You might be aro if...

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

13 hours ago, HelloThere said:

1) Oh my gosh, minus most of the sexual attraction stuff I can agree. Like when I try to think of what I want in someone my standards oscillate between very low and very specific, sometimes I’m just like “well if they’re a nice person then yeah sure” and “if this person does not share the EXACT SAME INTERESTS then they can’t talk to me”. 
I do generally avoid any places that I know I’ll be flirted at, and to be honest that’s probably a part of the reason I hate dances. People talk about how awesome it is to dance with a girl and I’m just like “wow, I want neither of those things”. Like there was this one time where my church was doing a western style square dancing event and we were supposed to hold hands with a girl and 90% of the time I was literally talking about politics and movies that I liked. (Wow I’m probably such an a-hole XD) I was supposed to hold hands with a girl in that and the only thing I felt was awkwardness and I just hated every second, I was sweaty, I could tell this person didn’t enjoy it either, and I was begging to be out of there. In hindsight I probably made a lot of people angry by asking to leave but I honestly couldn’t get myself to like that.

2) Also I just wanna say, I’m so glad to know there’s others here who feel EXACTLY LIKE ME, I’d love to talk on discord or something if I ever managed to but I’ll live with this place for now. 😅

3) Anyway though on the romantic stories I always just found their plot to be so… shallow. Like how is this THAT big of a deal to people? I didn’t even know that people read those books for any other reason that the plot! Why are the allos so hard to understand? I swear 90% of the people in my school waste all their intellect on figuring out relationships and crap like that! Why is this such a big deal to people?! I’ve lived for 15 years being told that it’s the end all be all, and in 2 months I managed to unravel all of that and find myself. XD

1) Yeah! I usually made certain personality/qualities checklists for reasons why I would date someone before I found out I'm aro, but I still kind of do it nowadays, but as stated - more so in the sexual attraction department. But, oh my Gods, yeah, I love dances don't get me wrong, but I usually try desperately to stay with groups of people I know, somewhat know, or who looks friendly, so that I could enjoy the times where a slow song comes on or a group dance comes on and there's physical touching. If it's someone I straight up don't know, I'd probably still do it, but I would feel my flight or definitely flight instincts kick in. XD

2) And I'm glad to know that I have shared experiences with others too! I do have Discord, but if it's safer for you to communicate onto here for now, then I would do that instead.

3) Yeah, it's rare for me to seek out books that are purely Romance™️ for I usually need action, or horror, or fantasy shit to be happening. I can usually only stand romance if it's a sub-plot, but the few times I have dabbled into purely just romance (fictional romance too, because dear Gods if I read some non-fiction romances/real life love stories, unless it was truly a very interesting story) it mainly was in the LGBT+ romances and queer stories.

[HelloThere]

2 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

1) Yeah! I usually made certain personality/qualities checklists for reasons why I would date someone before I found out I'm aro, but I still kind of do it nowadays, but as stated - more so in the sexual attraction department. But, oh my Gods, yeah, I love dances don't get me wrong, but I usually try desperately to stay with groups of people I know, somewhat know, or who looks friendly, so that I could enjoy the times where a slow song comes on or a group dance comes on and there's physical touching. If it's someone I straight up don't know, I'd probably still do it, but I would feel my flight or definitely flight instincts kick in. XD

2) And I'm glad to know that I have shared experiences with others too! I do have Discord, but if it's safer for you to communicate onto here for now, then I would do that instead.

3) Yeah, it's rare for me to seek out books that are purely Romance™️ for I usually need action, or horror, or fantasy shit to be happening. I can usually only stand romance if it's a sub-plot, but the few times I have dabbled into purely just romance (fictional romance too, because dear Gods if I read some non-fiction romances/real life love stories, unless it was truly a very interesting story) it mainly was in the LGBT+ romances and queer stories.

I mean I’ve tried to mentally make a checklist of the type of person I would date and to be honest, I’m not interested in dating anyone or in making a list. I’ve tried, I don’t specifically want anything, I just want to talk to people and just enjoy conversations and activities, not obsess (I use that phrase a lot) over someone or be all touchy feely. I don’t even do much of that with my own family and normally do that to console others. I mean yeah hugging’s nice but only in a familial way and I get sick of it occasionally. Though yeah, I tend to have more respect for queer romances and stuff like that because it’s always comforting to know that society becomes more accepting of this stuff. Just overall though I feel like some sort of snob for not wanting romance or sex or anything. I mean it’s not just that either. I hate dances, loud noises, coffee, tea, I’m never drinking any alcoholic beverages, I have very little interest in dancing or singing, music in general isn’t my forte, I tend to be a picky eater, I’m obsessed with very niche areas of the world. I swear I sometimes feel like such a snob for looking down on most of that stuff but I just truly don’t like it.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

3 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

I mean I’ve tried to mentally make a checklist of the type of person I would date and to be honest, I’m not interested in dating anyone or in making a list. I’ve tried, I don’t specifically want anything, I just want to talk to people and just enjoy conversations and activities, not obsess (I use that phrase a lot) over someone or be all touchy feely. I don’t even do much of that with my own family and normally do that to console others. I mean yeah hugging’s nice but only in a familial way and I get sick of it occasionally. Though yeah, I tend to have more respect for queer romances and stuff like that because it’s always comforting to know that society becomes more accepting of this stuff. Just overall though I feel like some sort of snob for not wanting romance or sex or anything. I mean it’s not just that either. I hate dances, loud noises, coffee, tea, I’m never drinking any alcoholic beverages, I have very little interest in dancing or singing, music in general isn’t my forte, I tend to be a picky eater, I’m obsessed with very niche areas of the world. I swear I sometimes feel like such a snob for looking down on most of that stuff but I just truly don’t like it.

You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities.

And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao

[HelloThere]

7 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities.

And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao

Yeah, it’s just what I’ve been called occasionally. I don’t like going out of my comfort zone (I say as if I haven’t fully accepted myself for something very abnormal socially) and it kinda bites me in the butt because I have some real FOMO for some things but I also legitimately don’t want that.

[Sabrina F]

Ymbai romantic tones are squick

[HelloThere]

On 6/9/2023 at 11:46 AM, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities.

And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao

Okay I’m dragging this conversation back on. I also sorta like the whole aesthetic of most relationships (in cartoons) but the literal moment it gets all kissy and crap like that I just skip. I mean there’s this one political show called “Madam Secretary” that I still watch to this day and the last episode was the main characters daughter marrying and I specifically remember thinking “how do they make a 1 hour episode on a marriage?”

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

15 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Okay I’m dragging this conversation back on. I also sorta like the whole aesthetic of most relationships (in cartoons) but the literal moment it gets all kissy and crap like that I just skip. I mean there’s this one political show called “Madam Secretary” that I still watch to this day and the last episode was the main characters daughter marrying and I specifically remember thinking “how do they make a 1 hour episode on a marriage?”

Yeah, it's just - with certain media it has to be engaging enough to actually have me want a couple to get together, but to have it as a whole entire episode? Woah.

[HelloThere]

2 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

Yeah, it's just - with certain media it has to be engaging enough to actually have me want a couple to get together, but to have it as a whole entire episode? Woah.

I mean that’s important for main characters but did it have to be the last episode, or even be that long? That sounds like it should be reserved for something bigger than a wedding.

[Guest]

I think that to My nobody they love me i'm arromantic 

[costaplohov]

ndeed, to better understand aromantic individuals, it's essential to identify the key distinctions between aromantic and romantic individuals. One of the most evident differences is the way they experience romantic attraction. While romantic people may feel a strong emotional and romantic connection with others, aromantic individuals typically do not experience romantic attraction in the same way.

[alto]

Whenever I hear people talking about their romantic problems, I think Thank G-d I don't have to deal with that

[Firebird]

I think a key difference is the attraction aros face (platonic) is based on objective factors that are felt proportionately to said factors. The more we have in common, the more we understand each other, the more platonic attraction there is. On the other hand, romantic attraction is an arbitrary fudge factor that can feel alienating and objectifying. Someone may have zero reason to like or be interested in me, due to us having nothing in common, but yet they are head over heels and willing to commit to a lifetime of being with me, completely ignoring who I really am as a person. I believe the rationality of platonic attraction and sheer irrationality and randomness of romantic attraction is a clear way to distinguish the two, and is a great way to probe the question of aromanticism. Romantic feelings are not stronger than platonic feelings, they are simply a completely different mechanism of human psychology, and I would argue, are much weaker and much more easy to break than a close platonic bond that doesn't go through the idealization to disappointment cycle.

[Collie]

You might be aro if you say you "ship" a pairing but when you see art of them doing romantic things you're like "hmm, don't like that"

[HelloThere]

On 8/15/2023 at 7:09 PM, Collie said:

You might be aro if you say you "ship" a pairing but when you see art of them doing romantic things you're like "hmm, don't like that"

Yeah, basically me in a nutshell.

[Guest AroAce]

On 4/9/2016 at 3:06 AM, throughtheheart said:

YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them.

Wow, this is way too acurate. I think this might be the exact thing I beeded to hear to realise I'm aroace

[Oko]

Maybe this: You have a friend, you spend the time with him/her and you have a lot of common hobbies etc. You like spending the time with him/her. Suddenly he/she confess he/she is in love with you and you feel bad. You like the person but imagine dating with him/her you feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe it .... feeling anxiety, some aversion to this person who you like, like a friend...

Do you know something like this?

 

I have to try the questionnaire too:

 

When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you.

Maybe? I'm still asking about it.

Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.

Maybe yes. I'm sure I'm not a "romantic person".

When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.

I had to find what is it, but maybe yes.

You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.

Totally true. But if I'm in relationship with somebody, I know it's another, just because it is...

You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.

Not true. I was "in love" in the past, but it was just I wanted to spend the time with the person and be close to him. And it was always somebody who was interested in me and in love with me. I'm still asking "Did I love the person or his interest?"

You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.

The same answer like previous.

You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.

I had to search what is it and yes. In the past it was just attraction for me, I didn't know there is a lot of kinds of attraction. I'm still trying to know, how attraction I felt to people in the past.

You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.

Not true. I know it exists, but it's out of me.

You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.

I don't read a lot, but yes, romance in stories/movies etc is boring for me.

You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.

Yes, totally true.

You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.

Yes. But it was always somebody who I liked (good music, good opinions etc...). And it was a good excuse why to not date with somebody ("No I can't, I'm in love with X)😁

You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.

No. I decided to one person and I kept him.

If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.

I'm asexual and I didn't understand, what does it mean "benefits" in it.

You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.

True. I'm quiet and just listenning and let them speak.

Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.

True. Falling in love with people is not very exciting. But falling in love with something another is. For example I'm in love with the village where I live.

You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.

Totally true.

You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.

True. I think it's crazy.

You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.

Totally true. He is good-looking, that's all.

Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.

No, I don't understand them.

You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.

I had romantic relationship but it wasn't my initiative. The person tried it and I said "Why not". But yes, being single is better.

When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

Yes!

Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.

Yes, but I know I don't have to do it.

Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

They had these feelings. I don't know why.

A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.

It was in the past. Now I don't want to have a relationship, so I would refuse it.

You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

I said it. He had this feelings and I didn't know what is bad.

You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

Yes, true.

When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.

I ended it, but yes.

You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.

Yes, totally true.

You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.

I don't want to marry. Why?

You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.

Yes!

You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.

Yes!

It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.

True. I'm loner, I like to be alone. But I would feel unwanted withnout my family or friends.

You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.

Yes. Both is true. Depends on situation.

You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.

Maybe. Is saying "Nice T-shirt" to somebody flirtatious?

You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.

Is a school/job a large community? If it is, it's true.

You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.

Totally true.

When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.

Yes. In a relationship I needed a "manual" to romantic things. 😄

When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.

Yes, but I don't want to date with somebody.

The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.

I can't find some benefit of a relationship. Single life has a lot of benefits.

You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.

Totally true.

You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.

Yes.

You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.

I'm not a contact person. I don't need to hug people. I would rather be huggy and cuddly with my cat.

You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.

I don't want to have relationship.

You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.

Totally true. Having a romantic partner might be nice, but not for me.

The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I love it!

You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.

I don't enjoy them. They're boring.

You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.

True!

You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.

In the past I visited this places. But it was just to spend the time with my friends and have fun. I hated when somebody flirted with me. Now I don't visit them.

You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.

Yes, totally true. I know how it will end, so why I should watch it?

You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.

I like the idea of a big wedding celebration but not my wedding. If it was my friend's wedding and I could have a fun and congratulate him/her, it's okay. But my own wedding? No! No! No!

[Guest]

You look at people with different eyes, not with that feeling of falling in love, you see them as a friend or something different, not as a couple, you can desire them but not love them with those eyes. romantically speaking 

[organs and bone]

you always knew you were a dragon god (so true, so true)

[P4R4D0X]

4 hours ago, organs and bone said:

you always knew you were a dragon god (so true, so true)

Agreed.

I finally know why physics hates me /j

[Raininspring]

On 8/3/2023 at 12:10 PM, costaplohov said:

ndeed, to better understand aromantic individuals, it's essential to identify the key distinctions between aromantic and romantic individuals. One of the most evident differences is the way they experience romantic attraction. While romantic people may feel a strong emotional and romantic connection with others, aromantic individuals typically do not experience romantic attraction in the same way.

I'd say this is true for me the more I read different books about aromanticism and the different types of attractions besides romantic attraction. I've come to the realization the attractions I experience most are asethestic and alterous attractions, but it's still very hard to differentiate as sometimes I'll feel platonic attraction that almost feels like it could be romantic. I've never felt the full on 100% romantic attraction that alloromantics have so easily.