atrocious_ar0mantic

If my doctor told me I could not use a knee brace because it would weaken my thigh muscles even more, does that exclude me from using a cane? I’ve been using a cane (unknown to my family + new doctor) for about a month now, and it’s been saving my ass in school. But now I’m worried it could make my chronic pain worse, or further complicate things. I’m a minor who doesn’t really know who to get help from (because of ableism). Do any other chronically ill folks have any suggestions / experience here?

CW: Rant, brief mentions of sexual trauma I know I need therapy. But I live in the deep South, and my chances of finding a queer-affirming therapist have always been low. Even more so for ones who are affirming to aro-spec and ace-spec labels. The last therapist I had was acephobic. I have sexual trauma I need to work through, but I’m always terrified to bring it up. I know most will think my queer identities are a product of my trauma, rather than considering how my queer identities factored into my trauma. I’m a minor who’s dependent on my bio family as of now. Last time I asked for therapy, my mom wanted to know the reason why. She said so she could know what kind of therapist to get me. When my mom found out about me being s*xually gr**med, she humiliated me. And she’s always been barely tolerant to my queer labels. With all that in mind- is therapy currently worth pursuing? What kind of excuse should I give my mother in the “reason” department? Are there any resources anyone can give for someone in my position?

Because of how highly romantic attraction is valued, and how desirability itself is based upon it- does anyone else ever get a bit of a power rush when people admit being invested in you romantically? Sometimes I get repulsion, sometimes a bit of guilt. And sometimes I can’t bring myself to care. I like feeling out of reach. I can’t help but laugh sometimes when people make those advances towards me cuz b u d d y, you’re barkin’ up the wrong tree; I’m flattered nonetheless.

I play a few dating sims here and there. The majority of them tend to run on the amatonormative side, disappointingly enough. But I like the few runs I do get where I get to see intimate moments with queer characters- especially if there’s an added fantasy element to it.

In all honesty, I don’t have the energy to fake it. I’d be upfront with the teacher about my identity. If it wasn’t well-received, I’d either take the F or be a sarcastic arse about it.

Does anyone else listen to TMA here? I just finished MAG 16 Arachnophobia before bed. Which truly was a poor decision on my end

Are any other fellow aroaces particular about how they present their identity for fear of invalidation? I don’t like letting on to most people that I do occasionally find people attractive, or aesthetically pleasing- because they always assume and insist there’s “something more” behind it. Or that it’s proof that you’re not r e a l l y aroace.

My furchildren. I have two shorthair tabby cats who I’ve had for as long as I can remember. They’re both very plump and vocal loaves

I have a box of beans. For sensory purposes -

Initially I went with aroace_auncle. because I’m aroace and just really like alliterations alongside the idea of being a queer auncle figure to lil kids. I switched it to lovely-lavender on a whim. Lavender is a name of mine, and again, I have a running theme of picking alliterations.

I’m currently a high school student. All throughout middle I genuinely couldn’t wrap my head around students being romantically and/or sexually involved. I thought we were ‘too young’. At that time, I thought I’d be “ready” by high school, and that things would be clicking. They never did. I still look around at students and think about how small we all are. Maybe this can be partially attributed to the fact that romantic and sexual pursuits are associated with coming-of-age and maturity- and that while I always heard students talk about those sorts of shenanigans, I was terrible at picking up on actual romantic and sexual relations (typically) unless directly stated. It came off as bluffing to me. That in mind, I think when I see all these high schoolers, I just imagine tiny people trying too hard to be adults. I hear them talking about romance or sex and that’s one thing, but the actual involvement doesn’t cross my mind all too often. It’s like my mind has no problem with it in theory, but actually putting name to those actions? Seeing those events unfold in reality? It doesn’t click. It feels immature, but maybe that’s because most of the romantic relationships I bear witness to are with short-lived, straight-passing couples who are waist-deep into cisheteronormativity. The rules of amatonormativity are hardly logical either. But it just doesn’t add up for me. Maybe it’s because I can easily see myself being one of those people. I was one of those people for awhile. I knew how to pick a “decent” crush, knew how to sit through all those stupid sessions of “Kiss, Marry Kill”, fawn, all that fun middle school jazz that (regretfully) didn’t seem to die out in high school. Maybe it’s so confusing to me because I went through all the hypothetical notions; I could talk the talk but couldn’t walk the walk, so seeing other people carrying that stuff out is.. boggling ? I dunno. Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

Honestly? I feel the latter as well. I have a companion who only used to message me when xe was out and about with her romantic partner. Or their romantic partner happened to be the only subject xe would bring up with me in attempts to connect? The guilt for me doesn't stem from the actual repulsion and/or agitation of the topic. It's knowing that if I try to redirect the conversation (especially in an obvious way), I'm gonna be seen as That Bitter Aro -

Greetings and salutations

Are there any other folks who fall under the trans and/or nb umbrella who can really appreciate realizing you were aro? Because I feel like one of the most common transphobic rhetorics thrown around is that “nobody will love you if you’re (insert identity)”. And while this extends to all different flavors of love, most people put an emphasis on the romantic aspect of it. That if you’re not cis, nobody is going to want to be in a romantic relationship with you, or be attracted to you romantically. The benefit of realizing you’re aro or aro-spec though is that you’re much more likely to recognize amatonormativity and it’s negative effects. You’re able to build your own self-worth outside of those standards. And it’s very liberating to divert those expectations entirely, to realize they don’t even apply to you to begin with. Anyone else?

I don’t personally want my own kids. I like kids and working with them, but I don’t want to be involved with them 24/7. I’d be much more content working in a daycare, as a teacher- even being a godparent or auncle to a kid. But I don’t want one in my living space all the time- just not my vibe.

I like eir pfp, and I wonder what show eir found it from

Not so much a city here, b u t- The grass is greener on the other side, quite literally. Sprouts teem through cracks in the sidewalk, soft patches of moss cover the ground, and ivy climbs crooked shops. There’s a lopsided shop home to amulets with emeralds, fluorite, and jadeite pressed into silver chains. A dim bar adjacent, brimming with glasses of Chartreuse. A dusty thrift store, piled high with leathers, linens, and an unusual amount of cheap clover necklaces. The air is heavy with petrichor, except for when the bakery next door is open. It’s twinkling fairy lights line the shop windows, sporting pandan pandesal and lime cheesecakes. As day melts into night, the frogs creep out one by one, barely illuminated under ghastly green street lamps. The children play hide-and-seek among yellow rose bushes, catching caterpillars and toads. They twist vines into crowns, and parade around town with strings of friends. At morning, they scamper to the square, tripping and twirling, all in haste to get to the flagpole first.

Honestly I feel this as well. I get a lil' confused by most alloromantics definitions of flirting outside of cheesy one-liners. It's like pal, I'm just showin' basic human decency most of the time.

Fellow aroace ✨ I like doing this with my close companions on occasion too- I think it’s funny. That being said, I don’t think it’s exclusive to us. I know quite a bit of fruity people who playfully flirt without romantic intent to their pals.

It’s Feb 20-26th!

Happy Aro-Spec Awareness Week ?

You're not any less asexual for your stances / feelings on sex. Ace-spec folks all have different stances and feelings towards sex, though repulsed ace-spec folks is the flavor of ace we see represented most often. I do find it agitating when people oversimplify asexuality to an inaccurate point, such as dwindling it down to simply "not wanting sex". Because that's not what it is. It's a term that describes feeling little to no sexual attraction, which doesn't directly determine peoples' stances and views on sex in general or for themselves. I can completely understand why you'd feel isolated given your circumstances and lack of representation for your experiences of asexuality.

I don’t mind expanding, though I don’t have any sort of blog. I began interacting with the aro community just last year. I honestly joined out of necessity. I was returning to in-person schooling, and more notably being thrust into a “traditional” and non-inclusive environment. I don’t make friends easily, and there wasn’t exactly anyone out of the bigoted bunch of students I was jumping to be acquainted with. I felt terribly lonely. The few queer people I did meet were cis white folks who leaned heavily into their privilege, and weren’t familiar with many terms outside of lesbian and gay. Regardless, as a fem-presenting genderqueer individual, the default assumption was that I was romantically interested in guys. The isolation that came with people automatically assuming I was romantically interested in guys, let alone anyone, hit hard. Because if I was truly honest with most of these people about my specific labels and experiences, it wouldn’t satisfy them. They would consider me immature, innocent, a whole list of infantilizing things. I know I didn’t, and still don’t, owe anyone an explanation about my labels or experiences. But I wished I had the opportunity to just exist as myself, to be as I am, without giving a whole lecture and defending myself at every other turn. A few times, I tentatively attempted to bring up my queerplatonic partner in response to someone asking me if I had a boyfriend. Their reactions always made me feel a little nauseous. Because it always dissolved into ‘ooooohs’, nudging, and eyebrow raises. I knew where the conversation was headed before I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth. It repulsed me when alloromantics purposely misinterpreted my relationships despite me attempting to try and take the time to explain. To this day, I still don’t tell many people about my queerplatonic partner for those same reasons. But further interacting with the aro community gave me a space to discuss. It gave me a space to re-assess different types of relationships and dynamics. It validated and reaffirmed my identity, knowing that I wasn’t any less aromantic for the things I wanted with other people. It broadened my perspective, and allowed me to really reshape my relationships and priorities, rather than allow amatonormativity to continue controlling that. I tried to love quietly, cautiously, with a certain restraint. I was afraid of being perceived as pursuing someone romantically, or being immature for being “overly-invested” with someone I’m “just friends” with. But it’s not silly to highly value platonic relationships. And there’s not just one type of partnership. Being in this community let me see all the different types of aro-spec folks, and how there’s a whole rainbow of flavors of aromanticism. It let me see the kind of aro I am, and not the kind of aro people expected me to be. I used to feel trapped by the label, even a bit scared. Because I knew alloromantics had a very rigid idea, if at all, of how I “should '' or “would '' be if I was “really that”. This community made me feel whole. I felt satisfied with myself. I felt safe being around so many other people who understood. Even just seeing the same language I used for myself being tossed around in casual conversation made me inexplicably happy. Seeing that there were resources, that there really was something there- that I wasn’t alone, made me happy. It’s not a perfect solution. I’ve yet to meet aro folks in person. But it’s a start, and I’ll always be grateful to have that.

1.) My community interactions are strictly online. Which is a bit unfortunate in itself, because I truly would like to meet more aro-spec folks in real life and on a more intimate level. I appreciate having this though, because all progress is good progress. 2.) Unfortunately I wouldn’t say I’m in any position to, and the environment I’m in doesn’t allow opportunities for that. 3.) My community interactions primarily take place on here- I can’t say it wouldn’t be nice to have more members active on Arocalypse 4.) I’d say it’s fairly supportive. I appreciate the time people invest into sharing their own personal experiences, and how open and receptive people generally are. I agree with Dabney that we should encourage other people to share narratives that aren’t the “stereotypical aro” experience either, and allow those people space and validation. Personally, I was also an aro individual who desired a romantic relationship for quite a long time. I thought because I didn’t experience stereotypical repulsion to the idea of it, and even could get behind the idea, I couldn’t be aro. 5.) Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (ASAW) is the only thing that comes to mind. 6.) I think communities are important, without a doubt, because it gives people a sense of belonging. This is especially important to marginalized groups, because it’s alienating to exist in a society that doesn’t value our experiences and the way we exist. It’s comforting to know that we’re not alone, that we’re here, and that we all have something(s) to say about it. 7.) I think the best part of the community I’m in is the ability to start discussions using community terms, without having to give all these expositions and background definitions beforehand. In other words, the mutual understanding.

You put it in words and it slapped me across the face -