Tinkere

i’ve been comfortable with my label as aroace for almost a year , butch now i’m starting to question if i’m actually just demiromantic/+grayromantic or if i’m just a fraud… i know labels can be fluid and it’s alright to not stick with one, but it just sucks cause after so long because i thought i finally figured everything out and now i’m confused again (long rant/story to preface my situation) : i convinced myself that all the people i thought i had crushes on were just platonic or i was just lonely and wanted people to care about me (not romantically) but like looking back, i’m a little unsure? anyway, i wanted to preface my question with a bit of explaining my previous squishes with what i’m feeling now for contrast never once did i think i actually wanted to date any of the very few people that i “liked” from 7th to 9th grade , i just wanted their attention and wanted to feel special to them…? … my significant “crushes” are kind of hard to explain the first one in my life was when i was almost 12. i honestly can’t remember anything about him or why i liked him, im pretty sure i probably subconsciously forced myself to like someone to feel normal. it didn’t really last at all because i don’t think i liked him in the first place ???? (we were not really friends at all) second one was this one person i went to during a summer camp(they were my gay awakening 😭) and basically we got along super well and became friends for the week, and i thought they were super funny and whatnot. when i met them when i was 12, i don’t think it was very serious, as i had never really experienced any actual crushes before… i never thought about dating them or anything, i think i just really wanted to be friends, but i admired them… like a lot… i liked them on and off for about a two years , but we rarely saw each other and i went through those brief periods of liking them only when they actually came back into my life only for me to forget about them . i don’t think i ever wanted to date them, i just really admired them a lot for their humor, bravery, outgoingness , and i think i just deep down wanted to BE them…? next, there was this person that i had met in late 2019. (i’ll call her J in this story.) we were friends for a while, but like i think in early 2020 , i started “liking “ her?? (not really sure what that counts as but i guess since we were getting closer , so i just got attached). anyway, it wasn’t anything too serious until a few months later when she started dating someone , which put me into a deep depression for about half a year. this was my first SERIOUS attachment i’ve ever had, but i’m not sure if it was remotely romantic?? i really really liked J, but i never desired us actually DATING (then again, we were like 13 at the time, so how would that even work???) , but i really just WANTED her, like??? idk how to describe it… i think i was just insanely jealous? at that point, i hadn’t been able to keep any friends for longer than a year, and the thought of losing my closest friend was just unbearable to me. (she had started acting really distant ever since getting with their partner ) . so, i think that obsession was just me intensely fearing the loss of another friend and i just assumed it was a crush. eventually it just got so bad for me that i stopped talking to her for a few months for my mental health (which helped a lot) i cut her out from about feb 2021-august 2021 and we became friends again. (we’re still friends to this day, and i’d say she’s like… the closest person i have in my life , we’ve made up over that incident). i got over my “crush” for her by that time, and i don’t think i felt really anything significant for anyone else until like…maybe february the next year ? i ended up getting “infatuated” for this one guy in my geometry class for no apparent reason. i can’t even remember why i liked him, but i think i just wanted to get to know him better??? like… idk how to describe it. i was obsessed with him for no apparent reason, but as soon as i started to realize that since we’re in high school now, if he ever DID like me, we’d have to ACTUALLY date. like… in my head, my ideal “dating relationship” was just being best friends but with exclusive labels and being more special to each other than anyone else… the whole idea of having to actually DO the dating process freaked me out more than anything else and made me realize i did NOT want to participate in that whatsoever , so i immediately got over him completely. i never really made that much of an effort to talk to him, and i never really fantasized about us being in a relationship or anything other than those one times where i pondered it and immediately scared myself away. to this day, i’m not really sure if i actually liked him or if i was just bored, cause i think i hyped myself up about him just to feel something (i literally wrote a song and a sonnet about him, but all the words i wrote felt empty and didn’t align with anything i actually felt ) soon after that incident, i started to come to terms with the fact that i’m on the aromantic spectrum, which gave me a lot of clarity. i didn’t really feel anything for anyone until august last year when i had a squish for a month when i REALLY wanted to be friends with this one girl because i was so impressed by her smarts. (i was definitely not romantically or sexually attracted to her, i just desperately wanted to be friends and i was aware of that) she started making me feel like shit for unrelated reasons so i just decided to stop being interested in her completely and promptly got over her since then, i hadn’t really fixated on any people. i was pretty content with that until my best friend of nearly 4 years started to feel different to me recently (same close friend whom i mentioned earlier, we’ll still call her J in this explanation) we’ve known each other for a while and we’ve had our issues on and off, but we’ve always resolved them and come back better than ever, and i think we’re both in a pretty mentally stable state and have gotten over whatever petty issues happened in the past. i have quite a few friends at school, but most of them really just feel like shallow figures that i talk to for entertainment purposes. me and J’s friendship is completely different, though. we literally text for hours every single day, i felt like we’ve told each other literally every thing about ourselves, i feel like i could probably trust her with anything (both emotional-wise and in lending physical things or whatnot. we’ve literally lended each other our nintendo DS and 3DS to each other since we have so much mutual trust). we don’t go to the same school and she lives fairly far away, but we do hang out pretty often nowadays. we’re so close that she literally decided to invite me to her 5-day FAMILY vacation because she sees me as someone that special to her. anyway, we’ve even joked about getting married for tax benefits and stuff, but like idk i thought it was a joke, but she might be serious? we’ve also literally discussed living together in college which we were actually serious about if my parents don’t stop us. like…fuck. i always was kind of put off by the idea of living with someone, but i’ve seriously got my mind set on the college she wants to go to just so we can be in the same area. WE’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO COLLEGE FOR LIKE 2 YEARS BUT GOD IM STILL THINKING ABOUT IT… like??? i don’t know WHAT i’m feeling??????? all this time i’ve been thinking i’m romance averse but i feel like i wouldn’t mind being with her??? i don’t know if im actually attracted to her because it’s confusing and difficult to determine since we’ve known each other so long, and i’ve had a previous “crush” on her and gotten over it once. that being said, i’ve gotten over all the butterflies bullshit years ago and then gotten over her and now i feel like i ACTUALLY like her but i don’t deal with the “palms sweaty, heart racing, butterflies, always wanting to stare at them, finding every excuse to be with them, getting excited when they text” stuff at all… cause we’ve been friends for nearly 4 years. i wouldn’t feel that if i already KNOW her? but like… something just started feeling completely different but not THAT way, but different in like “i feel like i could actually spend my life with her because she’s the only person i could trust this much at this point”… LIKE??? I DONT KNOW IF I WANT A QPR I DONT KNOW IF I WANT TO DATE HER BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY FEELS SPECIAL TO ME OUT OF THE BLUE AFTER 3 AND A HALF YEARS… ,i suddenly like the idea of having someone to call my partner , i don’t think i’d actively want to do romantic stuff like kissing or cuddling or holding hands because physical contact is a normally big nope for me especially if we aren’t close, but i feel like maybe id be ok with it with her? today we were in an amusement park riding scary rollercoasters and i subconsciously kind of wanted to jokingly ask her to hold hands with me and later SHE ACTUALLY ASKED ME so we did and that made me kind of happy… i feel like such a fraud and a creep…literally i know there’s a high chance she likes me back, but we’ve kind of established a few months ago that i got over her (WHICH I DID…) and i don’t want to confuse her by making anything of it… (not sure if it’s too late to mention this here, but she’s asexual and sapphic if that’s important to mention) like i know i shouldn’t be upset that my label might not be strictly aroace, but it just feels like i’ve wasted my label if that even makes sense? i know being demi or gray is very much a real thing , but coming to terms with it just makes me feel like i’ve been faking being aro this whole time, and i’m not even sure if i AM demi/(and/or) gray because what if i just am desiring a QPR and i DONT feel romantically towards her??? im so lost… if anyone needs to ask me questions to help me figure out if im demi, gray, or just aroace, please feel free to! i just want to figure this whole thing out…

i know this was a joke, but there IS a character that’s highly gay/aro/ace coded named miles edgeworth! most of the people in the fandom either see him as gay or aroace, but i personally see him as gay-demiromantic/sexual and gray the game doesn’t heavily focus on romance much at all, so there’s lots of characters that could be seen as aspec in my opinion, but miles definitely takes the cake in this situation

any ace attorney fans here? i’m currently hyperfixating on the series super hard

so there’s this friend i’ve had for nearly 4 years now, and recently i’ve been kind of getting feelings for her? im pretty sure they’re not romantic, but like, i don’t know… i really wanna be in a QPR with her but i’m not sure how to initiate one… she knows i’m aroace, and she’s a bi ace, but i’m not really sure how familiar she is with the idea of a QPR or whatnot. we’ve been super close with each other over the long time we’ve been friends, but recently she’s been starting to kind of act like she likes me (inviting me to hang out more often, “joke” flirting?, talking about sharing an apartment in college, asking if we’ll be each others valentines ) i’m completely fine with all of this, i actually could see myself living/being with her in the future, i just don’t know where to draw the line on if she actually LIKES me that way or not since we’re so close…we’ve joke flirted for a while, but it just has been feeling a little more serious lately. i kinda wanna ask her to be my QPP on valentine’s day, but i don’t really know how to casually bring it up and explain it without it just feeling awkward 😭 even though she’s ace, she doesn’t really know much at all about the aspec community and QPRs and all that stuff. i’m not worried about her rejecting me or anything at this point, because we know each other so well that i’m sure neither of us would get upset over it…just not sure how to approach the matter? (we’re 16 if that’s relevant at all to the situation)

AHH THE ENDING OF T&T SO GOOD JUST LETTING YA KNOW IVE GOTTEN THROUGH THE TRILOGY, APOLLO JUSTICE, AND EDGEWORTH INVESTIGATIONS 1 BUT IM ABOUT TO START PLAYING THE OTHER GAMES ONCE I GET THEM FOR CHRISTMAS LMAO it’s just so cool to find another ace attorney fan, especially on such a small forum like this! also i hope you enjoy the series :D im currently mad obsessed rn

DO I SEE A FELLOW ACE ATTORNEY FAN HERE?? 👀

there’s this girl that i really like a lot, i’m pretty sure i have a squish on but i’m not completely sure if it might be a crush i’ve known of her since last year from school. basically i heard a few things about how she was really smart, which drew me into wanting to befriend her. (i don’t know why, intelligence REALLY attracts me) we didn’t have any classes together, so i decided to try and talk to her at lunch. for a few weeks i tried sitting at her table and becoming friends with her, but we didn’t really hit it off so i gave up. this year, we have P.E. and english together, so i’ve been trying really hard to befriend her. i just admire her so much… i admire her intelligence, i admire her talents and skills in all sorts of things. she knows i exist and we talk sometimes, but we’re not super close. i just really really want to get closer and get to know her better. i get jealous when i see her talking to her other friends because i’m scared then she wouldn’t notice me. i don’t think i would want to date her at all, i just want her to notice im special, intelligent, and capable. i want to be an important person in her life… i just want to be around her all the time and learn about her i get nervous and jittery sometimes when i talk to her , which is typical “crushing behavior”, right ? but i don’t really want to date her or do anything sexual with her looks aren’t even in the equation here; she’s not the most conventionally attractive person, but that’s literally the last thing i’m worried about. like, i see her change in the locker room every day and that doesn’t really turn me on at all. we’ve both established to each other that we’re aroace (she is as well) , but i just don’t know what i’m feeling… i think it’s a squish, but i just like her so so much that i’m not really sure anymore… opinions?

i’m at that point of the year where everyone at my school is attempting to find a homecoming date and all that crap. some dude the other day that i hardly know asked me, and i told him “i’ll think about it”. truth is, i dont really want to go to the dance at all, but i’ll probably end up going by peer pressure. i’m not really interested in getting a date to the dance, so i’m kinda worried about people asking me . like, do i turn them down or something?? i don’t want to accidentally lead on someone who’s potentially into me by saying yes i don’t want to miss out or anything, but i also don’t know if other people are planning to ask me, or how to politely reject them D: what should i do? do any other aros have advice for this situation?

over the past few months, a few people have shown romantic interest in me, and to be frank it kind of freaks me out i’ve had one of my friends from school ask me out, another dude that i was trying to make friends with confessed his love for me and tried to make moves on me (even though we had met that day…), and some other guy i think has a crush on me. i tend to make friends with mostly guys, so this has started to become a problem for me. what should i do to potentially ward off any people romantically interested in me? i’ve seen things like “just make yourself uglier” or “pick your nose in front of them” , but i actually do take pride in my appearance, and i don’t want anybody to think i’m disgusting either. see, i don’t want to ward away potential friendships, but i just don’t know how to make them not into me romantically :( i literally wear aro and ace striped pride bracelets and a black ace ring, but most people probably wouldn’t know what that means anyway i don’t know what to do, i really like making friends with these people, but they always end up liking me… i’m not sure what to do to prevent new friends from getting a crush on me without making myself downright ugly or something

so i was at P.E. last friday doing my normal thing walking around , and i see my friend’s ex (we’ll call him L) start approaching me. he’s a pretty chill and nice dude, (i kind of knew him, but we haven’t talked much ) so anyway i slow down cause it looks like he wants to talk to me so yknow we just talk a while about life, just ranting about friends and just stuff in general, he’s talking about his ex girlfriends and how they screwed him over etc and yknow we’re just telling stories for a while, he ends up telling me he’s bisexual, and i’m like “oh cool im aroace” so eventually he ends up asking some weird questions like “how would you rate meee” and im just like “??? i don’t know bro?” and eventually i’m just talking about my emotional issues and he’s like “if you ever need to vent to someone, you could always talk to me…. yknow if i ever get your number….” and it just kinda got awkward from there THEN THEN I SWEAR TO GOD THIS KID GOES “so if you had to guess…do you think i have a crush on you or not?” and i’m like WHAT WHERE DID THAT COME FROM and so i say “i don’t know bro i have a hard time distinguishing platonic and romantic feelings “ and he’s like “so yes, no , maybe????” and i was like “maybe?????” and he’s like “it’s a maybe… ok it’s a yes, i like youuuu ” and at this point i’m just really taken aback like IVE KNOWN THIS KID FOR LIKE TOPS TWO DAYS, HES A FRESHMAN SO I DONT EVEN HAVE ANY CLASSES WITH HIM, SO LIKE DID HE JUST GET A CRUSH ON ME THAT DAY, OR HAS HE LIKED ME FOR A WHILE????? (we had P.E. together last year but i never talked to him but once on the last day of school) and then it just got really awkward cause he’s like “hhhh im sorry i shouldn’t have said that this is so awkward aaaa” and i’m like “bruh it’s okay don’t worry you’re fine” although in my head im like BRUH WHATWHATWGATWHAT he’s like “uhhhhh do you mind getting compliments…?🥺 i’m like super bold over text but irl and facetime im so nervous hasbsbxbdb” and i’m like “sure??? i guess????” and he’s like “you’re really cute” and i just say “thanks???” THEN HE ASKS MY BODY COUNT AND ACTS SURPRISED WHEN I TELL HIM 0 💀 LIKE BROSKI MAN UR 14 WHAT WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO KNOW and he started sitting at our lunch table yesterday and today my friend gavin and someone else were talking about homecoming and trying to find a date (gavin’s the dude who’s asked me out before, he’s actually pretty respectful and i think he’s gotten over me) so L is like “oh, yeah ,,,, there’s someone i have in mind that i wanna ask to homecoming …” and anyway he tries to catch my attention and just is like “so uhh… allie (me) … how about the dance?” i told him “errr i’ll think about it” AND HIS EX GF WHO SITS AT THE TABLE STARTED GOING OFF AT HIM FOR TRYING TO GO AFTER HER FRIENDS AND WHATEVER and i heard him and gavin (the dude i rejected ) whispering , and what i could make out was that they were talking about how i ended up rejecting gavin and whatnot and after this whole ordeal he’s just sitting with his head down looking all mopey and sad not saying anything I FEEL SO BAD I DONT WANNA LEAD THIS KID ON BUT LIKE I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM BEFORE I KNEW HE LIKED ME AND NOW THATS ALL DOWN THE DRAIN CAUSE ITS GONNA BE TOO AWKWARD and like we’re probably going to have to walk together at P.E. and i’m scared like what if he thinks that we’re dating now??? he never asked me out but i feel like i accidentally said some things to lead him on now and i feel so bad what I LITERALLY TOLD HIM SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE HE CONFESSED THAT IM AROACE AND THAT I DONT LIKE ROMANCE AND MY MANS JUST DOES IT ANYWAY 💀 AND IM ALREADY WORRYING ABOUT ANOTHER GUY FRIEND HAVING A CRUSH ON ME SO ITS ONE MORE PERSON TO BE PANICKING ABOUT HELP WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO LIKE ME WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE GRRRRRRR 😭

so i have this squish that i’ve liked a bit since december , but ever since school started i’ve been squishing (is that a verb? LMAO) on her even more since we have P.E. and english together… TODAY AT P.E. SHE CALLED MY NAME TO ASK ME SOMETHING AND SHE ASKED her: “so… your bracelets… did you make them yourself?” (i wear friendship bracelets with the aro and ace flag stripes every day) me: “yeah-“ her: “do they… happen to mean anything?” me: “..yep :’D” her: “is it what i think it is…?” her: “ oh man i don’t know how to word this but like… i agree with what your bracelets represent- i feel that way too “ OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODHOIHOMYGODOHMYOYYOe SHES AROACE TOO!!!!! I KNEW IT OMG IVE BEEN SPECULATING FOR A FEW MONTHS AND THOUGHT SHE WAS BUT NOW I KNOW FOR SURE WHAHAJZBFBD TTHIS IS SO CRAZY IM SO HAPPY WE’RE BOTH AROACE!!!!!!! AAAAAA I CANT STOP SMILING I LIKE HER SO MUCH SHES JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND SHES LIKE THE SMARTEST AND MOST TALENTED PERSON I KNOW AND I ADMIRE HER SO MUCH HHHHDHHFH MAYBE SHE’LL WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH ME NOW OUT OF COMMON INTEREST :D ALSO MAYBE I CAN MAKE HER SOME ARO AND ACE BRACELETS BC IM A SIMP… BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT WITHOUT BEING AWKWARD BC WE KNOW EACH OTHER BUT WE’RE NOT THAT CLOSE YET… IVE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD TO BEFRIEND HER BUT I THIRD WHEEL A LOT BC SHE TALKS TO HER BEST FRIEND DURING P.E. IM JUST SO HAPPY THO OUT OF ALL PEOPLE MY SQUISH HAPPENS TO BE AROACE TOO!!!

i did it mostly for fun, or if i ever come out to my (slightly) aphobic parents who need a bit of info… tysm! i actually noticed my error a bit back and fixed it in my google docs version, but not here

This isn’t the best essay since I had no pre planning . I tend to be a bit scatterbrained, so my ideas may be all over the place. This is meant to be an informative essay with a little bit of personal experience/content towards the end. What is aromanticism? Perhaps you’ve heard of asexuality, and despite having similarities, aromanticism and asexuality are NOT the same thing. Some have debated on the definition of aromanticism, but it is generally classified as “having little to no romantic attraction and/or having no desire to be in a romantic relationship”. This definition may be confusing to some. What even is romantic attraction, anyway? Romantic attraction is generally defined as “having the desire to engage in romantic coded activities such as kissing, hand holding, cuddling, and dating in general”. When one has romantic attraction, it is typically directed at a certain person(s). These aforementioned activities can be performed in a platonic sense of course, but people who are aromantic tend to dislike doing these things with romantic intentions. As hinted by their title, romance is not normally something aromantics desire. While they may not feel or desire the “norm” of romantic love, they can still feel love and attraction in several other ways Despite lacking romantic love, aromantics can experience love, just not in the conventional way. They may feel extreme platonic love, familial love, or even sexual love. Many aromantics tend to prioritize their platonic relationships (such as friendship) over romantic ones. As mentioned before, aromanticism and asexuality are NOT the same thing. Aromantics may be able to feel sexual attraction or the urge to have a sexual relationship without romantic attraction involved. Some aromantics also may be asexual as well, and that is not uncommon. Not all aromantics are asexual, and not all asexuals are aromantic . Some aromantics may not even feel platonic love necessarily, because it is a spectrum. Not everybody will have the same experience. Just because they don’t desire romance does not mean that aromantics are heartless. Many aros have very deep and committed friendships. Even though this may sound contradictory, some aromantics still may experiment with dating for several reasons. Aromantics still are allowed to date, but they may not have the same romantic attraction their partner does. They may just do it for sheer experimentation, or the need to have someone close. Some aros may even “date” in a platonic sense. Unfortunately, aromantic people receive a lot of amatonormative comments that may make them feel invalidated. Amatonormativity is the belief that everybody should eventually be in a romantic relationship to have happiness in their life. This belief can be very harmful and stifling to some people, especially when romance is just something they have little to no desire for. It can be extremely hurtful to an individual and they may feel “broken” due to not being able to feel romantic attraction. Many people, be aromantic or not can be extremely happy and fulfilled without having a romantic relationship. Lots of aromantics get dismissed because they “just haven’t found the right person yet” or they “just aren’t experienced enough”. This may be true for some people and love may come eventually, but many aromantics feel repulsed to the idea of themselves in romance. It just simply isn’t for everybody. There are many happily single people who choose the “single life” because of different circumstances such as success, distaste of lack of freedom, or for spiritual reasons. This does not necessarily mean that they are aromantic. If they have romantic attraction and they’re making the conscious choice that they don’t want to date for certain reasons, that is not aromantic. Aromantics don’t CHOOSE to feel this way or CHOOSE this “lifestyle”. In fact, many celibates make the choice of celibacy for spiritual and religious reasons, but they may still have romantic feelings. Just because they do not act on those feelings does not mean they aren’t there. Celibacy is VOLUNTARY. Aromanticism is NOT. Some people may beg the question: “If aromantics or asexuals DON’T feel any romantic/(and or) sexual attraction, and it revolves around their lack of attraction, why is it considered in the LGBTQ community?”. The LGBTQ community isn’t just about being gay or trans, it’s a community for people who have non-normative experiences with their sexual, romantic, or gender identity. Aromantics and asexuals do not fit in the mold of what society considers a “normal” romantic or sexual identity. You may be also wondering: “If you’re aromantic (or asexual), do you have to associate yourself with the LGBTQ community?”. The answer to that is NO. Not all aromantics or asexuals consider or associate themselves to be a part of the community. They are not obligated to. -“But why do they get a fancy label then?” This question seems to be irrelevant. Heterosexuals who don’t identify with the LGBTQ community still identify as straight. It simply is no different. Being aromantic or asexual should not conflict with any religious views or rules, because a lack of romantic or sexual feelings is nothing of sinful nature. In fact, it may be seen as a blessing by some people because there is no temptation to fall into sexual immorality. Paul even promotes singleness if it can help you become closer to God. “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (Corinthians 7:8-10) He even states that perhaps staying unmarried is better for your relationship with God because a spouse can distract you from the Lord. “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband.” (Corinthians 7:34) Like mentioned before, not all of these people associate themselves with the LGBTQ community, so there should inherently should be no problem. Someone’s lack of romantic or sexual feelings should be no reasonable cause for concern. My personal experience with aromanticism is quite complained. I never had any crushes at all growing up (not even any fictional ones). I didn’t have my first “crush” until I was 11 or 12. I hardly recalled even liking him much, but I believe I forced myself into liking him so I could feel “normal”. Of course, those feelings never lasted for long, nor escalated into anything serious at all. I’ve had other “crushes”, but looking back, none of them have ever had any romantic desire whatsoever. Most of them stemmed from either really appreciating them as a person or as a friend, or just straight up non-romantic obsession. I have never wished to date any of my “crushes” or do anything romantic with them. I’ve always had extremely blurry lines on whether I liked someone or not. Every time I make a friend, I start to get obsessive feelings over them. Looking back, none of them were romantic at all, and they were just sheer appreciation of them. I personally could never find myself enjoying a romantic relationship at all. I am very averse to physical constant and especially physical intimacy (even non-romantically/sexually). Dating has always seemed utterly useless to me. I think that if you have so much in common with someone and you really appreciate them, being friends seems like a way better solution. Unfortunately, not everybody thinks the same way as I do, and there may be some issues with unrequited love from the other person that I would see unromantically. Romance just seems completely unappealing to me in so many ways. I despise physical contact, even non romantic hand holding or cuddling puts me at unease. Kissing seems absolutely horrible and disgusting in so many ways. Intimacy in any shape or form seems awful. I’ve never felt the urge to say “I love you”s to anyone. It’s always been uncomfortable for me to say platonically or in a familial sense. Being married and living forever with someone seems much more like a curse than a blessing. I have zero desire to have children or get married, and do not see my ideals changing any time soon. I’m not going to tolerate “You just haven’t found the right person yet”. Romance and any sort of intimacy is just not my cup of tea. I’ve felt this way for a long time, and I truly can’t see my opinion changing very much in the future. It’s possible I may change in the future, but I do not want to be invalidated because of how I truly feel. I don’t want words being put into my mouth about how I’ll supposedly feel. Not everybody desires romance. Not everybody needs it. I could never see myself loving somebody that way, and that’s alright. Not everyone will feel the same, and not everybody will have the same experiences. Some people center their whole life around love and couldn’t imagine it any other way, while some people just don’t feel that way and have no desire for romantic love. Not everyone needs romantic love to feel fulfilled. I can find happiness in other things, and I am perfectly content with who I am. This is how I feel. I am NOT a copycat, I’m NOT mentally ill, and I’m NOT making this up for attention. Every passing day, somebody asking me out is a debilitating fear of mine. I don’t care who it is, it stresses me out thinking about it. A lot. I fear anyone liking me romantically. I fear having to deal with that. I don’t feel romantic love at all, and that’s okay. I don’t need someone in my life to determine that my existence has meaning. I’m proud to be me, and this is just the way I am.

so i havent come out to my parents yet as aroace, but my sister is asexual and out to my parents. my parents are not accepting of my asexual sister, and they always think she’s trying to be a “snowflake” or coming up with useless terms. they always say some pretty offensive stuff to her about her sexuality. she’s tried so hard to get them to understand, but their skulls are too thick for them to even get it. my parents are also christians, so of course they have a problem with the lgbtq community. the problem is, they act like asexuality is infringing on their religion, which makes zero sense. some religious people could even consider asexuality a blessing. i think they’re mostly upset because since asexuality is part of the “sinful rainbow community”, she automatically assumes it’s a big problem. for instance , my sister has been wearing an ace ring every day for about a year and my mom found out what it meant. now she’s forcefully insisting that she doesn’t wear it anywhere. it just pisses me off so much because i don’t know why someone’s lack of sexual attraction should be offensive to anyone? like, most people (even in the lgbtq community) don’t know what ace rings are, so why should it be a problem? i just don’t know why my parents are so pressed about it. like, since my parents are religious, sex outside of marriage is a big no, so i don’t know why they’re upset ( because it literally means there’s little to no chance of that happening ) as i said before, i haven’t come out to my parents yet about being aroace. they know that i used to be bisexual (or so i thought). my mom told me that we’re going to have to have a discussion soon about my “views”. i want to be truthful and let her know that i’m aroace, but she already can’t get asexuality through her thick skull so i doubt she’d understanf aromanticism. she’d also think i’m being a copycat of my sister and that i’m trying to be a special snowflake because i’ve “had crushes before” . i don’t know what to do. me and my sister have tried explaining asexuality to my parents so many times , but they just won’t accept it at all. i’ve even explained that some asexual people don’t even have to associate themselves with lgbtq, but she just won’t have it. i don’t want to lie to her, and she’ll think i’m still bi (and then she tries to pray the gay away), but i also don’t feel like having to explain so so much to her. she’s obviously going to think i’m copying my “delusional “ sister . i understand why religious people would be against homosexual/bi/pan/trans (etc) people, but i have no idea why they have a problem with asexuals and aromantics. there is literally NO reason that their religion would conflict with supporting us. they just get so pissed off and i cant understand why they feel the need to be like this.

You may be cupioromantic

My pfp is Mikey from Tokyo Revengers with an aro flag. Obviously, the flag is pretty self explanatory, but also I chose Mikey because he’s one of my favorite characters, and I headcanon him as aro.

Mikey from Tokyo Revengers! I headcanon him as aro because throughout the manga and anime, he never seems to be prioritized on romance at all. While Takemichi has Hina and Draken has Emma, Mikey never seems to be bothered about finding romance whatsoever. I feel like it would be plausible to headcanon him as aro :))

It really sucks though that people in 9th/10th grade are still acting like this towards me. Like, what are we in third grade or something? Grow up! They most likely feel pity for me as I’m not in a relationship, but I would prefer it to stay that way.

Exactly! Once we had a substitute, and we weren’t really very busy. This girl literally dragged me and the dude to the front of the class and tried to “set us up”, and then asked the class if we’d be a cute couple. She basically was prodding me about if i liked him, who/what I liked, etc, it was awful and so embarrassing. The whole week she was going around acting like she “did me a favor” and how I should be grateful… sigh.

Well, technically you wouldn’t be bisexual, but you can still be attracted to both genders in different ways (like platonically, aesthetically, or sensually). I’m somewhat new to the aro community, but I’m pretty sure you could refer to yourself as a “bi oriented aroace”. That implies that there’s some sort of attraction to both genders, but not in a romantic or sexual way. Not sure on this, but you could probably call yourself a biplatonic aroace perhaps?

I hate being shipped with friends :’) Everyone thinks that me and my close friend at school, Gavin, are dating. He’s in love with me, and obviously since i’m aro, I don’t reciprocate. Everyone always teases me about our “relationship”, and it makes me want to punch someone. For instance, today: For some reason today Gavin’s mom was in the hall cause i think she may have came to help him with his class scheduling for next year, anyway so she’s walking down the hall (and i didn’t know it was his mom), and im walking to the cafeteria and this girl who’s convinced we’re besties is like her: “BESTIE WAIT STOP” me: “huh?” her: “I JUST SAW YOUR MOTHER IN LAW!1!1!” me genuinely confused: “what?? are we even talking about?????” her: “i saw gavin’s mom 😏” and i literally muttered “jesus christ why are you like this “ under my breath i hate people like that…. I was also standing next to this dude I hardly know, and some girl was like “wow, I can see you two being a cute couple haha” and i’m just like ….no thanks

It’s not very fun to be honest. Seeing everybody being all lovey dovey constantly just grosses me out. I have absolutely no clue who’s dating most of the time unless i’m explicitly told, cause I have a hard time distinguishing that. Also, because my personality just isn’t very feminine in nature, I tend to hang out with guys a lot more. Of course, all the girls assume that I like them because of that. It results in a lot of uncomfortable shipping. I was literally just sitting alone with a friend on a bench at field day talking, and then one girl I know started making faces and hand signals like “oooh,,, do you LIKE him!!??”. I’ve also been shipped and teased countless times about my best friend at school. Everybody thinks that we’re dating, and it doesn’t help that he’s in love with me either. People corner me in the locker room and beg me to tell them who I like, they never believe me when I say nobody, so I just make up someone who’s “not from our school”. So yeah, being aroace in high school is quite a time :’)

great to see so many other intps! i’m an intp-a

Hmm, I don’t have one, but you could name it something like “Aro sky” not too sure though

I’ve been asking a lot of people when their first crush was, and all of the answers I got were very young. My first “crush” (which actually wasn’t a crush at all, I don’t recall actually liking him) was at 11 and a half or so. I’ve had other squishes, but as I said, let me know when your first squish was (if you had one), and allos, how old were you when you had your first crush? At first, I didn’t know that 11 was apparently an abnormal age to have a first crush, because most of my friends are saying like 4 or 5 years old… but of course, I am aro after all :)