Scoop

You get cut off there haha or was that a typo?

Same! It just made good sense, monogamy has always baffled me. Polyamory and aromanticism create the same sort of freeing feeling in me. I have this book on my bedside table and have been meaning to read it for months. It looks really interesting, I've just been after fiction lately. You liked it?

I recently saw someone saying that so much of asexual advocacy is "we still feel romantic attraction" and so much of aromantic advocacy is "we still feel sexual attraction". Their point overall was that aspec advocacy needs to talk more about other types of attraction, but that's beside my point. As an alloaro, I personally feel that us saying we can still feel sexual attraction isn’t the same as aces saying we can still feel romantic attraction. This is a feeling and not something I can put into a real argument. I would say that in terms of aros there are less alloaros and in terms of aces there are more alloaces so it's unlikely they're coming from the same place. Except it's the same statement in the end, isn’t it? Are the results possibly the same too? I don't think so. I doubt anyone is going to start assuming all aros feel sexual attraction anytime soon, if ever. If anything my real question is where lmao. Where can I find this space where aros are talking significantly about sexual attraction? Bc I want in haha Anyway I was curious what others thought of the comparison and equivalence. Is it accurate? Is it something aros should be concerned about? Do you know of any decent alloaro spaces? ?

I'm really interested in the topic you've picked, I fucking love reading and shit abouts aros is even better. How long do these calls typically last? If I'm converting correctly then this one is at 10pm for me haha

I definitely do the same thing. It's fucking fun to joke around like this. My friends often say shit like we're all in a polycule, we're all married, etc. Marriage and relationships are shorthand for "this is my most important person" so I find it lovely when people say, with humour, that they can see me/us in the position. If it's even slightly real tho, then it's too much haha. I couldn’t explain the difference other than the expectation maybe? There's no expectation in a joke, just good fun. I don’t know if I do it bc I want to belong? I don’t think so. (Lmao as I'm writing this my friend just said we're dating). We say a lot of shit. Either way, it's a nice way to express yourself!

I want more bi friends and to be around more bi people. The obvious solution to that is to go somewhere more bisexual people hang out. It's not happening IRL which leaves online platforms. I've heard some okay things about Amino (??) and they have a specific bisexual app too. So I'm leaning toward that lmao seeing as I have negative feelings towards tumblr, twitter, reddit and what else is there anyway? The reason I'm rambling like this is I've never been in a space that is specifically for an identity of mine that isn't aromantic and I want to know if anyone else has! I guess I've decided I'll make it clear I'm bisexual and aro? I have no idea how that'll go down in a place that solely for one thing. I'm only in aro spaces online or IRL my friend group is a mix of identities, plus everyone is way more chill offline lmao. Anyone else hanging out in spaces for their other identities, are you out as aro there, and do you find it worthwhile?

I found this in a more recent article in May 2020: No IDing as aro in this piece when it would make sense to. I don't want to speculate on a person's sexuality and there's conflicting info here so I wouldn't confidently say he's aromantic. Here's the article. It's an interesting read, Sumney is really fucking good with words. Be warned tho you need to turn ad block off to access it and when you do you get a million ads lmao

I'm really surprised a decent amount of people said they don’t care whether aro rep is allo or not. Aroace rep and aroallo rep are often significantly different. If I take aro out of the equation for example, I relate way more to my allo friends than I do my alloace friends. Also if being aro is considering by a majority of people as inherently aroace then no matter what people feel about the situation, it straight up is erasure. The definition of aromantic doesn’t mention sexuality and yet there are dozens of aros - myself included - who have had people assume they're ace when what they said is: "I am aromantic". Saying all that tho I personally don't feel erasured by aroaces lmao. Interesting question haha. You've got me asking myself what do I feel vs what do I think.

She doesn’t ID as aro anymore according to this piece she wrote about Moses Sumney. She is great tho.

There's some examples here: My QPR. It won't answer all your questions, but definitely some of them!

I did the same thing haha. I remember reading "aromantic means you lack romantic attraction" and not connecting that to "hey you've never liked anyone ever". When I first learnt about it - I think I was also around 19 - there was so little information beyond that. Then two years later I think?? I read some story with an aro character explaining what aromantic meant and was like as an experience and suddenly I could relate. For those two years I was IDing as panromantic. For the classic reason lots of aros do lol "I feel the same way about everyone therefore it's all and not nothing". There’s just no room in any narratives for no attraction or no romance. It would have been nice to know sooner bc panromantic is such an inaccurate description of me. I would have known myself and what I wanted out of life sooner.

AUREA has pamphlets that you might find useful and Officially Divinity on YouTube has a great video called What is Aromantic? Good luck!

Have you heard of the Aromantic and Asexual Characters Database? It tells you who a person is and how much screen time they get so you know what you're signing up for. My personal rec would be the Dead Nation series. The aro(ace) character is the rival turned eventual friend in the first book and in the second she gets the share POV. It’s such a good fucking story, I can't recommend it enough. There’s also The Last 8 which I JUST found out has a sequel while looking for a link for you omg. The MC is bisexual and aro. Another fantasy setting. I should say lots of people die in all of these books I'm recommending you and they have heavy themes and questionable morals at times. I like that kind of thing haha. The Murderbot Diaries has 6 books in its series and is all about saving people and coming together. It's beautiful and fucking funny. The MC is aro and ace and romance is only mentioned in passing the whole series. Idk if you care about this sort of thing but none of the characters say they are aromantic in the text. They all say "romance isn’t for me" in various ways, multiple times, and act like it. Which I appreciate. There are probably more and I hope other people add to this list. The character database is v cool but it’s a lot of text I struggle to compute and nothing beats a personal review.

100%. The problems being aro removes me from vastly outweigh any problems being aro causes me imo. Plus I like being alone lmao, I like being solely in charge of agency and not having to confer with anyone to make decisions.

This is a cool idea! Especially the bit about pre-agreed upon topics. I'd love to talk about aro books with other aros! The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) is currently doing something similar with their Pride Chats - a bit more formally though I think. What you have in mind sounds chill. They'd probably be good people to get in contact with if you have any questions about arranging this kind of thing.