Early signs that you were aro

[HelloThere]

22 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

That's definitely how I'm gonna be with explaining my aromanticism when I do start going to college, because my mom will be asking me if I'm seeing anyone smh, and that would be my coming out basically. Because the "I'm focused on my studies" can only be my excuse for so long lmao

I mean I definitely want to explain everything to my parents but for now it’s the “no interest” explanation.

[HelloThere]

On 5/26/2023 at 5:18 PM, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

That's definitely how I'm gonna be with explaining my aromanticism when I do start going to college, because my mom will be asking me if I'm seeing anyone smh, and that would be my coming out basically. Because the "I'm focused on my studies" can only be my excuse for so long lmao

Oh my gosh. You remember that one “crush” that I agreed was alterous? I mean yes it still is but is it normal for the symptoms of an actual crush (minus the actual wanting this person or obsession) normal? Like my heart beats faster around this person, I sometimes forget to breath near them, I can still very much see the many flaws in this person and by definition it’s not a crush at all, but my brain cannot seem to internalize that at all.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

4 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Oh my gosh. You remember that one “crush” that I agreed was alterous? I mean yes it still is but is it normal for the symptoms of an actual crush (minus the actual wanting this person or obsession) normal? Like my heart beats faster around this person, I sometimes forget to breath near them, I can still very much see the many flaws in this person and by definition it’s not a crush at all, but my brain cannot seem to internalize that at all.

That's how my meshes (an alterous form of a "crush") were as well. They were intense, my heart physically would actually hurt, and I usually couldn't breathe around them, but after a week or so, those intense symptoms would subside. I would still be interested them alterously for a while afterward but the actual feeling of that would be gone, and then after typically a month or so the interest would disappear too.

And thinking back to those feelings, I wasn't really obsessed with them and didn't want a relationship with them, sometimes alloromantics would try to tell me that that was still a crush, but somehow I just know that they never were crushes.

Edited June 5, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[HelloThere]

6 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

That's how my meshes (an alterous form of a "crush") were as well. They were intense, my heart physically would actually hurt, and I usually couldn't breathe around them, but after a week or so, those intense symptoms would subside. I would still be interested them alterously for a while afterward but the actual feeling of that would be gone, and then after typically a month or so the interest would disappear too.

And thinking back to those feelings, I wasn't really obsessed with them and didn't want a relationship with them, sometimes alloromantics would try to tell me that that was still a crush, but somehow I just know that they never were crushes.

Oh my gosh that’s literally me! I don’t miss the guy, I just end up losing those feelings like 3-4 days later. The thing is it wasn’t even intense, the possibility just shook my current view of myself in a way. XD

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

That's how my meshes (an alterous form of a "crush") were as well. They were intense, my heart physically would actually hurt, and I usually couldn't breathe around them, but after a week or so, those intense symptoms would subside. I would still be interested them alterously for a while afterward but the actual feeling of that would be gone, and then after typically a month or so the interest would disappear too.

And thinking back to those feelings, I wasn't really obsessed with them and didn't want a relationship with them, sometimes alloromantics would try to tell me that that was still a crush, but somehow I just know that they never were crushes.

Though good news is, I now have experienced my first mesh! :D

Wait does that make it more likely I’m aro or less likely? Idrk but I’m pretty sure that if this can happen with someone of the same gender, than it could happen with others, perhaps that would mean I’m bi or panalterous?

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

2 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Though good news is, I now have experienced my first mesh! :D

Wait does that make it more likely I’m aro or less likely? Idrk but I’m pretty sure that if this can happen with someone of the same gender, than it could happen with others, perhaps that would mean I’m bi or panalterous?

I wouldn't say that it makes you more or less likely of anything! But, I understand that thought process, since that's what I thought when I dove into my memories of these complex feelings.

You could say you're bialterous or panalterous if either or both of those labels feel like they fit; it's ultimately up to you if you would want to identify as such, though!

[HelloThere]

33 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I wouldn't say that it makes you more or less likely of anything! But, I understand that thought process, since that's what I thought when I dove into my memories of these complex feelings.

You could say you're bialterous or panalterous if either or both of those labels feel like they fit; it's ultimately up to you if you would want to identify as such, though!

Yeah the label sounds right but a rather unnecessary part so it’ll just be something to keep in mind. Idk my brain has made two scenarios where it makes me “more or less likely” to have a real crush soon. My brain thinks that it’s more likely because that’d somehow mean that every feeling that would be romantic if I was allo translates into an alterous crush. But at the same time my mind is afraid that it’s somehow going to evolve into actual romantic feelings in the future for others. My brain is dumb but at this point I’ve been thinking “am I aro” less and thinking “I wonder how long this’ll last” more.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

13 hours ago, HelloThere said:

My brain is dumb but at this point I’ve been thinking “am I aro” less and thinking “I wonder how long this’ll last” more.

I get that. I've dealt with my relationship with my alterous attraction in the same way, also leave it unlabeled, and have questioned "how long" I'll "remain" aro, though I try to not let myself dive into that rabbit-hole since it never goes anywhere. ^^'

[HelloThere]

38 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I get that. I've dealt with my relationship with my alterous attraction in the same way, also leave it unlabeled, and have questioned "how long" I'll "remain" aro, though I try to not let myself dive into that rabbit-hole since it never goes anywhere. ^^'

Yeah, it's literally become pointless to "wonder how long" since I know that it's kinda impossible to predict but by the end of summer I may have something that could help? It's just something religious that sorta tells you that "life will be like this if you do x". Either way though, yeah there's not a big reason to keep worrying but I'll probably spend a while trying to shake my brain away from that.

[HelloThere]

On 6/6/2023 at 7:53 AM, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I get that. I've dealt with my relationship with my alterous attraction in the same way, also leave it unlabeled, and have questioned "how long" I'll "remain" aro, though I try to not let myself dive into that rabbit-hole since it never goes anywhere. ^^'

Though I’m scared that my parents may not be as accepting as I think, I remakrked that I didn’t want to date, marry, have kids, or anything like that and the only thing mom could do was deny, deny, deny. She just immediately said that “it’ll happen at some point” or “that’ll change soon”. I honestly don’t need parents telling me what I’ve been worried about for over a month so I’d prefer not to deal with that. After weeks of what seemed to be progress showing that I didn’t want to date, mom broke it all down in 30 seconds and left me with fresh new worries. If I came out, they would just try to explain away all of my proof and say it’ll change. I don’t want that, and I definitely won’t come out for a while.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

9 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Though I’m scared that my parents may not be as accepting as I think, I remakrked that I didn’t want to date, marry, have kids, or anything like that and the only thing mom could do was deny, deny, deny. She just immediately said that “it’ll happen at some point” or “that’ll change soon”. I honestly don’t need parents telling me what I’ve been worried about for over a month so I’d prefer not to deal with that. After weeks of what seemed to be progress showing that I didn’t want to date, mom broke it all down in 30 seconds and left me with fresh new worries. If I came out, they would just try to explain away all of my proof and say it’ll change. I don’t want that, and I definitely won’t come out for a while.

I understand your fears about that. It's a part of the reason why I myself haven't come out about being aromantic to my own mom. Throughout most of my life - with all of the emotions I've experienced - they're so complex and took so long for me to understand and categorize, and then to accept that I won't really experience them at all anymore or as fiercely... it would all feel like a tremendous blow if I told her everything that I've learned about myself, demonized then accepted, if she told me that that would change in the next five years. It would make me doubt everything again. I would try to tell myself, "Yeah, maybe she's right," knowing that she wouldn't be but falling back into that belief that I desperately tried to hold onto, that maybe I could just fall in love. But, I can't, I won't, and it can be scary letting someone you care about deeply, know that.

[HelloThere]

4 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I understand your fears about that. It's a part of the reason why I myself haven't come out about being aromantic to my own mom. Throughout most of my life - with all of the emotions I've experienced - they're so complex and took so long for me to understand and categorize, and then to accept that I won't really experience them at all anymore or as fiercely... it would all feel like a tremendous blow if I told her everything that I've learned about myself, demonized then accepted, if she told me that that would change in the next five years. It would make me doubt everything again. I would try to tell myself, "Yeah, maybe she's right," knowing that she wouldn't be but falling back into that belief that I desperately tried to hold onto, that maybe I could just fall in love. But, I can't, I won't, and it can be scary letting someone you care about deeply, know that.

Like I don’t know fully if I can like someone like that, perhaps I could but the kissing and the obsession and the overbearing attention to and from this person just doesn’t sound fun.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

3 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Like I don’t know fully if I can like someone like that, perhaps I could but the kissing and the obsession and the overbearing attention to and from this person just doesn’t sound fun.

Yeah, they don't sound fun. Certain romantic actions I feel like I could try to fall into and enjoy - but the actual dedicated relationship, expectations, falling in love, is so far out of reach and doesn't feel right at all.

The only way I could make people in my family understand that, is if I told them to picture themselves in a same-gender relationship (everyone near my age or older in my immediate family is straight), and picture being told to follow that romantic script and stay with that person and just fall in love with them what's so hard about that? I know maybe telling them to picture themselves in such relationships, is distasteful, but they're straight so the lack of romantic attraction (and sexual attraction for them) to a specific gender is what I experience for all genders everyday.

[HelloThere]

9 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Yeah, they don't sound fun. Certain romantic actions I feel like I could try to fall into and enjoy - but the actual dedicated relationship, expectations, falling in love, is so far out of reach and doesn't feel right at all.

The only way I could make people in my family understand that, is if I told them to picture themselves in a same-gender relationship (everyone near my age or older in my immediate family is straight), and picture being told to follow that romantic script and stay with that person and just fall in love with them what's so hard about that? I know maybe telling them to picture themselves in such relationships, is distasteful, but they're straight so the lack of romantic attraction (and sexual attraction for them) to a specific gender is what I experience for all genders everyday.

It doesn’t help my certainty when platonic, aesthetic, and alterous attraction keep giving me the middle finger either. I really do agree with you on that, and that’s sorta how I’d picture most relationships, I just see all of the show cliches and fancy looking movie moments. If it was in a normal situation it’s been proven that I really don’t want that at all, or kinda am just impartial. Like for example, today I was asked what my opinion was on some random girl in class and I’m just like “I don’t have an opinion”. And then he says “ok just rate her 1-10” and I’m just like “everytime I try to do that with people I get a random number and then the longer I try to hold that belief the more my brain literally just breaks”. I really do try to do some of that allo stuff like ranking people, or trying to find something about them to obsess over. I mean I look at a persons face and I’m like “ok so yeah I can see the issues in this persons looks and when they’re very smooth skinned, I just notice that, ignore it, and go about my day”. I really just can’t find something about people to obsess over unless we talk and share interests in stuff, that’s all I care about. Wait… I’m gonna ask my math teacher how to get more info on the GSA at our school. I know there’s an email assigned to that but talking out loud should help. Either way, I’ll see what happens in the future but I can sorta feel some heavy emotion on attractiveness aesthetically but that’s about it. After that I don’t have any longing to be near people like that. Even today (yes another example) some girl in my class was trying to get my attention to work on the project we’re doing in class and she just touches my shoulder and I felt NOTHING. In fact the only thing I said was just “please don’t touch me” and then moved away. But now I’m sitting here wondering if all the irl proof of me being aro was somehow influenced by some subconscious wanting to BE aro. So yeah, emotions are absolutely amazing things to sort through! (Jk I’d throw all of those emotions off a cliff if I could.)

[HelloThere]

3 hours ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Yeah, they don't sound fun. Certain romantic actions I feel like I could try to fall into and enjoy - but the actual dedicated relationship, expectations, falling in love, is so far out of reach and doesn't feel right at all.

The only way I could make people in my family understand that, is if I told them to picture themselves in a same-gender relationship (everyone near my age or older in my immediate family is straight), and picture being told to follow that romantic script and stay with that person and just fall in love with them what's so hard about that? I know maybe telling them to picture themselves in such relationships, is distasteful, but they're straight so the lack of romantic attraction (and sexual attraction for them) to a specific gender is what I experience for all genders everyday.

So here’s another funny thing today. We were at an activity for church today and afterwards I’m sitting in the hallway staring at my phone just minding my own business and some random girl just walks up and says “are you alone?” And then I just said “okay” and then I realized that this might be flirting and immediately EVERY. ALARM. IN MY BODY decides to sound, I want this person as far away from me as possible, I feel like every pore in my body was just covered in spikes, I was internally overheating, and I hated every second of it. That was like the biggest romance repulsed moment I’ve felt in years. Just all of a sudden the mere possibility that this person who I didn’t know the name of was flirting with me (she likely wasn’t) absolutely revolted my entire nervous system. I don’t even know how or why, but all I wanted was to be out of that room and gone. I had a momentary feeling of pure rage just at this person. I mean I never said anything but I was so uncomfortable that I took a walk around the church just to stop hating that whole situation.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

28 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

So here’s another funny thing today. We were at an activity for church today and afterwards I’m sitting in the hallway staring at my phone just minding my own business and some random girl just walks up and says “are you alone?” And then I just said “okay” and then I realized that this might be flirting and immediately EVERY. ALARM. IN MY BODY decides to sound, I want this person as far away from me as possible, I feel like every pore in my body was just covered in spikes, I was internally overheating, and I hated every second of it. That was like the biggest romance repulsed moment I’ve felt in years. Just all of a sudden the mere possibility that this person who I didn’t know the name of was flirting with me (she likely wasn’t) absolutely revolted my entire nervous system. I don’t even know how or why, but all I wanted was to be out of that room and gone. I had a momentary feeling of pure rage just at this person. I mean I never said anything but I was so uncomfortable that I took a walk around the church just to stop hating that whole situation.

I have experienced this too, though not so much so. But whenever someone would flirt with me, or ask me for my socials, or confess that they liked me, it felt/feels like my whole entire body got/gets dumped into ice (also idk if there's a dm option on here to continue talking about this stuff, but I feel bad flooding this topic with our conversation lmao).

[HelloThere]

4 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I have experienced this too, though not so much so. But whenever someone would flirt with me, or ask me for my socials, or confess that they liked me, it felt/feels like my whole entire body got/gets dumped into ice (also idk if there's a dm option on here to continue talking about this stuff, but I feel bad flooding this topic with our conversation lmao).

I mean yeah, if you wanna pm, I just find it easier to react here. Idkw I just like the format of the conversation here but if you want to that’s perfectly fine. :D

[SwiftySpeedy]

On 3/26/2023 at 8:39 AM, apprehensiveanne said:

As a teenager i always find myself rolling my eyes everytime i see something romantic going on. When the topic of crushes come out i usually just stay quiet and nod everytime they ask me something. LOL

I would just start obnoxiously coughing and dying until I'm away from them.

[HelloThere]

5 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

I would just start obnoxiously coughing and dying until I'm away from them.

I always was fine with the emotional aspect of crap like that but when it came to kissing or obsession over one another I was just plain disgusted. It’s just so… stupid to me. And I know that it’s kinda mean to say but that’s honestly how I feel. I mean seeing all of those movies where the girlfriend dies and then suddenly the boyfriend has “nothing left to live for” just get on my nerves. I mean come on dude! You can grieve but live your dang life after that!

[SwiftySpeedy]

On 2/23/2022 at 1:56 PM, Guest Meraki said:

In 6th grade, girls of my grade would hit on guys on the bus. They would act as if they disliked them but kept coming back for more (the boys' attention) anyways. I didn't understand their "stra-
 

What I was thinking when i was reading this: Uh Oh Uh Oh UH OH OH GOD

Now I'm severely worried that I am being hit on in this type of manner because this happens every single time on the bus and I don't know how to tell if it's romantic attraction or its just to screw with me.

Edited June 8, 2023 by SwiftySpeedy

[Log Date 7152]

When I was 12 reading Percy Jackson, I always wondered why everyone have to be paired up. At that time I thought I like the hunters of Artemis better, and I wished with all my 12 year old heart that something like the hunters of Artemis exist in real life. 

When I was 13 I remember I would stay awake at night worrying about having the marry someone. I was extremely scared of the thought of having to marry someone, or date anyone in general. 

[HelloThere]

2 hours ago, Log Date 7152 said:

When I was 12 reading Percy Jackson, I always wondered why everyone have to be paired up. At that time I thought I like the hunters of Artemis better, and I wished with all my 12 year old heart that something like the hunters of Artemis exist in real life. 

When I was 13 I remember I would stay awake at night worrying about having the marry someone. I was extremely scared of the thought of having to marry someone, or date anyone in general. 

Wow, that last one is like SUPER aroace. XD

I also loved the idea of the hunters of Artemis but at the time my brain is subconsciously thinking “that’s get boring after a while”.

[Log Date 7152]

6 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Wow, that last one is like SUPER aroace. XD

I also loved the idea of the hunters of Artemis but at the time my brain is subconsciously thinking “that’s get boring after a while”.

im someone who is big into immortality and stuff, and at 13 I was really digging the idea of being able to be immortal after joining the hunters of Artemis. 

one thing that scared me the most about being aroace is not getting married and having children. It's not that I like children or anything (I actually find really young kids scary), but the thought of my linage ending because of me was kinda scary and made me feel guilty. I'm the only child in two generations so there were a lot of pressure put onto me. So 13 years old me came up with the idea of immortality. lol

[HelloThere]

48 minutes ago, Log Date 7152 said:

im someone who is big into immortality and stuff, and at 13 I was really digging the idea of being able to be immortal after joining the hunters of Artemis. 

one thing that scared me the most about being aroace is not getting married and having children. It's not that I like children or anything (I actually find really young kids scary), but the thought of my linage ending because of me was kinda scary and made me feel guilty. I'm the only child in two generations so there were a lot of pressure put onto me. So 13 years old me came up with the idea of immortality. lol

One of the other reasons I wasn’t sure about that whole thing was because I’m not a girl, I wouldn’t really enjoy hunting forever, and I definitely wouldn’t want to stay doing that for eternity. I wouldn’t want love in that way but I’d want to experience the passage of time in a modern society where I get to hone skills, and gain knowledge rather than get stuck in a time loop.

[Keith]

I recently discovered something I'd like to share with you.

I'm one of the people that never understood love. I thought about romantic relationships as really close friendships, that include intimate touch and sex. I've had this mindset for a long time, and even though now I know it's not necessarily true, it's so deeply rooted in my brain that I can't possibly think of another definition. Which created countless misunderstandings in my life - misinterpreting love songs being one of them. Well, maybe not exactly misinterpreting, because I know that they're about love and all that stuff, but I just can't look at them that way. I mean the said love song could literally be "Lover" by Taylor Swift, and I'd be like "damn, this is such a good song and it describes both me, and my very platonic relationship with my bestfriend so well!! 👍👍".