roboticanary

@Holmbo, honestly I am still fairly amature at running these simpler RPGs so dont have that much to advise you, and I have no idea what style of story you want. but here's a little ramble which might give you a few ideas. If you want to avoid setting up a complicated story these are a few i have played or gm'd. as I mentioned, laser kittens is a good example of this. Also I have a soft spot for lasers and feelings, basically it has a game rules and setup that lasts 1 page, so can easily be prepared quick, however it has a tendency to become too romantic for my tastes, which will be obvious why if you have a quick look at those rules. quest has a couple of good one shot ideas and only using one dice keeps setup fast. one last one I recommend is goblin quest just because it is amusing to watch people die a lot. it is childishly simple compared to other rpgs but is good fun, also can be done without a gm which is quite cool. the thing i have found with setting up stories is that plotting out the campaign is the short bit. the bit that takes time is to fit the encounters into the rules. I have ran 1 custom dnd campaign and the thing that kept taking time was that any character was needing a set of stats for combat in case my idiots tried to fight them. picking reasonable enemies, rewards, all that for just one encounter massively upped the prep time. I ran basically the same story with a different group doing fate accelerated ruleset and the prep was far faster. (didnt work great unfortunately, fate is built for a less combat focused idea than dnd so i wasnt too happy with that story). if you want something that lets you create a story similar to what then either quest or a fate based system is a good option. Now these are in a completely different league to a long running dnd campaign, but if your friend just wants to try an rpg then this could be a good way to just get her, you and a couple of other people together for one night and play something fun without having to expect you to do the complex setup (also importantly, she doesn't get frontloaded with hours of rule reading and character creation which often puts people off getting into rpgs). Since you have played expanse before one other option is to use the modern age ruleset (what expanse is based on). this is a longer setup than what i have described above but since you have some familiarity with the rules that would speed up the campaign design. (sidenote, i have found each rule book for what i have mentioned here for free in some way or another, although that may not always be true)

ok, here's what i would say, i dont mind whether you would use it or not. Accuracy: From the small amount of media I have seen that involves aro characters I have found it to be fairly accurate. Generally the characters behave in a way i would say is sensible and i cannot think of a moment where i have seen aro representation and thought, wow that's silly, or found a glaring problem with it. However accurate is not the same as extensive, and I definitely think it is slightly dissapointing how little aro representation have seen that explores, say allo aro experiences, or aros who enjoy romance in fiction, just showing some of the variance in aro experiences. One thing that seems to happen all the time in aro spaces is people questioning their identity simply because they have these slight variations in their aromanticsm. like, doubting because they desire sex, or shipping fictional characters, or can enjoy some actions which are often seen as romance coded. I suppose this is just a side effect of having such small amounts of representation but it can get frustrating. Amount: Having little representation in media is very annoying when it comes to explaining who you are. there is no moment where you can point to a character the person you are explaining too and say, like that. having a common reference point is really useful. I suppose the bigger point though is that it is much easier to find out about aromanticism if you hear the term than if you try hopefully searching your experience on your own. This finding out about aromanticism is really good, I reckon I would be far happier if I had found out about the identity earlier rather than going through my late teens/early 20s just thinking I could power through and make romantic love work for me. This is also something which I think has more of an impact on mental health than many give credit for. certainly I feel that my level of comfort in life was far greater after I came to terms with the idea that my lack of romantic attraction was not some terrible failure on the part of my personality. On the other hand I am in a way happy. Little representation of generally decent quality is not a bad position to be in. I would rather that than a large amount of negative representation. Lastly I suppose I am happy that representation in media is lacking rather than outright hostile, this is a much nicer situation than many identities have or have had.

To be honest what you write about not sharing some common aro experiences has very little to do with whether you are aro.that main problem you write about fits in fine with being aro. fine with romance stories, plenty of aros are. fine with shipping, plenty of aros are. didn't feel pressured to get into a relationship, theres a fair few aros in that situation as well, it just depends on your upbringing. the key questions are about whether you experience romantic attraction. Also not feeling like you are different from those around you does not mean you are alike. I do not know how old you are now but I can read that school is a thing from your past. not many people from that age would say the last time they wanted a relationship was aged 9. So no worries, doubting your aromanticism is fine but the fact that you dont share common aro experience doesnt invalidate you.

This is basically how i think about it as well. @Robin. What i would ask is this, would you consider asking that hypothetical person to have sex. If you would go out of your way to initiate that I would say you are likely to be allo aro. As for why not women, I doubt that is anything to do with internalised mysogyny. maybe it is and i am being an idiot but i would say it is far more likely that you just are attracted to different genders in different ways and that is completely valid.

Hi first, what you describe sounds like being aromantic to me. Those doubts are common to a lot of aros and I am sure many here feel that same pain. As for where to go next, I would really recommend the AUREA FAQ on aromanticism which is often a good start for questioning whether you are aro, but is also a good validator. If you feel that some aspect of who you are causes you to doubt if you are aro there is a fair chance someone has already put it on there. It is linked at the top of this site. For example to quote from it about romantic stories, which you mention: Q: IS IT OK TO IDENTIFY AS AROMANTIC AND ENJOY ROMANTIC STORIES? A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and enjoy romantic stories. In general, people enjoy certain things in fiction that they wouldn’t want to be part of in real life themselves. It is worth noting that aromantic people who may like reading about romance wouldn’t necessarily be more comfortable with seeing romantic gestures in person. Some aromantic people have the experience of seeing stories about romance as unreal but fascinating, similar to stories about magic. So it might be a good option to allow you to work through some of those doubts, to get an understanding that your ideas of romance in fiction or seeing happy couples would not invalidate being aromantic. Other than that, you already found this forum, so keep chatting to aros. for your mother's argument that you should experience more: I have no idea how to deal with responding to her, but just remembber that you are under no obligation to seek out experiences you dont feel comfortable with.

welcome. hope you enjoy being here. good luck finding some aro symbols, I'm in pretty much the same boat, kind of want to start wearing aro related things to be more open about who i am, but not sure what to get.

One thing I was recently reminded of is that whenever I would hear news about people leaving marriage to later in life or lower rates of marriage altogether my thoughts were of relief. I could put that off for longer. Kick it into the future, even though then I didn't fully comprehend that I was relieved because I just didn't want to marry altogether.

I agree with the others, you made the right call. Lets put it this way, if you waited and it didn't change, you became more comfortable in your aromanticism. If you were in her position would you rather you were told now or if you found out maybe months later. I think most people would prefer to find out sooner. And maybe it would have worked out, or gone somewhere. I don't know you well enough to rule that out. but this phrase that really isn't a healthy bedrock for any sort of relationship, and given you say she knew for a while that something was wrong I think calling it a day was the sensible option. It certainly wouldn't work out if you had 'just waited'. just waiting doesn't make issues go away, you would have needed to bring up your aromanticism anyway, either in name or explaining how you feel and working out how you would each work with that in a relationship. Otherwise she just gets more and more frustrated by the fact that something is clearly wrong and you know but won't say.

welcome, hope you have a great time here also, really cool that you have a puppy. Being an aro in lockdown really made me desperate for a pet just to have some permenant companionship.

yeah, this is the problem I find with a lot of RPGs, long campains that tend to need a lot of time to prepare and multiple weeks to run. My way around it has been avoiding DnD style stuff and playing around with some far shorter, simpler RPG systems. For avoiding romance I do like laser kittens, the game uses a hand of cards for each player rather than rolling dice and whether you can perform an action lands on a simple bet between you and the person running the story, very easy to do as a one night run even if coming in no-one else had heard of the game. I know some people really like the complexity that something like DnD offers with so many options and competing rolls but I find it often just leads to one round of combat taking a needlessly long time. Also before you even start you have character design which can be tonnes of work in itself. I have only played one expanse campaign and that as a player, but to be honest I would agree that DnD beats it if you want a serious, long running campaign. Expanse was good fun but I think suffered from being a fairly recent release. Not sure how it is now but when I played it I don't remember using expansions and some parts of the world, especially the ships, felt threadbare. DnD just has far more years of expanding and tinkering to make a more elegant set of rules. It also of course has far more material for a GM to design a campaign around.

Hi welcome, you seem really positive about being aro in a way that is great to read. Hope you enjoy being here. Also good to see some love for physics, the best science (according to physicists)

Hi, welcome man that sounds rough. One of the first things I noticed in this forum was that being in my late twenties was old compared to most here and feeling kind of sad that so many people had found their identity with less blind staggering around in hopeless relationships. To realise that after turning 40 and having that self hate is a pain I cannot begin to imagine. Hope you are in a better place now, and in agreement with hermi1e, surround yourself with aro acceptance and those who understand. Have a good time here.

If people want to use it then fine. Personally I doubt I ever would, friends with benefits has a few bad connotations but it is also really useful because it is a term so many people know and understand. Maybe as well I am less bothered about being regarded as scum than most people but I don't know. Practically I have had a couple of fwbs and both times we have been fairly comfortable being friends in the ways you suggest, watching movies and hanging out, usually by meeting and chatting in a local bar. we were, after all, friends.

The cat numbers are rising. On second thoughts this is much better than my initial plan to just have a pet, I now really want a family entirely of cats. They are generally much tidier than people I have lived with, they don't tend to snore as loud and all their relationship drama is settled outside by sitting on a fence and screaming.

Hi, like the other reply I have no idea about AVEN but am really enjoying this site. hope you have a good time looking around here. It is good to have a site just for aros to explore aromanticism, there have been a fair few intros here which pretty much start with a sort of 'eeeurgh AVEN is being a pain and now here I am' so I reckon you will be in good company.

Hi, sounds like a fine impulse decision to me. agreed with the love of cats, I know it seems stereotypical for a single person to keep loads of pets there is a bit of me that really wants a house full of fluffy animals.

aaw, thats so brilliant. her reaction sounds so chilled out and humorous.

very, very rarely. Its not the sort of thing that comes into conversation much and to be honest, the places it could turn up are when people I know are talking about their love life and I would much rather shift the conversation away entirely.

I definitely had this a couple of times as well. After someone elsess wedding I would imagine what it would be like for me but not with any particular person, just for the awesome party. I also remember daydreaming about a perfect date, which turns out was just a really chill day with a good friend and I had no interest in who that person actually was.

Hi I definitely relate to a lot of what you have said. Not recognising when someone likes me, that has happened quite a lot, as has feeling uncomfortable talking about romance with friends and family. I get the frustration at people in romantic fiction being dumb as rocks as well. Given what you have said, gray-romantic does sound like a good fit, hope the label works well for you and good luck exploring your identity.

I love the rpg all the related stories here, it seems they are on the one hand wierd and uncomfortable but on the other can be an amazing way to explore your aro identity without being confronted in real life. Anyway here's a little story I had from a while back. Me and a few friends were playing a game called 'everyone is John'. basically everyone takes control of part of John's brain and tries to get him to complete tasks ranging from simple to impossible without John becoming bored or being knocked out. (although in our version John is a robot and we are parts of his faulty programming). One of the features is that each player chooses a skill for John which activates when they are in control. So your aspect of John could have x-ray vision, say or have some form of mind control. Or in my case, have incredible sex appeal and try to solve every problem by dropping his trousers infront of crowds of people. (then they would turn a blind eye to me stealing a parachute, or throwing a cat at the pope*). This went fine until the GM made one of the NPCs react by asking to take things slower and go for a meal. I instantly thought this would cause failure by boredom and ran naked out of a petshop. Looking back before the game we had spent a while talking about a cat cafe that had opened recently and I suspect this was the GM being clever and helping me find a convenient kitty without making the game too easy. But my aro-brain had, despite not knowing the word aro yet, decided that a romantic meal was a plot to make me pass out from boredom. *for context, not that you want any. My impossible goal was to appoint a cat as pope. So my plan was to fling a cat at the pope, then convince the college of cardinals that there was an ancient rule that the title of pope could be claimed using trial by combat, and that the cat won fair and square, hence pope kitty the 1st. Yes this is a very stupid game.

The dolphins say 'So long and thanks for all the fish'. They leave and earth is destroyed. I wish I could drink as much beer as I want without getting drunk.

Definitely not keen on the name gros. either too close to gross in english or as @nonmerci says, fat in French (and I'm pretty sure similar in other European languages). grace for grey ace works, that sounds fine, but really not keen on gros when greyros works fine.

I'm not sure whether or not you are. As you can see from the other answer, you may be describing aesthetic attraction. From your question I cannot infer much but here are are a couple of questions you might want to ask yourself that may help: * when you considered a future with these crushes what do you imagine? do you see that as a romantic future or more like a best friend? * what makes you think people are attractive? This should give you a better idea of if you are describing aesthetic attraction *would you act on those crushes you describe? how?

@Queasy_Attention what a chill idea, perfect mix of showing someone why aromanticism as a separate identity matters, but also not being unneccesarily cruel.