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Everything posted by Neir

  1. For people who are not as familiar with aromanticism (at least on a deep level), I've seen people talk about amatonormativity in a way that shows how harmful emphasizing romantic relationships is. I know a lot of friends of mine who, for example, will easily talk with me about how society is so obsessed with romance and marriage and how they feel pressured to get into relationships when they are happy single or simply have other priorities in life at that moment. I remember there being a recent article about Emma Watson talking about being self-partnered, for example, and there are much much older articles talking about people of all genders and ages who feel pressure from their parents, family, friends, and society to have a relationship (even a toxic one) so they won't be "alone." Even though they are happy. I am sure you can find stories like these, even if they don't straight up use the word "amatonormativity." There are a lot of feminist principles you can talk about side by side with amatonormativity and just general individual empowerment and personal choice. Over time, bringing up aromantics as people who are especially affected by amatonormativity can be a way to tie it back to your identity without becoming too academic or filled with aro-specific words. Hope that at least helps for a start!
  2. I've heard of alterous attraction be described kind of like the non-binary equivalent of attraction types and I like that analogy. I personally feel alterous attraction. AUREA has a couple of definitions: "An interest or desire for emotional closeness without necessarily being platonic and/or romantic. A significant attraction that is related to other attractions (e.g., romantic). A significant attraction that is unrelated to any other attractions" I know that, for me personally, if I'm alterously attracted to someone I don't necessarily want a particular relationship or partnership, but emotional closeness is something important to me. It feels different from platonic or romantic attraction, but I know that for some people, other kinds of attraction like that can be part of it (like how for some people romantic attraction also has to come with platonic). It's intended to be a loose term with no strict definition. Alterous attraction, if someone identifies with that label, can manifest in many different ways depending on the person. I hope that helps!
  3. Welcome to the forums! Have some complementary aro ice cream: The identity journey, especially when considering aromanticism, can be wild and confusing, but there's a lot you can learn from poking about on these forums and chatting with others. It's nice to see your enthusiastic spirit. Everything said by @Queasy_Attention is also great. I'll add on to say that some aromantic people do feel romantic emotions but still call themselves aro because it's the closest or best label for their experiences. Emotions are really complicated and it's hard to fit perfectly into a box sometimes. Other than that, my advice is to take things slow! There's a lot of info out there and I know even I am still learning every day. It's kind of fun that way, though.
  4. I'm happy to see all these responses; it is very wholesome. I am back today to publicly announce to myself (what a strange thing to say lol): Another thing I like about myself is that I care very deeply about others and do everything in my power to make my loved ones happy.
  5. Hi and welcome! There's no particular format for intros so whatever you want is good. I'm glad you're here to find some well-needed community. Come join us with some aro ice cream:
  6. Hi all! Sometimes I can forget that I'm a human being with genuine worth, but in an effort to grow my (and perhaps others') self-esteem and self-confidence, I wanted to start a little thread where people can list something they like about themselves whenever they feel they need to. This thread would also be a nice way to get to know some of you and see how you think about yourselves. I think there might be a compliments thread somewhere else where people give compliments to each other, but I'd like this to be a little bit of a self-appreciation corner. I'll go first! One thing about myself I like is that I am working on being more self-aware. It's an admirable goal.
  7. This is a very common thing I've heard a lot of us deal with, so you're definitely not alone! For me, perhaps because I'm an honest person who sometimes overshares and gets really deep within the first few conversations I have with new people I vibe with, I've found that many of my friends have been very receptive to being called friend-family or chosen family. We've agreed that we want to stay close to each other and help with each other's lives, with babysitting the children of those who want them, and just in general treat each other like cousins or siblings. Not all my friends are like this, of course, and it takes time to develop something like this. It also doesn't always work, as much as you may like and appreciate someone. But, in general, I've found most people (including alloromantic people who intend to marry) very receptive. A lot of people are scared to want to have such close relationships because they feel society doesn't allow them. By making the first move and telling my friends that I would like to have meaningful lifelong friendships, I have found success. As for raising kids, I did read a story a while back about two friends legally co-parenting HERE. Although their situation was rocky, it shows that it is possible to raise children with willing friends. I also know of other co-parenting options that aren't necessarily legally recognized but are experiences friends of mine have had. One of my good friends was parented by her mom and godmother, who didn't live together. Another friend of mine was parented a lot by many people in their community - neighbours, friends of their parents, parents of their friends, etc. There are people out there who would be willing to do it; the work is finding them.
  8. I had to dig a bit but it looks like these forums have a thread where some people who feel romantic attraction have commented on what it and romance feel like, in case you're curious. It's also quite normal to feel confused! You're right that some quoiromantic folks identify under the aro umbrella while others don't and those kinds of feelings are difficult to figure out in general. If you don't think you've felt romantic attraction, as you would expect or define it, then I think it's quite fine to say so. Some things I say and do 'look' or 'sound' romantic to some outside observers when they are distinctly not for me, while for other outside observers they aren't romantic at all. So it's quite personal. Unfortunately, that kind of makes it harder because you have to come up with your own personal definition... Good luck, in any case! Questioning is always quite the journey.
  9. Just popping in to WIN to say that this conversation happening over this game is really heartwarming
  10. Many people I interact with who are ND (in the aro community especially, which is interesting) tell me I also have ND vibes but what exactly underlies that I have no clue. 😅 I've struggled with pretty severe chronic anxiety all my life, while other things like depression come and go with treatment. So I'm not sure if my anxiety's anxiety or if it's a front for something else. It's comforting to see others in the aro community who have had similar experiences with various physiological conditions, even though we're kind of all connecting through pain. We're still goin'. I don't think it interacts with my aromanticism, personally, but I am always interested in reading others' stories about how their conditions and aromanticism influence each other.
  11. Welcome and nice to meet you "New and confused" could describe a lot of us when we first came here so I hope you can find some voices that speak to you here
  12. Nice to meet you! Have some aro ice cream as a welcome gift:
  13. Bienvenue! It's nice to have you. I'm glad you're in a better place now and have come back. Here is some aro ice cream for you in celebration:
  14. Good luck on your school project! I hope you can get many interesting responses. It's always nice to see people looking at aromanticism in their academic pursuits. I admit I got stuck at the question that asked me to choose from aroace, aroallo, and non-SAM aro. I personally don't identify strongly with any of those. I explained more in the feedback section as well, but in case anyone else got stuck too, I want them to know you know about it.
  15. Welcome We're glad to have you. It's really tough to want to be a parent and want close relationships in societies where that's frowned upon unless you're romantically involved with someone. It's damaging to many family structures and to happiness, so I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I've struggled a lot with this impending inevitable loneliness. It's unfortunately a huge sociocultural barrier, often written into law directly and indirectly. It'll take a long time to fight for but it's still possible and I know of people who live these kinds of lives now, even if they're in the tiny minority. I'm glad you've reached out while you're still questioning! I think many people here (and in person, once meetup groups resume) will be able to support you. I'm only aware of an aro group in London (HERE), and two general a-spec groups in England (HERE and HERE). I'm not in the area but those may be a start.
  16. Neir


    Welcome! Join us for some aro ice cream: I also very much relate to this story and I'm glad to hear you've found your way over to us and come to some acceptance.
  17. Neir

    I'm not proud.

    Sharing these kinds of feelings is no doubt hard and I really feel for you. I don't have an answer for you, which sucks, but do know that there's a whole community of folks who are standing with you (including some demiros and aros who identify with the demiro experience even if they don't use the label). It's really easy to get down on yourself and it really is ok to not have literal tonnes of pride spewing from your body at every moment (or at all). Pride Month can get overwhelming that way. Living with amatonormativity is hard and I won't pretend it's not. Just know you're not broken. Sometimes it takes socializing with different crowds and different people to find a space where you can feel better heard, more optimistic, and loved and supported. There are many many people in the world (and connected through here!) who you have yet to meet that will stand by you. If you ever need us, for a vent or a listening ear, I know there are some of us around who wouldn't mind a DM or just a back and forth like this.
  18. Neir

    would you rather

    Oh, good one. I think I would rather watch my least favourite TV show for the rest of my life (because you didn't say only that TV show ). Would you rather write a lab report or an essay?
  19. Welcome! As a baking lover, I'm sure you'll appreciate some aro ice cream as a welcome: (Though, is ice cream-making considered baking? Now I'm second-guessing...)
  20. Oh, oops! I apologize, @Mark, I had totally misread the title of that survey - it was not, in fact, the one I conducted. (I looked at that number and thought, "That's not quite right..." and then did quite the impressive facepalm. No more forum-treading in the early hours of the morning for me.) I still think the comments you had are useful and applicable to the one I did run though (which was the aro-spec identities and experiences of stigmatization survey a while back).
  21. Welcome! Have some aro ice cream as a welcome gift:
  22. @Mark This was the research I conducted, so thanks for this comment! The distinctions between sex are actually really interesting - I wonder if we could capture those in a later survey (perhaps through the AUREA census in a couple of years when we re-open). As for repulsion x orientation, the numbers were not large enough to do a repulsion correlation with orientation that would in any way be useful or representative statistically. @TripleA I highly recommend checking AUREA's Research tab here: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/research Aromanticism is not a common topic of study academically but there are a few things there that are great (notably, a thesis by C. Lang in 2018). There are also a couple of a-spec works. It's a growing list and I've heard buzzes of upcoming aro research in the future so it'll be interesting to see.
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