Firebird

I guess the only way you can be safe is by only hanging around people that have no chance of being attracted to you. But then again, I can't relate well to straight women and gay men at all, I only feel at home when talking to other lesbians... but the romantic BS causes shit to devolve into the worst scenarios imaginable every time.

Not what I implied, not going to clarify what's already clear.

I don't even date guys... I'm a lesbian

For once, I'm going to have to side with the men here, and say that gynophilic men and women can't be friends. I had to ditch all of my gynophilic male friends because of romantic feelings for me. It's easy to pretend that romantic feelings can just stay as nothing more than feelings. However, what eventually happens (in my experience) is the dude that has caught these feelings starts acting in a way that is toxic, manipulative, unethical, whatever the hell he thinks is necessary to make something happen that can't happen. I'm even starting to be sussed out by gynophilic enbies and women for similar reasons, except they are a lot less likely to catch feelings for me (because unlike men, they don't go for the first woman that shows them any sort of attention, even if it's platonic) but when they do... I am beginning to get more and more the feeling that I should just back tf away. As the saying goes: "All is fair in [romantic] love and war" and I am beginning to take this saying more and more at face value, in the sense that just like people at war can and will commit atrocities if they can get away with it, so too will people commit atrocities in the pursuit of a romantic goal, however unrealistic. Except the latter isn't judged as heavily as it should be, because "It's all in the name of love, how sweet/romantic". I used to have only one male friend (the rest I dropped long before him because they tried getting into my pants), who I used to think is very close. Recently he started acting super toxic and manipulative, looking for every opportunity to put me down and complain about how I'm supposedly not giving him enough in the friendship. It later turned out that he's been living in a delusional romantic fantasy for about a year, and when I had to turn him down, he decided to retaliate by not being friends with me. So now I don't have any male friends, and I'm happier for it. I don't want to touch romance with a ten meter long pole anymore, because of how poorly I'm treated when I am the victim of romantic attraction. Next time there is even a slight sign of them, I'm ditching the other person.

It shouldn't confuse "them", because I'm always very specific and explicit with what I want. When I want nothing more than a hookup, and I explicitly say that, it better stay nothing more than a hookup, etc.

You don't need to drink water every day, you only need to drink it every day if you want to live healthily. Iced tea is good

Yeah, I currently am scared too. Going out into the dating world (dating used very broadly here, cause I still crave sexual relations) is terrifying due to the history of people, for some reason, thinking that they gotta use unethical behavior/manipulation tactics to get with me.

Spot on 😅. I dress very unconventionally, and I hang out with a lot of nerds, because I am one myself. It's also important to note that this kind of behavior happens regardless of gender, however, women and femme enbies get pulled into it faster because I actually am willing to have sex with them and more, I presume. What exactly do you mean by Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ing?

The incomprehensibility of your statement makes it wrong. Fried chicken tastes good.

I've had some alloromantics tell me that the following behavior is not normal, but considering how blinded by their own romantic feelings someone can be, I wanted to ask fellow aros if the following is typical alloromantic behavior, or if there is something more going on, and if so, what is it: Ignoring any sort of boundaries set by me and/or agreements we had as to where we stand. For example, if I wanted to have casual sex with someone, and we agree that there is nothing more to it, right after we have sex, they start discussing moving in together, pursuing a romantic relationship, etc etc. I also notice that I can't be friends with people who have romantic feelings for me, because instead of trying to form a genuine connection, all that's on their mind is "How do I get her to like me romantically?", and it's so painfully obvious, even when they're trying to be subtle about it. Delusions consisting of the following: I am the perfect person for them. Whatever traits they want in a partner, they automatically think I have them, or that I have them "deep down inside" or whatever. It's creepy talking to these people, because it feels like they're talking to a mirage, as opposed to engaging with me directly. Believing we have some sort of ESP. Then getting super pissed whenever I either can't read their telepathic messages, or whenever they discover that what they thought I communicated to them telepathically, and what I really wanted from them, are two completely different things. One thing they've tried doing was telling me we're "not meant for each other" as a way to get me to pursue them romantically back, which, surprise surprise, doesn't make me pursue them, and then they get pissed that I don't, because how could I have misssed their telepathic message asking me to pursue them!?! Believing that I have any sort of attraction to them, romantic or otherwise. My roommate lived in a romantic fantasy/delusion for a whole year, and when I told him that, surprise surprise, I have no romantic feelings for him, he "broke up" with me, and I had to remind them that we're not in a relationship in the first place. 🙄 Pretending to like the same things I do, think the same way I do, value the same things I do. It's such a mockery of the things I care about in life, to pretend to also be into them, and butchering the meaning and value of them mercilessly. Is this supposed to be attractive to alloromantics? Mental capabilities go on a steep decline. Mfer turns from a mature adult to being dumber than a toddler. They become my mental prisoner. I can tell them to do literally anything, and they'll do it. If I didn't have a heart, I could exploit the fuck out of this mechanic. They start neglecting their friends, family, loved ones, work... everything in their life outside of me. They lose all purpose in life, other than serving me. The smarter people on here can guess what dark spiral this mindset leads to. The most tragic fact about this all is, is that other than the spiral of obsession and self destruction they go down, they then start resenting me for literally something that is not my fault. They think I have asserted power over them to try and control them, because they start realizing that I do not reciprocate any of the above behaviors. They think it's unfair and that I'm manipulating them, but to be completely honest, all the delusions and mental prisons they find themselves in are not my doing, and is completely their own fault. They say things like "I can never be good enough for you" (after they try to do something for me, and it turns out, I never wanted them to do it and/or it makes things worse than if they had done nothing), "I do so much for you, and you don't do anything for me", and "I work so hard for you and you're ungrateful for it". Any time I tell other alloromantics about this behavior, they agree that it's toxic, unhealthy, unfair to me, so then why is it that every time an alloromantic engages with me in any romantic context, this happens? Why is it that whenever I try to have a relationship with someone (whether casual sex, serious long term, or just a friendship but with unwelcome romantic undertones) the other person withers away like a flower so easily? Small update: I have finally been able to figure out what pure unadulterated romance is like, when everything else (sexual attraction, emotional attraction, sensual attraction, platonic love etc) is stripped away. It's called limerance, and when looking it up, the characteristics closely match what I've been describing all along. So yeah, it very much is normal behavior for alloromantics... sadly. I've joined the romance repulsed camp. I don't want anything to do with it anymore.

The problem is, in my experience, you can't just friendzone someone. Alloromantics seem to be deaf to the word "no", and being a friend still leaves them in the "If I just try hard enough, they'll realize we were meant to be together all along, they're just delusional, etc" mindset. Best you can do is just completely disengage, hell, even rudeness will spare both of you emotional trouble in the long run. There is nothing wrong with being rude in situations like this. To be completely honest, the behavior of this dude you described is pretty creepy, so the moment someone tries to invade your personal space, it's more than ok to tell them to fuck off.

Laughs in ice cold pure black assam chai (no sugar or milk)

So any Indian tea?

What kind of chai? Chai just means tea

I have never heard of either of those 😭 An excellent choice. Haven't had that in forever. Personally, I drink peppermint tea, an assortment of berry teas, hibiscus, lemon, and whenever I want to drink black tea, I strongly prefer assam. I often mix my teas too!