You might be aro if...

[The Aro Mando Echo]

Quote

The more I read this, the more convinced I am that I'm aro?-

Same. Also, Jaiden Animations' video was also... uncomfortably relatable. That's honestly around when I started really looking into it. If anyone hasn't seen it I recommend checking it out!

Edited March 23, 2023 by The Aro Mando Echo

[illumi]

ymbai 

1. acting stereotypically romantic with ur friends bc everyone knows u wont be romantically interested in the slightest
2. acting stereotypically romantic with ur friends bc its fucking funny
3. acting stereotypically romantic with ur friends bc u dont see it as romantic; whether its simply ur love language when ure really close with someone

[BasicallyEmoPotato]

Faking crushes to fit in.

[HelloThere]

On 4/7/2016 at 10:42 PM, hippiesthop said:

Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.

I'm like 15 and I'm on the verge of asking a friend of mine out (Yes I'd tell them my concerns) just to see if I feel anything at all. It sounds horrible and manipulative of me to even consider that but I just don't know if this is just me being too young or if my concerns are right. XD

On 4/8/2016 at 1:16 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Somebody asks you what a non-platonic relationship would look like and you genuinely have no idea because it's just not something you can really conceptualize. 

This is scary accurate. I know the definitions to both platonic and romantic relationships and the only difference I can conceptualize is that one doesn't have kissing. XD

On 4/8/2016 at 4:12 AM, pengu said:

When the question "What is your type?" really confuses you and you just answer with what you think would make a good friend. 

Whenever I'm asked that question I just say good personality and nice person. The exact same traits that I want in a friend.

[HelloThere]

On 4/7/2016 at 10:47 PM, hippiesthop said:

Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.

I thought I had a crush on a guy and had previously assumed that I had crushes on some girls but wasn’t the “0=0” arguement.

[Guest tatimari]

On 6/4/2022 at 9:37 PM, MaikeruSapphire said:

YMBAI the things you want in a platonic friendship and the things you'd want in a romantic relationship are the same things

Describes my issues (if you can call it that) perfectly. I find some much fulfillment and happiness from the friendships I already have that I really don’t feel a need to have a romantic partner. 

[tmp93]

You get anxiety from someone giving you constant attention because they’re interested in you. 

[HelloThere]

15 minutes ago, tatimari said:

You get anxiety from someone giving you constant attention because they’re interested in you. 

That’s happened to me before, it’s creepy and to say the least anxiety inducing. I mean I just anxiously broke down when some girl tried to ask for my phone number because then everyone else in class said to hand it over.

[SwiftySpeedy]

2 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

That’s happened to me before, it’s creepy and to say the least anxiety inducing. I mean I just anxiously broke down when some girl tried to ask for my phone number because then everyone else in class said to hand it over.

There's actually a term for that coined by Urban Dictionary called Aroace panic. Which is when someone who is Aroace worries about someone liking them. I have actually experienced it before and it's not a pleasant experience.

[HelloThere]

40 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

There's actually a term for that coined by Urban Dictionary called Aroace panic. Which is when someone who is Aroace worries about someone liking them. I have actually experienced it before and it's not a pleasant experience.

Oh no it’s not. I spent the next 3 weeks being pAROnoid that others were hitting on me and I didn’t realize it. XD

I honestly can’t see how someone would want my number. I mean shouldn’t you REALLY know that person before then? Because I’m my brain relationships are a hierarchy like in some sorta Pokémon evolution, it sorta goes: Friend > Couple > Marriage. Like that’s how I see that in a way but each one requires lots of experience for anything to happen. That’s honestly the closest I can get to understanding it. XD

[SwiftySpeedy]

56 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

Oh no it’s not. I spent the next 3 weeks being pAROnoid that others were hitting on me and I didn’t realize it. XD

That is the definition of Aroace panic.

[HelloThere]

1 minute ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

That is the definition of Aroace panic.

I call it pAROnoia. It just a sounds right as aro vocab. :D

[SkyTuneRein]

I'm pretty useless at picking up these things towards me, or I'm just sceptical, or people don't sincerely hit on or be attracted on me, usually.

[HelloThere]

1 minute ago, SkyTuneRein said:

I'm pretty useless at picking up these things towards me, or I'm just sceptical, or people don't sincerely hit on or be attracted on me, usually.

Yeah, I’m almost always confused whenever someone is hitting on me, it takes me like 5 hours to realize what’s happening and then I feel relieved I ignored it.

[SkyTuneRein]

It has crossed my mind that I might have, unintentionally, pissed off one or a few because of my lack of understanding, as well as lack of tact. There may have been some who had feelings for me which I haven't yet realised, or will realise...oops...but never mind.

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, SkyTuneRein said:

It has crossed my mind that I might have, unintentionally, pissed off one or a few because of my lack of understanding, as well as lack of tact. There may have been some who had feelings for me which I haven't yet realised, or will realise...oops...but never mind.

Oh yeah, I’ve lost a bit of sleep wondering who I accidentally angered.

[tmp93]

On 5/19/2023 at 12:12 PM, HelloThere said:

That’s happened to me before, it’s creepy and to say the least anxiety inducing. I mean I just anxiously broke down when some girl tried to ask for my phone number because then everyone else in class said to hand it over.

It really is creepy! I’ve been keeping my responses short to see if that’ll dissuade them but it’s not working 😩I have to be upfront with them soon. 

[HelloThere]

So here’s my experience so far.

YMBAI you never really saw a need to explore having romantic relationships.

YMBAI you never once had a crush, and whenever someone asked if you had a crush you just assumed it was a friend of yours.

YMBAI you never fully understood the difference between romantic and platonic attraction.

YMBAI you have a hard time differentiating between romantic and aesthetic/platonic attraction.

YMBAI you don’t understand movies where relationships just immediately happen or love at first sight just feels weird.

YMBAI you like the idea of living by yourself, having a close friend group, or just living with a friend.

YMBAI the idea of kissing just plain disgust you or doesn’t sound interesting.

YMBAI the only real reason you’d want to kiss is to see if you’d feel anything.

YMBAI romance felt like something you can’t really define.

YMBAI you were always blind to others and there relationships unless it’s extremely obvious.

YMBAI anyone showing an interest in you just feels incredibly uncomfortable or weird.

YMBAI flirting always just felt like a stupid way to show that you have feelings for someone. After all just saying it saves you SO MUCH emotional pain.

YMBAI you never really noticed relationships sprouting around you, or if you did and only felt the need for that to feel like you fit in.

YMBAI you were always annoyed when main characters just HAD to date. 
YMBAI you never understood why someone would fall head over heels for someone simply because they liked them.

YMBAI you always treated people the same and when you showed kindness to other genders, your parents would act like it was a crush and that just enraged you.

YMBAI you sorta panicked whenever someone showed an interest in you and it felt like some massive burden was just shoved onto your back.

YMBAI you can understand romance at an intellectual level and that’s the limit.

YMBAI you never really conceptualized marriage, and if you did, it’s kind of hard to imagine yourself in this.

YMBAI you only really saw something as “romantic” by comparing it to what society has taught you instead of just intuition.

YMBAI you sorta just assume that you’d feel romantic attraction eventually but you don’t really enjoy the idea that much.

YMBAI you always just pictures your future with careers vividly while marriage was just fuzzy.

YMBAI romance in movies felt cliched, obnoxious, or exaggerated.

YMBAI the idea of dating is more exciting for the stuff you do on that date, not in the actual person. (You’d love to go on a date to the movies because you like the movies and you view the date as more of a companion.)

YMBAI you’ve ever tried to scan through crowds and see if you have any attraction to anyone.

YMBAI falling in love doesn’t excite you that much.

YMBAI you see a romantic relationship as something you’re supposed to do.

YMBAI you didn’t really get what a crush was in childhood until later on. (in kindergarten I thought that having a crush on someone was hating them so I said I wanted to crush someone in my class. XD)

YMBAI you’re not scared of being single, you’re scared of being alone forever, or feeling unwanted (mostly for extroverts like myself. XD)

YMBAI the criteria for your “type” of partner is just the same as a friend.

YMBAI the romantic aspect of a relationship just felt… there, and nothing more.

YMBAI having a best friend sounds better to you than a romantic partner.

YMBAI you’d prefer a sleepover with friends over a date. (For kids)

This is everything I can think of so far but this probably helped me just as much as it may help you guys! If I have anything new to add, I’ll do so. :D

[tmp93]

7 hours ago, HelloThere said:

YMBAI you like the idea of living by yourself, having a close friend group, or just living with a friend.

YMBAI anyone showing an interest in you just feels incredibly uncomfortable or weird.

YMBAI you were always annoyed when main characters just HAD to date. 

YMBAI you always treated people the same and when you showed kindness to other genders, your parents would act like it was a crush and that just enraged you.

YMBAI you sorta panicked whenever someone showed an interest in you and it felt like some massive burden was just shoved onto your back.

YMBAI you can understand romance at an intellectual level and that’s the limit.

YMBAI you sorta just assume that you’d feel romantic attraction eventually but you don’t really enjoy the idea that much.

YMBAI falling in love doesn’t excite you that much.

YMBAI having a best friend sounds better to you than a romantic partner.

I especially feel the burden about someone being interested in me. Tomorrow I have to essentially let them down as gently as I can because it’s just not a comfortable situation for me. 

[HelloThere]

7 hours ago, tmp93 said:

I especially feel the burden about someone being interested in me. Tomorrow I have to essentially let them down as gently as I can because it’s just not a comfortable situation for me. 

I’m sorry to hear that. :(

[Sili]

On 5/19/2023 at 7:28 PM, SkyTuneRein said:

It has crossed my mind that I might have, unintentionally, pissed off one or a few because of my lack of understanding, as well as lack of tact. There may have been some who had feelings for me which I haven't yet realised, or will realise...oops...but never mind.

On 5/19/2023 at 9:15 PM, HelloThere said:

Oh yeah, I’ve lost a bit of sleep wondering who I accidentally angered.

While this has happened, I never really felt bad about it, because "Well, they should have just made it obvious." In retrospect I think that attitude has come from just not understanding what they were feeling.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

On 6/15/2016 at 2:49 AM, Quinoa said:

 

I remember when I was at a wedding and the bride and groom kissed when people tapped on their glasses. My reaction was "Why do they have to do that? Will I have to do that at MY wedding????"

 

YMBAI you thought mistletoe was a cruel joke to make people kiss each other when you first heard about it, and made a mental note to avoid mistletoe at Christmas parties. EDIT: "And why do people think there's ALWAYS another person there? What happens if you are the only one caught under it?"

I though that mistletoes were cruel practical jokes too!

[HelloThere]

16 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

I though that mistletoes were cruel practical jokes too!

Oh same, they always looked like some way to get someone to kiss their partner at Christmas and then throw them for a loop. I mean that didn’t specifically look like something nice but the fact that the character was always excited for that was never something I understood.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

1) When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you

Yes.

2) Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.

I definitely feel so much more free now, after accepting myself and identifying as aro.

3) When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.

It kind of made some sense? I don't think I've really experienced squishes before, but finding out about platonic attraction helped me find 'alterous attraction' and 'meshes' which I've definitely experienced before.

4) You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.

Not on my part of feeling potential romantic attraction towards somebody, but more so gauging how the other person feels about me.

5) You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.

True.

6) You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.

I'm %100 sure I haven't, but discerning my past alterous feelings and separating that from romantic feelings was kind of hard. 

7) You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.

Nope. I don't get crushes nor experience squishes very often, if at all.

8) You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.

I never doubted that it existed (since I was very much was a romance fanatic as a kid), I just never once applied it to me. Well, I mean, I also thought that romance would "happen-to-me-one-day," but on a day-to-day basis I never gave romance a thought during the present, only as a future thing.

9) You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.

I'm very indifferent to romance stories. Sometimes I heavily enjoy them! Other times I get downright annoyed. But most of the time I feel nothing towards the sub-plot.

10) You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.

I recently made this revelation, so %100 yeah.

11) You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.

Yes? One time I picked a guy from my middle school's basketball team, and there were occasionally times where I would pick a random celebrity I thought looked hot and said I had a "crush" on them, but once I entered high school that shit stopped.

12) You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.

Yeah (celebrity-wise) 😐

13) If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.

Somewhat? I'm allosexual, sure, but I don't really see myself ever having sex; it would have to be situational and I would have to trust the person a lot, I guess. I would say I'm sex indifferent with a touch of aversion.

14) You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.

YES. 

15) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.

It sounds utterly draining to be honest.

16) You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.

Well, I kind of get it? But in an abstract way, and it can get annoying real fast. Like, some of my friends who are alloro, so yeah probably wouldn't be able to stand being romantically alone, they would lament about being single and I would be sitting in the corner twiddling my thumbs like -

17) You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.

Oh my God, I don't understand it all. Like, why? You're just going to further embarrass yourself to this person you supposedly like.

18) You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.

Yeah, I don't understand it when friends of mine (granted before I even found out I'm aro, so didn't tell them) would ask me who I found hot, and when I stated who I did indeed found hot, they would ask, "So... do you... like them? 👀" and I would be like, "Uhm - pfft - no??"

19) Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.

I understand it in a oh-my-alloromantic-friends-and-alloro-people-in-general-think-in-that-type-of-way, uh, way.

20) You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.

Yeah, I never once was in a romantic relationship.

21) When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

I was in a QPR and even though that relationship was supposed to be free of any romantic expectations, I still felt uncomfortable, trapped, and restless in the relationship.

22) Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.

Yes. It would mark off the non-enthused part of my Fulfill Societal Norms checklist.

23) Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

No, me and my ex-QPP weren't into overtly romantic things, but they did seem more inclined to introduce it into the QPR than I was.

24) A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.

That was how I was in my QPR, at least.

25) You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

Yes. My ex-QPP did have romantic feelings for me, and I felt guilty for not being able to give that back to them.

26) You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic queerplatonic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

Yes.

27) When your last romantic queerplatonic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.

I did feel relieved, tremendously, though I was the one to break it off; it was mutual in the end, for they understood.

28) You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.

Kind of? I guess, yeah; the energy it takes to make a new best friend can sometimes be just as tiring as searching for a romantic partner or trying to fall in love. But that could be just how I am socially than aromantically.

29) You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind, but I would only marry my best friend if everything was going down the gutter for the both of us and we needed benefits (so, yeah, a marriage of convenience/survival).

30) You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.

That's the dream! 😘

31) You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.

Absolutely.

32) It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.

It's literally the people who I do love in my life (friends, family, etc) leaving me that could hurt me more, than the idea of being single for eternity ever could; if the idea of being single forever did hurt me which it doesn't.

33) You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.

I can be downright oblivious sometimes, but I'm kind of the hyper-aware paranoid aro in that regard, and so can usually tell when someone is flirting with me, and I get very uncomfortable.

34) You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.

No one has told me to my face that I'm flirtatious, but it's been implied that I guess sometimes certain things I do may have looked flirtatious, especially if I'm with family or friends  somewhere and they see me interact with someone near my age, and when I go back to hang out with them (friends or family) they ask if I liked the person I was talking to.

35) You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.

The only large community I had interactions with was my high school, and having graduated I can say that there were no lovey-dovey-feels that happened in that place. I didn't even make myself pick anyone to like, unlike when I was in middle school.

36) You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.

Yeah! Sometimes my alloromantic friends ask me if someone they know is flirting with them, and #1 how am  I  going to know? and #2 I usually then start trying to go over past experiences or shit I've read in books or watched in movies/shows to try to see if it's romantic; sometimes I try to "feel" if it's romantic, but that goes nowhere.

37) When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.

When I was in my QPR that's what it felt like when we went on our first date. 

38) When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.

Sometimes. To be honest, my criteria for someone I'd "date" would just be what I find sexually attractive about them, although yes there's also a lot of thought into who the person is as a fellow human being. Though, I don't go out of my way to make a checklist for people I've interacted irl, I kind of do this to people who are unattainable - so like, celebrities, complete strangers, or fictional characters (this one being the most often).

39) The main benefit you get from a romantic queerplatonic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.

I loved the platonic and emotional parts, and the companionship that I still get from my ex-QPP as a friend now.

40) You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.

Yes. The first date that me and my ex-QPP went on was not only us eating somewhere, but also bingeing around in antique stores that were near-by, because we both like that kind of shit lol.

41) You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.

My close friends are better at fulfilling my emotional needs.

42) You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.

%100. Although I'm not a physical type of creature, I'd rather save that for my friends and family.

43) You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.

No, I'm non-partnering through and through.

44) You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.

Yes, I feel the most content I've ever been "relationship" status-wise.

45) The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.

Y E S.

46) You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.

I did somewhat enjoy a bit of the "romantic" aspects of my QPR, but I don't overtly seek out doing those type of things.

47) You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.

For the most part, yeah I don't really enjoy them; unless there's food involved. 👀

48) You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.

I have been to parties, but not to any bars or concerts, but I like those type of things and wouldn't stop going at the chance of me being flirted on.

49) You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.

I say yes to this now, because books I have with the leads getting together, or with someone in general, all feel very annoying/irritating to me now because of how they're written. They're so dysfunctional. Like, c'mon, what's so romantic about literally any of this abusive shit?

50) You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.

Yes. I love food and parties and being with groups of people I both love and know. The actual marrying someone bit can be thrown out.

On 5/20/2023 at 2:31 PM, HelloThere said:

YMBAI you never really saw a need to explore having romantic relationships.

YMBAI you like the idea of living by yourself, having a close friend group, or just living with a friend.

YMBAI the only real reason you’d want to kiss is to see if you’d feel anything.

YMBAI romance felt like something you can’t really define.

YMBAI you were always blind to others and there relationships unless it’s extremely obvious.

YMBAI anyone showing an interest in you just feels incredibly uncomfortable or weird.

YMBAI you always treated people the same and when you showed kindness to other genders, your parents would act like it was a crush and that just enraged you.

YMBAI you sorta panicked whenever someone showed an interest in you and it felt like some massive burden was just shoved onto your back.

YMBAI you can understand romance at an intellectual level and that’s the limit.

YMBAI you never really conceptualized marriage, and if you did, it’s kind of hard to imagine yourself in this.

YMBAI you sorta just assume that you’d feel romantic attraction eventually but you don’t really enjoy the idea that much.

YMBAI you always just pictures your future with careers vividly while marriage was just fuzzy.

YMBAI the idea of dating is more exciting for the stuff you do on that date, not in the actual person. (You’d love to go on a date to the movies because you like the movies and you view the date as more of a companion.)

YMBAI you’ve ever tried to scan through crowds and see if you have any attraction to anyone.

I heavily relate to these experiences right here.

Edited June 9, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

1) When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you

Yes.

2) Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.

I definitely feel so much more free now, after accepting myself and identifying as aro.

3) When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.

It kind of made some sense? I don't think I've really experienced squishes before, but finding out about platonic attraction helped me find 'alterous attraction' and 'meshes' which I've definitely experienced before.

4) You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.

Not on my part of feeling potential romantic attraction towards somebody, but more so gauging how the other person feels about me.

5) You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.

True.

6) You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.

I'm %100 sure I haven't, but discerning my past alterous feelings and separating that from romantic feelings was kind of hard. 

7) You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.

Nope. I don't get crushes nor experience squishes very often, if at all.

8) You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.

I never doubted that it existed (since I was very much was a romance fanatic as a kid), I just never once applied it to me. Well, I mean, I also thought that romance would "happen-to-me-one-day," but on a day-to-day basis I never gave romance a thought during the present, only as a future thing.

9) You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.

I'm very indifferent to romance stories. Sometimes I heavily enjoy them! Other times I get downright annoyed. But most of the time I feel nothing towards the sub-plot.

10) You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.

I recently made this revelation, so %100 yeah.

11) You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.

Yes? One time I picked a guy from my middle school's basketball team, and there were occasionally times where I would pick a random celebrity I thought looked hot and said I had a "crush" on them, but once I entered high school that shit stopped.

12) You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.

Yeah (celebrity-wise) 😐

13) If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.

Somewhat? I'm allosexual, sure, but I don't really see myself ever having sex; it would have to be situational and I would have to trust the person a lot, I guess. I would say I'm sex indifferent with a touch of aversion.

14) You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.

YES. 

15) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.

It sounds utterly draining to be honest.

16) You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.

Well, I kind of get it? But in an abstract way, and it can get annoying real fast. Like, some of my friends who are alloro, so yeah probably wouldn't be able to stand being romantically alone, they would lament about being single and I would be sitting in the corner twiddling my thumbs like -

17) You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.

Oh my God, I don't understand it all. Like, why? You're just going to further embarrass yourself to this person you supposedly like.

18) You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.

Yeah, I don't understand it when friends of mine (granted before I even found out I'm aro, so didn't tell them) would ask me who I found hot, and when I stated who I did indeed found hot, they would ask, "So... do you... like them? 👀" and I would be like, "Uhm - pfft - no??"

19) Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.

I understand it in a oh-my-alloromantic-friends-and-alloro-people-in-general-think-in-that-type-of-way, uh, way.

20) You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.

Yeah, I never once was in a romantic relationship.

21) When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

I was in a QPR and even though that relationship was supposed to be free of any romantic expectations, I still felt uncomfortable, trapped, and restless in the relationship.

22) Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.

Yes. It would mark off the non-enthused part of my Fulfill Societal Norms checklist.

23) Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

No, me and my ex-QPP weren't into overtly romantic things, but they did seem more inclined to introduce it into the QPR than I was.

24) A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.

That was how I was in my QPR, at least.

25) You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

Yes. My ex-QPP did have romantic feelings for me, and I felt guilty for not being able to give that back to them.

26) You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic queerplatonic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

Yes.

27) When your last romantic queerplatonic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.

I did feel relieved, tremendously, though I was the one to break it off; it was mutual in the end, for they understood.

28) You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.

Kind of? I guess, yeah.

29) You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind, but I would only marry my best friend if everything was going down the gutter for the both of us and we needed benefits (so, yeah, a marriage of convenience/survival).

30) You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.

That's the dream! 😘

31) You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.

Absolutely.

32) It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.

It's literally the people who I do love in my life (friends, family, etc) leaving me that could hurt me more, than the idea of being single for eternity ever could; if the idea of being single forever did hurt me which it doesn't.

33) You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.

I can be downright oblivious sometimes, but I'm kind of the hyper-aware paranoid aro in that regard, and so can usually tell when someone is flirting with me, and I get very uncomfortable.

34) You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.

No one has told me to my face that I'm flirtatious, but it's been implied that I guess sometimes certain things I do may have looked flirtatious, especially if I'm with family or friends  somewhere and they see me interact with someone near my age, and when I go back to hang out with them (friends or family) they ask if I liked the person I was talking to.

35) You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.

The only large community I had interactions with was my high school, and having graduated I can say that there were no lovey-dovey-feels that happened in that place. I didn't even make myself pick anyone to like, unlike when I was in middle school.

36) You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.

Yeah! Sometimes my alloromantic friends ask me if someone they know is flirting with them, and #1 how am  I  going to know? and #2 I usually then start trying to go over past experiences or shit I've read in books or watched in movies/shows to try to see if it's romantic; sometimes I try to "feel" if it's romantic, but that goes nowhere.

37) When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.

When I was in my QPR that's what it felt like when we went on our first date. 

38) When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.

Sometimes. To be honest, my criteria for someone I'd "date" would just be what I find sexually attractive about them, although yes there's also a lot of thought into who the person is as a fellow human being. Though, I don't go out of my way to make a checklist for people I've interacted irl, I kind of do this to people who are unattainable - so like, celebrities, complete strangers, or fictional characters (this one being the most often).

39) The main benefit you get from a romantic queerplatonic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.

I loved the platonic and emotional parts, and the companionship that I still get from my ex-QPP as a friend now.

40) You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.

Yes. The first date that me and my ex-QPP went on was not only us eating somewhere, but also bingeing around in antique stores that were near-by, because we both like that kind of shit lol.

41) You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.

My close friends are better at fulfilling my emotional needs.

42) You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.

%100. Although I'm not a physical type of creature, I'd rather save that for my friends and family.

43) You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.

No, I'm non-partnering through and through.

44) You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.

Yes, I feel the most content I've ever been "relationship" status-wise.

45) The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.

Y E S.

46) You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.

I did somewhat enjoy a bit of the "romantic" aspects of my QPR, but I don't overtly seek out doing those type of things.

47) You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.

For the most part, yeah I don't really enjoy them; unless there's food involved. 👀

48) You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.

I have been to parties, but not to any bars or concerts, but I like those type of things and wouldn't stop going at the chance of me being flirted on.

49) You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.

I say yes to this now, because books I have with the leads getting together, or with someone in general, all feel very annoying/irritating to me now because of how they're written. They're so dysfunctional. Like, c'mon, what's so romantic about literally any of this abusive shit?

50) You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.

Yes. I love food and parties and being with groups of people I both love and know. The actual marrying someone bit can be thrown out.

I heavily relate to these experiences right here.

Oh my gosh, minus most of the sexual attraction stuff I can agree. Like when I try to think of what I want in someone my standards oscillate between very low and very specific, sometimes I’m just like “well if they’re a nice person then yeah sure” and “if this person does not share the EXACT SAME INTERESTS then they can’t talk to me”. 
I do generally avoid any places that I know I’ll be flirted at, and to be honest that’s probably a part of the reason I hate dances. People talk about how awesome it is to dance with a girl and I’m just like “wow, I want neither of those things”. Like there was this one time where my church was doing a western style square dancing event and we were supposed to hold hands with a girl and 90% of the time I was literally talking about politics and movies that I liked. (Wow I’m probably such an a-hole XD) I was supposed to hold hands with a girl in that and the only thing I felt was awkwardness and I just hated every second, I was sweaty, I could tell this person didn’t enjoy it either, and I was begging to be out of there. In hindsight I probably made a lot of people angry by asking to leave but I honestly couldn’t get myself to like that. 

1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

1) When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you

Yes.

2) Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.

I definitely feel so much more free now, after accepting myself and identifying as aro.

3) When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.

It kind of made some sense? I don't think I've really experienced squishes before, but finding out about platonic attraction helped me find 'alterous attraction' and 'meshes' which I've definitely experienced before.

4) You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.

Not on my part of feeling potential romantic attraction towards somebody, but more so gauging how the other person feels about me.

5) You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.

True.

6) You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.

I'm %100 sure I haven't, but discerning my past alterous feelings and separating that from romantic feelings was kind of hard. 

7) You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.

Nope. I don't get crushes nor experience squishes very often, if at all.

8) You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.

I never doubted that it existed (since I was very much was a romance fanatic as a kid), I just never once applied it to me. Well, I mean, I also thought that romance would "happen-to-me-one-day," but on a day-to-day basis I never gave romance a thought during the present, only as a future thing.

9) You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.

I'm very indifferent to romance stories. Sometimes I heavily enjoy them! Other times I get downright annoyed. But most of the time I feel nothing towards the sub-plot.

10) You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.

I recently made this revelation, so %100 yeah.

11) You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.

Yes? One time I picked a guy from my middle school's basketball team, and there were occasionally times where I would pick a random celebrity I thought looked hot and said I had a "crush" on them, but once I entered high school that shit stopped.

12) You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.

Yeah (celebrity-wise) 😐

13) If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.

Somewhat? I'm allosexual, sure, but I don't really see myself ever having sex; it would have to be situational and I would have to trust the person a lot, I guess. I would say I'm sex indifferent with a touch of aversion.

14) You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.

YES. 

15) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.

It sounds utterly draining to be honest.

16) You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.

Well, I kind of get it? But in an abstract way, and it can get annoying real fast. Like, some of my friends who are alloro, so yeah probably wouldn't be able to stand being romantically alone, they would lament about being single and I would be sitting in the corner twiddling my thumbs like -

17) You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.

Oh my God, I don't understand it all. Like, why? You're just going to further embarrass yourself to this person you supposedly like.

18) You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.

Yeah, I don't understand it when friends of mine (granted before I even found out I'm aro, so didn't tell them) would ask me who I found hot, and when I stated who I did indeed found hot, they would ask, "So... do you... like them? 👀" and I would be like, "Uhm - pfft - no??"

19) Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.

I understand it in a oh-my-alloromantic-friends-and-alloro-people-in-general-think-in-that-type-of-way, uh, way.

20) You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.

Yeah, I never once was in a romantic relationship.

21) When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.

I was in a QPR and even though that relationship was supposed to be free of any romantic expectations, I still felt uncomfortable, trapped, and restless in the relationship.

22) Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.

Yes. It would mark off the non-enthused part of my Fulfill Societal Norms checklist.

23) Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.

No, me and my ex-QPP weren't into overtly romantic things, but they did seem more inclined to introduce it into the QPR than I was.

24) A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.

That was how I was in my QPR, at least.

25) You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.

Yes. My ex-QPP did have romantic feelings for me, and I felt guilty for not being able to give that back to them.

26) You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic queerplatonic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.

Yes.

27) When your last romantic queerplatonic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.

I did feel relieved, tremendously, though I was the one to break it off; it was mutual in the end, for they understood.

28) You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.

Kind of? I guess, yeah.

29) You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind, but I would only marry my best friend if everything was going down the gutter for the both of us and we needed benefits (so, yeah, a marriage of convenience/survival).

30) You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.

That's the dream! 😘

31) You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.

Absolutely.

32) It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.

It's literally the people who I do love in my life (friends, family, etc) leaving me that could hurt me more, than the idea of being single for eternity ever could; if the idea of being single forever did hurt me which it doesn't.

33) You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.

I can be downright oblivious sometimes, but I'm kind of the hyper-aware paranoid aro in that regard, and so can usually tell when someone is flirting with me, and I get very uncomfortable.

34) You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.

No one has told me to my face that I'm flirtatious, but it's been implied that I guess sometimes certain things I do may have looked flirtatious, especially if I'm with family or friends  somewhere and they see me interact with someone near my age, and when I go back to hang out with them (friends or family) they ask if I liked the person I was talking to.

35) You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.

The only large community I had interactions with was my high school, and having graduated I can say that there were no lovey-dovey-feels that happened in that place. I didn't even make myself pick anyone to like, unlike when I was in middle school.

36) You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.

Yeah! Sometimes my alloromantic friends ask me if someone they know is flirting with them, and #1 how am  I  going to know? and #2 I usually then start trying to go over past experiences or shit I've read in books or watched in movies/shows to try to see if it's romantic; sometimes I try to "feel" if it's romantic, but that goes nowhere.

37) When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.

When I was in my QPR that's what it felt like when we went on our first date. 

38) When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.

Sometimes. To be honest, my criteria for someone I'd "date" would just be what I find sexually attractive about them, although yes there's also a lot of thought into who the person is as a fellow human being. Though, I don't go out of my way to make a checklist for people I've interacted irl, I kind of do this to people who are unattainable - so like, celebrities, complete strangers, or fictional characters (this one being the most often).

39) The main benefit you get from a romantic queerplatonic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.

I loved the platonic and emotional parts, and the companionship that I still get from my ex-QPP as a friend now.

40) You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.

Yes. The first date that me and my ex-QPP went on was not only us eating somewhere, but also bingeing around in antique stores that were near-by, because we both like that kind of shit lol.

41) You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.

My close friends are better at fulfilling my emotional needs.

42) You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.

%100. Although I'm not a physical type of creature, I'd rather save that for my friends and family.

43) You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.

No, I'm non-partnering through and through.

44) You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.

Yes, I feel the most content I've ever been "relationship" status-wise.

45) The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.

Y E S.

46) You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.

I did somewhat enjoy a bit of the "romantic" aspects of my QPR, but I don't overtly seek out doing those type of things.

47) You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.

For the most part, yeah I don't really enjoy them; unless there's food involved. 👀

48) You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.

I have been to parties, but not to any bars or concerts, but I like those type of things and wouldn't stop going at the chance of me being flirted on.

49) You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.

I say yes to this now, because books I have with the leads getting together, or with someone in general, all feel very annoying/irritating to me now because of how they're written. They're so dysfunctional. Like, c'mon, what's so romantic about literally any of this abusive shit?

50) You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.

Yes. I love food and parties and being with groups of people I both love and know. The actual marrying someone bit can be thrown out.

I heavily relate to these experiences right here.

Also I just wanna say, I’m so glad to know there’s others here who feel EXACTLY LIKE ME, I’d love to talk on discord or something if I ever managed to but I’ll live with this place for now. 😅

Anyway though on the romantic stories I always just found their plot to be so… shallow. Like how is this THAT big of a deal to people? I didn’t even know that people read those books for any other reason that the plot! Why are the allos so hard to understand? I swear 90% of the people in my school waste all their intellect on figuring out relationships and crap like that! Why is this such a big deal to people?! I’ve lived for 15 years being told that it’s the end all be all, and in 2 months I managed to unravel all of that and find myself. XD