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thoughts on valentine's day


fern
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in the past, valentine's day has made me feel like i'm missing out by not being in a romantic relationship. if i recall correctly, hearing about people getting chocolate heart boxes and going on dates in celebration of the day made me feel a bit lonely. i don't believe i felt lonely because i wasn't in a romantic relationship, rather, i think it had to do with the fact that i wanted to get sweets and go places with someone i was close to like other people were doing, but knew that it was a romantic holiday and that my not being in a romantic relationship was causing me to miss out on such things. this upcoming valentine's day will be my first one identifying as greyromantic, and i'm curious to see if that knowledge about myself changes my feelings towards the holiday at all

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In my opinion Valentine’s Day is about love, and not all love it romantic I gotten spend the day with my friends doing fun things like drawing and goofing off so I have always found it fun 

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I got kind of lucky in that it is kind of expected where I am that men don't really get valentines day. It is almost a running joke that we forget it until the day like we also apparently do  with anniversaries. (not sure how we forget it, can't move for heart shaped chocolate where I live right now)

But I at least got away from the worst pressures of valentines growing up because it was perhaps less expected of me to devote so much attention to it.

As an aside, this has really confused me for ages, where I am men are expected to be really terrible at romance, forgetting important dates, being more base in our motives, being worse at dealing with feelings and emotion. But at the same time we are expected to take the lead in romantic relationships, to organise these dates and events, to make most of the romantic gestures in a relationship. From the outside it looks like a system set up to fail.

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I don’t hate it, but I do wish it could focus less on specifically romantic love and love in general lmao

I also keep hearing things about it being a “consumerist/capitalist holiday”, which doesn’t sound too great based on what I know, but I also don’t know enough to have a proper opinion

Overall I think it’s a fun idea though!!

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i guess i don't really care about it. where i live, valentine's day isn't as big as it is in the US, so i never really felt like i'm missing out. we even have a different date for that lol it's june 12th, not february 14th.

i mean, there's valentine's day (dia de são valentim, in portuguese) but we don't celebrate on that day. we have Dia dos Namorados on june 12th, which could be translated to Lovers' Day, and has no religious meaning, it's purely commercial. the date was created by a publicist, aiming to increase sales in june, the month when sales used to slow down.

i like taking advantage of the chocolate discounts, and a few times i went to the movies with my best friend and pretended to be a couple because there were discounts for couples. also every year there's an event for valentine's day on a game i play, so that's fun

Edited by sol
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6 hours ago, fern said:

i don't believe i felt lonely because i wasn't in a romantic relationship, rather, i think it had to do with the fact that i wanted to get sweets and go places with someone i was close to like other people were doing, but knew that it was a romantic holiday and that my not being in a romantic relationship was causing me to miss out on such things.

I can relate to this. For some odd reason I have this hangup about valentine's day stuffed animals ? They're so cute, and every year I wish that I had a partner who could give me one! The yearning for some stupid "I <3 U" plush dog is usually the most feelings I'll have towards the holiday. It does feel a little lonely, like I'm missing out.

Aside from that I don't really care about it. It doesn't bother me, and I do see it as a holiday to celebrate all relationships even if it's marketed towards romantic ones.

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15 hours ago, Apex said:

I can relate to this. For some odd reason I have this hangup about valentine's day stuffed animals ? They're so cute, and every year I wish that I had a partner who could give me one! The yearning for some stupid "I <3 U" plush dog is usually the most feelings I'll have towards the holiday. It does feel a little lonely, like I'm missing out.

Aside from that I don't really care about it. It doesn't bother me, and I do see it as a holiday to celebrate all relationships even if it's marketed towards romantic ones.

Exchanging those silly valentine's day plushies with friends could work. Honestly it sounds really fun, I would love to receive a platonic "I <3 U" plush from a friend.

Edited by crow
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Personally, I previously have never really thought of Valentine’s Day because I never liked anyone XD But now I realised I don’t want to like anyone romantically, and tbh Imma just hunker down and celebrate an Aro Valentine’s Day with chocolate cookies 

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I always considered valentines day as something that simply doesn't apply to me. It helps both that it isn't such a big deal in my country, mostly just an upswing in heart-shaped candy in stores, and that valentines day focuses on the parts of romantic relationships that I feel almost a vague disgust for x) Sappy and saccharine and hearts everywhere, and societal expectations on top of that. So, there is no envy of couples. But I can't really say I have the single-people's hatred for it either. It is pretty easy to ignore and stand outside of. And if heart shaped chocolate and an excuse to go on a fancy date makes someone happy, then good for them.

On 2/1/2022 at 7:50 PM, roboticanary said:

As an aside, this has really confused me for ages, where I am men are expected to be really terrible at romance, forgetting important dates, being more base in our motives, being worse at dealing with feelings and emotion. But at the same time we are expected to take the lead in romantic relationships, to organise these dates and events, to make most of the romantic gestures in a relationship. From the outside it looks like a system set up to fail.

Ha! You're right. I never thought of it quite like that. I do know the stereotypes that you're talking about, and they have confused me too, on a related point. So, the stereotype is that the girlfriend cares about anniversaries and valentines day, and wants something special on such a day, and the boyfriend either doesn't care, or is bad at remembering, or can't think of something good or whatever. And this always made Valentines Day sound like a source of stress and disappointment to me, even for the people it is for. This thread actually reminded me that, yes, I guess some people genuinely like this day as it is a reason to do something fun with someone you love. I guess it is just rare that I have seen it discussed in a positive way like that.  

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52 minutes ago, Jedi said:

So, the stereotype is that the girlfriend cares about anniversaries and valentines day, and wants something special on such a day, and the boyfriend either doesn't care, or is bad at remembering, or can't think of something good or whatever

yep, and guess who is expected to plan the day ?

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I’m somewhat fond of the color scheme for Valentine’s Day. And I’ve always looked forward to it because my mom never fails to get me something sweet. Plus I love the excuse to give my friends more stuff.

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'Valentine's Day' is nothing more and nothing less than capitalistic thing. In my opinion it's just about spending your money to make the corporations richer.

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I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, largely because I struggle to get close to people in general, so I’ve always watched other people enjoy celebrating their friendships and relationships, feeling like it’s something I’m almost completely unable to participate in. Although tbh now I just ignore the fact that it’s supposed to be a “special” day at all.

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I don't care about it. My boyfriend and I celebrate our love everyday, so it's useless to me. 

Most modern holidays to me are no longer about hanging out and caring for other people, it's all about big companies blowing your money away on pointless items. 

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I find it mildly annoying, all the valentines day celebrations and nonsense. I just feel like I'm above it all…

But! This year I'm planning to come out as aroace to some friends on valentines day (tomorrow!) for the irony of it. Right now I'm 100% closeted, so I'm hoping it goes alright!
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well, today is valentine's day, and my feelings have changed. in previous years i felt a bit lonely on valentine's day, not because i wasn't in a romantic relationship, but because i wanted to get sweets and go places with someone i was close to like others did. but this year i'm thinking that it doesn't matter that i'm not doing those things today. after all, i have all year for that to happen

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I don't care for holidays & I don't care for romance. If you ask me, Valentine's Day has just one purpose: Waiting till the day after & buying all the amazing chocolates that have been marked to half price! XD So I guess the 15th is my holiday & I celebrate the great love I have for junk food! Though I guess junk food could now be considered my ex, since I'm on a diet. :p

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You know, yesterday was probably the best Valentine's Day I ever had.  I treated it more like PALentine's Day, and paid my Discord friends compliments.  It felt good :)

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I prefer to think of Valentine's Day as celebrating all kinds of love, not just romance. (although that's definitely not how everybody else thinks of it...) Still, I always found it sort of overrated. It puts waaaaaay too much emphasis on romance, to be honest...

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