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What are your life goals/plans?


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Some of the life goals that "everyone" is supposed to have, such as finding The OneTM, getting married, having children, etc. don't fit for a lot of aros. So instead, let's discuss our actual life plans and/or goals. 

 

Before I realized I was ace/aro, I didn't think much about my goals in life beyond my career and some hobbies. I didn't really think about where I wanted to live, who I wanted to live with, etc. When I was a kid and my friends talked about their future plans, I would just draw a blank. I assumed that I would want to get married and have children eventually, because that was what everyone was supposed to want. 

When I realized I was aro, I think the biggest thing I realized was how different my life goals and plans were from other people. I finally started thinking about what I wanted out of life, not what I was supposed to do with my life. I realized that I never really wanted to get married or find The OneTM. I don't yet know if I want children, but I realize that if I'm on my own, it might be a lot harder to have children and give them the kind of childhood I want for them. Some sort of co-parenting arrangement is a possibility, but that gets really complicated. So far, I know I want cats, and possibly dogs. I would love to live in some sort of cooperative housing arrangement, but I don't know if I'll find something like that where I can have pets. 

So how about all of you? What are your life plans/goals? How have they changed (or stayed the same) from when you were younger?

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Funnily enough I've always envisioned the same life for myself, but I never realised that other people actually did want to get married and have kids. I thought that was what people were supposed to do not what they wanted to do.

 

I imagine myself in a cozy apartment with one or two pets and a relatively successful career as a jazz musician (ideally; being able to earn a living from performing full time). This is of course a bit of a pipe dream, but I'd be more than happy to live with a friend (or even my mum) until I can afford a place on my own.

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I know that what I want from life changes over time, so when I'm trying to figure out what to do I basically just look at whether I think it will make me happy in the reasonably foreseeable future. Ten years ago I was a completely different person, and in 10 years I'll probably be different again (though less so because formative years etc). In my head, my reasonably foreseeable future usually has a horizon at most about five years away. Things like a stable income, or solid investments, or people I love in my life are always pretty sure bets for being desirable in the future, but specifics of what I want to be doing day to day are way harder to nail down. That said, here's some bullet points of things I currently want/expect to have happen in my future.

  • Travel: This is something I currently really want to do, and while that might change I don't expect it to much. Plus getting into a position to travel is just disposable income + free time, both of which are handy for most things in life. I've got plans to be away (USA, Scandinavia, Iceland, Europe) next year for 3 months, which I'm super excited about.
  • Move back to my hometown: I live about 7 hours drive away from all my friends (and family), which is sorta not great. It's because of work, but hopefully in the next 5 years I'll get to move home while keeping my job. I feel like I put my life on hold when I started training three years ago, and that I'll finally be un-paused when I get home. This probably isn't a great way to live my current life, and might set me up for disappointment in the future. But I'm still doing things with my life (volunteering, scouting etc) and it's really easy to justify life as net positive (in terms of what it does for future me) as long as I have a steady income and stay healthy.
  • Tiny house + mostly off grid: Me and my best friend have been fairly seriously talking about getting some land and starting a tiny house community. Tiny houses are pretty much what the name says, just google it. We both try to live environmentally friendly lives, though she's better at it than me. We'd have solar power/heating, compost, community vege garden and all that. Last I heard she wants goats, I'm not too sold on that idea so I told her she can look after them. Basically it would be really cool to live near a bunch of like minded people, but with our own spaces, and having low to no environmental impact.
  • Buy a Tesla: Those things are freaking gorgeous. Not sure I'll ever be able to justify a Model S, I'm struggling with the concept of buying a Model 3. Pretty sure I'm going to talk myself into it at some point though. 'Cause saving the planet, plus I'm totally allowed to treat myself occasionally right? Arguably this isn't significant or future proof enough to make the list. But shhhh, you don't own me.
  • Retire early (relatively speaking): My job isn't bad, but once I have enough money to live comfortably for the indefinite future (aka live off the interest) I'm out. "Realistically" I'm thinking late 40s, not having kids is a great way to save money. No job means more time for doing volunteer/low pay work that makes a difference, and travelling, and gardening, and doing whatever I decide I'm into.
  • Other things?? Basically if I can get myself in a position where I have disposable income and free time (so much easier said than done) I'll be in a pretty good position to do most things future me wants to.
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I honestly have so many different interests, which fluctuate over time, that it's basically impossible for me to see that far into the future. So most of my life goals are either short term, or vague and general. A couple of things that I would like to do are:

  • Live in another country for a while. It'll probably be an english speaking country. While I have been to other countries before, I've never stayed there for for any extended period of time.
  • Actually get good at something. Because my interests change so rapidly, it's difficult for me to actually get good at anything. Sure, if a normal person was to look at what I was doing, they'd probably think I was amazing (because my interests tend to be obscure art forms). But in reality I wouldn't be that great.

 

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I don't really know at the moment, but some things I would like to happen are:

  • Have chinchillas. I would get rescue ones because a) there are always ones that need a new home and b) chinchillas can live for 20 years or more, so getting them when they're older means that there's less time in which my circumstances might unexpectedly change and I'd have to rehome them. However, I would need a good enough job to cover the costs, whilst still having time to care for them properly.
  • I would like to raise children, but I would need a long-term partner to help me so I wouldn't know how to go about it all. Maybe I'll jjust hope one of my siblings will have kids and help them out.
  • Since seeing people talking about it here, I've got really attched to the idea of living with lots of friends. But seeing as this is kind of hard to find people to do it with as adulthood goes on, I would be happy with living with one other friend.
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I have a lot of dreams, my biggest dreams is I want to public comics and stories I made and hope they get super famous in a good way and got made into a film and such So I could watch it on the big screen. This been my childhood dream.

 

another dream is I want to get my own apartment and an education I care for. I am 23 and feel too old to live with my mother, unfortunately it's very difficult were I live to find a place I am able to pay for but I really want my independence and just live my own life. Right now I am a student but I just study obligatory subjects and not anything in particular that direct me anywhere But I hope to get into graphic at some point.

 

children? Not a fan of mine. Maybe at some point I would want them but I don't want to have them biologically so I want to get sterilized so I 100% can't get pregnant. I don't mind others children and could be a part of there life if I had a qpr partner. I do want a qpr or some very good friends that does not see me as the third wheel to their romantic partner possible I could live with those people or we could live close by each other.

 

I want to travel more. I am planning on study in Japan next year which have been my dream for ages to go and learn fluid Japanese. I also want to live/work/study in other places. In general I want to travel more. I want to go to the usa at some point but not sure where to go exactly.

being honest I may also want to move to another country permanently it's a mixed feeling I have and had for many years. I like my country And I particular like the city were I live now despite how hard it is to find an apartment. The thing Is I never really feel safe. My country is not a good place for transgenders despite what people may think. I don't feel I can get the right health care and I'm even one of those considered "lucky" because I got permission for homones and have a non transfobic doctor. But im  depended on my health now since im also got into cronical pain I realised its something very important that I could live a place were I feel "safe" when it comes to my health and were I have trust in doctors in general want the best for me and dont lack knowlegde or see me as a experiment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, Saaaro said:

 

  • Travel: This is something I currently really want to do, and while that might change I don't expect it to much. Plus getting into a position to travel is just disposable income + free time, both of which are handy for most things in life. I've got plans to be away (USA, Scandinavia, Iceland, Europe) next year for 3 months, which I'm super excited about.

I live in Scandinavia so depending om where you want to go I may be able to show you around if you are interesteed. (I may also be in japan so it would depend on when you go.)

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10 minutes ago, Natkat said:

I live in Scandinavia so depending om where you want to go I may be able to show you around if you are interesteed. (I may also be in japan so it would depend on when you go.)

My current plan involves attending a scout camp in Norway in Early July, then travelling with a group North through Norway and South through Finland. But if we're both still active on here next year I will totally message you closer to the time =D

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2 hours ago, Saaaro said:

My current plan involves attending a scout camp in Norway in Early July, then travelling with a group North through Norway and South through Finland. But if we're both still active on here next year I will totally message you closer to the time =D

Ah cool. i dont live in norway but my mom is Norwegian so we go to Norway and live in her house between June and July in the south. 

I never been higher than to Lillehammer thought. 

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I want a PhD in astrophysics. I want to live in my own house by myself with my own car. I want to be as independent as possible. I want a cool job and lots of cool friends. I want to eat potatoes all the time. I want to do jigsaws all the time. I want to watch Stargate all the time. I want to have easy access to a place with little to no light pollution.

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I want to work as a makeup artist. My biggest dream is to go abroad and work on a big TV/film set, but that probably isn't very realistic, so doing something like that in my own country would be fine as well :P Besides that, I want to get my own apartment (living with a friend would be nice as well, if I ever meet someone who'd be up for that) and maybe a cat. And I'd like to travel a bit. 

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Life dreams: I want to live in a nice, decent house, with my friends and cats, where my friends are willing to help me out with stuff that's hard for me because of mental illness, along with potentially adopting some children at some point. I'd like to have some sort of sexual partner and some sort of QPR, but preferably separately. Also, despite living with other people, I would like a space in the house that is mine and mine alone. And I want to live near a forest.

^_^

 

That's just a dream though--my actual life goals are closer to "keep friends and QPP, get a cat, don't kill myself or become homeless," since that's much more achievable, soo... That's my life goal, then.

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I'm currently 37, and turning 38 in a couple of weeks. Honestly, I'm in a really good place right now. I own a house (the bank owns half though lol), a new car, and I have a career I enjoy. I also have a lot of wonderful friends and family, and I'm fairly healthy physically, and mentally clean as a whistle.

 

But, I do occasionally feel a bit lonely. I live alone, and I do enjoy the freedom that brings, but on the other hand it would be nice to have a roommate or live near a close friend. My current neighbors are all married with kids, and they are nice people but I don't feel like I can form any special bond with them. After discovering aromanticism and deciding I will just remain single, it kind of burst that bubble that I would some day get married. I had this odd mixture of repulsion to the idea of marriage, yet expecting that it would inevitably one day happen. Now that those expectations are gone, I have a new sense of the kind of lifestyle I want. Yet at the same time I feel a bit too paralyzed to work towards anything like finding a roommate I can stand. Had it been right out of college that I knew all this, it would have been much easier.

 

Aside from that, I want to help people discover the truth about their own orientation(s). However, I'm not really sure how to do that. When I came out on Facebook back in February, I expected to get tons of questions. I wanted people to come out of the woodwork and ask me more, and perhaps maybe some of them understood what I was saying. But, the general lack of responses has been a bit disappointing. On one hand, I am glad nobody is questioning this part of me, but on the other hand, I'm suspicious that nobody actually believes me. It also leaves me feeling a bit alone, that nobody I know on Facebook came and said "I think I might be aro or ace too, can we talk about this more?"

 

I've got my YouTube channel, and with any luck it will gain more subscribers to help push my messages out there. And of course there's Arocalypse. I'm happy to help bring this place for us to gather back to life. And yet, I feel like there's this pent up energy and I have nowhere to direct it...

 

Finally, there's my music. I really enjoy creating and sharing it with others. My idea of what it means to give back to the world is to share my unique talents. Not everyone can write music, so I feel compelled to keep going with it. (You can find my free albums on Ektoplazm under the name Blue Phoenix by the way... shameless plug). I want people to hear it and really feel something deep inside. I'm not looking to get famous, just have a few people out there enjoy my sound.

 

Anyway, for those of you younger folks out there, it's always good to have goals. Don't drift through life without a clear direction. Make it count. You only live once. :aropride: 

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20 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I imagine myself in a cozy apartment with one or two pets and a relatively successful career as a jazz musician (ideally; being able to earn a living from performing full time). This is of course a bit of a pipe dream, but I'd be more than happy to live with a friend (or even my mum) until I can afford a place on my own.

 

Same! (without the animals because I am too irresponsible to take care of one) Actually, I am currently studying to become a jazz pianist and composer (being a video game music composer is my greatest dream). 

As far as I can remember, I always wished to live in an apartment in some big city and to have my own studio.

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50 minutes ago, Ugh... said:

 

Same! (without the animals because I am too irresponsible to take care of one) Actually, I am currently studying to become a jazz pianist and composer (being a video game music composer is my greatest dream). 

As far as I can remember, I always wished to live in an apartment in some big city and to have my own studio.

I'd also love to live in the city (I wouldn't call Perth big though, but there's always the eastern states). That's really cool! My biggest dream is performing/recording video game and movie music in an orchestra, and my other big dream is to play in a swing band on a cruise ship!

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1 hour ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Anyway, for those of you younger folks out there, it's always good to have goals. Don't drift through life without a clear direction. Make it count. You only live once. :aropride: 

 

Thank you Blue Phoenix. This was the best yolo I've heard in a while. :icecream: 

 

I want to own a comedy club, just living for the sound of laughter. I know I'll want kids, when I'm stable enough to be there for them. A qpr would be nice, too. We'll see :P

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2 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Anyway, for those of you younger folks out there, it's always good to have goals. Don't drift through life without a clear direction. Make it count. You only live once. :aropride: 

 

Is it better to risk going consistently in a wrong direction than to go in the right one by pure accident some of the time? :ph34r:

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12 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

Is it better to risk going consistently in a wrong direction than to go in the right one by pure accident some of the time? :ph34r:

Not sure if you're joking or not... But this is why it's super important to reassess goals regularly (life goals and other goals). What you want changes so you want to do self check ins to make sure the direction you decided was right still is.

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7 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Aside from that, I want to help people discover the truth about their own orientation(s). However, I'm not really sure how to do that. When I came out on Facebook back in February, I expected to get tons of questions. I wanted people to come out of the woodwork and ask me more, and perhaps maybe some of them understood what I was saying. But, the general lack of responses has been a bit disappointing. On one hand, I am glad nobody is questioning this part of me, but on the other hand, I'm suspicious that nobody actually believes me. It also leaves me feeling a bit alone, that nobody I know on Facebook came and said "I think I might be aro or ace too, can we talk about this more?"

It's also been my experience. Often when I come out the response is very silent and it actually make me feel a little bad, like people don't know what to say so they don't say anything. 

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6 hours ago, Saaaro said:

Not sure if you're joking or not... But this is why it's super important to reassess goals regularly (life goals and other goals). What you want changes so you want to do self check ins to make sure the direction you decided was right still is.

 

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment, but I do want to make my life more kaizen. I don't like having quarterly and yearly goals, as failing to attain a big goal causes too much frustration, but I do like to determine the best improvement that I can make to my life at any given moment.

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12 hours ago, Ugh... said:

 

Same! (without the animals because I am too irresponsible to take care of one) Actually, I am currently studying to become a jazz pianist and composer (being a video game music composer is my greatest dream). 

As far as I can remember, I always wished to live in an apartment in some big city and to have my own studio.

 

11 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I'd also love to live in the city (I wouldn't call Perth big though, but there's always the eastern states). That's really cool! My biggest dream is performing/recording video game and movie music in an orchestra, and my other big dream is to play in a swing band on a cruise ship!

 

Doesn't the work of a musician (when not on tour) consist of like 90% jamming and merely 10% gigging / recording? Moving to ecologically clean (in particular, quiet) suburbs of big cities is trendy (maybe it's just because realty is too expensive in megalopolises 9_9) and you won't have to commute to the city every day if the entire band agrees for a place to live.

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On June 5, 2016 at 1:47 AM, Saaaro said:

 

  • Travel: This is something I currently really want to do, and while that might change I don't expect it to much. Plus getting into a position to travel is just disposable income + free time, both of which are handy for most things in life. I've got plans to be away (USA, Scandinavia, Iceland, Europe) next year for 3 months, which I'm super excited about.

 

Travel isn't number 1 on my goals, but it's up there. After I get settled in after this upcoming move, I'm going to use that location as home base. Eventually I want to visit places like Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Scandinavia, and some other European countries. 

 

I want to publish fantasy/fiction novels. I don't know how high what I have so far would rank for fantasy though. I have mages in their (my original characters') universe that can be either good or bad. 

 

I want to travel so I can experience different cultures- which goes hand in hand with world building. As much as I'm creating this fictional universe, I want it to be as diverse as the real world. 

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I want the digital nomad lifestyle! I probably won't be jetting off halfway around the globe every six weeks, but I don't want to be tied to one place. Ideally I'd have a circle of close friends in different places that I could take extended visits to.

 

To get to the point that I am able to make money online, I want to get my degree and build up a good reputation while I'm doing it. Comics sound like fun, but I'm sure other ideas with design and illustration will pop up along the way. Maybe I'll try them all, see what's the most sensible. I might not make enough money to fund my ideal lifestyle properly, but enough to feed and house me is good.

 

I want to get over my foreign language speaking anxiety.

 

Kinda want a dog but not sure if it'll fit with the wandering, I'll look into that further.

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