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How to be romantically unattractive?


Cassiopeia
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Do you have any tricks, tips on putting off unwanted suitors? Preferably before they start crushing on you? Avoiding unwanted sexual attraction its pretty much self explanatory, but with romance? 

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I've had great success with this (xD) by acting in the most formal / official / scientific way possible. Alas this doesn't weed sapioromantics out, but they're too rare for this to be an issue.

 

I don't know a solution for you, though, if you need to interact with end customers and be as 'nice' to them as possible :ph34r:

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I'm not sure if this will sound sexist or not (I hope not). I've found that the less feminine I present myself; both socially and presentation, the less guys are attracted to me. Either that or they're keeping quiet because I give off "not straight vibes". Either way I consider this a happy coincidence :)

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I've managed to do a pretty good job of it :D

Not sure how. I'm very introverted and keep to myself and rarely speak up in groups so people generally don't get to know me all that well I guess... >.>

 

I don't have any tips, though, it just kinda happens..

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I'm generally super cold to people who are hitting on me--I'll repeatedly ignore them even though I'm aware of their existence, and I'll respond to everything with a deadpan expression and voice. I will never initiate conversation with them. I will avoid making eye contact with them when talking, and when I do have to talk to them, I make the conversation as short as possible by giving brief responses and not asking them any questions. 

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3 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I'm not sure if this will sound sexist or not (I hope not). I've found that the less feminine I present myself; both socially and presentation, the less guys are attracted to me. Either that or they're keeping quiet because I give off "not straight vibes". Either way I consider this a happy coincidence :)

 

Well, I'm a lesbian so dressing butch isn't really going to solve anything.

 

2 hours ago, omitef said:

I'm generally super cold to people who are hitting on me--I'll repeatedly ignore them even though I'm aware of their existence, and I'll respond to everything with a deadpan expression and voice. I will never initiate conversation with them. I will avoid making eye contact with them when talking, and when I do have to talk to them, I make the conversation as short as possible by giving brief responses and not asking them any questions. 

 

Yeah, I thought about doing that, and the full stop ignoring as well, but I'm not good at it. It just kind of clashes with my personality.

 

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5 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I'm not sure if this will sound sexist or not (I hope not). I've found that the less feminine I present myself; both socially and presentation, the less guys are attracted to me. Either that or they're keeping quiet because I give off "not straight vibes". Either way I consider this a happy coincidence :)

 

Aro Ace and I Sometimes dress feminine. (Idk if this is related or not- but my next cosplay is a male character so.) 

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As a female bodied person, I have tried being cold and ended up as a challenge to some guys, I have tried being more formal, but a really clever dude got this HUGE crush on me, I have tried looking less feminine, but it didn't work either. So now I guess I simply accept whatever happens in people's mind and deal with it if it gets harmful to anybody ^_^

Of course there is always the old trick of smelling really bad, but unless you have no job and no friends, I don't think you should try this O.o

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I'm apparently not a very flirty person, but I still worry about this sometimes. I guess if the worst happens and someone has a crush on you, you can always just tell them you don't like them "that way."

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I've tried a few things to dissuade people who had romantic interests in me: ignoring their texts, pointedly not looking in their eyes, giving answers in clipped tone, acting formal, etc. 

 

But even with these not-so-smooth methods, if they were really interested, most of them still found a way to like me.

 

So... I guess I'm not being clear enough, and/or maybe I'm just cluelessly giving "mixed signals"(I really hate this word:facepalm:)

I kinda gave up on trying as of now, and do as I want whether or not they mistake me for being "available" -_-

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I don't think there is really anything you can do to make yourself universally romantically unattractive, particularly becuase different people find different things attractive and so on. I did try and make myself undesirable for a while, but it wrecked my mental health, particularly because I was asked out during that time anyway. Now I just go about my life and try to communicate clearly with people; if someone's blind infatuation overrules that there was probably nothing I could have done to stop it (particularly because the blind, obsessive types of infatuation are based more on the person's idea of the object person than the object person theirself).

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4 hours ago, RedNeko said:

I don't think there is really anything you can do to make yourself universally romantically unattractive, particularly becuase different people find different things attractive and so on. I did try and make myself undesirable for a while, but it wrecked my mental health, particularly because I was asked out during that time anyway. Now I just go about my life and try to communicate clearly with people; if someone's blind infatuation overrules that there was probably nothing I could have done to stop it (particularly because the blind, obsessive types of infatuation are based more on the person's idea of the object person than the object person theirself).

Yeah I have the same problem I can't really make myself unattractive to romantic people. Like I think the thing many find attractive on me is because I seams "too friendly and sensual" and is "asking for it by sending the wrong signals. but when I then stop being friendly and sensual then I'm "just cold or shy or inexperienced" *sign* (not to mention I don't like being someone else just to get rid of people) 

-

but well.. I'm poly not into marriage and I don't want kids so at least by mention these thing I hopefully am going to scare a good deal of people away. but when people just see me they think I'm a very romantic person -___- 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Dodgypotato said:

My trick is being SUPER oblivious. Just don't pay any attention to any advancements. Completely ignore. xD

 

I manage to do it unintentionally and it works pretty well.

That's my coping mechanism: pretend it's not happening haha

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3 hours ago, Natkat said:

but well.. I'm poly not into marriage and I don't want kids so at least by mention these thing I hopefully am going to scare a good deal of people away

 

Yes, I can see how that would work.^_^

 

I have tried to make the "alloaros are slags" stereotype part of the act, cos those traits usually aren't included in people's 'girlfriend material' wish list. You know, just a few hints so they jump to conclusions...it worked once.

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I'm just unattractive anyway.
TBH I'd welcome even romantic interest at times. There'd at least be the chance of persuading them to consider a QPR instead.

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10 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

A very clever guy is quite likely to understand and accept aromanticism, though :icecream:

He did... but circumstances made it hard for us to stay close and we were both busy as hell :/

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4 hours ago, Mark said:

There'd at least be the chance of persuading them to consider a QPR instead.

I gave up on that illusion a while ago.

I have lost so many friends because they started to want romance or nothing from me. It feels awful, its truly heartbreaking. :( 

Now I'm very suspicious when it comes to certain kinds of people you just can't tell if they are trying to be friends :euphemism: or really trying to be friends.

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Quote

I've found that the less feminine I present myself; both socially and presentation, the less guys are attracted to me.

 

Hm, I really enjoy dressing feminine, and even being charming. Somehow I refuse to aknowledge that coul be misread as romantic interest. 

 

But, tbh, and I really don't know where it comes from (maybe I am just not attractive or likeable, don't know), there is not much to handle. When I was at University, there were some guys who were interested, and it was super-emparassing to tell them that "no....". Additionally, I tried to be nice and said "I am not feeling it YET", which may be, hum.... Anyway, I don't recommend that.

Maybe being very innocent when it comes to flirting helps (I never recognise flirting and never consciously flirt myself). Also, being somewhat buddy-like or being professional and distanced prevents suitors from bothering you. But sometimes I just cannot help thinking that maybe I have some invisible-to-me writing on my forehead that says "Do not approach in a romantic and/or sexual manner". :arolove:

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This might be a bit to simple, but I honestly just play the Aro-Card and consider it their problem from then on out.

I realize this is not an option for everybody, but I kind off refuse to make myself "unattractive" or really alter my personality for this. One can't really help falling in love, but if they are nice people and you let them down easy, they'll cope. If they become assholes about it or even pressure or ignore your obvious message... maybe they weren't worth hanging around with anyway. 

 

This might sound cold, but out of experience, it's really better to rip of that bandaid quickly. For their and your own mental health.

I tried being super oblivious or being cold and all, and I just ended up hurting people I actually care for, which, in the process, hurt me. So my tip is really: be as frank as you can be from the start.

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Yes, I plan to play the aro cad, but right now its not an option, so I'm trying to find an alternative.

There are things that I'm not willing to sacrifice, like my intellect. I wont try to look stupider. Also, I'm not willing to alter my appearance and dress in shapeless rags to scare people away. That would damage my mental health, and also its not too professional.

 

I do want friends and maybe a sex partner if the right kind of person comes along and they are into that sort of thing.

Romantic attraction is just so hard to grasp, its hard to escape it...

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