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Why Do You Identify as Gray-romantic?

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Since this is the only other forum, this will go here (and also be the first topic here!!) haha. Grayromantic is a very broad label with people using it for different reasons. I use it because I rarely have crushes and I guess also because I'd prefer not to be in a relationship but really just use it because of the former. If you identify as grayromantic, why do you use the label?

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I think I either identify as gray-aromantic or aromantic.

 

If I called myself gray-aromantic because I'm not completely sure if I've had a crush, and if I did, it was literally one time. If I began to have enough to show a pattern of preferences or something, I would use either one of the other labels like lithro or the gender prefixes. Thinking over everything, I could be literally anything and I just haven't had enough experience yet. So that's why I'm gray-aro or aro. 

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I identify with it because i rarely get Crushes, even when i've had a Crush i've had no interest in being in a relationship. I've not much interest in relationships, if i meet someone that's ok, though i'd have to really like the person, but i'm also fine if i never have a relationship. 

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Similar to the other responders here too. I feel that I am razor thin close to being aro. I have had one crush in my life, but no real desire to turn it into a full relationship.

 

So, technically this would mean I am not aro, but so close that I feel comfortable using the label anyway. I hope claiming that doesn't offend any aros out there.

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I identify as greyromantic because I experience romantic attraction in a manner that is similar to lithromanticism, but not exactly that, and I've basically given up on finding an exact label for myself. So grey-ro it is.

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I think that I may be gray-romantic because I'm still not completely sure exactly what "romantic attraction" is. I've always believed I was romantic, but I'm not sure anymore. Time will tell...

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I consider myself grey ro, although I have had a handful of crushes, about 10 or 11 in total, I've never had an interest in romance what-so-ever. I'm not entirely sure the crushes I had were entirely romantic either. Also, the frequency which they happen seems a lot more sporadic and happen a lot less often than someone who's normally romantic.

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For now I guess I would identify as grey-romantic because I did have crushes in the past, but when I did end up in a relationship with a few of them, I immediately lost interest/ could not develop my feelings further. If I had to describe how it's like to me, it feels like my emotions just half ass love. So the crush part is down pretty well, but the part with the romance and showing loving concern is kinda out of the picture

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10 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Similar to the other responders here too. I feel that I am razor thin close to being aro. I have had one crush in my life, but no real desire to turn it into a full relationship.

 

So, technically this would mean I am not aro, but so close that I feel comfortable using the label anyway. I hope claiming that doesn't offend any aros out there.

This. I've generally identified as gray-aromantic ever since I first heard of aromanticism, because I judged from my one previous crush that I had crushes "rarely." However, years have passed since I discovered aromanticism, and I still haven't had any other crushes. I've had one in my entire life - and it was a completely textbook case of a romantic crush - that lasted from when I was about 12 to 14. Now I'm 18 with nothing more having come from it, so even though I have absolutely no idea if I'll have crushes in the future, I think of purely "aromantic" as the best way to describe myself right now.

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Similar to the others here. I don't feel romantic attraction very often -- once every few years -- and, when I do, it's not the all-encompassing longing that I've heard others describe. While it'd be nice to have my feelings reciprocated, I'm not overly upset if it's not. I used to wonder if that meant I was aromantic, but that term didn't sound right to me because I've had strong-ish feelings for a couple of people in the past. "Gray" sounds about right.

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Because I experience really convoluted romantic attraction (really intense for a few days and then gone for a few days) and thus I don't like being in relationships. I don't like forcing my romantic mood swings on other people. Especially with my tendency to run away and invent a random reason to break up on a day when the romantic attraction is gone. 

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17 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Similar to the other responders here too. I feel that I am razor thin close to being aro. I have had one crush in my life, but no real desire to turn it into a full relationship.

 

So, technically this would mean I am not aro, but so close that I feel comfortable using the label anyway. I hope claiming that doesn't offend any aros out there.

As a not-grey aromantic person, I don't find this offensive at all :)

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20 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Similar to the other responders here too. I feel that I am razor thin close to being aro. I have had one crush in my life, but no real desire to turn it into a full relationship.

 

So, technically this would mean I am not aro, but so close that I feel comfortable using the label anyway. I hope claiming that doesn't offend any aros out there.

 

2 hours ago, deltaX said:

As a not-grey aromantic person, I don't find this offensive at all :)

 

I second this, Blue Phoenix Ace.  Definitely not offensive.  Use the label to your heart's content ^_^

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I'm still figuring out labels, but I personally like greyromantic because I haven't experienced romantic attraction in a while (2 years), but I am interested in a QPR. Aromantic might be a more accurate descriptor of what I feel, but I think that identifying as aromantic would get me generalized as "uninterested" in anything besides friendships, which I'm not. And my platonic attraction is actually pretty sappy/kind of feels romantic-y sometimes,  so I wouldn't say it's a stretch to say that I'm not 100% aromantic.

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I identify as Gray aro because I've been in romantic relationships and they're fine but I could really take them or leave them. They happen maybe once every couple years and last a couple months, maybe more, but like 5 months tops. By about 3 months in I'm kinda over it and don't want to be in the relationship anymore. Pre-label I used to think it was the whole 'he's just not the one' so why waste time. After labeling (aka my enlightenment) I realized I AM THE ONE FOR ME. :) And anyone else I spend a couple months with is just a nice soft romo fling (to be ethical, the other person involved is always aware of the short term nature of said relationship).

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Because absolutes scare me. I don't like saying never.

 

Because I presumably felt romantic attraction once, but I haven't been caught up in it since I started trying to define my romantic orientation. Because I have enjoyed myself in romantic relationships, even if new ones are unappealing, and it just might happen again (though it'd have to be pretty far from society's guidelines for relationships). Because I'd rather have a QPR, or define my own relationship hierarchies. At the very least it's a good placeholder.

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I had my first - and thus far, only - crush at seventeen (I'm almost nineteen now) and it was the scariest time of my life, not only because I was falling for a girl, but because I'd never felt romantic attraction before. In fact, it might have been more the second one since I'd already known I was sapphic and preferred women  (even though I thought I was bi at the time), so the gender of my first crush wasn't a surprise. The feelings I had for her were, and it's hard to reconcile how beautiful they were and how much I love her (even though it's platonic now) with how much I love being aro.

 

She was aromantic asexual, repulsed by both sex and romance, and I didn't particularly care about having my attraction reciprocated - I just wanted to spend time with her.

 

When I can relate to love songs, the only person I think of while listening to them is her. (I don't think I'm still romantically in love with her, but I'm so new to this crush thing and have no idea what I'm doing)

 

I have a hard time drawing the line between romantic and platonic love and differentiating them.

 

Before I knew it was possible to be aro without being ace, I thought all romantic relationships were basically friendship with sex.

 

My ideal relationship fits a lot of the criteria for a QPR. Sex, cuddling, and going out for "dates" - but not seeing them as romantic. Maybe eventually living together, maybe adopting a kid together. And even though I'm a lesbian, I wouldn't mind doing that with someone who isn't a girl (except for the sex part).

 

The thought of being in a relationship that's explicitly defined as romantic makes me feel uncomfortable and trapped.

 

I sometimes feel exhausted, uncomfortable, or bored if I'm exposed to romance, whether fictional or real, in large doses. Especially het romance.

 

The following are major factors in why I've considered dating: 1) touch starvation/loneliness/craving for emotional intimacy and 2) as a lesbian - especially an autistic, mentally ill lesbian - it's really hard for me to trust that I have a chance at a happy ending. So I want to try to have one.

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I care a lot about not looking like a 'special snowflake', both to the general society and to the ace/aro community. If you could get into my head and peer-review my past feelings, you'd likely disagree that I'm 100% aro (i.e. that my suffering was not romantic attraction) no matter how strongly I'd be asserting it.

 

Anyway, my behavior doesn't depend on my labels, I'm not going to let them rule my life.

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On 4/2/2016 at 4:44 PM, Spud said:

I think I either identify as gray-aromantic or aromantic.

 

If I called myself gray-aromantic because I'm not completely sure if I've had a crush, and if I did, it was literally one time. If I began to have enough to show a pattern of preferences or something, I would use either one of the other labels like lithro or the gender prefixes. Thinking over everything, I could be literally anything and I just haven't had enough experience yet. So that's why I'm gray-aro or aro. 

Oh my gosh, this is pretty much my experience! 

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I used to put Polyamorous Sapiosensual DemiPanromantic but now I just put Alterous. I knew I wasn't as romance craving as others around me. I love love and I do love my fiance but the way i feel about her is not a feeling I've had for someone else. Since me and her are in a Poly situation, we will settle with one other person. I don't really get crushes, only a couple times. I've often times felt robotic over my lack of empathic connectivity to people. I've had squishes, actually more times than I've had crushes. Im more platonic then I am romantic. Though both feelings are really similar for me and i rather just keep it at "I just want a close connection to a very close few". The word Alterous is very good at summarizing my feels. When I saw that Alterous and Demi are Aro-Spec, I figured this where to go.

 

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I identify as grey aro because I've only had a crush once in my life, and that is more of a mixture of a romantic and A friendship attraction. That only happened after I knew them for a year.

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On 03/04/2016 at 5:29 AM, DeMorgan said:

I think that I may be gray-romantic because I'm still not completely sure exactly what "romantic attraction" is. I've always believed I was romantic, but I'm not sure anymore. Time will tell...

Yeah this is me too

 

I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction, but it's hard to be sure what that exactly is, especially as the times that could have been, I was a teenager so made up many of my 'crushes' to fit in. Whether any had real feelings behind them I can't be certain, but I am 95% sure the ones with any truth were just aestetic attraction and admiration.

I also say grey-romo because I wouldn't necessarily say no to a romantic relationship, despite prefering a platonic one. I feel like if I called myself Aro, any person with whom I might be okay with a romantic relationship (as this may be their preference/meet their needs) would assume I am a no-go and not give me a chance.

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I've always felt weird when it comes to crushes because I don't even know if I even had a crush on the person! Its so weird and confusing and plus dating kind of scares me and grosses me out although I can find people attractive. So yeah its pretty weird but its okay. xD And plus if I ever do get a crush- it only lastes a few hours! But after that I feel weird and grossed out!

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On 4/3/2016 at 10:54 AM, coffeejester said:

For now I guess I would identify as grey-romantic because I did have crushes in the past, but when I did end up in a relationship with a few of them, I immediately lost interest/ could not develop my feelings further. If I had to describe how it's like to me, it feels like my emotions just half ass love. So the crush part is down pretty well, but the part with the romance and showing loving concern is kinda out of the picture

This is pretty much how I feel for the most part, too. Added to that, I get very anxious and stressed out when nothing's even wrong. I think I'm really insecure as well, but I'm really unsure as to whether therapy of any kind would resolve those underlying issues to the point where I'd actually be able to enjoy a relationship, or whether it really is just how I am. I suspect it is the latter, though. I look back on my other relationships/crushes that I tried to pursue and all I really see is infatuation/idealisation of the other person at best, and a superficial connection on my part (though it's taken me a while to realise this). A couple of guys (one a crush who did eventually start liking me back, the other a boyfriend) I didn't care a bean when I walked away/let them go. I wanted things to be so different with my last boyfriend, but it was still a relief to let him go, because I was fighting myself every step of the way when we were together.

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