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Apathetic Echidna

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  • Name
    Mesotablar
  • Orientation
    Aromantic Grey-Asexual
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her
  • Location
    The Antipodes

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  1. I haven't come out to my family because I figured it wasn't worth it. They don't pressure me to do things I don't want and putting a label on it would just lead to other assumptions. But I am close to most of my family and they know me well already. If your family is pressuring you for the traditional 'partner & breed' life plan then maybe come out to them as an explanation? It is harder for you than other people because orientations are something you can't control? but then they may take it as you asking for help in getting a partner. (Saying you live in an Asian household is practically meaningless to me, because our common knowledge must be wildly different (it is a continent, and the diaspora population varies again). Are you from a family where arranged marriage is accepted/expected? are babies/breeding the most important thing? is social status and legitimacy only reserved for married people? how much of that have you internalised?)
  2. Welcome! I hope this place is a wellspring of interesting information for you 😃 Also, better alone and happy than trapped in a bad relationship (of any sort) 💚
  3. My close family have known for a long long time that I'm not having kids. But recently it has been a topic coming up again with my more distant cousins and my friends. It is sort of feeling like peer pressure when it comes up in conversation every time we talk.
  4. Many of us here have experiences where what we want in our heads has no connection to what we can deal with in reality. Much of that, I think, has to do with what we are taught by society as we grow up, that partnering up romantically is normal and has to be done to have a good life. Amatonormativity is everywhere. An ideal person that you can imagine doing things with is very very different than having a real person in front of you, focusing their feelings on you. Maybe try focusing on your reactions to all the boys you mention. How did their attention make you feel? Those feelings will be a good start to help figure out what feels right and wrong.
  5. I don't think I have skipped events for romance-avoidance reasons. I did skip my big high school formal but that was because I thought it would be terrible (it was) and I didn't want to pay almost $100 for a ticket. Though I did get a dress, I just wore it for other events. oh wait. scratch what I said. Yes. I avoided heaps of events. I had a friend who wanted to set me up, so I consistently avoided all the parties they invited me to. There were at least 3 a year for 4 years while we were at university. Though that may have had something to do with me working out that groups of young drunk Australian men tend to be aggressive and I don't like being cornered or groped.
  6. I already have the charities picked out, but while my parents are alive I'll let it default to them. I do have some specialised stuff and deceased estate auctions suck, so I guess I would have to figure something out to deal with all the family heirlooms (I am the end of the line so I have no close blood cousins to pass that on to) Just so you know, recently I've had several people die or be executors of wills and leaving small amounts of money can end up costing much more than just giving them an item. Depending on how the laws work where you are, and how much money it is, and what country the recievee is in, there may be a bunch of legal or processing fees. Same goes for leaving them a share in something, like a property or stock portfolio.
  7. Well, I do understand the assumed unprofessionalism of being social with non-coworkers while at work. and if the female friend and her boyfriend were clearly in a 'moment' in their date, like feeding each other or making out then I doubt they would appreciate a greeting from someone else. But otherwise this is just reinforcing amatonormative ideas about the heightened specialness of romantic relationships. Sorry no one else spoke up in class, this stuff has to start being called out when we see it!
  8. Big is relative, but I live in the capitol of my state, so it is the biggest around, so, True! TPBM has an allergy (including pollen and grass and flowers, I can already feel my eyes itching)
  9. There are several ways to approach 'digging deep'. Personally I found those lists of orientations (with definitions) helpful. Other people think those are useless and need to read about other people's experiences. I do hope you get to a point when you come across something and think 'That is me'. I wish you luck! Speaking of being on the spectrum, being somewhere in the grey-asexual umbrella, there are many many ways people experience their grey-ness. I am sexually attracted to people very very very infrequently, but I experience the attraction strongly. Other people speak about only realising they experienced sexual attraction in hindsight. They couldn't recognise it in the moment because it was too ambiguous, or so fleeting that it passed before they could recognise it. The common factor is we recognise this is not how many other experience sexual attraction and we have managed to come across a label or community where we feel a 'That is me' moment.
  10. I am having a lot of trouble getting my thoughts out! I guess it depends on how close I feel to the 'actors'. It it feels very personal, like my personal writings and poems, things that represent 'Me' then romance generally doesn't come into it. But when I did roleplaying it felt like a separate character, further away from 'Me', so I was okay with romance when it cropped up in scenarios. Fanfic writing however.... I make those character dance like puppets on a string and most of the time it is centred around romance and love. Admittedly, I am mostly torturing them with love.... On a similar note some of the best erotica I have come across have been fanfictions written by authors who identify as being sex-neutral/repulsed asexuals. So I guess fanfiction, because they are not characters we created (even more distantly separated from 'Me' than a character I imagined and fleshed out), we experiment with feelings and situations we are not in-reality interested in. Fanfic is a 'safe distance'!
  11. late reply, but yes. TAAAP is all public. It doesn't have a lot of activity but there are some really good ideas and questions that I like pondering. Here is a link to the topic. https://taaappridechats.dreamwidth.org/3415.html
  12. haha Yay! I was literally just writing a belated post about attraction on the TAAAP pride chat blog. For ages I felt like the only one talking about being strongly attracted to someone because of their voice (and not anything else). So I'm glad there are many more of us speaking about it now!
  13. So I was just searching some things (new memes!) and noticed that r/aromantic has offsite resource links. That consists of a link to an AVEN FAQ, a discord link, and something called the AACE Club FAQ. Never heard of the AACE Club before. I'm just wondering is we should push for an Arocalypse link to be added, or an @AUREA link? or even a link for carnival of aros main site? I just feel bad for people who discover aromanticism and reddit is their start point, cause those links don't really link to the community.
  14. Hi, I've made an entry for this month here: https://mesotablar.dreamwidth.org/19788.html
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