The Newest Fabled Creature Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 13 hours ago, HelloThere said: 1) Oh my gosh, minus most of the sexual attraction stuff I can agree. Like when I try to think of what I want in someone my standards oscillate between very low and very specific, sometimes I’m just like “well if they’re a nice person then yeah sure” and “if this person does not share the EXACT SAME INTERESTS then they can’t talk to me”. I do generally avoid any places that I know I’ll be flirted at, and to be honest that’s probably a part of the reason I hate dances. People talk about how awesome it is to dance with a girl and I’m just like “wow, I want neither of those things”. Like there was this one time where my church was doing a western style square dancing event and we were supposed to hold hands with a girl and 90% of the time I was literally talking about politics and movies that I liked. (Wow I’m probably such an a-hole XD) I was supposed to hold hands with a girl in that and the only thing I felt was awkwardness and I just hated every second, I was sweaty, I could tell this person didn’t enjoy it either, and I was begging to be out of there. In hindsight I probably made a lot of people angry by asking to leave but I honestly couldn’t get myself to like that. 2) Also I just wanna say, I’m so glad to know there’s others here who feel EXACTLY LIKE ME, I’d love to talk on discord or something if I ever managed to but I’ll live with this place for now. 😅 3) Anyway though on the romantic stories I always just found their plot to be so… shallow. Like how is this THAT big of a deal to people? I didn’t even know that people read those books for any other reason that the plot! Why are the allos so hard to understand? I swear 90% of the people in my school waste all their intellect on figuring out relationships and crap like that! Why is this such a big deal to people?! I’ve lived for 15 years being told that it’s the end all be all, and in 2 months I managed to unravel all of that and find myself. XD 1) Yeah! I usually made certain personality/qualities checklists for reasons why I would date someone before I found out I'm aro, but I still kind of do it nowadays, but as stated - more so in the sexual attraction department. But, oh my Gods, yeah, I love dances don't get me wrong, but I usually try desperately to stay with groups of people I know, somewhat know, or who looks friendly, so that I could enjoy the times where a slow song comes on or a group dance comes on and there's physical touching. If it's someone I straight up don't know, I'd probably still do it, but I would feel my flight or definitely flight instincts kick in. XD 2) And I'm glad to know that I have shared experiences with others too! I do have Discord, but if it's safer for you to communicate onto here for now, then I would do that instead. 3) Yeah, it's rare for me to seek out books that are purely Romance™️ for I usually need action, or horror, or fantasy shit to be happening. I can usually only stand romance if it's a sub-plot, but the few times I have dabbled into purely just romance (fictional romance too, because dear Gods if I read some non-fiction romances/real life love stories, unless it was truly a very interesting story) it mainly was in the LGBT+ romances and queer stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 2 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said: 1) Yeah! I usually made certain personality/qualities checklists for reasons why I would date someone before I found out I'm aro, but I still kind of do it nowadays, but as stated - more so in the sexual attraction department. But, oh my Gods, yeah, I love dances don't get me wrong, but I usually try desperately to stay with groups of people I know, somewhat know, or who looks friendly, so that I could enjoy the times where a slow song comes on or a group dance comes on and there's physical touching. If it's someone I straight up don't know, I'd probably still do it, but I would feel my flight or definitely flight instincts kick in. XD 2) And I'm glad to know that I have shared experiences with others too! I do have Discord, but if it's safer for you to communicate onto here for now, then I would do that instead. 3) Yeah, it's rare for me to seek out books that are purely Romance™️ for I usually need action, or horror, or fantasy shit to be happening. I can usually only stand romance if it's a sub-plot, but the few times I have dabbled into purely just romance (fictional romance too, because dear Gods if I read some non-fiction romances/real life love stories, unless it was truly a very interesting story) it mainly was in the LGBT+ romances and queer stories. I mean I’ve tried to mentally make a checklist of the type of person I would date and to be honest, I’m not interested in dating anyone or in making a list. I’ve tried, I don’t specifically want anything, I just want to talk to people and just enjoy conversations and activities, not obsess (I use that phrase a lot) over someone or be all touchy feely. I don’t even do much of that with my own family and normally do that to console others. I mean yeah hugging’s nice but only in a familial way and I get sick of it occasionally. Though yeah, I tend to have more respect for queer romances and stuff like that because it’s always comforting to know that society becomes more accepting of this stuff. Just overall though I feel like some sort of snob for not wanting romance or sex or anything. I mean it’s not just that either. I hate dances, loud noises, coffee, tea, I’m never drinking any alcoholic beverages, I have very little interest in dancing or singing, music in general isn’t my forte, I tend to be a picky eater, I’m obsessed with very niche areas of the world. I swear I sometimes feel like such a snob for looking down on most of that stuff but I just truly don’t like it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 3 minutes ago, HelloThere said: I mean I’ve tried to mentally make a checklist of the type of person I would date and to be honest, I’m not interested in dating anyone or in making a list. I’ve tried, I don’t specifically want anything, I just want to talk to people and just enjoy conversations and activities, not obsess (I use that phrase a lot) over someone or be all touchy feely. I don’t even do much of that with my own family and normally do that to console others. I mean yeah hugging’s nice but only in a familial way and I get sick of it occasionally. Though yeah, I tend to have more respect for queer romances and stuff like that because it’s always comforting to know that society becomes more accepting of this stuff. Just overall though I feel like some sort of snob for not wanting romance or sex or anything. I mean it’s not just that either. I hate dances, loud noises, coffee, tea, I’m never drinking any alcoholic beverages, I have very little interest in dancing or singing, music in general isn’t my forte, I tend to be a picky eater, I’m obsessed with very niche areas of the world. I swear I sometimes feel like such a snob for looking down on most of that stuff but I just truly don’t like it. You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities. And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 7 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said: You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities. And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao Yeah, it’s just what I’ve been called occasionally. I don’t like going out of my comfort zone (I say as if I haven’t fully accepted myself for something very abnormal socially) and it kinda bites me in the butt because I have some real FOMO for some things but I also legitimately don’t want that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabrina F Posted June 25 Share Posted June 25 Ymbai romantic tones are squick 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 On 6/9/2023 at 11:46 AM, The Newest Fabled Creature said: You're not a snob, trust me. I understand most of that. I'm not much picky on anything, music-wise or food-wise, but I still get it, especially since I know people personally who are the same! It's absolutely fine if you don't vibe with romances, don't want it nor want sex, it doesn't make you snob at all in that regard either; and I relate to the enjoying conversations and wanting to do activities. And I agree heavily on the not making lists, since - yeah I do make "lists" sometimes - but it can tiring, and I kind of only do make them on a whim; like: Oh, okay they have that physical trait I like? Gotcha. Oh, they're attitude/personality is a certain way that I like. Checkmark. They can throw me too!? Hell yeah. Lmao Okay I’m dragging this conversation back on. I also sorta like the whole aesthetic of most relationships (in cartoons) but the literal moment it gets all kissy and crap like that I just skip. I mean there’s this one political show called “Madam Secretary” that I still watch to this day and the last episode was the main characters daughter marrying and I specifically remember thinking “how do they make a 1 hour episode on a marriage?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 15 hours ago, HelloThere said: Okay I’m dragging this conversation back on. I also sorta like the whole aesthetic of most relationships (in cartoons) but the literal moment it gets all kissy and crap like that I just skip. I mean there’s this one political show called “Madam Secretary” that I still watch to this day and the last episode was the main characters daughter marrying and I specifically remember thinking “how do they make a 1 hour episode on a marriage?” Yeah, it's just - with certain media it has to be engaging enough to actually have me want a couple to get together, but to have it as a whole entire episode? Woah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 2 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said: Yeah, it's just - with certain media it has to be engaging enough to actually have me want a couple to get together, but to have it as a whole entire episode? Woah. I mean that’s important for main characters but did it have to be the last episode, or even be that long? That sounds like it should be reserved for something bigger than a wedding. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jesus dario Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 I think that to My nobody they love me i'm arromantic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
costaplohov Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 ndeed, to better understand aromantic individuals, it's essential to identify the key distinctions between aromantic and romantic individuals. One of the most evident differences is the way they experience romantic attraction. While romantic people may feel a strong emotional and romantic connection with others, aromantic individuals typically do not experience romantic attraction in the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 Whenever I hear people talking about their romantic problems, I think Thank G-d I don't have to deal with that 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firebird Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 I think a key difference is the attraction aros face (platonic) is based on objective factors that are felt proportionately to said factors. The more we have in common, the more we understand each other, the more platonic attraction there is. On the other hand, romantic attraction is an arbitrary fudge factor that can feel alienating and objectifying. Someone may have zero reason to like or be interested in me, due to us having nothing in common, but yet they are head over heels and willing to commit to a lifetime of being with me, completely ignoring who I really am as a person. I believe the rationality of platonic attraction and sheer irrationality and randomness of romantic attraction is a clear way to distinguish the two, and is a great way to probe the question of aromanticism. Romantic feelings are not stronger than platonic feelings, they are simply a completely different mechanism of human psychology, and I would argue, are much weaker and much more easy to break than a close platonic bond that doesn't go through the idealization to disappointment cycle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Collie Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 You might be aro if you say you "ship" a pairing but when you see art of them doing romantic things you're like "hmm, don't like that" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 On 8/15/2023 at 7:09 PM, Collie said: You might be aro if you say you "ship" a pairing but when you see art of them doing romantic things you're like "hmm, don't like that" Yeah, basically me in a nutshell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AroAce Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 On 4/9/2016 at 3:06 AM, throughtheheart said: YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them. Wow, this is way too acurate. I think this might be the exact thing I beeded to hear to realise I'm aroace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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