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About nisse

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  • Birthday 03/12/1996

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    ????? who knows
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    art student, barista

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  1. @Jot-Aro Kujo and this is why the "asexuals aren't broken, we feel/fall in love" line chafes SO MUCH. it may not be in use anymore, i honestly don't know, but it definitely was when i figured myself out around 2011/2012/2013 (i am extremely bad at remembering years and what happened when, but i was ~15 when i started having inklings), and that isn't that long ago. i really wish there was a bigger push for aromantic awareness within the ace community, considering how big it is and the reach it has now, with AVEN and all. we really do need the reach and influence they have, if we want to be visible to kids (and adults!) in the situation you were in.
  2. Yes, I mean who amongst us hasn't heard - in real life or in media - "how do you know when you're in love?" -> "you just know!" like gee thanks! very cool & unhelpful! i wouldn't be surprised if there are quite a few aromantic people just waiting to fall in love, bc they'll know (realising falling in love and romantic attraction isn't necessarily mutually inclusive, but it illustrates this a bit i think). i've a feeling, too, that it is in a way easier for aces to figure out if we're aro as well or not. hence, i think, the over-representation of aroaces within aro communities @Mark mentions. i wouldn't be surprised if it's substantially harder to nail your aroness when you're allo-sexual, and maybe even feel even more "broken" (HEAVY quotation marks) than us aroaces. just because i think when you've figured out aceness, you've kind of passed that hurdle - not to say we don't have that internal struggle as well, i know i had a MUCH harder time accepting my aroness than my aceness, which is partly why i identify so much more with that part of me now, it took so much energy from me. but i hope my thought process here makes sense? i don't want to speak over aro-allos here, and no experience is uniform, but i wouldn't be surprised if this was the case for many.
  3. oh no I think you're being very clear on why you want another term, and I completely understand why! and when it comes to flags, nothing can please 100% of people. I know several bi folks who finds solace in the flag*, but doesn't particularly vibe with it aesthetically. i love all the creativity surrounding folks making flags, i'm always blown away by the thoughts put into them. i think as long as new ones aren't being made for the wrong reasons i welcome any iteration of an aroace flag, same with terminology! and i wouldn't be surprised if this evolves, and aroace becomes obsolete. in which case i'll be an Elder Queer(TM) who uses the old terms, and loves all the young aroaces finding their own way and words 😄 *the Bi flag, that is!
  4. welcome!! in my experience this is a very sweet and chill forum 🙂
  5. that makes so much sense haha idk why i didn't think of this 😅 oh same, i'm not really bothered by people not immediately knowing or recognizing the blue-orange one - for me personally i'll prob use the aro one for recognition, i'm just not big on how it looks. this is like, pure aesthetic senses. i'm not big on green hahaha. the blue-orange one speaks to my tastes, and i love the reasoning for the colours, though i get what @Magni says with it not being recognizable as related to aro&ace. although (and this is a COMPLETE detraction from the original topic, apologies!) i kinda wish we didn't feel like we had to go for the vertical stripes in every pride flag. I get that then it's recognziable as a pride flag, but I wish we felt freer to be more creative lol. like the purple circle on yellow of intersex, or the Labrys flag and the many iterations of it. or even the triangle of the demi flag! i mean, we already have the arrow as a sort of symbol. arrows and spades....? i'm not a graphic designer, i'm always impressed by people who come up with any kind of flag
  6. Same here!! I kinda love it ngl, it's also pretty self-explanatory (as long as the person knows what aro and ace means), which is a big plus for me personally. This is also why i love the orange-blue aroace flag that's going around - it's one for us who view it as one whole orientation. AFAIK some folks view their own as separated (i believe they've been referred to as oriented aro/ace?), which is a valid stance, so it's kinda neat to have a flag just for us! and since folks who don't view it as one whole orientation usually use aro/ace or similar, it works well in my mind 🙂
  7. Honestly, I think it's in large part because romantic love is seen as intrinsically human. Do you remember how a big part of ace activism was convincing others that they (as in, allo-aces) weren't unfeeling robots because they can still fall in love? And I don't think this is intentional on their behalf, at the very least not in those "early" days (when asexuality became more widely known, thanks to the internet). A lot of humanity and the definition of being human and the human experience revolves around romantic love, in my experience. Finding "the one" to spend your life with, romantic love as a powerful feeling in stories, all these dating apps and pressure to find someone. I think a lot of people can wrap their mind around not feeling sexual attraction, but they cannot even begin to imagine living without romantic attraction. i said this in another post on here as well (i think my introduction post?) and i've found that this is true for lot of aroaces! it's very fascinating, and worth discussing - for funsies, between us aroaces, not as a ~discourse~thing, lol.
  8. this is a very good point! i have some scribbles of conversations between them about aromanticism in general, but i really should have something about aromanticism as related to being allo. thank you! your whole response is very helpful, i'm taking notes 😊 tysm!! i'm very excited for it, it's fun so far!
  9. I would encourage you to look up QPR/QPP! Queer-Platonic Relationship/Partner. Sounds very close to what you want I'm sure loads of folks on here has good insight into that!
  10. don't worry about late replies!! forum response time is very different from social media response time god, these people. in many ways, (allo-allo)bis should understand the struggle more than anyone else? i saw a great post about that years ago, from an allo-bisexual man. he remarked on how a lot of the exclusionist/anti-aspec stuff he had read reminded him very much of biphobic arguments. i don't remember the specifics unfortunately, but if i find it i'll link you! i totally understand being too taken aback to be able to really understand what's being said! i really hope you get it through to them somehow, or at least that they'll understand how weird they're being.
  11. @aro_elise thank you! all of these responses are so great, i feel like i'm getting a better understanding of aro-allos and the unique challenges ye face. i'm still developing this, and i'm under no deadline except what arbitrary ones i might set for myself, so it's a way off yet. i'll be sure to hit you up if i have more questions!
  12. No I get it! So cutting ties is not viable, but they aren't close friends. But you kinda need to get along with them, because they are in your life regardless. Jeez. I get doubly why you're frustrated now. I think the best I have to offer is 2 things, if they start this up again: If they're monosexual, ask if they've experimented with other genders (especially if they're straight; gay folks often have, in my experience.) If they haven't, well. How can they *know* they're hetero/homosexual, y'know? If you'd rather not take that route, or if it fails (they have experimented/they want to) they need to understand that their line of questioning is invasive, invalidating, and infantilising (that's a lot of in- words!! whoops). It's not their role to get you to "understand yourself" better or whatever. They're being incredibly annoying and invasive (I genuinely can't get past this invasiveness - they're not even close friends of yours?? why are they so invested in this!) and they kinda need to back off. It's not their business!! It harms no one, even if you had been emotionally numb. I would normally want to harp on this, because it's an annoying stereotype, especially of aros, but these two seem like a lost cause. Damn, dude. I'm kinda stuck on this, and kinda really frustrated at them myself lol. I hope you get some kind of resolution, I wouldn't wish this on anyone
  13. i haven't had a look through to see if anyone has mentioned her, but i've always headcanoned Miranda Barlow from Black Sails as aro-bi! ETA: How could i forget the OG Varric Tethras from Dragon Age!!
  14. just read through it there @emmafriendly, very well written as always!!
  15. I've been thinking about this lately. I'm very comfortable in being aro, and sometimes even relieved - both bc i'm not that confused "WHAT AM I??" teenager i used to be anymore, and because sometimes there is seemingly a lot of drama for allo-romantics. But i don't think i've ever felt grateful for it? I started thinking about it because i've seen various other people with different labels be grateful for their identity. Autistic people (which i realise isn't a label in the same way sexuality is, but it illustrates my point) being grateful for how they view/experience the world differently, queer people in general grateful for their amazing various communities that they've gained. And that's another thing, I am grateful for my queerness. I identify as wholly queer, and I love it, and I'm grateful for how much more joyful and diverse the world is for me as a queer person. Me being aro.... I'm grateful for the community, not necessarily the identity. My aceness is irrelevant, like many aroaces on here i don't really think about that bit much lol. I've typed the word "grateful" so many times now I'm starting to forget what it actually means lol. I hope my point comes across ok?? Maybe happy would be a better word. Do you feel happy for your aroness? idk if this makes any sense lmao sorry folks
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