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The Newest Fabled Creature

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Everything posted by The Newest Fabled Creature

  1. Yeah! It's like, I don't mean to think ill of any couples, but I often times think too, "How long is that gonna last?" And I know I only think it because I don't experience what they're experiencing, but I also see too many times relationships fall apart.
  2. Boyfriend by COIN I Don't Wanna Dance by COIN (I love songs where people don't want to dance, and dance means "to mingle" in these songs) I Don't Want Love by The Antlers You Can Make Me Want You by Suzi Quatro Call Me The Breeze by Lynryd Skynyrd Alone and Sublime by Mother Mother Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy, Bebe Rexha Myself by Bazzi I Don't Want Kids by Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq, Ben Dawson (I Got Spurs That) jingle Jangle Jingle by Kay Kriser and His Orchestra Make The Grade by Jack Conte I'd Rather Be A Stone by Thomas Hien
  3. I guess a, "Wow I'm aromantic" moment would be when I recognize couples all around me and think to myself, "Why would anyone want that?" To which then I think to myself, "Wait, the majority of people want that, but not me. Wow, I'm aromantic." Sometimes I'll straight up forget that I'm aro, and other times I'm too consciously aware of it.
  4. Someone has most definitely already said this, but I always felt like reclaiming Aphrodite, just like how some aros reclaimed Cupid since he has lead arrows that can make people not fall in love. A part of me has never liked a pre-destined fate of being able to fall in love or not being able to fall in love, but taking deities that are supposed to be alloromantic allosexual and stating how they may not be has always been fun, because then it adds another layer onto them being deities of love or passion. It can still be amatonormative regardless, though, so that's why I felt like reclaiming these Gods but never actually have.
  5. This is so eloquent, I'll need to use it at some point if what I said were to happen again. I think some people just need to internalize that you shouldn't have to literally convince someone to be with you, or to give you an explanation into something personal, or to do something romantic/sexual for you. People often forget that, because being persistent or chasing someone is normalized and defaulted (most of the time with men, but some cases with women or anyone, though it's a different kind of persistence); it's maybe not liked by everyone, but definitely normalized and defaulted. And I am not saying that being persistent or chasing is inherently bad, just as long as everyone involved actually wants to be chased or wants to be persistent, and has actually and actively communicated that. We see in movies and shows the Guy™️ character chasing the Girl™️ character, and either she literally doesn't know about it, or she's suddenly all bashful despite not having liked the guy in the beginning, and that has always confused me?? I've had "friends" like that too, though mainly in middle school. In high school some people had crushes on me, but no one ever actively pursued me, and that felt great. In middle school, though, lot's of guys kept on asking me if I was dating anyone, including girls - who either were just confused as to why I told them I never dated anyone and don't want to, or some of the girls I knew had crushes on me too - and some even asked why I didn't use makeup and I knew they were jabbing at my acne, though I would tell them that I simply didn't like using makeup, which is still true; Hell, a guy friend of mine asked me, "How do you not feel insecure at all?" and for a while I thought that that was an admirable trait of mine to not care, but then that question only started to make me feel more insecure than I ever did in my school life for a good long while. I think I was made more insecure about why I didn't want to date though, since everyone kept wanting to know why.
  6. I would suggest confirming if this is a date or not. I know that can be nerve-wracking, but if you do want to hang out with her, you should make it clear that it's just platonic from your end. It's perfectly fine to go by gut instincts and to second guess if this is a date, because honestly some people just don't flat out ask others in a "Do you want to go on a date with me?" fashion anymore; this has always got on my nerves, but the people that do this don't do it out of malicious intent. To her (if it is a date), she may be thinking that she is being loud and clear, but in my opinion if she still has feelings for you and is trying to go on a date with you, then she should be way more clear; because this also ends up as a detriment to the allo person in not calling the activity as it is to the other, because then the person they like may still just view them as a friend, and in this case that's literally so. For some allos, going out with them on what you don't know is a date would look like you're reciprocating to them, and it's just how I've seen some allos act and plus I have had this happen to me before. Hell, some allo friends of mine that had crushes on me would turn something that originally wasn't a date into a date during it and would still somehow end up surprised when I didn't return their feelings.
  7. There are some genderfluid people who may feel and even call themselves male/men, female/women, or non-binary when their fluidity lands them experiencing those genders, but then there are genderfluid people who only identify as genderfluid, even when they may feel some type of maleness or masculinity, or femaleness or femininity, or neutrality. A genderfluid individual who experiences being a man or a woman is a valid man or woman, but a genderfluid person who only labels themelf as genderfluid is completely valid as a genderfluid person, and is valid as non-binary(spec).
  8. It always gave me a weird feeling, but yeah "pollination" is sometimes used as symbolism to not only sex, but usually conceiving a child. I wouldn't know exactly how it works other than the act of a bee pollinating a flower, to which that flower then has the potentiality of having babies, is probably why some people use it; but as Holmbo said, people don't usually actually talk about bees when using pollination in this format. The analogy is not used a lot, but I've read that type of symbolism in old literature before that was trying to kind of censor sex scenes. The bit about the flowers engaging in their own reproduction would be a lot more accurate and I believe in hindsight it would've been better to use than only using bees for any kind of alloromanticism/allosexuality or service, but there's just this weird insinuation about bees when they pollinate flowers that people often make sexual?? (As I stated above) It gets weird and I never found it ""sexual"" for a bee to do that, but with the symbolism of pollination some people have used the actual act of bees pollinating flowers to symbolize sex in some form or another, too. And the bird part I used to further the "birds and the bees" analogy and because they are typically the actual romantic "counter-part" to bees, where if people used "pollination" to describe sex then I just used birds since they're considered "romantic" (or at least some birds are); but other than that I kind of just threw birds in for the analogy. And thank you, I'm going to try to write the new poem very soon! I also think I could probably write something about how bees (aspec folk) are often having their actions taken as something romantic or sexual when we're not tryin' to be (like the act of a bee pollinating a flower).
  9. Oh, I didn't write about the bees because I thought they were romantic-coded, although I can definitely see as why someone would see the poem as associating them as romantic creatures; so, I did fail in making that clear in the poem. I chose bees (and birds) because of the "birds and the bees" take that parents typically use to explain sex to their kids, which in a sense would tie back into romance because although sex isn't inherently tied to romance at all and is it's own separate thing, parents will usually tell their kids that you'll have sex with someone you "really love"; forgoing all nuance and complexity, such as people who have sex simply because they want to with no romantic love attached. I think I could write a poem about that all on it's own, actually. But, I don't truly know if this explanation is even a good concrete reason for the poem since as you said I could've potentially used vastly different symbolism that would've worked a bit better or more beautifully (especially with all of the facts centered around bees), but it's what I had in mind when writing it; but of course all kinds of interpretations are going to be born which I find amazing. Ooo, actually, you've promptly inspired me to want to write a poem about the aspecuality of bees. To be honest, I could've wrote a poem about the non-romantic life of a bee compared to a bird's, which usually there are birds who mate for life and definitely have babies. Now that I actually re-read what I wrote, although I'm not asexual myself, I can see that it can definitely be read as such! I'd say it's both an aromantic and asexual poem then! Or however else someone wants to interpret it really.
  10. Bird Beak in Bumble Wings by Memphis Lucas (original poem) I cannot understand the bumblebees Who fly in pairs, or more, to pollinate and make honey Who make more of themselves to love themselves, and to be proud of something I cannot understand the bumblebees Who can do great and beautiful things, sure Born out of passion and a love for birds Who settle down for life to raise young till they're matured I cannot understand the bumblebees For I would not be described as thee A reptile they'll call me, for lacking the love that helps those birds soar above to the trees with those bees A reptile I'll be, yes, for I am not a bird nor a bumblebee I've longed to be, for me I thought dead when I discovered that lack of passion in my heart A passion that made everything dubbed a bee or a bird, from the very start I cannot understand the bumblebees Because my passion is wrought with absorbing the sun Not from an internal feeling that I constantly see burned and burned till that light is completely done I myself can't fly, though I have seen others alike me able to rarely I wouldn't fly, I found, if I were able to No, I wouldn't fly, not even barely I cannot understand the bumblebees And I am not sorry for stating so It is not wrong to be a bird or a bee, of course, but it wrong to be a reptile, though? I have found so many passions of what I make, of what I love But that love doesn't make us what we are, for we would be naught if not for the sun above To be me is to free my skin of the prerequisite to being "alive" My aloneness is free, yes a loveless reptile me Than what could ever make a bird's beak sing or a bumble wing fly
  11. I relate so heavily to how you write romance. I typically gravitate to writing my OCs already together, because it's really hard for me to write anyone falling in love. I have the picture in my mind of what it could potentially feel like and so look like, for two characters to fall in love, but at the same time I end up either writing some form of the characters experiencing alterous attraction (since that's what I mainly experience) or I write them as having a kind of familial bond that would be hard to label as "romantic" because of it. I love writing those types of emotions and relationships, but it's a real ass kicker if I had to write romance and someone who was astute enough recognized the emotions these characters are feeling as non-normative. I often write intimacy between characters no matter the relationship, too, and my alloro friends often assume the pairs as romantic immediately (which can get quite annoying), and you stating how you wrote a platonic pair that were an aroace woman and a gay man reminds me of the aroace man and questioning lesbian I recently wrote lol But that aside, I haven't dabbled into writing smut, nor explaining sexual attraction, in my works just yet. I think I would be fine at it? Like, Hell, I'm allosexual and I struggle in explaining sexual attraction all the time. Going a long time without writing can kind of hamper any confidence, especially in that regard, though. But, despite havin' no experience in that form of writing I think I could write more organic and sane sex, and even sane BDSM for that matter, than what 50 Shades of Grey or any Colleen Hoover book has.
  12. So, I'm still questioning if I'm aplatonic(spec), and most of what I said earlier on this topic is still true. I have friends and I care about them deeply, but I don't have a desire necessarily to form new friends; I often let new people continue and maintain platonic contact with me at the start of knowing them, and usually that's kind of how I form new friendships. I found that I just have been growing more and more uninterested in making these new friendships, despite still liking meeting new people? People who I have known for quite a while, or a long time, I'll still maintain my own end of contact and routine, though it can feel like a contract of some kind sometimes, but it usually doesn't bother me as bad with the people I've known for a time. It's rare for me to want to suddenly be the person wanting to uphold a friendship via constantly texting, making up plans, or checkin' in on them when the relationship is fairly new, but it still happens from time to time. I guess that would be when I am experiencing platonic attraction. I'm a loveless aro and often completely remove myself from any kind of love rather radically, and so don't base my aromantic identity around experiencing platonic feelings or loving my family, even if those things could technically be applied to me. Someone stated how they weren't a pet person, and I'm the same way. Truly? All I want is a cactus (I had succulents but they kind of died on me 🥲), and not an animal I have to constantly pay attention to; like cats, dogs, rodents, or birds. I do often gravitate towards creatures that people advise to not pay any physical attention to at all (other than feeding them and cleaning up after them), like tarantulas, snakes, and fish. But, I usually just have a mild interest in them that quickly fades away.
  13. For any poetry, prose, or short fiction enjoyers or writers on this forum, I thought we could have something to share our writings here that may, or may not, be connected to our aromanticism! If you don't have a poem, piece of prose, or short fiction yourself, then you can share your favorites from authors and talk about what makes you love the piece of literature so much! I was inspired to create this topic from a bar that has poetry nights and I recently have been getting back into the groove of writing because of it! This may not go anywhere, or has already been discussed before, but regardless welcome!
  14. My dream job as a child was singing/becoming an actor, and although I have joined choirs and theater multiple times, I don't think having that as a career would be suitable to me, even though I think I'm somewhat good at both. One dream job that didn't change, even when I had become interested in other avenues, was writing. I'm not entirely sure if I can have a sustainable life off of my writing, but I'm going to try to earn an Associate of The Arts for English/Writing, and then hopefully transfer from my technical college to a four year school where I can just do my Junior and Senior years to get a Bachelor's degree. If I can't exactly live off of writing, I do want to venture more into social work and help organizations that fight for human rights. I did try to look into schools near me that had majors or minors in social justice, but sadly none did; but I can always do voluntary work, and have done some before, and could potentially get an actual job/role with an organization in the future.
  15. Right??? Even when you thoroughly explain to someone how it would not work they still don't seem to grasp it? Like, it's alright if you don't understand, just don't tell me to fix myself basically. I actually hate the idea that "love triumphs over all" when it comes to robbing someone else of their agency. I do not like people that think I'll change my mind, just because they got their feels hurt from forming a crush on me, and I rejected them. I'm "sorry," but no one is special enough to make me change my mind. For me, not being interested in dating and not being able to fall in love is utterly non-negotiable. There is absolutely no compromise. I have told people that I'm single but that I wasn't interested in dating at all, and a few times people have come back to just bother me about it as if I would ever change my mind, and some had become harassment issues until I had to "act like a bitch" to run them off.
  16. It's no problem! I've been trying to find aromantic books for quite a while now, too.
  17. I cannot explain the level of aromantic vibes I get from Hobie Brown. I guess it's because of him being punk, and I get how he's very no labels and there's lots of punks in general who are like that, so when I say he feels very aro to me, or very non-binary to me even, I say it as not to actively label the character as such, but just what I connected with from his presentation (to which a few of the things about being punk is all about breaking binaries, restrictive systems, being anti-establishment/corporation, androgyny, DIY, and so many others things that I feel disrespectful not remembering to list). Also, what I love about his character so much was the nod to how he let Gwen crash with him, and at first you may think, "Oh? Why did you like that aspect?'' and it's because of how very trans-coded Gwen's story was that if you read her running away from her own universe being because her of father not being able to accept her at the time, then Hobie letting her take refuge with him at his place was because he saw her for who she was, and was one of the few people to immediately see her (which was what technically happened anyway, but yeah I loved it).
  18. I absolutely love songs where they associate "dancing" with mingling, and so I often put songs about the singer not wanting to dance onto my aro playlist: We Don't have To Dance by Andy Black Dance With Me by Topline Addicts (another song that I added from this band was Bea Arthur) I Don't Wanna Dance by COIN But, I also love this band called Mom Rock and two songs I put on my playlist was Bullseye (the song says "Everyone has a heart the shape of a bullseye" which feels a bit amatonormative, but at the same time the people in the music video reject love letters and run from Cupid's bow n' arrow, so I thought it was still a great song to add) and Grand Romantic Life (very much either about someone who doesn't know they're aro or the singer could be interpreted as aro singing about allos).
  19. I also had took part in some celebrity crush conversations to fit in, too. I also did the whole entire aromantic-moment-when-you-picked-who-was-your-crush thing, where I knew I didn't have a crush on this dude in middle school, but when my friends asked me who I liked I felt so on the spot that I picked some guy playing basketball during gym class lol It's kind of funny thinking back on it now. I knew the guy's name, but when I picked him all I said was, "That Guy™️ hunched over on the court." 💀
  20. I haven't read this book yet that I'm about to suggest, so I don't know how good it is, but I have seen it recommended on AUREA's website - "Stuck In Her head" by Kylie Wang and Liana Tang. It has an aromantic (possibly main?) character, and is overall about two girls' relationships evolving over time and their own relationship with each other slowly morphing into something else. I heard that an animator from the Spider-verse movies made the cover and I thought that was cool! I love how there's queer artists and allies working on the Spider-verse films, given the trans story and advocacy with Gwen, how Peter B. kind of seems to just emit bisexual energy, and then an artist working on a cover for an aromantic book.
  21. I honestly can't see what it's cracked up to be in terms of being alloromantic. I try to be understanding of course, since lots of people I know are definitely alloromantic, and when they get heartbroken I try to console and see it from their point of view (and I often compare their romantic heartbreak to when I have had bad falling outs with friends). But, I just can't see the benefits. I'm happy that I am with friends and family, and having a romantic "special someone" sounds utterly draining and promising to be a bad decision. Of course, I try to be optimistic for my friends and family, and I'm always happy when a relationship works out in the end, but sometimes the thought, "Are they faking it for each other?" enters my head despite knowing that they are not - despite knowing that it's just my aromantic brain thinking that way.
  22. The only times I ever engaged with "celebrity crush" conversations was when I associated the "crush" part with my gender envy and would constantly be thinking of the characters an actor/actress has played and not the actual person. One time in high school my whole entire class entered that type of topic, but they made it clear that you didn't need to have had an actual crush on the actor, so I felt more free in engaging in it; and to which lots of guys in my class started talking about Ryan Reynolds.
  23. I kind of never associated hand-holding as romantic for a long time, so when I saw people doing it at a young age I just thought they were wanting to be physically close in that regard, and I kind of only ever saw my gal-friends do it with each other so there was a ton of platonic feedback around doing the action. Now that I'm older all I ever hear is "how romantic" hand-holding is, and I often don't like doing it. I kind of only ever hold hands with family members or friends, to show them I'm there and I feel like when I hold hands with people I care for platonically and familially it has a more deeper and sacred meaning than any romantic interpretation, but I still often don't do it. Sorry to quote you for a second time, but I absolutely despise this, too. I normally put a lot into my appearance nowadays (or I just fuss over myself too much), and so it has became quite normal to my family and friends for me to look more up kept, or for me to constantly check my hair. But, when I first start doing that around the time my hair was cut super short (boy's cut) my mom kept on asking me why I was fussing over myself, why I was wearing a unique combination of clothes, why was I yada yada yada. I ended up telling her, "It's because I want to signal "to my people,"" and that got her to shut up lmao
  24. A good friend would not be this obsessive over you. I understand jealousy, lots of people do, but then it is the person's responsibility (the person experiencing the jealousy) to communicate that and not let it control their actions; or, at the bare minimum, not allow themselves to start being a dick because of it. If it's safe to do so, since you said you're worried that she'll do something, try to talk to her about it with a list of all of the times she has been doing this to you. If you feel like you cannot conversate with her, then quietly try to change your dorm situation to where she's not your roommate. You deserve to hang out and keep up relations with your other friends without fear. A good friend wouldn't make you scared in having relationships with other people that have been going on for much longer than your relationship with her.
  25. I can see how this can be difficult. I was initially in a QPR with a friend of mine who is alloromantic allosexual, and although we later on had to break up because I found that I'm completely non-partnering, talking to them about their needs and communicating that they can ask me anything, as long as they respected my boundaries as I respected theirs, was very important and was the top priority of our relationship. Talk to your partner, I'm sure she would be understanding of your predicament as you had been understanding of her identities. Respect and understanding should go both ways for partners no matter what the relationship is nor the identities, and in this case it should go both ways for an allo partner and aspec partner.
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