Lovebird
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This thread was made for me. I was never a fan of the big, extravagant weddings. I'd prefer just a small wedding with maybe a handful of friends (probably not family as both my boyfriends and ours family relationship is strained). I don't really like engagement or wedding rings though I love promise rings I'm gonna attempt to break every rule possible, "only the bride can wear white!!" Fuck you, my dress will be electric blue & there will be no best man, just best girl
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Aros in relationships: Do you tell your partners that you love them?
Lovebird replied to a question in Anonymous Q&A
I tell my boyfriend I love him, because I legitimately do. I don't say it to my friends though as I'm aplatonic and I don't love my friends that way. -
I'm so sick of the "allo bad, aro good" memes 'cause the basic premise of the 'allo bad' is they enjoy romantic relationships -- even though there there are just as many arospecs who enjoy those things. But when I call them out for simplifying the experience of greyro, demiros ect, people say "calm down, it's just a meme" It is offensive and you're stereotyping arospecs. Just say you hate romance-favourable aros and go
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Tell that to r/aromantic where they bitch & moan about allos- every. freaking. day.
I'm not here as an aro person in aro safe spaces, to bully allos for existing. I am here to discuss how being greyromantic affects me in an allo world. I want to live in a world where we all live in peace, none of this "I'm better than you" bullshit.
What bought this on was a cringy virgin vs chad meme. The virgin (allo) was portayed as a stricty monogamous (polyamourous allos didn't exist to OP apparently), deals with breakups (allos apparently haven't had to deal with friendship breakups), no flag (the allosexual flag is a thing, but it's super uncommon & not even other allos use it so i'm giving a pass on OP for this one), always prioritises romance (stereotyping allos as hypersexual/romantic... totally not repackaged homophobia). The chad (aro) was no monogamy (polyamourous aros do exist lol), cool flag (based tho), no breakups (not like aros have had to leave toxic QPRs or anything), understands the 'value of friendship' (aplatonic is a thing~) and of course forgetting greyros & demiros exist episode 4674.
Someone actually did call OP out for the meme, calling it exclusionary and such. But everyone just kept saying "it's just a meme!"
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Currently in a romantic LDR with my boyfriend of 4-5, who also happens to be arospec. We're both romance - favourable aros, we talk about shipping & fanfiction a lot so that's fun lol Though it's difficult as I often feel not really aro for being in a romantic relationship. I personally think romance-favourable aros, greyros, demiros ect arn't taken seriously and are considered 'allo lite', if you're an aro in a romantic relationship, you're considered a weirdo or 'crazy'
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What do you think of romance? What type of aro person are you?
Lovebird replied to Alexander's topic in Aromantic Discussion
I'm a romance-favourable aro, though I don't focus on more mainstream romance like that on TV as I found that a bit boring. Romance in fanfiction & shipping in general is much, much more interesting to me, especially if the ship is not canon in the actual story. I find the storylines more interesting than any soap opera. I'm not interested in friendship or platonic shipping because I am aplatonic, it doesn't do things for me. Irl, I do actually have a boyfriend whose also arospec, we've been together for 4-5 years. It's long distance, and we're going really strong but I often wonder what it's going to be like once we've met up. He's very affectionate while I'm not as much, it's going to be an interesting dynamic lol. I don't really feel welcome in a lot of aro spaces because of those things and often worry if I'm faking it. I worry I'd be kicked out of IRL aro spaces because of it. -
I fear pride month bc I feel like I'm not queer enough to celebrate it
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lol I totally understand the feeling though. I've only come out to myself recently so I've struggled with identifying with the LGBTQIA+ label since I'm essentially cishet, not to mention how the broader community doesn't fully acknowledge aromantics (and asexuals) quite yet. However, I have met a lot of allies within the community who are open-minded and welcoming, and don't treat me as lesser even if they don't understand everything yet. tl;dr you aren't lesser and don't let other people tell you otherwise
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For me, I believe there's no one right way of "looking" queer. Obviously there is some degree of privilege for people like us who may pass as cishet that we need to acknowledge. At the end of the day, though, that doesn't make us less valid to be queer. From my understanding, everyone can have different experiences, even ones that don't fit into more "traditional" narratives. Just because they're different, doesn't mean any one experience is less valid. To be honest I've only been out to myself for less than a year so my thoughts might not be that well formed, but hey it's always nice to talk about things. :D
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I'm getting really sick of the aro community armchair diagnosing people as mentally ill because they experience something ya'll don't. I'm greyromantic and in an actual romantic relationship with someone, who just so happens to also be arospec, does that make me a psychopath according to ya'll? Not only this, it's also ableist as fuck as it implies actual mentally ill people are 'faking' their attraction or are 'delusional' for thinking someone would love them. My boyfriend, who has actual, multiple, severely stigmatised mental illnesses, is the most loving, kind, person I have ever met. His love, not just for me, but for his hobbies & interests are the most authentic thing I've ever seen. People also experience 'drug' like symptoms when it comes to any positive emotion, it's psychology 101. I've seen other aros describe platonic attraction as nearly like that, but I'm aplatonic and never related to that. Does that make me crazy too? Stop acting like people can just turn off their attraction (or lack thereof) like a light switch, that's not how it works.
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Saw a meme about being a romance-favourable aro and have never felt so called out yet validated in my life :D
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I can understand what you say for some reason I feel the same way about non romantic songs. Well there is some exceptions but only a few. Myself I love the Backstreet boys that only sing about love, can't help it just love AJ MCLEAN's voice, I am enjoying listening to their songs even if I don't relate to these feelings. (I know it is an old boysband but I am 38 and grew up with them. Bruno Mars' music is cool too
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POV YOU ROLEPLAY KARKAT
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I should've phrased it as 'alone time', it makes more sense. I have a tendency to experience social fatigue from interacting with people for too long. As for 'aromantic culture' I was referring what is common experiences or thoughts in the aro community, or common flags and symbols. Or even memes. And I say I feel like I don't 'fit in' it's because my experiences are different from everyone else in the community -- and that I'm not valid for it
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I am greyromantic, and have been for a number of years. Here are my observations for realising I was: Besides obviously rarely experiencing romantic attraction, I also noticed that if I did like someone, the attraction would feel rather 'weak'. People would describe their romantic feelings as rather intense, meanwhile mine were quite less in comparison Not knowing the difference between platonic & romantic feelings. "Does this person like me that way? do I like them back? I cannot differentiate and I am not going to try!" It also doesn't help I'm questioning if I'm aplatonic, but that is a story for another day Also I'll often 'forget' I like someone, then my brain is like "Hey remember that person? They're cute" and I'm like "Oh yeah.. I do have a thing for them, don't I?" Not actively perusing romantic relationships, regardless if I like them that way or not. This also may tie into the fact I'm neurodiverse as well, affecting the way I socialise with people could also be another factor. Dating websites don't do much for me either, though I have used them, I want actual relationship with feelings and not one where I'm lying about my aromantisicity to make my partner happy Romantic culture doesn't always make sense to me. Maybe it's just me but my ideas of dating are different compared to most people, I'm not a fan of fancy stuff people do on dates and such, I prefer some quiet time with my partner or space to myself. But I also feel like I don't fit within aromantic culture, but that's another story
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Kinda wanna vent abt being greyro & being in aro spaces but i don't kno where to put n i dont wanna upset ppl idk
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I also have a critique regarding the neurodiverse community 'forgetting' people with intellectual disabilities when it's convenient for them, they'll talk how IQ is problematic yet talk bad about those with cognitive disorders, either with insults or making themselves superior "at least we're not like those guys!!" and romanticising gifted & talented programs, saying things like "if you were in gifted, you're probably ND!!" and thinking there's no issues of class, competivity, pressure, or disability divide these programs at all.
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I am autistic and cognitively/intellectually disabled. I am look for other people with IDs to befriend, but it's difficult as we are a minority of a minority. I also think I have ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed till I was 15-16, however people suspected something was 'odd' about me when I was 5, but my mum never bothered to seek a diagnosis for me. My hyperfixtations are birds & Jojos Bizzare Adventure. My favourite sensory toys are tangle plastic toy, fidget cubes and my recent favourites is the push & pop -- made popular from the internet, because of course. The biggest misrepresentation that bothers me? people treating those with IDs like babies. Not only do NTs do this but also other NDs too, to make themselves 'superior' because they're 'smarter' -- I hate when they use that as an excuse
