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Costati

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About Costati

  • Birthday 11/14/1999

Personal Information

  • Name
    Laureen
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/her
  • Location
    South of France
  • Occupation
    nothing

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Costati's Achievements

Young Frog

Young Frog (2/4)

  1. I had a nightmare where I was being stalked and chased by the bachelor. I kinda laughed when I woke up because of how aro it was. 

  2. I thought I was a heartless bitch who only cared about sex and would always use everyone. Or someone who could never be able to satisfied herself with anyone because secretely too much of a stupid narcissistic. I never had a really great self-esteem but still that's what an alloromantic society can do to people. It's disgusting. I still hate myself for other things but at least now I know this particular issue really isn't my fault.
  3. So here's my really really long novel about my sexual attraction. Because it's something that I figured out basically last week so really new and something that is really really complicated (that's why it took me a ton of tiiiime) so if you're interest in a random person's weird and complicated sexual attraction hope you'll enjoy. If not, I really don't blame you. I probably wouldn't read that for someone else either. It was still therapeutic for me to write it I realized really recently that I'm not allo heterosexual like I thought all my life. It's something that I've always been sure about because I have a really higher libido than average and has always been really obsessed with sex. Especially since I'm 100% aro, I think I was really overcompensating because what I thought was sexual attraction was the only one I could feel (except platonic but I've really overcompensated on that too I was obsessed with having a best friend it was borderline creepy). I never felt aesthetic attraction which I thought was just me being not superficial. Before I realized that it's not that at all since being superficial would be only liking someone for their looks when feeling aesthetic attraction is just recognizing that someone looks in a way that we find artistically beautiful. I never did. It can be weird to imagine but to me everyone looks not the same but just really plain. What I feel are vibes which is not like charisma at all. It's what I call emotional and intellectual attraction. I need to say that I'm precocious and that makes me really really good at feeling emphatically what others people are feeling and understanding their proccessus of thought and reflexions. That creates two other forms of attraction for me. I can be attracted to someone if I sense they share an intense set of emotions that I'm close to. Mostly sadness if they share a sadness that seems similar to the one I can feel sometimes I feel like I could easily connect emotionally to them and that makes me want to be close to them and share deep personal problems about my life or just things that could trigger a really emotional moment (even if it's with a stranger. It's never us crying it's just that I feel other emotions even it's unconscious and it connects with mine. There's not even the need to be talking it's just being in sync emotionally). I also feel intellectual attraction which is something that officially exist I think. Anyway if it doesn't it's an attraction I feel so it clearly exists to me and that's what matters. It's when I'm instinctively perceptive enough to truly understand how a person process of thoughts and dealing with emotion or just dealing with everything seems like they're really unique and interesting person (they don't have to be in sync to me aaaat all compared to emotional attraction) I feel like I can have deep philosophical conversations with them or just really learn a lot from their experiences and create a really special bond that if associate to platonic attraction can create a really great relationship even stronger than friendship (especially if it's paired with emotional attraction that's like the ultimate combination). It doesn't have to be tho. I don't want to be friends with everyone I feel intellectually attracted to. A lot of times they have really shitty personalities but that's what's really attractive. Because they're people that are really don't necessarily like or have anything in common with me. But they expose to me another point of view of things and push me to challenge myself and be more aware of nuances in life. When it concerns sexual attraction it's really complicated to me and mostly really really new (which is why it's so complicated I think). Because yeah it hit me like 1 month ago I think that I was really not attracted to people. I've discovered that I'm Androcupiosexual (which is a combination of androsexual and cupiosexual I guess it doesn't technically officially exists but it makes sense to me and it's my label so I'm pretty sure I'm that). Which mean that I'm sexually attracted to male (androsexual) and that even if I'm not sexually attracted to people I want to have sexual relationships. I'm sexually attracted to male bodies but never to people which made me think I was heterosexual and then I listened to what heterosexual people had to say about being sexually attracted to people and that's not me because they're sexually attracted to peooople. They can have fantasies about people because it's these person in particular that they can want. It's something that I never felt. I've tried before to format myself to have celebrity crushes and fantasies because everyone had them. I realized pretty soon that I'd better focus on the sexual part of that than on the romantic part because obviously it didn't seem interesting at all to me to have a celebrity crush to marry me and take me on dates but sexual relationship yeah it could be fun to imagine. Like I said I've always been obsessed and interested by sex. But even if I was interested in the idea because it seems fun and I had some celebrities in mind that I felt I could get along with because I felt intellectually or emotionally attracted to (it's easy to tell when they're artists like actors or singers) and that's like really TMI but I've never felt turned on by thinking about them. Thinking about scenarios where I had sex yeah that's super cool super great but I just thought about sex and eventually about bodies because that's what turned me on at the end of the day. I never thought someone was hot because I actually don't get sexually attracted to people and the fact that I don't feel either aesthetic attraction makes it worst. Btw so you can imagine because I feel like it's weird to imagine since I've never met anyone else ever in my life that didn't fell aesthetic attraction. When I say I'm attracted to male bodies that's like every one. Someone with a muscular body do not seem more appealing in any way than someone with a bigger body and a bit of tummy fat. It's the same level of attraction to both. Which takes it back to Cupiosexual because I want sexual relationships. I would love to have a qpp I could have sex with because I think it's something really fun and that I don't really mind. Which I feel is what's cupio is. "I don't mind" that's the key. It's not something that I crave for (I mean my libido sometimes but not really me). It's not something that I'll actively searched for and in the end it wouldn't bother me at all to live the rest of my life only being with myself on that part. It's not something that I need as opposed to friendship, emotional and intellectual connections (I feel lonely, ununderstood and useless without these types of relationships/encounters) but it's something that I don't mind. If a friend that I'm close to wants to have sex with me well yeah okay why not. (not my best friend tho that would be really weird and creepy to me) If it's good for them sure, it'll be probably neutral for me (better with someone with a male's body that's for sure but I still don't care that much). Because these type of relationships interest me. I don't need to have another form of attraction to have sexual interactions with someone (for me that is platonic, emotional or intellectual) but I can't have sexual interactions with someone if I am deeply unattracted to them with another form of attraction. In order it's Intellectual is the most important, then emotional than platonic. I think I could have sex with someone that is really repulsive to me platonically/friendshiply (because platonically seems like neutral to me when friendshiply is more positive so you get it) but I really don't think I could if they're emotionally or intellectually repulsive to me. I think it could balanced itself tho like I probably could if I'm super super super intellectually attracted to them but they're really emotionally repulsive to me. (because intellectual attraction is the most important one to me)
  4. I just recieved my aro flag and it's so pretty and huuuge and I am so happy. It was a pain to have it down and made me really anxious but damn am I happy of the result. It is so awesooooome. I've never felt more proud of being aro. I wanna use it as a cape and wave it in everyone's faces like a queeen ♥

    1. Ace of Amethysts
    2. DeltaAro

      DeltaAro

      That sounds so cool. I'd give something to see you with your flag. xD

    3. Costati

      Costati

      Maybe I'll take a pic to put it as my avatar. We'll see x) 

  5. Okay so I haven't read all the answer to this thread at all because I'm lazy I guess but I just want to step in to actually defend that test. Because if you read the test in absolutely no way they say having a high score is a good thing because you have access to romantic love. They actually denunciate this. Don't get offended it's clearly good to have a lesser score. I think the results should have been worded differently. Because it associate codependency to the feeling of romantic love but it does it in a bad way tho. I mean maybe it's my aro mind speaking but to me it clearly seems like having a higher result is really bad from the POV of the person doing this test. I mean: AUTHOR James Park is an existential philosopher and author of New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships, the first chapter of which is called "Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' " __________________________ It's pretty obvious. The test is supposed to be really hard and the question are supposed to be hardcore because the good result (in the mind of the author) is to have the less yes possible. Don't do this test it's clearly not neutral at all. I'm sure there's some better out there that doesn't associate experiencing romantic attraction to automatically being codependent and irrational. @aro_elise Well yeah, allos can be a bit irrational sometimes but I really think that test don't put them in a good light at all. It's clearly from the point of view of someone that is against romantic relationship and think in the extreme situations. It's making allos seems crazy. It's like if we were to took a test made by really romantic centrist allos that are completely obssessive and dependent and romance we would seem like cold, depressed, sociopath. We're clearly not. But it's easy to make people seem crazy depending on your point of view. This test is really unreliable and I really don't think it should be used as reference for aros to understand allos.
  6. Sexuality is confusing :(

    1. Eklinaar

      Eklinaar

      Indeed it is.

  7. What works for me is being really cold. I can play with my emotions really easily so I'm all smiley and nice when I want to be but if I have the slightest doubt that someone is flirting with me I go into cold borderline scary mode. Obviously I'm not being a bitch I'm still as nice as I was before but I just give off this really intimidating aura that tend to scare people off. That's actually my default mode. Strangers never talk to me if I want to be close to someone I do and they see I don't bite by themselves x). I wouldn't recommend that technique if you're not extremely good at distancing yourself from what emotion you feel and what you can seem to feel but I mean it does works. If you look like you're strong and tough apparently it doesn't appeal that much to guys (or appeal to the more shy one maybe). And if they're insisting they're way more susceptible to actually listen to you and back off when you say no if you're a bit intimidating than if you're not. But you definetely should say "No, no way in hell" because sadly saying "I'm not interested in relationship right now, I'm too busy for it, I have a boyfriend or even saying you're aro" that get misinterpreted a lot. They think it'll change because they only hear what they want to hear. Don't try to justify yourself just say "No I won't" and don't give more information let them come to their own conclusions. Giving an explanation will have a chance of being misinterpreted if you just say no they'll probably feel like it's for real since you don't even care enough about them to explain anything. You could always be mean and say that they're unattractive to you (because it actually is even if it's not really their fault) if they're really insisting. But I think they have to be really pushy if they still try it after all that. You can just be a bit intimidating honestly it works wonder. I'm heterosexual so I can tell you I have the intimidating mask on all the time and when I actually like someone I turn it off and I have no trouble so it's not me being unattractive it really works.
  8. I don't really ship in real life. I mean I have one celebrity ship, where I ship two famous people. But it's honestly the only one. I feel like they really have a huge chemistry and i would love to see them together. Mostly because they're pretty transparent with their emotions I feel and they do seems sad when they don't spend time together vs spending time together. (They also joke a lot and make a ton of sexual comments so it's kind of a ambiguous relationship to start). Other than that I don't ship in real life except if I really feel like the two person would really be a lot happier being together. In fiction tho I do ship a ton. I don't really like shipping random people. I feel like for a lot of time it's at random but when I feel two characters really have chemistry and would complete each other and make each other more happy if they were together than if there weren't. I'm a really emphatic person so even if I'm aromantic and it's not for me. I totally get how some people would be better with someone and in a traditional romantic relationship. I hate it when it's people forcing characters together and this kind of things because like leave these characters or person alone if they're great alone but I've seen a lot of character being alone and feeling sad about it and I like shipping them with other characters that are alone and sad about it if there's already a chemistry between them. I also write a lot about romantic relationships and romantic characters because I find it really interesting and fascinating so obviously I'm shipping some of my characters together. But I feel like it would always be valid and I could probably write an essay about how them being together would improve their lives, mental health, physical health and all that. Well sometimes it doesn't because I like to write about abusive relationship or dysfunctional one too but I definitely don't ship characters in abusive relationship together. In conclusion I would say that I don't ship always but I do often but everytime for valid reasons that I could explain and goes way deeper than "Oh they would be cute together because they could have cuuute babiiiies". I don't exclusively ship romantics relationship btw I've got some Friendship OTP. It's mostly gonna be between my OCs and my friends OCs but I've got some fictional ships. Not that much tho. Anyway relationships are important, romantics one may not be for us but they still are for other people even fictional characters and there's also a ton of other relationship. Shipping for me is just seeing that these relationships would probably have a positive impact on the characters and that's what matters.
  9. I'm not really okay with kisses but I feel like it's the less worst. I hate hugs the most. It makes me so anxious and I don't understand how people could even like these kind of things. It makes me feel claustrophobic and really bad. I feel like there's no way for me to escape and it's triggering.
  10. I'm more interested about adopting alone personally but I think it would maybe be easier to adopt with a qpp. If people assume you're in a relationship (especially if it's straight) they'll probably be more favorable into your adoption. The most important for them is that you're financially stable I think. If you're both financially stable it'll probably won't be a problem. I think the biggest issue would be on the child tho. Because they would probably hear about other children with their parents being in love and together and all that jazz. I mean it's a common thing that divorced parents is pretty hard a child because of society. Now it's a bit better but you've gotta be prefer for them at school hearing about all these others parents being alloromantics together or allos divorced and it could pretty confusing for them. They could wait for their parents to fall in love or just not understanding why you live together (if you do) and in good terms but not together together in a romantic way. They would ask about why you're not kissing like other parents and you'd have to be prepared for that. You'll need to straighten things up pretty soon with them I think and be really clear and ready to fight the ignorance of the system. That's where the challenge will be I think (well it's a child so there'll also be a ton of other challenges but regarding you being in a qpp instead of a romantic one).
  11. YMBAI when someone ask you for romantic advices your first instinct is to answer "But why don't you dump them and find someone new" (It's not really that complicated peoooooole)
  12. I do think it's probably cinematography and hollywood that started this trend about romance being the centered of everything. I watched a lot of old movies from differents countries, because I really love cinema and the history behind it. Romance is a must in everyone of them even if it's secondary to the plot there must be romance. I think it's probably related to sexism in a way. The world being a bit more evolved you probably had to have a female character in the movie because representation was important and you wanted for woman to be intetested in the movie. They needed a character to relate to. The thing is even if society was evolved enough to put woman as important character I think it's still wasn't enough for having a female character as a whole deep and complex character and not just as a sort of trophy for the male protagonist. Display of affection not really being accepted at the time the female character was more of a romantic trophy than a sex trophy. Anyway that's my interpretation about it I'm not sure in any way that it's that but it would make a lot of sense to me and it would also probably explain why stereotypically woman are supposed to be more interested by romance. If they could only relate to female characters being romantic trophy they could feel like it's what they need to be and to achieve because if they're not they're not valid in any way. In old movies you can see men without women being an interesting part of the plot as secondary characters but for women secondary characters if they're not widows they're always married (or too young to be like the younger sister). In forms of quotes of reaction about aromanticism I've got this one which is...something: "Be careful it (being aromantic) will likely attract weirdos" Hmmm okay wuuut?! Am I supposed to..stop? because it's dangerous?! I mean I don't think the guy was being offensive but I remember being confused by this comment.
  13. Bea Miller released new songs and two of them give me a lot of aro/better love myself than someone else vibeees and I'm super happy and excited about that ♥♥♥♥ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNPOVnN5LII https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaRUAICLYWQ
  14. Oh yeah I've never thought about it but Tom Riddle is aro for sure. It's indeed not a good image but it's still someone. I personally don't hate him tho but it's still better to praise Merida as an aromantic figure than Voldemort for sure. I would say Michael from the good place. He's the only one that really crosses my mind. It's not really that great to have him as a figure of aromanticism or asexuality but since he's not human he doesn't really seem to feel these feelings and actually find it a bit ridiculous. I hope it stays that way because I feel like it would be really weird to give him a romantic interest but anyway it's been two seasons we can't really know for sure but it seems like he could be aroace.
  15. I thought for a long-time I was too emotionally damaged by my childhood trauma to have the ability to love someone. I also thought for a while that I was a nymphomaniac or just a really sexually perverted person because I'm allosexual but aromantic so I thought I valued sex and sexual attraction so much more than romantic attraction because I was mentally ill and obsessing over sex. I also thought it was a defense system because I'm a really cold person (even with friends and family...I'm just really cold. I'm really nice and comprehensive tho so I never thought I was like sociopath I just keep my emotions for myself that kinda make me a bit scary sometimes and I like that idea) so I could reject everyone because I was afraid to get hurt. You know all these things that people basically drill into your heads either you're super romantic and love romance or you hate it and say that you won't catch feelings but in the end it's just because you're afraid of love and opening up to someone so I thought it was something like that.
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