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  1. I like to call myself 'unromanceable' which is a videogame term often applied to characters in bioware-rpgs. Relating to, specifically, npcs that you can have in your party and interact with, but who do not have a romance path. You can max out my approval but there just is no romance to unlocked. I can understand that this might seem strange to someone who thinks of relationships as hierarchical. Feeling like there should be a next step. And to be perfectly honest, I am not much a fan of that philosophy, and think that even regular, sexual and romantic people could befit from a looser view of
  2. I am willing to bet those are not mixed signals at all. You just have different ideas on how affectionate friends are supposed to be. I have heard that this is sometimes a problem that occurs between men and women even when no one is aromantic, because (allegedly) women tend to me more affectionate with friends than men, and so men sometimes interpret women's "we're close friends" behaviors as flirting. Being aromantic makes this even more likely, she has specifically told you that she doesn't feel that way about you or anyone. Sometimes, as an aromantic woman, one has to be a little on g
  3. Well, at this point you have tried a lot of ways to try to get him to talk about the state of your relationship with you, and you have some very clear information showing that he won't. He just won't. He likes things the way they are, and will not engage in any defining-the-relationship type discussion. You're probably going to have to accept that is the way of it, and decide what you want to do from there. And one could make the argument that this is bad communication, and not fully healthy. But it could just as easily be that he smells that you are going to ask him for things he cannot
  4. I do agree that 'single' is a bit loaded. It seems to come with the implication of 'available', and I do feel a little weird using it. But I still think that sticking with the word 'single' and using it neutrally like it means just 'not-partnered' is a valid option still. The reason I am less inclined towards thinking of a new term is that it can sound defensive. I actually dislike 'self-partnered' for this reason. I think it sounds quite weird, like "Oh I'm not single totally have a relationship (with myself)". 'Unpartnered' is better in my opinion. Self explanatory and not sounding like you'
  5. Funnily enough, that isn't the Love, Actually plot that bugs me. I thought those two were fine. What I didn't understand was the married guy who was buying gifts for his flirty coworker. I initially read their interactions as him being vaguely uncomfortable and annoyed with her, I do not see why he was tempted at all. Just dumb decisions for no reasons that are beyond me. The first movie that comes to mind where the romance subplot really annoyed me is the Hobbit movies. I'm not sure you could shoehorn in a terrible romantic plot in a place where it absolutely doesn't belong worse if you
  6. I want to focus on this, because I recognise this feeling. Over the years, I have received enough proof that my friends like me that I can generally recognise that this feeling lies. But even factually knowing that every other time I have had this feeling I have been wrong, doesn't really make it go away in the moment. And it is trust built over multiple years that has allowed me to get to even that point. At this point, we sometimes joke about it as me lacking a sense of object permanence x) (If I can't hear your voice this second, do I know you're still in the call? If you haven't reach out
  7. Ah, this question. It is an interesting one, partly because I never found the specific answer to it. But I do have a story. See, I floundered here for a long time. I mean, with sexuality it is pretty straight forward, that thing, I don't want to do it. Good to know. But how do I know if I want 'romance' if I don't know what romance even is? I had come to some level of acceptance that I could allow myself not to know, when I entered a relationship with a friend of mine who is really liked and it just didn't feel right. It was long distance, nothing that much had changed in a practical way.
  8. Sorry, I can't seem to think of any clips. Most of the aro examples I can think of are from books, and thatäs harder to clip. And even though I am currently reading a huge bookseries about nothing but aromantic asexuals, there are no real single moments that I can put down as an aro moment, if that makes sense. If everyone around you is ace-aro, it's no big deal, you know? So I don't have clips in mind, though I feel like I should have, with the backlog of things I have seen throughout my life. I think the system for accessing things out of my memory is kind of inefficient x)
  9. Some of those clips are really good, but I had no idea of them^^ The Anne one is sweet, and I feel the Little Women one too. Thanks for sharing^^
  10. Both Eredryn and Hellishfish give good advice I think. These are things that I didn't quite know how to express in a gentle way. There are means of finding friends available to you, though I know myself how much easier said than done that is. There is a lot of random chance involved in finding your people. But the anger and bitterness you show also risk turning these broken friendships into a vicious cycle, or self-fulfilling prophecy. You had a very strong reaction to your dad talking about your brothers upcoming wedding. You sound like you are in a really bad headspace, and I wish I could he
  11. You sound like you're lonely and angry. Was this an extra bad day, or are you feeling like this a lot?
  12. I see, that does suck. It might be tone-def of me to come with advice (to a moderator no less), since I know very little about what you've already done. But there is this one dynamic that I have noticed that you might want to utilize. I think discussing things like amatonormativity in general can easily get kind of abstract, and everything makes sense and they agree but it kind of stays in a different brainspace than your actual life. Humans you are actively speaking to though, those are real. So, I think it might be worth bringing it up (I avoid saying 'confronting' because that puts in
  13. What is it that they're saying and doing that is bothering you? I ask because I feel like amatonormaive things can cover such a wide space, I can't tell what is going on. I did actually speak to a friend about it recently. For a different reason though, and not using the word, I didn't even remember that there was a word for this. But I had been reminded about these ideas, about how romantic relationships are placed on such a high pedestal it is like there is no space for anything else. Like any closeness that isn't romantic or through a family bond is considered to not even be that rea
  14. I remember that feeling. Discomfort, telling myself that there was no REAL reason for me to feel this discomfort, trying to pretend I didn't. That lasted for a bit over a month before I wisened up and realized that the discomfort itself was the only answer I needed. The push that finally made me break up was realizing I started wanting to avoid my friend, and if I was to retain any warm feelings, then the romantic side of the relationship had to go, before all my affection had been replaced by that ever present discomfort. You asked to do this to try it out, and from the sound
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