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About Costati

  • Birthday 11/14/1999

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    South of France
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  1. I had a nightmare where I was being stalked and chased by the bachelor. I kinda laughed when I woke up because of how aro it was. 

  2. I thought I was a heartless bitch who only cared about sex and would always use everyone. Or someone who could never be able to satisfied herself with anyone because secretely too much of a stupid narcissistic. I never had a really great self-esteem but still that's what an alloromantic society can do to people. It's disgusting. I still hate myself for other things but at least now I know this particular issue really isn't my fault.
  3. So here's my really really long novel about my sexual attraction. Because it's something that I figured out basically last week so really new and something that is really really complicated (that's why it took me a ton of tiiiime) so if you're interest in a random person's weird and complicated sexual attraction hope you'll enjoy. If not, I really don't blame you. I probably wouldn't read that for someone else either. It was still therapeutic for me to write it I realized really recently that I'm not allo heterosexual like I thought all my life. It's something that I've always been sure about because I have a really higher libido than average and has always been really obsessed with sex. Especially since I'm 100% aro, I think I was really overcompensating because what I thought was sexual attraction was the only one I could feel (except platonic but I've really overcompensated on that too I was obsessed with having a best friend it was borderline creepy). I never felt aesthetic attraction which I thought was just me being not superficial. Before I realized that it's not that at all since being superficial would be only liking someone for their looks when feeling aesthetic attraction is just recognizing that someone looks in a way that we find artistically beautiful. I never did. It can be weird to imagine but to me everyone looks not the same but just really plain. What I feel are vibes which is not like charisma at all. It's what I call emotional and intellectual attraction. I need to say that I'm precocious and that makes me really really good at feeling emphatically what others people are feeling and understanding their proccessus of thought and reflexions. That creates two other forms of attraction for me. I can be attracted to someone if I sense they share an intense set of emotions that I'm close to. Mostly sadness if they share a sadness that seems similar to the one I can feel sometimes I feel like I could easily connect emotionally to them and that makes me want to be close to them and share deep personal problems about my life or just things that could trigger a really emotional moment (even if it's with a stranger. It's never us crying it's just that I feel other emotions even it's unconscious and it connects with mine. There's not even the need to be talking it's just being in sync emotionally). I also feel intellectual attraction which is something that officially exist I think. Anyway if it doesn't it's an attraction I feel so it clearly exists to me and that's what matters. It's when I'm instinctively perceptive enough to truly understand how a person process of thoughts and dealing with emotion or just dealing with everything seems like they're really unique and interesting person (they don't have to be in sync to me aaaat all compared to emotional attraction) I feel like I can have deep philosophical conversations with them or just really learn a lot from their experiences and create a really special bond that if associate to platonic attraction can create a really great relationship even stronger than friendship (especially if it's paired with emotional attraction that's like the ultimate combination). It doesn't have to be tho. I don't want to be friends with everyone I feel intellectually attracted to. A lot of times they have really shitty personalities but that's what's really attractive. Because they're people that are really don't necessarily like or have anything in common with me. But they expose to me another point of view of things and push me to challenge myself and be more aware of nuances in life. When it concerns sexual attraction it's really complicated to me and mostly really really new (which is why it's so complicated I think). Because yeah it hit me like 1 month ago I think that I was really not attracted to people. I've discovered that I'm Androcupiosexual (which is a combination of androsexual and cupiosexual I guess it doesn't technically officially exists but it makes sense to me and it's my label so I'm pretty sure I'm that). Which mean that I'm sexually attracted to male (androsexual) and that even if I'm not sexually attracted to people I want to have sexual relationships. I'm sexually attracted to male bodies but never to people which made me think I was heterosexual and then I listened to what heterosexual people had to say about being sexually attracted to people and that's not me because they're sexually attracted to peooople. They can have fantasies about people because it's these person in particular that they can want. It's something that I never felt. I've tried before to format myself to have celebrity crushes and fantasies because everyone had them. I realized pretty soon that I'd better focus on the sexual part of that than on the romantic part because obviously it didn't seem interesting at all to me to have a celebrity crush to marry me and take me on dates but sexual relationship yeah it could be fun to imagine. Like I said I've always been obsessed and interested by sex. But even if I was interested in the idea because it seems fun and I had some celebrities in mind that I felt I could get along with because I felt intellectually or emotionally attracted to (it's easy to tell when they're artists like actors or singers) and that's like really TMI but I've never felt turned on by thinking about them. Thinking about scenarios where I had sex yeah that's super cool super great but I just thought about sex and eventually about bodies because that's what turned me on at the end of the day. I never thought someone was hot because I actually don't get sexually attracted to people and the fact that I don't feel either aesthetic attraction makes it worst. Btw so you can imagine because I feel like it's weird to imagine since I've never met anyone else ever in my life that didn't fell aesthetic attraction. When I say I'm attracted to male bodies that's like every one. Someone with a muscular body do not seem more appealing in any way than someone with a bigger body and a bit of tummy fat. It's the same level of attraction to both. Which takes it back to Cupiosexual because I want sexual relationships. I would love to have a qpp I could have sex with because I think it's something really fun and that I don't really mind. Which I feel is what's cupio is. "I don't mind" that's the key. It's not something that I crave for (I mean my libido sometimes but not really me). It's not something that I'll actively searched for and in the end it wouldn't bother me at all to live the rest of my life only being with myself on that part. It's not something that I need as opposed to friendship, emotional and intellectual connections (I feel lonely, ununderstood and useless without these types of relationships/encounters) but it's something that I don't mind. If a friend that I'm close to wants to have sex with me well yeah okay why not. (not my best friend tho that would be really weird and creepy to me) If it's good for them sure, it'll be probably neutral for me (better with someone with a male's body that's for sure but I still don't care that much). Because these type of relationships interest me. I don't need to have another form of attraction to have sexual interactions with someone (for me that is platonic, emotional or intellectual) but I can't have sexual interactions with someone if I am deeply unattracted to them with another form of attraction. In order it's Intellectual is the most important, then emotional than platonic. I think I could have sex with someone that is really repulsive to me platonically/friendshiply (because platonically seems like neutral to me when friendshiply is more positive so you get it) but I really don't think I could if they're emotionally or intellectually repulsive to me. I think it could balanced itself tho like I probably could if I'm super super super intellectually attracted to them but they're really emotionally repulsive to me. (because intellectual attraction is the most important one to me)
  4. I just recieved my aro flag and it's so pretty and huuuge and I am so happy. It was a pain to have it down and made me really anxious but damn am I happy of the result. It is so awesooooome. I've never felt more proud of being aro. I wanna use it as a cape and wave it in everyone's faces like a queeen ♥

    1. Ace of Amethysts
    2. DeltaV


      That sounds so cool. I'd give something to see you with your flag. xD

    3. Costati


      Maybe I'll take a pic to put it as my avatar. We'll see x) 

  5. Can you email her back again asking for her to make a public statement about that and supporting of aromantics. Because it's pretty and all but if she really supports us she should clear that thing up right now because her intentions could easily get out of context like with that article and she should probably dissociate herself from the potential nasty consequences right now. Even if people probably won't care about her statement in the long run, at least for her and for us it's important that she shows her support. Openly. A statement is nothing to her it's like 5 minutes of her time, but it could mean a lot to us.
  6. Oh don't worry, I was just being sarcastic because that's how I am but I totally get your point and I'm sorry if I offended you a bit. I was in no way mad with your point of view or anything. It's nothing against you it's just me being sarcastic and annoyed at this article I'm sorry I realize now it could have be seen as rude. It's because I usually don't put smiley on my text either. It's making it hard to understand my intention. It's my bad. But don't worry I really never blamed you I'm only pissed at this article and situation.
  7. Yeah because giving extra credit to people who have the ability and "want" to date is definitely not discrimination against aromantics, arospec, anxious people, people already in relationships and just basically anyone that isn't interested by her program. It's discriminatory because it's linked to people personal life, there's no way this can't be discriminatory if you bound personal life with study courses. I mean it's a private school so I guess there's not this issue that much but like she said the one asking had to pay. And the one asking is the one having the extra credit ? So that makes it really complicated for people without a lot of money to really engage as well. I'm so pissed off by this. Do write about that to the Washington Post. I would really enjoy reading that.
  8. Okay so I haven't read all the answer to this thread at all because I'm lazy I guess but I just want to step in to actually defend that test. Because if you read the test in absolutely no way they say having a high score is a good thing because you have access to romantic love. They actually denunciate this. Don't get offended it's clearly good to have a lesser score. I think the results should have been worded differently. Because it associate codependency to the feeling of romantic love but it does it in a bad way tho. I mean maybe it's my aro mind speaking but to me it clearly seems like having a higher result is really bad from the POV of the person doing this test. I mean: AUTHOR James Park is an existential philosopher and author of New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships, the first chapter of which is called "Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' " __________________________ It's pretty obvious. The test is supposed to be really hard and the question are supposed to be hardcore because the good result (in the mind of the author) is to have the less yes possible. Don't do this test it's clearly not neutral at all. I'm sure there's some better out there that doesn't associate experiencing romantic attraction to automatically being codependent and irrational. @aro_elise Well yeah, allos can be a bit irrational sometimes but I really think that test don't put them in a good light at all. It's clearly from the point of view of someone that is against romantic relationship and think in the extreme situations. It's making allos seems crazy. It's like if we were to took a test made by really romantic centrist allos that are completely obssessive and dependent and romance we would seem like cold, depressed, sociopath. We're clearly not. But it's easy to make people seem crazy depending on your point of view. This test is really unreliable and I really don't think it should be used as reference for aros to understand allos.
  9. Sorry for my language but this is so f**ked not even only for aros but for anxious people, people that aren't out yet like the person before said. It puts romance even more in the center of things. What is the response of people ? I really really hope they'll be scandalized by this because I can't believe people would actually support this.
  10. @aro_elise That's actually what I talked with m'y bestfriend yesterday (she's bi, arospec and might ne ace-spec too) the thing is well fristly I am attracted to men's body but as a general term. I dont have any preferences even if the person look very different because I'm not attracted to one's body specifically I'm attracted to all body type and all. It doesn't make me want to have sex with every man I see tho not at all it's just that if I've got that vibe I'll always say why not because I do not have any turn off physically. Secondly, I just don't get along with women in the first place. I don't think it's due to attractions at all. I just think it's because I had bad experiences with bullying by women and that made it hard to me to be friends with women. Mostly straight ones because I swear to god they mostly talk about their boyfriends all the time and it's a real struggle. I'm also really close to my bestfriend and I'm pretty sure I would say absolutely no way and find the idea ridiculous if she'd ask to have sex with me. I don't know if it's because I'm really close to her which would make it Weird or because I would think she's gone crazy because I know I'm the complete opposite of her type in girls. I'm not completely opposed to the idea of having sex with women. But it's definerely not something I'm actively looking at nor something I think I would enjoy but if I like someone enough and they propose I think it doesn't cost me that much to do it. But it's more neutral than positive when with guys it's positive. That's why I'm pretty pretty sure I'm not homosexual or bi. I really don't think I'm heterosexual anymore with all these comments but I don't think I'm completely asexual (which I didn't think in the first place but still) because there is a difference between women and men for me. Maybe it's not sexual attraction maybe it is I do not know.
  11. Yes that actually helps a lot because that's what I've heard people talk about that made me recently question my sexuality. Because for me my sexual orientation would be more of a woah that person is cool, I've got a good vibe about them they're interesting, we could have sex I wouldn't mind. But I never had a craving/hunger to have sex with someone. I can have this craving to have sex but never with someone in mind I think it's just my libido. I do not have at all the good-looking factor. Because for me it doesn't have anything to do with how they look but more of what vibe they seem to have. If that makes sense. It's really confusing to me because I felt like everyone was on the same page with me about heterosexual attraction but I just realized that not really and maybe I'm acespec. Thanks for your answer that really helps especially the last sentence because I think the answer to that question is actually none. But it's really hard to separate sexual desire and sexual attraction (especially because I feel like I've been overcompensating my aromanticism by my sexual desire when I didn't know about the label. It was easier to tell myself "You're just a bitch who uses people for sex" instead of telling myself that I was broken for not feeling romantic attraction).
  12. Sexuality is confusing :(

    1. Eklinaar


      Indeed it is.

  13. Hello, I've got some questions for heterosexuals aromantics. I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality lately. I've always thought I was heterosexual. Well, I've been questioning being bi for a brief period of time but I'm not. The thing is I've never question my attraction to guys because it was so obvious to me even after discovering I'm aromantic. I was sure I was heterosexual aromantic but lately I've actually been thinking a lot and comparing myself to other heterosexuals and I'm actually not so sure anymore. Because it seems like for a lot of them they're sexually attracted to people. I don't think I actually am. I thought it was aromanticism that made me like that. Like yeah I don't feel romantic attraction to these people but that doesn't mean I don't feel sexual attraction. But I think my idea of sexual attraction isn't really what it is. Because I am not attracted to people. I'm interested in the idea of sexual relationships a lot and to have sexual partners even have a qpp where sex is involved but I don't think I'm actually attracted to people sexually. I'm attracted to people platonically, like I want to know them more, become friends with them and just share deep conversation because I love being with people like that. I would love to have sex with some too but as a plus. Anyway I'm not gonna talk more because this is hella confusing to me and weird to explain. So I just really wanted to ask you guys if you could define what your sexual attraction is or how your sexual attraction manifest itself. Are you actually attracted to people or you just want to have sexual relationship and can have them without feeling attracted to that person and it's not a bother at all ? P.S : I don't have aesthetic attraction. I thought it was important to add in case you guys think "Oh well it's like you think someone is really good looking" because I don't. It makes it so damn confusing. Please help me. I'm questioning everything it's a pain.
  14. What works for me is being really cold. I can play with my emotions really easily so I'm all smiley and nice when I want to be but if I have the slightest doubt that someone is flirting with me I go into cold borderline scary mode. Obviously I'm not being a bitch I'm still as nice as I was before but I just give off this really intimidating aura that tend to scare people off. That's actually my default mode. Strangers never talk to me if I want to be close to someone I do and they see I don't bite by themselves x). I wouldn't recommend that technique if you're not extremely good at distancing yourself from what emotion you feel and what you can seem to feel but I mean it does works. If you look like you're strong and tough apparently it doesn't appeal that much to guys (or appeal to the more shy one maybe). And if they're insisting they're way more susceptible to actually listen to you and back off when you say no if you're a bit intimidating than if you're not. But you definetely should say "No, no way in hell" because sadly saying "I'm not interested in relationship right now, I'm too busy for it, I have a boyfriend or even saying you're aro" that get misinterpreted a lot. They think it'll change because they only hear what they want to hear. Don't try to justify yourself just say "No I won't" and don't give more information let them come to their own conclusions. Giving an explanation will have a chance of being misinterpreted if you just say no they'll probably feel like it's for real since you don't even care enough about them to explain anything. You could always be mean and say that they're unattractive to you (because it actually is even if it's not really their fault) if they're really insisting. But I think they have to be really pushy if they still try it after all that. You can just be a bit intimidating honestly it works wonder. I'm heterosexual so I can tell you I have the intimidating mask on all the time and when I actually like someone I turn it off and I have no trouble so it's not me being unattractive it really works.
  15. Don't worry that much about it. It's okay to not have labels, it's already great that you consider yourself being arospec and trying to find more about this. Don't focus on finding the perfect label just try to find the small things that could echo in you. You should read the "You might be aro if" thread it's mostly focus on aromanticism but it's pretty funny to read and you might understand aromanticism better after that (Dont think everything ils perfectly accurate tho it depends on everyone for exemple there's a lot of romance repulsed aros on the forum but I for exemple isn't. I'm still definitely aro tho)
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