Early signs that you were aro

[HelloThere]

2 minutes ago, Keith said:

I recently discovered something I'd like to share with you.

I'm one of the people that never understood love. I thought about romantic relationships as really close friendships, that include intimate touch and sex. I've had this mindset for a long time, and even though now I know it's not necessarily true, it's so deeply rooted in my brain that I can't possibly think of another definition. Which created countless misunderstandings in my life - misinterpreting love songs being one of them. Well, maybe not exactly misinterpreting, because I know that they're about love and all that stuff, but I just can't look at them that way. I mean the said love song could literally be "Lover" by Taylor Swift, and I'd be like "damn, this is such a good song and it describes both me, and my very platonic relationship with my bestfriend so well!! 👍👍".

Oh yeah, I always misinterpreted songs, like whenever songs talked about “dancing” I just associated it with the fact that they were probably gonna put it on “just dance” so that was the reason. 😅

[Keith]

1 minute ago, HelloThere said:

Oh yeah, I always misinterpreted songs, like whenever songs talked about “dancing” I just associated it with the fact that they were probably gonna put it on “just dance” so that was the reason. 😅

ME TOO!!! There's this one Harry Styles song called "Watermelon Sugar", and I deadass thought he was actually talking about a watermelon for like 3 months??? 😨

[HelloThere]

Just now, Keith said:

ME TOO!!! There's this one Harry Styles song called "Watermelon Sugar", and I deadass thought he was actually talking about a watermelon for like 3 months??? 😨

Not to mention that they always talked about it like they were at a dance party not a “club”. It took me 3 years of school conditioning me to be a dirty minded degenerate to realize what all of that actually meant. 😓

3 minutes ago, Keith said:

ME TOO!!! There's this one Harry Styles song called "Watermelon Sugar", and I deadass thought he was actually talking about a watermelon for like 3 months??? 😨

I mean I was at a church party last night and I got to listen to LOADS of karaoke and I was like “wow, I don’t remember there being THIS many innuendos”.

[HelloThere]

So my religion believes in no sex before marriage so if I ever lived with a friend I possibly wouldn’t marry for any other reason than taxes to make it ABUNDANTLY clear to my parents that I don’t want that in life. Plus then it’d be extra assurance to myself that this wouldn’t be that type of friendship. (Besides why would you do that with your friends? Disgusting!)

[Guest Alexandra]

I totally understand the Disney thing. I always thought the Disney princesses were stupid. I preferred Elsa or Moana because they existed outside of a romantic plot line. But my favorite Disney movie was always Alice in Wonderland. No romance there. 
I also never had crushes in elementary or middle school. My friends would all be obsessing over someone, saying that they were in love, and I just didn’t understand. At one point I even picked someone to have a “crush” on just so people would stop bugging me about it. I’ve tried dating more recently (I’m a junior in high school) because I feel like I’m supposed to, but I always feel awkward in romantic situations, and I feel bad when the person I’m dating clearly has stronger feelings for me than I do for them. I think I’d rather just have friends and/or queer-platonic relationships. I’m bisexual, as a side note. 

[Alysia]

23 minutes ago, Sad aro said:

*I had to hear the chorus of the song "And then you kissed me" by The Cardigans some times before understanding that it wasn't about domestic violence 😂

Um… it is. One of the band members said it themself.

[aRowanAce]

My parents thought it was hilarious that when any sort of kissing scene came on. I always and will always look away.

[HelloThere]

4 minutes ago, aRowanAce said:

My parents thought it was hilarious that when any sort of kissing scene came on. I always and will always look away.

Most of my childhood is loaded with me just being sick of those long romantic scenes. The shorter stuff I could live with but I couldn’t help but either not care or feel a twinge of disgust.

[aRowanAce]

8 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Most of my childhood is loaded with me just being sick of those long romantic scenes. The shorter stuff I could live with but I couldn’t help but either not care or feel a twinge of disgust.

yeeeeaaaah. It do be like that.

[kira-]

Only having “crushes” on my closest friends

[HelloThere]

6 minutes ago, Kira- said:

Only having “crushes” on my closest friends

Yeah the closest friends I had were also the only real candidates for crushes. 

[Zariah]

Ever since I started reading books with romance in them, I was always "ewww gross" as a small child and skipped all the kissing scenes. That's mostly died down now, but sometimes I still skip past them because they're just. Too. Long. 

When watching movies, I would always look away / cover my ears / hide under a blanket when there was any sort of sappy, romantic talk or kissing. My god. There is way too much kissing in TV. Now, I don't hide under the blanket, but I still get visibly uncomfortable when stuff like that comes on, and I fidget a lot and "go get water" so I don't have to watch it-

Whenever my friends talked about crushes, I would (and still do) get grossed out and uncomfortable. When I was younger, the train of thought was more of "ewww that's gross and why are they wasting all of their time on something stupid". Now, it's less of that (though I still do have those thoughts occasionally), and more of just, "Can they please stop talking about it?"

 

[HelloThere]

4 hours ago, Zariah said:

Ever since I started reading books with romance in them, I was always "ewww gross" as a small child and skipped all the kissing scenes. That's mostly died down now, but sometimes I still skip past them because they're just. Too. Long. 

When watching movies, I would always look away / cover my ears / hide under a blanket when there was any sort of sappy, romantic talk or kissing. My god. There is way too much kissing in TV. Now, I don't hide under the blanket, but I still get visibly uncomfortable when stuff like that comes on, and I fidget a lot and "go get water" so I don't have to watch it-

Whenever my friends talked about crushes, I would (and still do) get grossed out and uncomfortable. When I was younger, the train of thought was more of "ewww that's gross and why are they wasting all of their time on something stupid". Now, it's less of that (though I still do have those thoughts occasionally), and more of just, "Can they please stop talking about it?"

 

Oh my gosh I remember so many countless days where they’d show the lion king and I’d hide under the covers from “can you feel the love tonight”. Seriously I don’t understand how simba just magically liked nala all of a sudden. They met as old friends and then five seconds later… BOOM! They were suddenly in love. Still to this day when people are talking about their crushes I’m just like “I’d sell my left leg to change it to a more interesting topic. If they talked about entertainment I’d be down.”

[aRowanAce]

ah yes, crushes. Never had one. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything

[HelloThere]

3 minutes ago, aRowanAce said:

ah yes, crushes. Never had one. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything

For like 5 minutes I did, and that still fluctuates but I don’t really think I’ve had any of those. I’ve had aesthetic, platonic, and alterous feelings but none of them romantic.

[Rackson]

Some early signs of aromanticism for me were.

• Being blind to obvious relationships around me
• Telling myself that I had to have a crush on a girl
• Not really wanting to act romantic for people that I "had a crush on"
• Not being able to tell the distinct difference between romance and friendship.

Those and smaller more personal things are much more obvious now.

That and Jaiden animations's video really put things into perspective for me.

Edited July 19, 2023 by Rackson

[Synthetic Adrenaline]

I never wanted to get married because 'what about my alone time? I like my freedom!'

I wish I had realized earlier that wanting sex doesn't mean wanting a relationship. I had someone move across multiple time zones for me only for me to realize that being in a relationship was a giant chore and I was straining very hard to keep up my feelings for him.

It's a decade ago now. I mostly don't think about it. But it would have been valuable if I'd understood that having a working endocrine system doesn't mean you want to live with someone or have a serious relationship with them.

[HelloThere]

On 5/15/2016 at 7:50 AM, Dodgypotato said:

When growing up, my dad felt the need to ask me quite frequently if I, 'like any boys at school?'. I would always reply, "No, they're all hideous." When I was about 15 and still saying that, my sister realised I was ace. She tried to tell me, but I ignored her.

Oh man I remember one time a few months ago where my grandpas friend asked what I thought of the girls in my school and I just said “they exist…” and then awkwardly tried to change the conversation.

On 5/26/2016 at 10:57 PM, Quinoa said:

I was into creative writing when I was around 16. I wrote a whole bunch of short stories. I recently looked back and realized that for the entire year or so that I was writing stories, I did not write a single story with a romantic relationship in it. I wrote all different kinds of stories, but none with relationships, even between minor characters!

Oh my gosh I remember back in elementary school I had 0 focus at all on romance, and I even wrote short stories with absolutely no romantic plot lines at all.

On 5/21/2016 at 1:12 AM, DannyFenton123 said:

I think I had a fair few early aro signs, but I remember when I was a young kid and my sisters were talking about how I'd be kissing people (no idea what context this , is in) and I said 'No, I'll only kiss my Mum!'

I had no idea why everyone was laughing so much

Oh yeah, I remember back in my earlier days where I’d kiss my parents on the cheek goodnight and I just found that uncomfortable to say the least. I’ve literally before wondered how that would feel and compared that with past experience kissing parents on the cheek.

On 6/3/2016 at 12:46 AM, Zema said:

Am I the only one who just really didn't like the word love when I was younger? The word just didn't sit right with me, and I don't think I actually ever said it until I was at least a teenager. Even then, I was hesitant about using it. Maybe it was due to  society associating the word to romance, or the fact that I don't feel like I have ever experienced it (except for maybe my pets). Am I alone in this thinking or are the others who felt the same way?

Yeah I only ever said that with my family and it just felt like a sort of awkward phrase. That wasn’t a very noticeable part of my childhood but that feels familiar.

On 7/1/2016 at 10:51 AM, Dodgypotato said:

Early sign: 'Fries before guys' was your motto, even though you use the term 'chips' in Australia, not 'fries'.

I do remember living all of the anti-romance songs I’d heard about sometimes. There was one song that had the lyric “run away from love” and that just lit me up with an intense “oh frick yeah” type of mental response.

On 7/3/2016 at 8:57 PM, Rebekah said:

I remember at some point thinking that every other girl my age had probably, at some point, fantasized about their wedding. I made a mental note to get around to that. It never happened. 

Also, I never really understood the idea of sharing a bed. Like, how am I supposed to sleep when I'm overheating because someone is next to me and every time I fidget I risk waking them up?!

I remember legitimately thinking that if I thought someone of my preferred gender was aesthetically pleasing and not a jerk, I had a crush on them. I thought that's what a crush was. Turns out that's not quite what it is. 

Combine that with being friends I was immediately just like “CRUSH?!”

[Synthetic Adrenaline]

Just remembered this one: I forgot it was Valentine's Day and assumed the hearts were for heart attack awareness

Edited July 24, 2023 by Synthetic Adrenaline

[Rackson]

Probably not being able to tell when people are acting romantic or in a relationship because I couldn't relate. That for sure made me seem pretty dumb a couple of times lol

[LifezVictory]

I'd get sad when characters got together because I knew they wouldn't spend as much time with their friends and family. Also, I always hated the phrases "just friends" and "more than friends" since the first time I ever heard them.

[who_knocks]

On 9/22/2023 at 11:25 PM, LifezVictory said:

I'd get sad when characters got together because I knew they wouldn't spend as much time with their friends and family. Also, I always hated the phrases "just friends" and "more than friends" since the first time I ever heard them.

Yeah I've been catching myself using "just friends" and I stop myself. I'm so used to hearing "just" when it comes to friendship even though I know it's so much more than "just"

[Guest Atlas (He/Them/Zir)]

Hi hi! Just a few months ago I found I was aro ace but we will stick to the topic of me being aro! OK so first things first, Garlic bread, AMAZING, and Pokemon. Back in 2nd grade is when I thought I experienced a "crush" but I for real said to my self back then, quote unquote, "Just look around the room and choose someone!" It seemed so easy so I chose this kid named David! I just did the things I thought people with crushes would. I think I admitted how I 'felt' and he rejected me or something and I was perfectly fine with it. I also had another "crush" in that grade, she was my best friend and she was named Grace. Grace had been my friend I started elementary there! I never admitted to how I 'felt' and it was so awkward trying to explain to my sisters that I never had a crush on her. I believe this was probably just a queer platonic crush? In fourth grade, David admitted he liked me and even though I knew I didn't like him I agreed to 'date' him because I thought it would get to the traditionally romantic stuff!! We were very cringey tbh. Um also if you've read this far, thanks. 

 

All throughout 5th grade I wondered when I would get those actual crush feelings, but they never came, so I just pictured myself holding someones hand, it didn't matter who. Sixth grade came around and I thought I liked this kid named Devilyn! I kept it a secret from most people. Feb 14th I told him, he rejected me and I was completely fine with it. I started writing my first book, a romance book and I couldn't understand why I couldn't put the boys feelings for each other in words. April 17 I started dating this girl, Makenzie. She said she 'loved' me. (Which i was so suprised by) but I 'reciprocated' the feelings. I just wanted someone I could romantically love on. We dated for a month and a half but in that I had my first kiss and I all I wanted to do was meet up with her so we could but after we broke up (personal reasons) I realized, that's not all a relationship is. At first when I started researching terms I thought I was cupioromantic (Want a romantic relationship but experiences little to no attraction) But I realized I just want the traditionally romantic stuff like kissing, cuddling, dates. But I wanted it to all be platonic. So that's when I realized I was very aromantic. 

[Guest Atlas (He HIm)]

15 hours ago, Guest Atlas (He/Them/Zir) said:

Hi hi! Just a few months ago I found I was aro ace but we will stick to the topic of me being aro! OK so first things first, Garlic bread, AMAZING, and Pokemon. Back in 2nd grade is when I thought I experienced a "crush" but I for real said to my self back then, quote unquote, "Just look around the room and choose someone!" It seemed so easy so I chose this kid named David! I just did the things I thought people with crushes would. I think I admitted how I 'felt' and he rejected me or something and I was perfectly fine with it. I also had another "crush" in that grade, she was my best friend and she was named Grace. Grace had been my friend I started elementary there! I never admitted to how I 'felt' and it was so awkward trying to explain to my sisters that I never had a crush on her. I believe this was probably just a queer platonic crush? In fourth grade, David admitted he liked me and even though I knew I didn't like him I agreed to 'date' him because I thought it would get to the traditionally romantic stuff!! We were very cringey tbh. Um also if you've read this far, thanks. 

 

All throughout 5th grade I wondered when I would get those actual crush feelings, but they never came, so I just pictured myself holding someones hand, it didn't matter who. Sixth grade came around and I thought I liked this kid named Devilyn! I kept it a secret from most people. Feb 14th I told him, he rejected me and I was completely fine with it. I started writing my first book, a romance book and I couldn't understand why I couldn't put the boys feelings for each other in words. April 17 I started dating this girl, Makenzie. She said she 'loved' me. (Which i was so suprised by) but I 'reciprocated' the feelings. I just wanted someone I could romantically love on. We dated for a month and a half but in that I had my first kiss and I all I wanted to do was meet up with her so we could but after we broke up (personal reasons) I realized, that's not all a relationship is. At first when I started researching terms I thought I was cupioromantic (Want a romantic relationship but experiences little to no attraction) But I realized I just want the traditionally romantic stuff like kissing, cuddling, dates. But I wanted it to all be platonic. So that's when I realized I was very aromantic. 

Continuation: The specific name for my feelings in Bellusromantic (Bellusromantic is a micro-label on the aromantic spectrum defined as having interest in traditionally romantic things, such as kissing or cuddling, but not feeling romantic attraction, and not wanting a romantic relationship.) But I just prefer the term AroAce, it's more comfortable (name-wise). 

[Guest Ur dad came back :)))]

On 10/18/2023 at 3:54 PM, who_knocks said:

Yeah I've been catching myself using "just friends" and I stop myself. I'm so used to hearing "just" when it comes to friendship even though I know it's so much more than "just"

As a fellow aroace wdym by that? (Just curious and I only have 0.5 brain cells)

Meme hello