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  1. I wrote a big long paragraph about people confusing asexuality and aromanticism, but ykno what I'm tired of talking about asexuality lol so I'll focus on the lighter part of this discussion: Lmao @Queasy_Attention that's so fucking funny. When they say "why tf did you buy me aro merch??" I'll say "oh umm right hmmm, to remind you of me 😇😇"
  2. Lol I'm not done! It's always a point of pride? Or celebration, or a goddamn compliment too y'know? They're saying: "We're asexual! That's so fucking cool!" and I have to be like "no, we aren't asexual. I'm aromantic!" Siri, why do my asexual friends believe that aromanticism is a subset of asexuality when my queer allo friends who only interact with aro and ace identities through our friend group understand the distinction and separation?
  3. I would like to personally challenge my non-aro ace friends to stop thinking that I, a non-ace aro, am like them and share their interests. I don't understand, they know I'm not ace?? And you'd think bc of their orientations they'd know that aro and ace aren't the same thing and yet?? No, I will write sex in my fiction thank you very much. No, strangely when I was brainstorming what word to put on the back of my jean jacket "ACE" didn't make the list. No, the ace pin you bought me isn't a good gift and no matter how embarrassed you are rn blurting "its close enough" doesn't work in your defence. Like?? I get that they want to share shit and relate to me, we're friends. And I get that despite being able to feel romantic attraction none of them are really all that involved in romance atm so I guess they conflate the two in their minds, but also, why do I have to go through this. Think for a second? Stop including me in your ace shit? Its funny, but you never include anyone else in the group who isn't ace in these ace-centric thoughts. Fuck the look on their faces every time, they catch themselves before I've even said anything and realise the mistake they've made. Yeah, you forgot my identity again. Nice job. This post sounds so bitter and that's bc its a rant lmao, my friends are great otherwise. It is ironic tho that all my queer allo friends are better with my aro identity than my ace friends.
  4. I adore umbrella terms like queer and alloaro that are an identity and a community all in one! I also prefer to speak in general sentences like idk "my friend and I are fucking" rather than saying we're friends with benefits or fuckbuddies lmao. So whenever I come across a word that I personally don't find useful I don't really retain it and it's definition. I tend to miss the need for microlabels and new language being used in the aro community, which is a shame tbh bc there's a lot of nuance in that. Language is created and used for a reason. Luckily definitions can be searched up so I might be bad, but I'm not totally irredeemable
  5. Now I'm even more confused haha, which question? Also I assumed my message would be one and done, which it clearly it hasn't been so now I think I'm just distracting you from answering the v valid criticisms being made. You can tell me which yes or no question the scale is supposed to illustrate and I'll definitely read your response, but I think I've said all I need to.
  6. Okay yeah, that is a handy infograph and now with context I'm still not sure what the scale is attempting to say. Everything else has a title or a question above it, can I ask how you would title the scale? Also I'm sorry lmao I literally said "I think people would generally agree that there's no attraction towards strangers or acquaintances." I'd like to state on the record, your honour, that that's bullshit. People do indeed feel attraction to strangers and acquaintances. I personally feel sexual attraction, but since that doesn't seem to fit on here and I couldn't apply this scale that reads like a Least to Most Important Relationships guide to myself I started thinking real abstract about it lmao. Again I apologise haha
  7. Ironically no matter what I open the infograph on the text is blurred and all I can read is the relationship hierarchy because the standalone relationship titles aren't lost in a mass of text lmao. With no context I am curious what the scale is meant to represent. I can't read anything but the title of the infograph "Types of attraction" and the scale, but I think people would generally agree that there's no attraction towards strangers or acquaintances. And by the logic you've used - which looks like this is supposed to place queerplatonic partners on the ""normal"" relationship hierarchy - then I'd expect to see family on there. So I assume this scale is talking more about types of relationships rather than types of attraction? Except again family isn't on there and that's a ""normal"" relationship most people have. If family were listed on the scale I doubt it would look so much like a build up of Most Importance Relationship from strangers to romantic partners. You could just move romantic partners onto the left side of the scale and put family at the top of the right scale. While I think a hierarchy is inherently flawed as they are subjective, you seem to be committed to it and I imagine that would change the tone. It would still imply that queerplatonic relationships are less than and probably make people wonder why the person on the left doesn't have any family. All of which distracts from your point. That seems to be what people are saying here - the scale distracts from your overall point and, depending on the reader, undermines it. Wish I could read the rest of it haha EDIT: "I think people would generally agree that there's no attraction towards strangers or acquaintances" is bullshit. My logic is flawed here. I do think having family on the scale would stop it looking like all the criticisms being made in this thread, but again only if there has to be a scale.
  8. I'm curious about your intro there. I assume a topic you'll be covering is alienation and the like. Having your aroace character as non-human explicitly states the disconnect without words. Do you plan on showing an equivalent disconnect to humanity for your aroallo character? You've also mentioned that the aroallo character is outgoing, likely to partner, and well liked in comparison to your aroace character. I'm getting a slight implication that the aroallo character is ""better"" at being human and therefore, based on your description, arguably better at navigating how romance is an intrinsic part of the world [EDIT: and less effected by this problem than aroaces.] Would you agree that's how this is shaping up? You haven’t given too much information so I could be reading something that isn’t there. Particularly when you've said little about your aroace chararcter and with your aroallo character that they're bad at reading people and social cues. I would say it's difficult to find depth in relationships as an aroallo person. Most of your friends are likely looking for romance which means you aren’t their priority. Sexual relationships, if you can find them at all, are either shallow and physical alone or, as it's been said above, the step before your graduate into the more desirable romantic relationship. And how do your create a family if you don't have a partner to then have kids with? Etc. The idea that your aroallo character is well liked but not well known would be a cool thing to explore. I like your enthusiasm and premise so far! Plus androids are always a win. And getting people involved now is a great way to advertise smart thinking haha.
  9. That sounds like a really spooky world and a cool as main character. I bet those airships are talked about lovingly and I'd read it just for that alone! I wanted to talk a bit more about this: I feel the same way. When I first meet someone I know whether I'm attracted to them or not right off the bat, then as I get to know them my attraction will either grow or fade depending on whether I like them as a person. It's like their personality either enhances the attraction or kills it lol. This probably isn't a uniquely alloaro feeling, I would assume alloromantic people are more likely to overlook flaws/incompatibilities bc of amatonormativity whereas we don't believe in those same stakes. In terms of how I experience attraction to different genders I find that for women and nonbinary people it's more of a flat feeling of yes or no when I see them whereas for men I will have that feeling and find myself thinking like 'he's hot' or 'i like the shape of him'. What I think this means is that I'm much more comfortable/experienced when I comes to conceptualising my attraction to men, which isn't surprising with this heteronormative world. Its only later once I get to know women and nonbinary people that I find my attraction takes form in words and sentences. That isn't too say I couldn't string a sentence together for women and nb people in the beginning, I'd just have to think about it unlike for men where its comes easily. I also find that being aro and queer means a lot of lies of omission. I cannot say I'm attracted to a man without (straight) people assuming I want to date him and I then need to explain why I don't want to date him and potentially also why I don't date in general. So I don't say I'm attracted to the man/any men. And in my experience as a woman not talking about men makes people assume you're a lesbian and people like to drop comments, usually teasing ones sure, but they also put me on the spot. Every time that's happened I find myself thinking not "should I come out?" but "/how/ should I come out?" And I freeze. I'm not telling straight people I'm aro, I'm not interested in becoming a teacher or a lesson or a debate. I could tell them I'm bi, but I don't ID as bi so that feels wrong to say. I could rightfully tell them I'm queer but unfortunately, straight people tend to hear queer and think gay. So I don't come out and I don't talk about being attracted to people and its an imperfect solution. I do wish I could talk more freely about my attraction to people but I'd have to jump through so many hoops first and have the same conversations so many times, I'm just not sure it's worth it for whatever boring response straight people would come up with. There's another conversation here about the majority of my friends being lesbians and/or asexuals and how I feel like I'm imposing on them when I talk about being sexually attracted to men, but that disinterest is much easier to swallow than anything straight people would throw at me. I am thinking about it now actually and its all cool and good for them to talk about men being in love with men from media. Is the difference there that the men are abstract as in fictional, only interested in other men, and/or distanced and I'm their queer "just like them" friend suddenly talking about sex with men? Hmmm. Also for me I found when I was younger if I was attracted to a person and realised I didn't want to date them then I assumed I wasn't actually attracted to them at all. Because romance and sex are the same you know! *sigh* It's so easy to doubt your attraction.
  10. I don't ID as bisexual simply bc the beautiful word queeeer exists but I fit all the descriptors for it and so much of what bi people say resonates with me. Case in point @Jot-Aro Kujo I second literally everything you said, even the bit about Mai Valentine. My brother is rewatching the YuGiOh series atm and I watched an episode or two for the sake of nostalgia and Mai came on and omg dream girl. Did you want to hear my thoughts @Lokiana? I have a few. What's the book about too?
  11. Actions don't make an identity. If the label aromantic resonates with you then it's yours. When its comes to likes and dislikes within the aromantic community, the things people dislike are always going to be talked about more than what people like. People like to vent and complain haha. I can't say for sure whether most aromantics dislike romantic-coded actions - though I have also felt like that at times - but I can say I like a lot of those romantic-coded actions, the physical ones in particular. For me, since I know I'm not practising romance then the action I'm doing isn't, can't be, romantic. And yes that has caused a lot of confusion for allos over the years lol bc there they are reading romance-coded actions as romantic smh. I've accepted that I like and want things that don't make sense to others. Why do they have to make sense anyway? They're feelings ffs. I felt a lot of those quotes you added to your intro, like oof that's me haha. I'm not looking for a partner, nor do I feel romantic feelings in any regard. I am in a sexual relationship with my best friend though and in my experience I would say sometimes you won't know what things you want to change until they're being offered to you. I really enjoy cuddling for example, it's fucking great! And then my best friend said she wants to cuddle outside of bed, like when we're hanging out watching TV, and I knew I didn't want to do that. I couldn't have guessed what my preferences were going in, I didn't have the experience. Actually though I will say my aromanticism makes me adverse to being physically affectionate with my best friend in public. I know people will assume we're in a romantic relationship and I don't want people to assume I'm interested in romance. Clearly I picked the wrong universe for that lol. If I'm being fair a lot of what we do does emulate a romantic relationship. If I'm being honest I don't care what it looks like. I'm not going to limit the bounds of my friendship because people who aren't involved say I crossed one of the lines they have for their relationships. My advice: just tell the people you want to be in relationships with that you're aromantic, that no two relationships look the same, and you're idk excited to figure it out with them.
  12. I'd say all your answers have merit! It was most likely a poorly thought out drunk thought, I KNEW there were some questionable layers to the statement, and yeah, my friends do tend to think I dislike romance more than I actually do. (I should see if there's a thread about that/start one bc I certainly have some things to say there!) I'm not upset, thought I do feel like I should be lol. Tbh with this specific friend at some point I categorised them as "young" in my mind due to a lot of the choices I've seen them make and now I just brush off certain things they do as a byproduct of them being young. For the record they are 19 - not that young - and I am 23 - not that much older lol - but it is what it is. I won't be talking about it with them bc we were drunk and it was a while ago. Plus with all the social distancing rn the last thing I want to spend our limited time on is this. Thanks for the responses, I appreciate your thoughts ❤️
  13. I'd forgotten this happened bc I was Drunk, but a few weeks ago while out clubbing a remix of 'you give love a bad name' came on and my friend said: "it's ironic bc you're aromantic". Correct me if I'm wrong bc I truly struggle to know when the term irony applies, but that probably wasn’t the kindest thing they could have said was it?
  14. I want to write something for this month because I enjoy the blogging carnival and writing and your prompt, but I am strugglinggg. All I'm really coming up with is that I don’t think about gender all that much and I never thought about romance either. Maybe this means something, maybe it doesn’t. I could write about expectations and overlap? Women are generally expected to want a relationship and desire romance. I could probably reference arogender and maybe even he/him lesbians. I don’t feel a dissonance between my orientation and gender, but I suppose that still gives me something to explore.
  15. That's really cool of you! It's always great to connect with people, especially over identity. This was also my first time celebrating! I really enjoyed myself. I p much spent all my spare time and energy working on ASAW shit for AUREA, which was intensive let me tell you. We have a great series of interviews with aros if anyone is interested though! Here's a shameless plug: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/asaw lol. I had planned to contribute some stuff of my own, but there was no way that was going to happen. I realised a few days in that I should have prepped in advance and was rather disappointed I wouldn't be able to do any of the prompts or challenges. And then ASAW finished and I looked over all the stuff AUREA, and I, and the community had done and I felt satisfied! We did some good fucking work! I have since started working on a fiction piece for AroWriMo though and Carnival of Aros is still ongoing. I hardly missed out despite things not going to plan. I don't know, so many unexpected things happened during and with ASAW and I love that! I had a good time.
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