emmafriendly

Really only ever once in a GSA meeting in high school. I kind of gave them an angry schooling and the day after they came up and apologized to me. They actually seemed sorry and upset they hurt me so we were all good after that! It's not good to pretend arophobia doesn't ever happen, but it doesn't have to turn into some horrible, unsafe situation all the time either.

Mostly when I make jokes about it

damn how embarrassing of them. this is such a struggle though, even though i'm aro and ace, it is so frustrating when people treat them as the same thing because my aroness and my aceness mean such different things to me.

Honestly while I am aroace, I always find my aromanticism to be way more important than my asexuality. I will definitely speak on ace stuff as an ace person, but I just find myself more reflective upon my aromanticism more, and I feel like it shapes me as a person more, so I tend to focus on it.

I haven't done Facebook because all my old family members are on there, but I post about aro stuff on my Instagram story. It's rare people swipe up on stuff/talk to me about it. Generally, it has more serves me in the sense that it's a way to let people know I'm aro without actually having to have a formal nervewracking coming out.

Wow I'm glad I'm not the only one who has an aro rant spam account where everyone is allo and no one really has any idea what you're talking about

This sounds like grayasexual to me. These quotes both make me think you may have an inclination towards queerplatonic relationships, which is a term used pretty widely by aromantic spectrum people. If this seems to describe the "long term relationships" you find yourself in, or the ones you desire to have, then it's possible you're aromantic. I don't think it's either/or though. Maybe you do have romantic attraction, but also find yourself wanting something like a queerplatonic relationship. This doesn't automatically make you aromantic, but it could be an indicator. Romance-repulsed aros are not terribly uncommon. - This is pretty surface level and shallow obviously, only knowing what you said in your post it's not like I can say for sure what you identify as, but from what you said this is just what it appears to be to me. Of course, the ONLY PERSON who can say what you identify as is YOU. Do whatever the hell you want and don't let anyone define yourself for you. Best of luck!! We're always here for you if you have questions.

This so not a serious discussion at all but how long did it take you all to learn how to spell "amatonormativity"? I realized today that I have been spelling it wrong this whole time (ever since it was coined in 2016 by Elizabeth Brake) and my world is shook. I have written whole long posts about it, tagged countless posts, mentioned it so many times, and no one told me. I have educated clueless allos on it while SAYING and SPELLING it wrong. I can't believe my own clownery. I've somehow been spelling it amantonormativity, with an N, this whole time. How did I convince myself this was right?? I was so confident too.

Air-ock (kind of like air rock but without the second R) and then how you say the second half of apocalypse. air-ock-alypse

Whether we like it or not, humans tend to draw comparisons of an unknown thing to something we already know about to make it make sense. It's easier to do it for asexual than aromantic, simply because the comparisons, however flawed, are more plentiful. Think abstinency or religious figures like priests who don't have sex. Comparisons like this that help allosexuals bridge the gap between what they already know to asexuality are few and far between when it comes to helping alloromantics make sense of aromanticism. I think this is a contributing issue to a lot of aromantic struggles, representation included, because why would alloromantics represent something they can't understand? Living with a different relationship to romance, or none at all, is so foreign and almost unbelievable to alloromantics. I think that's also the reason I (anecdotally) have seen a lot of aroaces say that their aro-ness affects and shapes them way more than their ace-ness.

Not a joke, but I really like that I'm good at giving advice on my friends' romantic issues lol. I just think it's kind of cool that the perspective I have an as aro person ends up turning into (what I'm told) is pretty good and helpful advice! Cause yk I don't want romance for myself but if I can help my friends out, why not???

My two best friends and I say we love each other all the time! I honestly think that's probably why I ended up with them as my really close friends - they understand and value platonic relationships just as much as I do, and recognize that my being aromantic and whatever close platonic relationship we have because of it isn't gonna infringe on their romantic relationships. They're also friends who I absolutely trust not to bail on me because of romantic partners because I know we value each other very much.

I'm kind of non-SAM aro in the sense that I'm 1000x more likely to talk about or emphasize my being aromantic than asexual. Like, if I had to choose between having an aro flag and an ace flag, I would choose aro because it's just more important to me, and shapes me as a person more. That's not to say I won't talk about being asexual, or pretend I'm not. Being aroace was always kind of non-SAM to me to begin with since they're both a- labels, like how my friend who is panromantic and pansexual always just says pansexual. Even my mom uses asexual when she really means aromantic. That's just my experiences and thoughts though!

I like "Carry On" and "Wayward Son" by Rainbow Rowell. I don't recall is the character Agatha is explicitly aro (I know she isn't in the first book) but it's super heavily implied. Her character begins by dating the main character but has this coming of age when they break up and her aromanticism gets implied thereafter. She gets a ton of love and attention and character development too so it's even better! The books themselves has romantic plots but they're queer romance so it doesn't bother me too much.

I first discovered the term aromantic in 2015. At the time it was something that resonated with me, but it still took me a year or two to get rid of all my doubts. For example, I personally found myself experimenting with other arospec labels, but I always went back to aromantic. (To be completely clear, I don't mean to imply that other arospec labels are just aromantic in disguise or something similarly gross. They are completely valid identities on their own and should be treated as such; I'm just detailing my own experiences.) It can take a long time to work out your feelings, but there's no rush to the finish line. When it comes to cuddling, I'm actually quite the fan. I have to know the person super well though, so it's really only my super close friends who I will cuddle with. As for other romance - have you ever been in a store and see a shirt and think "that would look good on someone else"? Then your friend tries it on and they look BOMB? That's like me with romance. I LOVE it on others, just not on me. I will read some fluff-filled romantic fanfic any day and enjoy it shamelessly. Hell, I've written some of my own. My advice (if you would like it) would be not to try not to worry too much about the semantics of what you do and do not experience. There is no one right way to be aromantic. People feel different ways about different things. Admittance requirements and best practices tend to be how exclusionist ideas are born, but from what I've experienced, arospec communities have pretty widely decided we're not about that. You're allowed to exist in this world however you want or need! Welcome to Arocalypse!!

I like to say something jokingly/lightly, my usual is "well, if it happens you'll be the first to know" which... is not technically a lie or a problem because it will never happen! And then change the subject without missing a beat. So "Well, you'll be the first to know. Say, you know when the food's being served?" If you ask them something to take their attention away from the topic of the relationship, I find that helps.

Welcome welcome!! You're right places like these can be a little nervewracking but we're glad you're here!

Hey folks! I just wrote a tiny little piece on naming amantonormativity and using it to be able to disrupt harmful ideas. Feel free to give it a read and let me know what you think! https://pondering-aroace.tumblr.com/post/623908427184439296/to-denormalize-amantonormativity-you-first-have

I didn't realize this was a tell at the time, but I didn't actually have crushes. I remember just picking someone and decided that they were who I was going to have a crush on next! And I genuinely thought that was how crushes work.

Note that this is my perceptions/experiences only, and thus they are not the end all be all of QPRs or peoples' experiences with them. 1. Some things are similar to what you might see romantic couples engaging in. Some QPPs share finances, live together, have/raise kids or pets, take vacations, have closer physical intimacy than a friendship, etc. Of course every QPR is different and people have different comfort or commitment levels! There's no one right way to be in a QPR. 2. This is hard to articulate. It's kind of like how alloromantic people have trouble describing exactly what romantic attraction is like. Personally, I could see myself doing any of the things mentioned in my first point with my best friend, so the line between platonic and queerplatonic attraction is thin for me. 3. I'll defer to someone else's observations on this because like I said, I find a lot of interlap personally between friendship and QPRs.

Thanks @nisse! I'm thinking I'll start posting them in the Aromantic Discussions topic as I write them for people to share their thoughts on as well. They're for practicing writing more than anything (if my 0 followers doesn't tell you I'm not after clout, I don't know what does lol) but if enough people ever actively enjoyed them, I'm always happy to do more or take requests!

@Oatpunk @nisse I have always theorized that it's because the concept of not having sex isn't new to allosexual people. NOW, I KNOW that asexuality does not equate to not having sex. BUT it seems easier for allosexuals to make the jump from "some people don't have sex" to recognizing asexuality because they have what they view as a jumping off point. For example (AND I KNOW THESE AREN'T ASEXUALITY) things like people in certain religious roles not having sex, concepts of abstinence and celibacy, etc. There are few to no such jumping off points for alloromantics to understand aromanticism. Also yes lack of in-person aro community is a s t r u g g l e. Not to plug my Tumblr twice in one day but I did write an article/thoughtpiece-y thing about that exact topic. It's pretty short and you get the gist pretty quick so check it out if you're interested!

Is it just me or is aroaces IDing more strongly with aro a common thing? I feel like every aroace person I meet has this same attitude and it's very interesting. I have had some theories as to why but never the time to explore them... Anyway welcome!! I also love (no romo) arospecific spaces like a lot

I feel this so much!! My aroness is WAY more prevalent and part of my identity as a person than my aceness. Even ace specific communities are kinda sus to me because I've come across the qualifier of "we don't have sexual attraction, but romantic attraction is valid!" too many times. Aro specific commuities are really what do it for me, personally. Welcome!

Welcome! Speaking anecdotally, I think it's very common to bounce around identities and not be totally sure, especially in regards to aspec ids. It definitely took me a few years to settle down with aromantic and be totally comfy with it. It's totally okay to just exist with some terms in mind and see how they feel. Or you can just say arospec and leave it at that. Your identity is YOURS and YOURS only, anyone who tells you what to do with it is seriously misguiding you. We're happy to have you!!