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About morallygayro

  • Birthday 10/23/1997

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  • Name
  • Orientation
    aromantic or greyromantic
  • Gender
    Masculine-leaning genderfluid
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  • Occupation
    student, looking for a job

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  1. I said, as a dysphoric trans person whose dysphoria has shaped his gender, that gender CAN be influenced by dysphoria. It isn't necessarily. Also, it can be influenced by sexuality because both attraction and bodies are societally gendered and influence the way we see ourselves.
  2. Do you think that we have an unlimited number if resources? We don't, and what we do have should go to LGBT people (including LGBT aces and aros, of course!) who are often more in need of them than cishet aces, cishet aros, or cis aroaces. Besides that, it makes more sense to have a separate community for aces and aros: LGBT goals and aro/ace goals and needs are often different and conflict with one another. Romance repulsed and sex repulsed people need spaces free of sex and romance, while LGBT people need spaces where we can safely show affection to one another and be sexual without being demonized for it or told that we deserve AIDS. Aros and aces want visibility, LGBT people want human rights and are already hypervisible (and piggybacking off our hypervisibility, which is literally getting us killed, to gain visibility for yourself is really awful). Aros and aces face social disapproval and invisibility but aren't institutionally oppressed, LGBT people also face both those things PLUS we're institutionally oppressed. LGBT people face discrimination for who we're attracted to and how we experience gender, aros and aces face discrimination for how we experience attraction. And if someone is both (like me!) then yay, they have two communities now. Otherwise, that's great too and you're valid either way...but validity=/=being LGBT, something that a lot of non-LGBT aces and aros seem to forget.
  3. What genders are you attracted to? And it's immediately obvious from my profile that I'm trans. I wasn't excluding trans people from the LGBT community - I just didn't bring them up because some trans people don't experience homophobia.
  4. "Men are expected to be sexual" "Assuming a man and a woman are in a relationship" Those are both caused by gender roles and heterosexism. Neither of which negatively affect only aros or all aros, and both of which some aros benefit from - therefore, they don't target aros for being aro, therefore they are not arophobic or """amatonormative""". Cis people - especially masculine presenting cis men - benefit from gender roles, and some aros are cis people (and specifically, masculine presenting cis men). Straight people, including straight aros, benefit from heterosexism, and some aros date and can develop romantic feelings for others. So are you saying that grayromantics and aros in romantic relationships benefit from this amatonormativity bullshit? And if so, isn't that arophobic because it implies that grayros aren't really aro? You can't have it both ways.
  5. Gender is: 1. how you parse yourself according to gendered power structures 2. a social construct 3. intersected heavily with gender expression 4. incredibly nuanced 5. a way of seeing others and interacting with the world 6. how you want to be treated 7. racialized 8. intersected heavily with sexuality (i.e. most female-aligned AFAB nonbinary people are either lesbians, bisexual, or aroace; most male-aligned AMAB nonbinary people are either gay, bisexual, or aroace; gay and bi people are more likely to be gnc than straight people) 9. partly dependent on socialization (not in the TERFy "trans women have male socialization!!!" way but...eh, it's hard to explain to someone who isn't a sociology nerd) 10. partly dependent on social norms 11. partly dependent on social perception, and how one desires to be socially perceived 12. intersected heavily with disability 13. intersected heavily with intersex status 14. able to be influenced by trauma 15. able to be influenced by dysphoria 16. informed by how one feels they belong with women, men, both, neither, etc.
  6. Yeah, but most people don't benefit from that! As an autistic, mentally ill adult who is simultaneously desexualized and hypersexualized for my disabilities, as an intersex transgender adult in two marginalized communities where people are treated like sexual predators because our bodies violate gender roles, and as a bisexual adult who is told they're a sinner for acting on sexual desires, I don't ever benefit from assumptions that I'm sexually active. They just contribute to my oppression. Yeah, but most people don't benefit from that! As an autistic, mentally ill adult who is simultaneously desexualized and hypersexualized for my disabilities, as an intersex transgender adult in two marginalized communities where people are treated like sexual predators because our bodies violate gender roles, and as a bisexual adult who is told they're a sinner for acting on sexual desires, I don't ever benefit from assumptions that I'm sexually active. They just contribute to my oppression. Yeah, about that: 1. Don't call gay people homo- anything. Ever. 2. The assumption that same-gender attraction has to be sexual to be valid isn't "amatonormativity". It's homophobia. 3. Why did they mention their asexuality in the first place? Why is that necessary information?
  7. I feel like most aces don't realize that 90% of the time, sexual attraction isn't thinking "I would bang you" about a total stranger, and it doesn't happen constantly either. I don't feel sexual attraction 24/7, and when I do I'm not going to, like, masturbate in public over it. It's usually just "wow, that person is really hot" and then going about my day. If I have prolonged exposure to someone who I'm sexually attracted to, then sure I might fantasize or more actively want sex with them. But otherwise? No. And it's like that for a lot of people who aren't ace. Also a lot of people have complicated relationships with sex, and sexual attraction doesn't need to involve genitals either. I'm sex repulsed because of dysphoria, trauma, and sensory issues, but I still feel attraction. I just don't like sex. But I think a good chunk of what we call sensual attraction could be considered sexual. And it's not really different except that when I feel sexual attraction, I'm just thinking about the person's body. I don't want to date them. And if I did, it's because the companionship and financial benefits of a relationship appeal to me, not because I like romance. I hope that cleared some things up for people.
  8. I'm sort of both male and female and also neither and it's fluid and weird but lately I'vebeen leaning a toward the male and neutral sides of the spectrum. I like the idea of being a loving boyfriend to a beautiful woman, like the kind of guy that would surprise her with flowers or make her coffee and kiss her awake, or feeling protected and safe with another man. Just being all cute and domestic with someone, even though I've only ever had one crush and would rather do a lot of this with a QPP. Yeah, I think gender dynamics affect how I experience relationships.
  9. "kind of neither, kind of both, kind of fluid, not really female but also not exactly male...at least not all the time but I generally lean toward that end of the spectrum even though I still like a lot of feminine stuff"
  10. Cis, neurotypical, and dyadic are actual privileges. Also I'm trans, autistic, and intersex so you can't exactly use that as a gotcha. But no, monosexual shouldn't be used either. And, honey, I'm aro myself. I'm not policing shit. I'm just a bi aro who has seen way too much homophobia from the ace/aro communities, to the point where many LGBQ aces/aros have been forced out because of it. You actually care about ALL aces and aros? Prove it and don't group LGBQ people with our oppressors, because that shit hurts us too. By the way, "I hate when people language police aces and aros"? You sound like a cishet whining about political correctness because gay/bi men and trans women get angry when they call us fags.
  11. Most of my close friends are women, if that's what you mean. And I'd rather have a QPR with a woman, or just anyone who isn't a cis man. I feel like they'd be able to understand me better.
  12. I hate both words tbh. allonormativity doesn't exist bc LGBQ people are punished and even killed for our attraction, trans people and PoC are seen as predatory for it, intersex, gnc, and LGBT people's sex lIves are hypersexualized and turned into pornography, and women are shamed if they're perceived as sexually promiscuous. Amatonormativity doesn't exist either because the only romantic relationships that are rewarded and centered in society are ones in which both people are cishet (including cishet aces and cishet aros). And while we're at it, compulsory sexuality doesn't exist either because the only people who benefit from a hypersexualized society are cishet white men. Everyone else is turned into a sexual commodity for the consumption of others, or they have to fight for their right to be sexual and have sexual agency (meaning that when they are sexual, that sexuality is an inherently radical act of resistance and shouldn't be shut down just because a few aces are uncomfortable with it). Also, can we not use words that group LGBQ people with people who want us dead? Is that really so much to ask?
  13. No. There are people who refuse to see trans women and CAMAB nonbinary people as their actual genders and insist that they see them as men, but that doesn't mean that trans women or CAMAB nonbinary people actually are men or are treated that way. Same goes for butch lesbians. Meanwhile, transmasc people are often mistaken for women out of transphobia and cissexism, but we're treated way better than trans women and are often just as misogynistic as cis men.
  14. They're transphobic because I live in a fucked-up society that coercively genders everyone from birth and punishes you if you break out of your assigned role I've seen very little aggression or personal attacks in the thread but ok...w/e
  15. Yeah but that's due to transphobia. You're being misgendered, treated as something you're not. (And I'm also trans btw - leaning toward genderfluid transmasculine or nonbinary trans boy as a label)
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