Ekaterina

Is fictoromantic one of these lesser-known identities? I kind of consider myself such.

Hello and welcome!

Do you know the cupioromantic label?

You will be able to live your life to your fullest if you don't waste time and energy by deceiving yourself and forcing yourself to relationships/situations that aren't comfortable for you. Teen expectations may suck sometimes indeed, but they will be over once the school ends, and if your family and close circle in general is accepting of you the way you are, you won't have to deal with that much pressure. Also it feels like you are a partnering aroace (you seemed to genuinely enjoy your relationship with that girl until it went romantic), so you can have a platonic/queerplatonic partner if you like. Or if you don't want to, it's perfectly valid too.

Depends on what do you mean by soulmates. Some people do "click well" together because of who they are, such as being similar in some important aspects and possibly complementary in something other, but everything is variable. One person in different situations can bond with different kinds of people and it may work equally well, for different reasons maybe, even if they have a very particular "type" they need in a partner (for example, they have a need for an imaginative person with a sense of humour) there are many people of this type in existence, so it depends on which of them they meet and come to know. Some people feel a special connection to a group of people or several people who are very different, (and each of them is bringing a different important thing into this person's inner world in that case). Also depending of the stage of one's life their inner needs may change and so do feelings about what kind of people they may need in their life. And, well, of course people often misinterpret infatuation at first sight as a "sign they are meant to be together", which isn't so, there are so many ways a first impression can be wrong. As well as the opposite happens, that people who were indifferent to each other at first can form powerful connection based on getting to know each other better and, yes, putting work in it like the comment above says.

Sounds like you are. I'm sorry to hear your mum doesn't seem to accept your lack of romance as a part of your identity. You don't owe anyone to fall in love with anyone, and it doesn't make you any lesser. Sending positive wishes and friendly hugs to you if you don't mind them.🫂 And hope that this forum helps you sort out your questions and feel better about yourself!

Many aromantics start off misinterpreting their other types of attraction (platonic, aesthetic, etc.) as romantic, or deceiving/forcing themselves into thinking they have a crush to fit the social expectations and later not being comfortable with the romance in the relationship, so it's a pretty common experience. If this person is like you say "the one" for you but it's not romantic, then what you want may be a QPR with him? You don't have to love someone romantically for your relationship to be special.

Hello. First, I'm very sorry of what you and your mother had to go through. I think such relationship-based trauma could easily be a reason behind your extreme aversion to romance. If your question is where do you lie on the aromanticism spectrum, there are aromantics who became such in the course of life, including due to trauma (the term is caedromantic I think); and some aromantics are romance-averse while some others aren't. Some like romance when it doesn't involve them; some don't mind having it one day despite not experiencing attraction; some feel neutral; and some just are uncomfortable and/or repulsed with it in general (the terms are romance-averse and apothiromantic, in case it's helpful). It isn't the case with me, I'm mostly romance-neutral, so I doubt I can give any informative perspective on romance aversion. Edit to add a bit: I can kind of relate to what you are saying about feeling awkward with your friend who was fascinated with shipping. I also sort of became awkward with someone (a good person) because of it, not that I was averse but I just couldn't be as interested as them and didn't want to fake interest. Also one of the pairings they were passionate about was pretty unhealthy in the story, and some of the others I personally became quite disillusioned about, so that contributed. Fictional ships I genuinely like and even adore do exist, but a remark on this forum kind of helped me to realize clearer that my view of them is often more like special friendships, sometimes with sensual stuff added, than stereotypical romance. (A normal situation with aro shippers apparently.)

Hello, welcome! What are your feelings about the demiromantic label? Developing attraction only after a long time of knowing the person does sound like it, I think.

Welcome!

Hello! Nice to meet you.

You are perfectly free to identify or not identify with a label, but just wanted to say that being on the aro-spec doesn't need "solid proof", because proving absence of anything is an issue on its own, and aro-spec doesn't even require 100℅ absence of attraction necessarily (it's "none OR LITTLE attraction" in the definition of aromantic). It's based on how do you feel. If you want to identify as being on the aro-spec, you are pretty much welcome to! Your experience sounds similar to what a lot of aro-specs experience. You can be greyromantic or even strictly aro ("just thinking someone is cute or pretty" sounds like aesthetic attraction, not romantic). And liking romance in fiction is completely okay, some aros do, some don't, it isn't necessarily connected with your identity.

Hello, welcome here!

Greyromantic is a variant, yes. If you grew romantic feelings to that girl when she became your friend and it was similar with those other ones, then demi is an option too, but also if like you said what you felt had just a faint tint of romance and quickly faded, then I guess grey is closer. Also I think there's a label for people who feel romance only if it can be reciprocated (like the opposite of lithromantic), but I don't remember it. And theoretically wanting a romantic relationship can be cupio. About wanting to have a close bond with someone, would you prefer it romantic or something different?

Hello, welcome!