement... What I'd initially meant was more that in some of the Aro circles I've found myself in now, there seems to be this pressure that oh, I'm supposed to want to be in one and be seeking that. (Because a lot of people in those circles seem to be obsessed with finding one, and it hits a lot of the same points that the amatonormative relationship-seeking pressure hits for me personally.) But I'm not sure that I do want that for myself, or that I ever will. commitment of any kind to a single person terrifies me, though... I think it's great that other people have them or find them or can use that label for their situation! I love the fact that people can be however they want to be with their particular person and still say "This is not a romantic relationship" and have it be valid. Because it is. Another way I sometimes feel like a "bad aro": I'm a writer, and I don't actively impose identities on my characters, they just sort of tell me over time who they are and who they like/don't... and I have a ton of them that are deeply romantic creatures (thankfully, that are involved in healthy relationships).
  9. Hello fellow aroace peeps! Out of curiosity, did anyone else here have trouble realizing their identity because they just... didn't get into situations where it would come into play? (For example, I was never around other people my age until I was in uni, so a lot of the "wait, I don't experience what other teenagers seem obsessed about" moments I've heard other aro and ace people describe just didn't happen to me at all.)
  10. I have a whole collection of "wait, this song has always resonated with me and now I know why" things I need to put into a playlist. This is one of the aro type ones I still really like. Any song that starts off with "I will never love you" is a strong aromantic contender for me, really.
  11. Am I doing it wrong if I get a bit weirded out by the (apparent) emphasis on "finding a QPP" in some sections of the aro community? I just want... how do I put this... close friends who'd let me cuddle with them without any serious commitment outside of friendship? and friends in general? (Granted, I've not been aware of my aro-ness long enough to know much about what the community is like)
  12. I'm 29! (... although I think this year shouldn't count, really, for any of us)
  13. I'm originally from Texas! It is a big place. I grew up on a farm in the flat mostly-empty part in the northwestern end of the state (as in "flat enough you can see thunderstorms from almost a hundred miles away"). 78 miles to the nearest actual "big city" (Lubbock, slightly more than that to Amarillo) and 15 to the nearest "town"... so pretty much the middle of nowhere? It's the part of Texas where a lot of the big ranches were back in the day, and there weren't enough people in the county for it to even be considered "rural" (In my childhood geography textbook, there was a map with all the counties color coded so you could see whether they were "urban" or "rural" or whatever... and the one I lived in was genuinely listed as "frontier". And the population has decreased considerably since I lived there...) [and yes, I do introduce myself as being "from Texas" rather than "American" most of the time. 🤠] And then I lived in the UK for the last three years, which was lovely. And now I'm back in the USA in Tennessee, which is where my mother's family was from to begin with (although I'm on the other end of the state from them at the moment)
  14. I'm 29... learned about aromanticism around the same time I finally figured out "for real" that I was asexual. Which... was last month. 🤯 (Granted, I'd first been introduced to asexuality as a concept about five years ago, but for some reason it didn't click that it was a thing and that this was genuinely who and what I was until I had to spend five months alone with my thoughts because of lockdown/quarantine.)
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