The Aro-Ace Thread™

[Skylord]

I love this meme.

[PeepsInTheChiliPot]

11 hours ago, Violet Stars said:

I made friendship bracelets in the aro and ace colors respectively! I might do a combined one eventually, but I would probably have to get more colors for it (my favorite is the orange and blue flag, it's soo pretty. My friends have dubbed it the "tidepod flag" )

The tide pod flag ? I love it! I like that flag too, nice beachy colors.

[mediocrejoke]

hey i love sharing my ring that my mother got my for my birthday. obviously the black is for ace and the white is for aro, and instead of having to wear two separate rings i got one that has both! of course most strangers won't get it if they were to see it on me but idk, its mostly for me.

[mossy]

I don't really have anything to say but just wanted to drop into this thread and say hi! I'm so used to feeling like I'm the only one who feels the way I do that I almost forget other aroaces do exist...and it's so fun to be among you all :) I love the memes in this thread too haha

[Acecream]

Yeah I love the memes too and I hope there’ll be more haha

[PeepsInTheChiliPot]

Happy International Asexuality day to my fellow aroaces!

[Acecream]

Hhpey, I just want to leave this text here...

bc I feel like it has some very good points and I thought some of you might like it, too. Feel free to share what you think about it!
 

it’s from an aroace perspective so I thought it’s maybe better here than in another thread, but I don’t know the thread-structure of this forum that well haha

the article

 

” And yet, most aroace people we get to know or heard about or read about – they mostly and firstly identify as ace. We ponder why this is the case? Why aromanticism feels less important to them in this amatonormative world? We can’t get our head around this concept. We are aroace too, but thinking about it – we feel more aro than ace. Aromanticism is about relationships. It’s about friendships we have that won’t turn into another kind of relationship – a romantic one. We feel fine about them being ‘just’ friendships, but also we ponder if this doesn’t make our friends feel like ‘they don’t have a chance’ in a romantic sense, with us. And we ponder if they won’t put as much heart and work into those friendships as we do – because even if they’re not romantically interested in us, they would be in someone else. And then maybe they see those romantic relationships as needing more from them than any friendship would. Maybe not. But we ponder that nonetheless.“
 

i personally “started” my journey by identifying more ace than aro as well - but it changed through the last weeks/month. I am happy when I see ace representation, but I am searching for aro-rep and i do not find it. I am happy when others understand asexuality, but I want them to understand aromanticism - and I don’t know how. People understand that asexuality is a sexuality and that I CAN know I am ace - but I want them to understand that I CAN know I am aro despite I have not met every person in the world yet. I want people to differ their sexual from their romantic orientation, even if they are heteroromantic heterosexual - bc if they don’t, I feel as if I would not exist. As if aromanticism could not exist.

i am happy for every ace-meeting or ace-group - but I want to have aro-meetings and as far as I’ve seen, there is NO aro community in my country. Nothing. At least aros can join ace spaces but I want to have a soecific aro-area, I want to meet Aros, even alloromantic aros, I want to hear their experiences, their happy endings, I want to hear how they discover friendships, I want to talk about them.

i want to talk about aromanticism.

Edited May 7, 2021 by Acecream

[Alaska Native Manitou]

That's why I prefer SGRM, which means Sexual, Gender & Romantic Minority.  It's more inclusive & less confusing than LGBT+ whatever other letters you want to add.

[Nessa]

I have never been interested in relationships and never understood why people so need to be in a relationship to be "happy" as they say. I only find out about aromantism recently because in France we don't even know that word. And now I finally know what I am and it is such a relief to be able to put a word on it even if being labelled is not important to me. I am also glad to have find this forum because I don't have any aroace or just aro around me.

On 5/7/2021 at 7:14 PM, Acecream said:

Hhpey, I just want to leave this text here...

bc I feel like it has some very good points and I thought some of you might like it, too. Feel free to share what you think about it!
 

it’s from an aroace perspective so I thought it’s maybe better here than in another thread, but I don’t know the thread-structure of this forum that well haha

the article

 

” And yet, most aroace people we get to know or heard about or read about – they mostly and firstly identify as ace. We ponder why this is the case? Why aromanticism feels less important to them in this amatonormative world? We can’t get our head around this concept. We are aroace too, but thinking about it – we feel more aro than ace. Aromanticism is about relationships. It’s about friendships we have that won’t turn into another kind of relationship – a romantic one. We feel fine about them being ‘just’ friendships, but also we ponder if this doesn’t make our friends feel like ‘they don’t have a chance’ in a romantic sense, with us. And we ponder if they won’t put as much heart and work into those friendships as we do – because even if they’re not romantically interested in us, they would be in someone else. And then maybe they see those romantic relationships as needing more from them than any friendship would. Maybe not. But we ponder that nonetheless.“
 

i personally “started” my journey by identifying more ace than aro as well - but it changed through the last weeks/month. I am happy when I see ace representation, but I am searching for aro-rep and i do not find it. I am happy when others understand asexuality, but I want them to understand aromanticism - and I don’t know how. People understand that asexuality is a sexuality and that I CAN know I am ace - but I want them to understand that I CAN know I am aro despite I have not met every person in the world yet. I want people to differ their sexual from their romantic orientation, even if they are heteroromantic heterosexual - bc if they don’t, I feel as if I would not exist. As if aromanticism could not exist.

i am happy for every ace-meeting or ace-group - but I want to have aro-meetings and as far as I’ve seen, there is NO aro community in my country. Nothing. At least aros can join ace spaces but I want to have a soecific aro-area, I want to meet Aros, even alloromantic aros, I want to hear their experiences, their happy endings, I want to hear how they discover friendships, I want to talk about them.

i want to talk about aromanticism.

I so feel like you there is nothing about aromantism in my country too (or about asexuality actually) and I would love to get to know some aropeople too, make friends, share things. I identify myself more as an aro than a asexual even if I know that I am asexual too. I am lucky that my best friend understands that I am aro and accept it but all the others don't and it is not always easy. I want the world to know about aromantism!!!

 

[Acecream]

didn't realize but my trousers were showing very much aroace pride today

 

[Sissi]

Heyo!

Can someone please give me an example of situation that would've made someone think they weren't like other people in the romantic aspect?

I'm not sure this is understandable but I hope it is. 

Thanks!

[aroace.ro]

On 7/22/2021 at 1:38 AM, Sissi said:

Heyo!

Can someone please give me an example of situation that would've made someone think they weren't like other people in the romantic aspect?

I'm not sure this is understandable but I hope it is. 

Thanks!

Idk if this is what you're asking for but regardless it's an aro experience I'd like to share.
I'm not repulsed by romance or anything, and so society's message that falling in love and being in a relationship is so great, convinced me and I wanted to try it out, see for myself. I had 2 relationships, very similar scenarios. The guy was close to me as a friend, I really liked spending time with him, and then I found out he liked me. After a period of questioning whether I also like him romantically or not, I managed to fool myself into thinking yeah I like him, mostly because I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. We ended up together and for me it felt like a friendship but with an added awkward aspect. I thought that was normal, that everyone felt like that. Until it became quite obvious that my partner is starting to develop more serious feelings for me, and I love them too, with all my heart, but not in that way. And we broke up. He suffered, I was fine, just felt very very guilty for not liking him back and for getting into the relationship in the first place. That happened before I knew that aromanticism exists. But still, I decided I'll never do antyhing I don't truly feel like doing, just because that's what people around me are telling me I should do. And since then, haven't felt the need to form any romantic relationship. Hmmm... I wonder why :))

[CookieKrumble]

On 11/27/2020 at 1:55 AM, Skylord said:

I love this meme.

would bring in an aroace relationship just be a queerplatonic relationship, or can it be other things?

[CookieKrumble]

On 7/21/2021 at 6:38 PM, Sissi said:

Heyo!

Can someone please give me an example of situation that would've made someone think they weren't like other people in the romantic aspect?

I'm not sure this is understandable but I hope it is. 

Thanks!

I can give you my experience? Personally it was from being in relationships. As a teenager people would ask me who I liked and whatnot and I would just kind of pick the most average looking boy I saw and say him. I didn't feel anything for anyone so I convinced myself that was what having a crush was. Later I ended up getting into relationships whenever someone liked me; because I thought that I could grow a crush or make myself like them, I didn't really know anything else. You have no idea how long I spent on like wikihow googling "how to date someone" and "how to know when you like somebody" then try to replicate what the internet said. eventually Id just heavily distance myself and talk to the person I was dating like once a week because I was so "busy" when I was really just avoiding them.( whenever we would break up they would usually be broken up by it even though I made them dump me, but I was only even indifferent or relived. even when they would attempt to publicly embarrass me)The moment I realized I was aroace was my first time making out with a boy. It was terrible. I was just there thinking "am I supposed to enjoy this? it's so awful and awkward" from there a couple months later I found out about the ace spectrum then was questioning for like a year, I still do (even though Its painstaking obvious I don't feel romantic attraction like my friends do). I hope this helped!

[Arsenic]

On 8/14/2020 at 1:49 AM, Violet Stars said:

this one is such a mood.

I love this. It took me a lot of time to know I am aroace because I didn't know romantic and sexual attraction were a real think. I thought people were just bored and they played that way:(

[Arsenic]

On 7/22/2021 at 12:38 AM, Sissi said:

Can someone please give me an example of situation that would've made someone think they weren't like other people in the romantic aspect?

I've never wanted to date or marry, and people around me were so surprised to hear this from me, but I just didn't (and don't) find it necessary to have a partner, it is not a primal urge.

A few days ago the girlfriend of my uncle told me that she had shown a pic of me to one guy she knows, and that this boy is "looking for a girlfriend". She said that he liked me and whether I liked him (she shown me a photo of this guy), and I felt SO disgusted that I am not able to put in on words. I wanted to cry, and to scream, and to run away from there. She also shown me a photo of his son, shirtless on a swimming pool, and she looked at me as if I were supposed to like him in a sexual way (which made my ace ass panic). After a few time of questioning whether I am aro or not, that was all the confirmation I needed. 

Why do people assume that we are attracted to others? Why do people force us to like/want things that are not made for us? Why don't they just let us be?

[Collie]

Hi, recently settled on the aroace label :)

[nisse]

19 hours ago, CookieKrumble said:

would bring in an aroace relationship just be a queerplatonic relationship, or can it be other things?

up to the people in the relationship :)

[GoodbyeRepublicServices]

On 11/13/2020 at 5:51 AM, JC Night said:

I can relate to this. Maybe it's because I'm still new to discovering aromanticism is even a thing, whereas I'd known about my asexuality for a couple of years. But even though finding out the word 'aromantic' was a big relief and I feel like it applies to me and explains my feelings, I'm not sure I've come to terms with it yet? I'm still finding myself reading romance books and thinking "but maybe I might feel like that about someone one day", even though if I actually try to imagine myself in that situation, I just can't, and I didn't like it in real life when someone felt like that about me.

I don't know, I think it's probably because society is so so allonormative and I haven't got used to it yet. But can anyone else relate?

I can relate to not liking if someone feels romantically/sexually/sensually about me, but I don't think I can relate to the other stuff.

[alto]

Hi!  Aroace here.

On 11/23/2021 at 3:15 AM, ArseNick said:

I've never wanted to date or marry, and people around me were so surprised to hear this from me, but I just didn't (and don't) find it necessary to have a partner, it is not a primal urge.

A few days ago the girlfriend of my uncle told me that she had shown a pic of me to one guy she knows, and that this boy is "looking for a girlfriend". She said that he liked me and whether I liked him (she shown me a photo of this guy), and I felt SO disgusted that I am not able to put in on words. I wanted to cry, and to scream, and to run away from there. She also shown me a photo of his son, shirtless on a swimming pool, and she looked at me as if I were supposed to like him in a sexual way (which made my ace ass panic). After a few time of questioning whether I am aro or not, that was all the confirmation I needed. 

Why do people assume that we are attracted to others? Why do people force us to like/want things that are not made for us? Why don't they just let us be?

And what a gross situation.

[atrocious_ar0mantic]

On 11/12/2020 at 4:14 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

 

Not so much a trinket, but I do have an ace ring and an aro ring

On 5/7/2021 at 1:14 PM, Acecream said:

Hhpey, I just want to leave this text here...

bc I feel like it has some very good points and I thought some of you might like it, too. Feel free to share what you think about it!
 

it’s from an aroace perspective so I thought it’s maybe better here than in another thread, but I don’t know the thread-structure of this forum that well haha

the article

 

” And yet, most aroace people we get to know or heard about or read about – they mostly and firstly identify as ace. We ponder why this is the case? Why aromanticism feels less important to them in this amatonormative world? We can’t get our head around this concept. We are aroace too, but thinking about it – we feel more aro than ace. Aromanticism is about relationships. It’s about friendships we have that won’t turn into another kind of relationship – a romantic one. We feel fine about them being ‘just’ friendships, but also we ponder if this doesn’t make our friends feel like ‘they don’t have a chance’ in a romantic sense, with us. And we ponder if they won’t put as much heart and work into those friendships as we do – because even if they’re not romantically interested in us, they would be in someone else. And then maybe they see those romantic relationships as needing more from them than any friendship would. Maybe not. But we ponder that nonetheless.“
 

i personally “started” my journey by identifying more ace than aro as well - but it changed through the last weeks/month. I am happy when I see ace representation, but I am searching for aro-rep and i do not find it. I am happy when others understand asexuality, but I want them to understand aromanticism - and I don’t know how. People understand that asexuality is a sexuality and that I CAN know I am ace - but I want them to understand that I CAN know I am aro despite I have not met every person in the world yet. I want people to differ their sexual from their romantic orientation, even if they are heteroromantic heterosexual - bc if they don’t, I feel as if I would not exist. As if aromanticism could not exist.

i am happy for every ace-meeting or ace-group - but I want to have aro-meetings and as far as I’ve seen, there is NO aro community in my country. Nothing. At least aros can join ace spaces but I want to have a soecific aro-area, I want to meet Aros, even alloromantic aros, I want to hear their experiences, their happy endings, I want to hear how they discover friendships, I want to talk about them.

i want to talk about aromanticism.

I appreciate that point. And that quote from above, about how most aroaces began labeling with asexual (or a label on the asexual spectrum) first and foremost is really accurate. For me, I used to say that I "never knew where my asexuality ended and my romantic orientation began." My sexual orientation and romantic orientation always felt one in the same, even when I didn't consider that I could also be lacking in romo attraction. And now that I know that about myself, that I am aroace, I do tend to dip more into the aro aspect of my queer identity. And as you mentioned, really begin to realize truly how little aro representation and spaces there really is.

I think part of it might be the general consensus that ace and ace-spec people who do experience romo attraction "redeem" themselves. That there's hope, that they're not a "lost cause", that they can "compensate". 

[atrocious_ar0mantic]

On 11/24/2021 at 7:24 PM, alto said:

Hi!  Aroace here.

And what a gross situation.

Honestly. I hate it. Especially to people I'm out to, who still persist in their weird pestering of my nonexistent romo and sexual pursuits. The people who don't fully grapple that no, I'm not choosing to be anything. I'm not "saving" myself. I won't "grow into it". I'm not a late bloomer, I'm not immature, I'm not incompetent. It's not just a general disinterest, I'm not attracted to anyone like that. And I wish people would consider the possibility that even if my identity and label does change- which is valid, people are fluid - it shouldn't invalidate my feelings and experiences now. 

But most of the people who insist that it will change are people who are thinking wishfully. Who hope it will change. And I wish they could accept the idea that it might never, that I'm not inherently lacking anything as a person on the basis of this orientation and label. It's not the label in itself that's sad, what's sad is peoples' persistence that I can't be fulfilled or content as a person without experiencing those types of attraction, and pursuing those types of relationships. 

[Collie]

On 11/12/2020 at 4:14 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

 

I have soooo much aro and ace and aroace merch :D

[Deltalorian]

I am an aroace still struggling to get to grips with the aro part. Hopefully, I'll be able to accept it lol.

[Scylactic]