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    New Zealand

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Young Frog

Young Frog (2/4)

  1. I would actually be totally ok with this with the right person, just like buying a house with someone. It's a massive commitment obviously but commitment isn't what I'm trying to avoid. It's committed close proximity? Or something like that...
  2. TL;DR: mostly incoherent rambling. Also same. I get pretty frustrated with comments from ace-aros, even on here, that talk about aromanticism and asexuality like they're the same thing. There's do much in the aro experience and advice threads that doesn't apply to arosexuals at all. Like no, I can't just avoid people/relationships entirely and still be happy. I'm super privileged in my close friends, I've been able to come out to most of them in a pretty low key way. Just discussing what aromanticism means to me and what it is I think I want from relationships, which is something we've always talked about with each other anyway. But I've got no idea how to come out to my wider community, I haven't even talked to my parents. I just don't like the idea of coming out being a big deal and prefer it to be a non event, just work it into conversation as if it's perfectly normal (because spoiler alert, it is). I guess that's mostly not liking the assumption that everyone is cis, het, het until otherwise declared. Personally I don't currently want "casual sex" (not that I think it's a bad thing by any means). I want (and possibly have?!) a non romantic relationship. Friendship, companionship, sensual and sexual contact without any romantic ties. For a while this had me wondering if I was really aromantic. Because does this romance thing that I'm not wanting actually look like. But after talking to a friend I realised it was the 2 becoming one I don't want. The sharing the same bed forever and having kids together and slowly becoming half of a pair. I could consider buying a house with a friend/partner, but never sharing a room (I tried it for 3 months and it was a nightmare).
  3. I'll take hot over cold every time. Cold makes me feel really sluggish and unable to function. Especially hate trying to type while cold.
  4. We've already got a lot of threads with resources for trying to understand the experience of being on the aromantic spectrum. This thread is for things that/ways to explain to other people what being aromantic means. AKA, links to send people when you tell them you're aro and they say "huh?".
  5. I was recently back home visiting my parents, my sister and her long term partner were also there, and my Mum brought up becoming a grandparent. My sister and I were both super quick to shut her down (we've both long maintained/partially joked we'd be better piblings than parents. I'm aro and mostly uninterested, she doesn't want biological kids with her current partner because their genetics both suck). My mum pushed the issue quite a bit, basically saying she was expecting to have grandkids at some point, and would be surprised if either of us (let alone both of us) didn't have kids. I ended up telling her I was about 90% sure I won't ever have kids and then we changed the subject.
  6. I drink socially, and every now and then I'll have a Baileys in the evening or a beer/cider with dinner. I'll get drunk at parties (yay social lubricant), but never so much that I chunder, or can't put myself to bed. Though I have been thinking about easing up on this, because hangovers suck.
  7. I love hugs, they're amazing. Fortunately most my friends agree. Cuddling I'm iffy on. I don't mind cuddling for a bit, but certainly not for a long time. This is more a physical comfort thing that a touch thing. Kissing is complicated. I like quick kisses, on the lips or otherwise (preferably otherwise?) but snogging (aka making out/prolonged kissing sessions) holds very little appeal for me. One of my exes was super into snogging for long periods of time and it was just so boring. Like ok, we've made out, can we stop, I want to breathe, get out of my face.
  8. This is a great topic! I'm a bad aro because: - I've spent most of the last 6 years in two long term "romantic" relationships - I currently have what I would describe as a half crush, half squish (no-romo crush, but also not platonic), which is super hard to distinguish from how I've heard crushes described - I'm allosexual af - I'm a huge fan of Rom-Coms - I don't have any issue with other peoples romance, fictional or IRL - I've never doubted the existence of crushes or romantic love - In my past relationships I would do things I didn't want to "because love" - I flirt a lot, and it's almost always intentional
  9. Ugh. The devaluing of friendship is one of the worst things about amatanormative society. Before I realised I was aro I found it so weird that people would expect me to prioritise my "romantic" partners over friends who I had known much longer (and connected with more). I had a really close friend die last year, I was pretty messed up and had to travel to my hometown for the funeral. My boss was super unsympathetic as it was a friend and I couldn't find the words to explain that this was one of the closest people in my life and it was more of a hit than my partner dying would've been (though thinking this made me feel kinda not great). I still feel hugely uncomfortable when his girlfriend posts on his Facebook in a way that claims ownership of him (calling him "my boyfriend" rather than his actual name). Don't let anyone tell you it's not ok to be close to your friends. It's one of the best things there is.
  10. Can't really answer as I'm not decided. I have a lot if thoughts on the "right" way to raise kids, and think I'd do a really good job. But I'm not sold on the financial and lifestyle implications of having kids. Think this is probably tied to bring aro. I don't want a "traditional" romantic relationship so I don't want a nuclear family. Accidentally deleted too much quote on mobile. I would so be down for this. One of the biggest off putting things of having kids to me is the full time, permanent nature of it.
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