merlindfluorite

Not a Christian but I just wanted to drop some support, hope you find the help you're looking for 💚

The only reason I found out about aromanticism was through voidpunk, so it is forever on my mind

Sounds like it's pretty difficult for you, so I sympathise. It also sounds like she does identify with the aspec community, but perhaps that's a question you might ask her if you feel it's appropriate to do so. What I can say is that if you are a person who wants romance & romantic intimacy, even if you were to date an aro person, it may be that you won't get what you need from the relationship. I understand it's hard to give up on something or someone you feel strongly about. But chances are, the relationship you are imagining wouldn't fully realise even if she might agree to give it a try, & that could hurt you both. I know from experience, on the aro side, it's hard to hurt someone you care about because they don't understand why you just don't love them the way they want. It's not something we can fake. I know it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. Communication is key. Both with potential partners, but also with yourself. Put your energies into finding someone who wants to build something with you, and you'll be much happier!

I love the idea of Big Platonic feelings! Also mushrooms. Welcome!

Definitely a big part of it - bias can be linked to common pathways in the brain & easiest reactions, which can be linked to concentration. There's some fun explanation on the statistical analysis which I will try to find...

Sounds like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed with a few different things. So maybe it'll help to break it down a bit and look at each piece of the puzzle separately. Yes, allos do generally end up in relationships, & sometimes it can leave you feeling like a 3rd wheel. However, I can say that when you build connections with people, that doesn't disappear when they get married. Some of the closest people to me are married, & I celebrate their marriage more than they do sometimes, because what makes them happy makes me happy & vice versa. It also sounds like you're worried a bit about losing school friends. Let me just say this. None of us are who we are today forever. I am so far away from my 15yr old self, my 20yr old self, my 30yr old self. My priorities & wants in life have changed, just as they did for all my friends over the years. Yes you may drift away from some people but I promise you you will find new people, as long as you keep going. Careers, hobbies, interests. University. Let me tell you about university. I grew up in the UK. I was expected to choose my career, because of the way options worked for gcses & a levels, pretty much by the time I was 14. This was absolute insanity. I didn't find a real career that I loved & wanted to study & pursue until my late 20s. After a bunch of different jobs & living in a few different cities. The pressure can be intense. But again, I promise you that you can take a minute to breathe & figure out your next steps. You can choose what's easy for now. What's vaguely interesting. You can change your mind later. You don't have to go to uni now & take those student loans either, because they'll still be waiting for you if you decide you want a degree. & I'll say this - it's easier to go through uni when you've had a chance to decide you actually like something. I hope this helps in some way, & sorry for the rant. I just really take a lot of issue with the education system I was dragged through.

Agree with @Reengo, if you can find a way to talk to a professional, do it Also try to go easy on yourself. I know it's scary when you feel like you're spiralling, but try to be as kind to yourself as possible.

I think for me there is a certain amount of disconnectedness - I definitely vibe with voidpunk - but I feel that this has a lot to do with how the humans around me would treat me rather than something inherent in myself. Gods & monsters are human creations, they made me what I am 😎

Welcome! Bienvenue! France were robbed at Eurovision this year! The people here are very supportive, I hope you find something that helps

Welcome! There's all sorts of types of love & ways to feel love, so maybe what you're looking for you will find again! Lots of flux folk on here, arospec people are very supportive

I get the impression a little bit that this is equating compromise with transactional - perhaps the idea that 'normal' humans need a partner to build a 'proper' life, but in order to partner up you need to take on some responsibility for that person. Share chores, share money etc. Contribute. So you might get one that snores or likes odd coloured furniture, but you require a partner & so you put up with stuff with the agreement that the other person is also putting up with stuff. What they fail to realise is that, regardless of aromanticsm or not, once you realise you don't need to live life a particular way then you can just live how you want, & you generally end up interacting with other people of the same mindset, & it's not compromising for some perceived lifestyle anymore, it's a happy continuous choice that everyone involved contributes to because they want to be there. I think queer people are better at figuring this all out because we were never going to fit that old model anyway

I would start with another question to consider - are these friends people that you still connect with, aside from their questionable sense of humour, or have you perhaps just grown apart? All of my closest friends now I met after I was 25. I feel like who I am as a person & how I live my life changed dramatically from when I was at school to the time I got into my 30s. It's nice to know some of my school friends are doing well, & I have loads of happy memories that I cherish, but we've moved on to different things. It's not a failure, there was no big falling out, it was sad to realise that I'd drifted away from some people, but I love the people around me now just as much if not more. Absolutely nothing is worth making yourself so miserable, & maybe a bit of distance will make it easier, even a bit fun again, to see them on the rare occasions that you do. Best of luck!

Absolutely agree with @roboticanary here, entirely correct. I'd also add that the people around you getting into relationships & experimenting with sex are generally doing it because they also think they might like it, we all make choices, every experience you have living by your own choices & healthy boundaries is not wasted time. There isn't a deadline to figure out who you are, & this time you spend maybe questioning it a bit isn't wasted.

Back in the day, ace folk & bi folk considered themselves the same group of people - since gender didn't matter so much in your experience of whatever sort of attraction it was you were feeling The communities separated out a bit since then because there are some issues that affect aspecs more than the bis & vice versa. So if you feel a connection to both, be both. There are no direct definitions & it's all just language to help you feel comfortable in your own skin. It's a spectrum after all!