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How can you prevent people from asking you on dates?


Aurae
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Up until now, I haven't really had a problem with people asking me out because in college I usually just kept to myself. Now that I'm in university I don't know what has changed but I got asked out by three people in the space of 2 weeks. Granted, one of these people is a close friend of mine and I wouldn't mind spending extra time with him as long as it doesn't turn into a romantic situation.

 

Does anyone have a method they use to keep people away from them or even just a nicer way to decline dates than me stammering trying to explain that I'm aro?

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I generally:

  • Give strangers the wrong number
  • Tell them I have a boyfriend or I'm too busy to be in a relationship
  • Immediately put them back into the friendzone

People already know me as someone with 'very high standards' so it doesn't happen very often really, lol. That or I'm just really unappealing...

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1 hour ago, Aurae said:

Does anyone have a method they use to keep people away from them or even just a nicer way to decline dates than me stammering trying to explain that I'm aro?

 

I wouldn't recommend telling strangers that you're aro. I think Cee Fox is probably on the right track here.

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4 minutes ago, Momo said:

 

I wouldn't recommend telling strangers that you're aro. I think Cee Fox is probably on the right track here.

Ah yeah, I should have worded that differently in my post. Usually I end up throwing a bunch of random excuses/hints at them, so I'm not straight up telling them I'm aro e.g. not interested in relationship, don't see the point of having a relationship

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On 03/04/2018 at 2:10 PM, Aurae said:

Usually I end up throwing a bunch of random excuses/hints at them, so I'm not straight up telling them I'm aro e.g. not interested in relationship, don't see the point of having a relationship

You might be better off saying "No." instead.
It's very easy for "hints" to be misunderstood and most people struggle to make up excuses on the spot.
 

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What works for me is being really cold. I can play with my emotions really easily so I'm all smiley and nice when I want to be but if I have the slightest doubt that someone is flirting with me I go into cold borderline scary mode. Obviously I'm not being a bitch I'm still as nice as I was before but I just give off this really intimidating aura that tend to scare people off. That's actually my default mode. Strangers never talk to me if I want to be close to someone I do and they see I don't bite by themselves x). I wouldn't recommend that technique if you're not extremely good at distancing yourself from what emotion you feel and what you can seem to feel but I mean it does works. If you look like you're strong and tough apparently it doesn't appeal that much to guys (or appeal to the more shy one maybe). And if they're insisting they're way more susceptible to actually listen to you and back off when you say no if you're a bit intimidating than if you're not. But you definetely should say "No, no way in hell" because sadly saying "I'm not interested in relationship right now, I'm too busy for it, I have a boyfriend or even saying you're aro" that get misinterpreted a lot. They think it'll change because they only hear what they want to hear. Don't try to justify yourself just say "No I won't" and don't give more information let them come to their own conclusions. Giving an explanation will have a chance of being misinterpreted if you just say no they'll probably feel like it's for real since you don't even care enough about them to explain anything. 

You could always be mean and say that they're unattractive to you (because it actually is even if it's not really their fault) if they're really insisting. But I think they have to be really pushy if they still try it after all that. You can just be a bit intimidating honestly it works wonder. I'm heterosexual so I can tell you I have the intimidating mask on all the time and when I actually like someone I turn it off and I have no trouble so it's not me being unattractive it really works. 

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It might seem weird, but I usually drop hints into conversations with new people (I find that I get asked out by strangers waaaay more than I get asked out by friends, if not exclusively). I'll say something that indicates I'm very busy and barely even get to consistently go out with friends to hang out (often an unfortunate truth for me). I do this kind of thing if I'm getting a too-interested-in-me-to-just-be-friendly vibe from the person, before they get a chance to ask me out. I am occasionally surprised though, and then I just tell them no: the truth that I am not interested. Honesty has always worked for me, especially when delivered friendlily and assertively.

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So whenever someone asks me it usually is different between whether the person is a "safe" person or not (because I am really nice to everyone I get a lot of unnecessary adoration from a lot of my school's delinquents). If it's a regular person I just say I am not interested while if it's a delinquent I am just sort of leave them hanging and run away (bc most of the time they are men that are known for being violent if things don't go their way) while my other tougher friends go up to them and threaten them to stay away. Not ideal but if often times I don't feel safe just saying I'm uninterested or I have a bf(they just keep asking who the guy is).

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3 hours ago, yenyyoo said:

So whenever someone asks me it usually is different between whether the person is a "safe" person or not (because I am really nice to everyone I get a lot of unnecessary adoration from a lot of my school's delinquents). If it's a regular person I just say I am not interested while if it's a delinquent I am just sort of leave them hanging and run away (bc most of the time they are men that are known for being violent if things don't go their way) while my other tougher friends go up to them and threaten them to stay away. Not ideal but if often times I don't feel safe just saying I'm uninterested or I have a bf(they just keep asking who the guy is).

Can I just say that I'm slightly creeped out right now because everything you've said is just far too close to my own experience haha

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  • 2 weeks later...

Rather than try to give advice on how to reject, I will try to answer your first question. I guess the most effective way to avoid being asked out would be to develop a reputation for not dating and not wanting to date. So reject and friendzone as much as you can, though you seem to mention that the ones asking you out are generally threatening personalities? Stay safe! maybe if you physically run away that will be enough to get them to leave you alone? 

 

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  • 3 years later...

I don't know I'd like to know the answer xD

And some ppl don't seem to even take hints, it's hard to even turn down someone to begin with if they don't make it clear its a date or could be a pre date that's the problem. I could say i'm not interested and they be like oh only want to be friends. When that isn't true intention. Too many ppl are like this and I know ppl who have overstepped my personal space and made me very uncomfortable even after I literally said i'm not interested in you. They claim to have forgotten xD

I know being unfriendly can work but I wanna be nice and open to ppl not cold lol unless yeah I know they are interested in a way then id back off but u know some ppl pursue hmm it feels like a cold war. Many ppl seem to take advantage or not take no for no. And the only way is to block them out from saying anything to u at all. 

 

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22 hours ago, mewix said:

I could say i'm not interested and they be like oh only want to be friends. When that isn't true intention. Too many ppl are like this and I know ppl who have overstepped my personal space and made me very uncomfortable even after I literally said i'm not interested in you. They claim to have forgotten xD

Don't tolerate people who ignore your explicitly-stated boundaries, or people who try to push for things you aren't comfortable with. If you've told someone you're not interested, and they've pretended to "forget" what you said and made you uncomfortable, that's a massive red flag that they have no respect for your boundaries.

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28 minutes ago, eatingcroutons said:

Don't tolerate people who ignore your explicitly-stated boundaries, or people who try to push for things you aren't comfortable with. If you've told someone you're not interested, and they've pretended to "forget" what you said and made you uncomfortable, that's a massive red flag that they have no respect for your boundaries.

Yeahh after that stopped talking (in that example), I didn't explicitally talk about personal space previously so I guess he wanted to push anything he could I don't even understand why ppl think this is acceptable in the first place but yea. 

The only problem is that he is friends with some other ppl I know :/ not that ive seen in ages. 

I've had other ppl who are a little more honest but not straight away. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had this happen a couple of times - including a former classmate asking me out for coffee before I realised he'd intended it as a date, and another time when I was really scared that the guy was going to end up stalking me - and I hate it so much. Talking to random strangers is kind of fun, but they're only doing it because they want things from you and it makes me feel used.

I hate lying, but next time it happens I'm probably going to say I'm gay. Or imply it. 

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