Helion

I don't even know what title this will have heh but I wanna share a certain experience. I'm aromantic, big surprise, I know, but I have hardly told anyone about it, just very few of my friends and tbh mostly internet randos (Like y'all) because it's inconsequential. There were a few people (internet randos) who were kind of annoying about me being aromantic. Whenever I said something even remotely positive about a romantic topic, something like a joking "Oh my god, I wanna marry you", "I think fictional couple xy is kinda cute!", "If I was in a relationship with person xy...", etc. these certain people reacted with "Aren't you aromantic? Why are you saying that?" That is... So confusing because jesus, just because I don't feel romantic attraction and don't wanna be in relationships doesn't mean I must be cynical and spiteful towards everything remotely connected to romance?? Why is that an expectation some people have? Ofc feel free to drop your experiences, if you had any in that regard. F to all ace people who experience the same shit with sex jokes as a fellow sex joke enjoyer pfft

I don't mind elaborating, just saying, this might not be the case at all, I don't know about your particular feelings! But who you are romantically or sexually attracted to can change, actually. Both of those kinds of feelings develop particularly during puberty, which is a gradual process, not just a "click, you are bisexual now!". During puberty you are developping, so it isn't that unlikely that you can change your sexual or romantic orientation as you develop. For instance, I am pretty sure I was alloromantic, I can't be 100% sure ofc, but I do remember fairly vividly having a big crush on a guy at the age of 13. Since the age of 14-16 I believe I developped to be aromantic and started lacking romantic attraction completely. This kinda stuff can just happen during puberty, it's when your body goes through a looot of changes and your hormones just go crazy. It's not impossible to change your sexual or romantic preferences after puberty, though it's much rarer and from my personal experience it tends to not happen for no reason, but is tied to events like for example trauma. Just as a suggestion, maybe that is what you are experiencing! If not, I totally agree with all the other great comments here.

I'm very surprised no one has mentioned this yet (I think), but Light Yagami from Death Note is 100% aroace. Aromantic because my guy is around SO many gorgeous, beautiful and smart girls, but all he does is use the fact he is handsome to his advantage and never even seemed to consider a relationship. The whole premise of the show at the start is that he is an incredibly smart guy, who is just bored because the world has nothing to offer - Dude could have a relationship anytime he likes, but nope, not even considering it. And when it comes to Misa Amane, he doesn't want to be in a real relationship with her even for the sake of manipulating her (Which would be of great advantage to him), he's so straight-forward about pretending, so yknow, he might be romance-repulsed actually. About the asexual part, first of all dude denies all the advances of Misa, in the situation he was in he might as well spend a night with her, but he doesn't even look tempted a single time or makes any jokes (Unlike L). Plus there was a scene in which he knew people were watching him via cameras, so to cover himself up (He needed a reason why he would be worried about people entering his room) he read adult comics. Dude read them like he was reading the most boring ass science book, the people.who were watching him even pointed out how staged it looked lmao

Maybe try looking into microlabels, this site has a great list of those! Aromantic doesn't just mean "You feel no romantic attraction ever", it's an umbrella term for lots of different kinds of feelings. Things like demiromantic (You only feel romantic attraction if you are VERY close to someone), cupioromantic (You don't feel romantic attraction, but you don't mind romantic-like relationships) or lithromantic (You like romance in theory, but don't want to actually do anything romantic irl) could be at play here, for example. There are plenty more. And if you find a microlabel that fits you you don't even have to use it specifically, aromantic is still an imbrella term, so it's okay to still use that.

I see! Ofc you are the one who knows their identity best, I was just sharing my own thoughts. Wish you the best of luck to be comfortable with your identity, it can be a struggle.

Yup, I do lack that compulsion and I do plan to break off any contact with her as soon as I can, no regrets. Though one thing that does give me doubts is the fact I'm kind of anxious in social interactions and also anxious about big changes, I'm a little worried this will make me hesitate, but I'm totally planning to overcome this because I want that relationship out of my life. I'm honestly happy with the fact I feel no obligation to remain in contact with her; My dad is in a similar situation, he tbh doesn't seem to like his mother at all but stays in contact with her out of a sense of obligation and it just seems to make him miserable.

What made me question my own identity was a friend coming out as aromantic. Tbh I feel like I have surpressed the thought of being aromantic because I did have a crush in early puberty (Which means nothing btw people, romantic or sexual attraction can very much change, ESPECIALLY during puberty), but when this close friend openly talked about his feelings it made me think about it and yup. Finally arrived at that conclusion.

Not to be a bummer, but it's a reaaaally small step. If you are openly gay or lgbtq+ he approves of still blessing you, yes, but doesn't approve of you being lgbtq+ and I doubt he would encourage blessing you specifically in the context of lgbtq+ (Like blessing a gay marriage). It sure is better than nothing tho, I guess.

Kind of same, though I'm not non-binary or anything. I'm female, but it's just not a part of my personality or anything really, it's just a fact that I don't care much about. If I were to turn into a man in two seconds I would just keep going like nothing ever happened so to speak lmao I feel like not being girly/manly shouldn't automatically equal being agender necessarily, gender just isn't always important to a person.

For my mom specifically I feel nothing good, we have a very rough relationship unfortunately. I feel for example platonic attraction to my cousin because we are the same age and have a shared interest in gaming, so we hang out and do fun stuff occasionally. To me it's not a single bit different than a friendship, I just don't feel anything "special" just because she is family, you know? I'd tbh even prefer most of my friends over my cousin because I don't see her that much anymore. I lack big feelings for pretty much all adults in my family tbh because it's pretty much impossible to be friends with them as all of them are significantly older than me and thus have completely different interests (Also most of them come from russia aka grew up in the literal sovjet union, which just makes them SO different from me). Yup, platonic attraction is the only thing I have, heh, didn't think about it before that way.

Honestly, despite lacking romantic attraction completely I like it, even in a non-sexual context. It has been a while since I kissed someone, but I do remember it feeling good. I'm a very affectionate person overall and tbh I don't think I would mind kissing my friends passionately, though only when I can be certain enough they don't catch feelings or at least understand my aromanticism, otherwise hell nah, I don't wanna ruin perfectly good friendships. Funnily enough I believe my aromanticism makes me MORE willing to do romance-connotated things because they just don't really have any special meaning to me. I would technically not mind kissing, having sex, cuddling, etc. with friends.

Honestly, I don't like em, I have this one guy I'm friends with and he always calls me "cupcake" for fun, but my anxious ass is way too scared to tell him I don't like it, so here I am lmao I feel like that is at least kinda toed to my aromanticism because it gives me these romantic vibes that I don't really like tbh. I'm romance-neutral, but if people show active romantic interest in me I tend to get repulsed.

It's not really a sim, but because it's related to the title imma talk about it: Persona 5 was an amazing game, that sorta intends for you to pick your favourite girl from the main cast and romance her. I skipped that cuz I didn't wanna bother and loved all the funny single moments in the game, especially valentine's was hilarious lmao

Thanks for sharing, too, this was quite interesting actually! Yeah, I've heard of platonic bonds becoming familial bonds, but I've never really experienced that or really believed it was that real outside of fiction because as an afamilial and aromantic all I have are platonic bonds, those are the best to me lmao So yeah, that was insightful!

As an aromantic person, no, we don't want to be super alternative for the sake of pride. Believe it or not, we still are and want to be in the normal society and don't need special terms for everything related to relationships. Yes, we are different about relationships and we can still be proud of ourselves despite that, but that doesn't mean we wanna be totally excluded from all of society by using a different language for the sake of... I dunno, I guess appealing to people like you? That's the issue, why would you call an "alternative relationship" (Like a poly one) not a relationship? It's completely nonsensical and unnecessary and it's essentially the same thing you are saying about aromantic people. And count all the other examples I named again. I never said you are homophobic or something, I cannot possibly know that, I am just comparing your claim about aromantic people to same-ish claims about other lgbtq+ people. If you disagree with all of them but specifically want to go against aromantic people that's just hypocritical and also odd. I don't care if you yourself are aromantic or not, what you say is very harmful. "Hang out" might be very inaccurate depending on how intimate the partners were/want to be with each other. How about you stop this strange tirade about forcing people to use their own vocabulary to be different and let people use it? Believe it or not, people aren't stupid. If an aromantic has a very close and intimate relationship with someone (Possible even without romantic feelings) they might call it dating to signal to other people that there is some commitment and intimacy, in whatever way and that they are very close to their partner or partners. If an aromantic person wants to just platonically marry someone to not be alone and wants to avoid romantic connotation because they are uncomfortable they will use the word hanging out. Others like saying "platonic dating" to signal there is something of a commited relationship, but it's very different from a usual one, etc. We know the connotation of words and we are capable of expressing ourselves and make other people understand what we mean. We don't need some internet weirdo to police how we talk about our experiences with relationships, thank you very much.

Yes, they absolutely can. I repeat, aromantic is an umbrella term, it includes people like greyromantics, people who feel less romantic attraction, but still some of it, demiromantic people, who only feel romantically attracted to people they have a very close bond with, etc. Some people on the aromantic spectrum can feel romantic attraction under certain circumstances, so if they date allos sometimes they can feel just as much attraction as an alloromantic person. On the other hand: Even aromantic people that have no romantic attraction can still be okay with having a partner and go on a date. You are for some reason using relationship and dating as two same-ish words, when dates are mostly about learning to know your partner and spending time with them. I as someone who feels no romantic attraction whatsoever would be absolutely for going on dates if I did end up wanting to partner up with someone because that's a great and cute way to learn to know them. What else would you call that but a date? A "meeting to figure out whether I like this person and consider them for becoming my partner?" That is quite literally a date. I have no idea why you are trying to gatekeep that term so much. Your argument is on the same level as "A homosexual marriage shouldn't be called a marriage because it's different" or "sex between a cis and a tra s person shouldn't be called sex because it's different". It's just odd and makes you sound bigoted, which I sincerely hope you are not actually.

I'm a straight alloaro gal and well, I 99% of the time don't really fantasize about real people. That doesn't mean I'm against doing the deed with someone, I'd be up to friends with benefits or some casual sex with a person I know at least somewhat well, but I just don't particularly stick to a specific person with my sexual attraction at all tbh. When I fantasize I usually either imagine a random fictional man or just... Don't imagine a person at all in a way, just his body and what he does, but nothing else. I'm a little strange about this, which is why I did consider whether I might be asexual, but I have concluded that I am not, just not interested in sex with particular people, but I am in sex in general.

I don't get people romantacising abusive or toxic relationships. Luckily most only do that in fiction and not actually irl, but I'm genuinly so confused about why people have fantasies about their partners abusing them or being toxic and dismissive to them. Sometimes it's about "I can change them!", sometimes it is literally just about being treated like garbage. Some even go as far as fantasizing about being r*ped, like excuse me what Yes, this was pretty specific, but yknow the thread is already pretty long, so the obvious and semi-obvious stuff was prob alr named long ago

It's completely normal to change sexuality/romantic attraction, which usually happens during puberty because that is when your sexuality and romantic interests are truly developping and your hormones are going bonkers. So no need to doubt yourself because of it! I am very confident about being a romance-neutral to repulsed aromantic, but I actually wasn't always one either. I did have one crush at the age of 14. I presume I started being aromantic from the age of 14-15, it's hard to guess exactly. Also I'm unsure if such a young kid is even capable of feeling "real" romantic attraction. Our emotions are, in the end, just hormones and brain juice and I doubt a little that kids have the ones responsible for romantic attraction at such a young age tbh. I'm nowhere near a professional though, don't take my word for it. It's not unlikely that those crushes could have just been you liking or being attached to a particular person and interpreting it as something romantic. Just a few suggestions, ofc you know best! I can just totally recommend you not to doubt your aromanticism just because of having crushes early in your life. This thought process caused me to refuse the possibility of me being aromantic for years when it was true all along pfft.

Afamilial simply means that you don't feel familial attraction. You don't have a special bond to your parents, siblings, etc. You can still like them and have a good relationship with them, but don't have the type of familial attraction most people have, like a mother not being worth more than a friend you are equally as befriended to just because she is your mother. Feel free to drop your experience or feelings. Here's my personal experience, feel free to skip as it will get vent-y: I realised something was up when I argued with my mom about our relationship and how we treat each other. I named an example about how I treat my friends, but she went "Yes, but we are not talking about friendships, we are family. This is completely different." and I was utterly confused. I went through lots of issues with both of my parents, have no siblings and only see my other family members fairly rarely, so I frankly have no bond to any of them. Even the ones I have a good relationship with, there is nothing special I feel for them, they are just friends (Like my cousin, she is just a friend to me) or just people I kind of have to meet obligatory but don't actually care much about. This might sound horrible and I frankly feel kind of bad about it, but if my grandparents died I don't think I would care much. I have an okay relationship with them, but they aren't friends, they are waaay too different from me, we have zero common interests or much to talk about other than "How are you doing?" and as I said I do not feel any special bonds to them. They are nice, so of course I would prefer it if they were alive and healthy, but when they will die I probably won't cry or feel that bad about it. Sounds bad, but this is how I am. It feels a little extra shitty because I can't help but to wonder if I would not be afamilial if my mother wouldn't have been such a shitty parent. This got way darker than I intended, I hope yall don't mind.

I'm sorry, but saying such a statement so incredibly generally is pretty horrible. The only case in which an aromantic person dating an alloromantic person is "not okay" is when the aromantic person lies to the allo person about their romantic attraction or doesn't tell them even when their relationship expands to a pretty deep level (You don't have to tell them day 1 of dating necessary). I would say it's wrong not to share such an important piece of info about yourself that does affect the relationship with your partner. In that case it is not about "they shouldn't date", but one party plainly being a bad partner for whatever reason. In literally all other cases it's okay because the allo person WILLINGLY dates an aromantic person. Remember, if we are talking about aromantic people willing to date we are talking about aromantic people who aren't repulsed by the idea of having a partnership with someone at least in some aspects - These people deserve to date literally anyone who consents to it, you don't need to find a person that feels exactly the way you do, which is incredibly hard, by the way.

My only real headcanon is Sae Nijima from Persona 5 being aromantic. She is the only female confidant you can't date in the game, she works as a badass prosecutor and is incredibly focused on her work and unfortunately is a victim of sexist remarks from her higher ups like "Why don't you marry and get children instead of working this job full time?", which she showed absolutely no interest in. Making her aro just really fits thematically and her personality so much imo, it's a strong headcanon I got. Imma still list some characters I can imagine being aro from a few of my favourite characters from fandoms I haven't seen mentioned yet: - Zinnia from Pokémon gives me aroace vibes - The Trickster from Dead by Daylight gives me strong aro and perhaps also ace vibes, dude has, uh, "other interests". Also I love how he sort of makes fun of the player for lusting for him in Hooked on You and totally plays with your emotions- - Hornet from Hollow Knight is such an incredibly independant gal and always seemed like a lone wolf to me, so she could be aromantic. - Urbosa from Zelda: Breath of the Wild is another case of strong very independant woman, who makes her life about her duty/job and needs no partners to be fulfilled. I'm fond of those heh

I did date and even was in a relationship with a guy at the age of 15. Honestly, in retrospective I don't think there was any romantic feelings involved (I completely lack those), we just had a glorified friends with benefits. I only got together with him because everyone around us were shipping us and because I was a horny teen. One strange thing I remember about it, you know how people always talk about "butterflies in your stomache", the greatest feeling of all time and whatnot? I remember having a sensation in my belly when cuddling with that guy once, but it felt... awful. Like there were stones constantly moving in my stomache. Maybe an early sign of me being aromantic...? I would categorise myself as romance neutral, but sometimes if people show active romantic interest in me I tend to get repulsed, so maybe that was something along those lines.

Funny story, a friend of mine started questioning whether they were aromantic at the age of 14. They didn't really know much about labels, so they asked me randomly whether it was possible to be just aromantic, not asexual. I was like "Nah man, surely not, that's weird, you can only be aroace or ace". I have literally no idea why the hell I thought that. The universe wanted to be funny and made me understand by making me aro- I believe I wasn't always aro, since around the age of 14 or 15 I started being one, though it's hard to say in retrospective. I only realised at the age of 17, that was when that very same friend started being more open and comfortable about calling himself aromantic, I looked into it and accepted I was aromantic, too over time. I was honestly in denial for the longest time because I did have a crush once at the age of like 13 or 14, but I ended up realising that welp, especially during puberty when you are still developping sexual/romantic preferences and your hormones are going bonkers you can change and now I am aromantic, or alloaro and happy with the fact I realised it. If I didn't I would have kept thinking "Yeah, this guy is totally attractive and all, but I would not have a relationship because I guess I'm kinda picky" forever lmao

Hmm, now that I'm thinking back to my alloromantic self (For little context, I developped my aromanticism around the age of 14-15 I believe, there was a little period of time when I was alloromantic) I think I always imagined sexual attraction to come from romantic attraction, as in romantic attraction is the first step and sexual attraction being the second step. With that mindset being alloace works, because you just don't do the second step but only the first one and then stop. To be alloaro you would have to skip the first step and go straight to the "result" or "conclusion" of it and I think that was what made me believe alloaro was not real (I still think the irony is amazing lmao). I dunno if that is what a majority of people who don't believe in alloaros think though, I'm pretty sure that was what it was like for me as a clueless kid. When in reality, these are two entirely different concepts that are experienced very differently by different people. For some these two are almost the same, others think of them as somewhat intertwined, but mostly seperate, etc.