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The Aro-Ace Thread™


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  • 1 month later...
On 9/18/2020 at 11:51 AM, Neon said:

Ha ha, yeah. I have only recently come to realize that people in relationships weren't just in them to fit in.

I just got a notification for this comment and holy crap it's fascinating how much my outlook on relationships has changed. Back then I was terrified to admit I was aroace to myself.

Now I think I've really grown into myself and my identity. I can talk about relationships far more positively and with more nuance than I could when I hadn't yet accepted myself.

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On 12/20/2023 at 4:47 PM, Neon said:

I just got a notification for this comment and holy crap it's fascinating how much my outlook on relationships has changed. Back then I was terrified to admit I was aroace to myself.

Now I think I've really grown into myself and my identity. I can talk about relationships far more positively and with more nuance than I could when I hadn't yet accepted myself.

Agreed, like until a few months ago I didn’t think ppl actually had celebrity crushes or wet dreams, I thought everyone was just crazy and joking.

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  • 1 month later...

They don't know Aroace, no one in my neighborhood knows that I am Aroace, in fact, I have explained to them that I am asexual and aromantic, how can I explain it to them? 

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i once saw an analogy online, idk if it can help but ill share it.

lets say that everyone has a pond, and in that pond, u hv fish. now all around u ppl r catching fish and talking abt the fish they caught and all the different ways they like eating fish. but ur pond appears to b empty and u hvnt caught any fish despite trying again and again to catch them. u finally decide that ur pond is empty and stop trying to find fish. but in the back of ur mind u wonder if u just hvnt found any fish in ur pond. and in the meantime everyone else with their ponds who r catching fish r telling u that “u just hvnt found the right fish yet” “fish r what makes us human” “everyone catches fish, ur just a psychopath”. 

everyone has a different pond with different amounts of fish and different kinds of fish. sm ppl only hv one type of fish, sm ppl hv many types of fish. sm people’s ponds r brimming with fish, whereas sm ppls ponds only hv a few fish. but sm ppl just don’t get fish, and thats ok. just bc they don’t get any fish from their pond doesn’t mean they r any less of a person. 

(just to clarify in case any1 was confused, fish: different types of attraction/attraction towards different ppl, and number of fish: level/strength of attraction. u can use this analogy to explain pm any aspec label. it probably could hv been better explained, but that’s the basic jist of it.)

Edited by kira-
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I'm not sure if anyone else said this yet, but I feel like my asexuality and my aromanticism are so separated that I tend to "favor" my aro identity over my ace one. Like, obviously I can't imagine having sexual attraction and all, but I feel like being aro has impacted me more. Like, if I were just ace, everyone'll be like "Oh thats cool but you still have crushes right??" but then if I say I'm aro they'll be like "Oh...so you just...don't get crushes??" Cue awkward stammering and trying not to offend me but failing miserably. My asexuality hasn't really made me feel ostracized from everyone else, yk? Since I'm young and most of my peers aren't that worried about sex (can't say the same about sex jokes though). But everyone talks about romance and dating and I'm just here like "guys...aro here...ask me about my aro experiences pls i'm desperate..."

Also I really like the word "ace" and saying "Oh yeah I'm ace" just sounds so cool.

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37 minutes ago, Lei said:

I'm not sure if anyone else said this yet, but I feel like my asexuality and my aromanticism are so separated that I tend to "favor" my aro identity over my ace one. Like, obviously I can't imagine having sexual attraction and all, but I feel like being aro has impacted me more. Like, if I were just ace, everyone'll be like "Oh thats cool but you still have crushes right??" but then if I say I'm aro they'll be like "Oh...so you just...don't get crushes??" Cue awkward stammering and trying not to offend me but failing miserably. My asexuality hasn't really made me feel ostracized from everyone else, yk? Since I'm young and most of my peers aren't that worried about sex (can't say the same about sex jokes though). But everyone talks about romance and dating and I'm just here like "guys...aro here...ask me about my aro experiences pls i'm desperate..."

Also I really like the word "ace" and saying "Oh yeah I'm ace" just sounds so cool.

While my identities aren't entirely separate, they are very distinct and I absolutely favor my aro one over my ace one.

Not feeling romantic attraction is just more impactful and relevant to how I live my life than not feeling sexual attraction.

And yet almost everyone I'm out to irl describes me as "asexual" without even mentioning that I'm aromantic too.

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People describing you as ace and not mentioning aro is so relatable. like one of my classmates actually acknowledged that im aromantic and it seriously made my day. like math class got instantly better when he said that lmao

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i really agree with you all there, being aromantic is a huge part of who i am, and it really shapes how i view the world, and how it views me, i dont really care for my asexuality.

however, my friends seem to have it the other way around, thinking of me as only ace, and never mentioning the aromantic part. it kinda annoys me when a friend of mine comments on something very aromantic that i did or said, and say "lol your so asexual", like you're not wrong but it really isn't as relevant 

idk im ranting

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fr, my friends were talking about my squish and they were like

"your asexual- no, aromantic- no, friendly - no, what's it called?????- crush"

it was admittedly pretty funny, but yeah, since ace is a more well-known identity, people are probably gonna forget about the aro part in aroace, it can be annoying 

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Lol people am I right?

Having my bestie be aro as well is a pretty great experience, on Valentine's day (which I've recently started to call sappy romantic couples day) I went up to her and said "Hey. Love is in the air, put on a gas mask." *proceeds to give her candy and walk away*.

And then there are the rest of my friends. Most of them are crazy, insane and weird already, but then they get to shipping me and/or my bestie with random people, and to me that just makes them even more crazy, insane and weird.

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26 minutes ago, N1GHTM4R3 said:

Lol people am I right?

Having my bestie be aro as well is a pretty great experience, on Valentine's day (which I've recently started to call sappy romantic couples day) I went up to her and said "Hey. Love is in the air, put on a gas mask." *proceeds to give her candy and walk away*.

And then there are the rest of my friends. Most of them are crazy, insane and weird already, but then they get to shipping me and/or my bestie with random people, and to me that just makes them even more crazy, insane and weird.

My besties are both bi, and they're AWESOME at inclusion. They somehow managed to embarrass me in front of my squish without implying it was romantic on Valentine's Day. 

Basically,-oh wait I have to give everyone name thingys for the Internet. Let's just say my besties are Avocado and Sofa, and my squish is Cyan (these are their irl nicknames btw)- okay where was I? 

Anyways, Avocado gave me and Sofa little heart cookies surrounded by chocolate chips for Valentine's Day, and I ate my cookie at lunch. Since I don't like chocolate chips, I gave them to my friends, but Cyan (who is in our friend group) ended up getting the most. Avocado noticed, and asked me if I had given Cyan my chocolate chips, and I was like "yeah, but I gave them to everyone-" but then Avocado cut me off and told her "Happy Valentine's Day" with a smirk on her face

Yay to friends being aro-inclusive and making you turn into a blushing mess!

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If friendship is essentially choosing a family, then a friend group should essentially be you chosen family. By that logic I have at least 7 different families including biological.

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I keep forgetting that the two girls i meet on a daily basis are dating. like not in a bad way of "oh i don't believe girls can date!" but rather they just vibe so hard i keep gravitating to the thought of "what a dynamic!" because my brain hasn't entirely seen any "traditional" romantic things like kissing happen, so i keep being a bit surprised every time they mention dating because to me they're just so chill together and nothing like what i see on TV when people are dating in media

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3 hours ago, A User said:

I keep forgetting that the two girls i meet on a daily basis are dating. like not in a bad way of "oh i don't believe girls can date!" but rather they just vibe so hard i keep gravitating to the thought of "what a dynamic!" because my brain hasn't entirely seen any "traditional" romantic things like kissing happen, so i keep being a bit surprised every time they mention dating because to me they're just so chill together and nothing like what i see on TV when people are dating in media

honestly that’s how relationships should be more often, unless the ppl in the relationship prefer being more open. pm every time i’ve seen ppl dating it’s usually the only thing they can talk abt, though the longer ppl r in the relationship the more chill they get as i’ve seen

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