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Apathetic Echidna

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Everything posted by Apathetic Echidna

  1. haha Yay! I was literally just writing a belated post about attraction on the TAAAP pride chat blog. For ages I felt like the only one talking about being strongly attracted to someone because of their voice (and not anything else). So I'm glad there are many more of us speaking about it now!
  2. So I was just searching some things (new memes!) and noticed that r/aromantic has offsite resource links. That consists of a link to an AVEN FAQ, a discord link, and something called the AACE Club FAQ. Never heard of the AACE Club before. I'm just wondering is we should push for an Arocalypse link to be added, or an @AUREA link? or even a link for carnival of aros main site? I just feel bad for people who discover aromanticism and reddit is their start point, cause those links don't really link to the community.
  3. Hi, I've made an entry for this month here: https://mesotablar.dreamwidth.org/19788.html
  4. Hello friend! I thought I was the only one who was attracted by a voice as I have been pinging around different forums and no-one has said 'me too'. Well, I'm here to tell you, Me Too!!!! šŸ’š So sensual attraction is just a type of attraction to something that is experienced through senses other than sight (that gets its own word, normally 'physical attraction' or 'aesthetic attraction'), so smell, sound, touch, taste would all be grouped as sensual attractions because for most people those generally aren't strong, or they come with other attractions that make the whole thing difficult to sort out. So when you hear that person and it is like golden sunshine is flowing from their worlds and you find you just want to bask in that glow and warmth forever. Let all your troubles float away because hearing their voice stills all the noise inside you so there is just placid peace and the rolling tone of their voice and you want to sit at their feet handing them reading material so it doesn't end. There was nothing sexual or romantic in that for me, it was all about his voice, so pretty pure sensual attraction, also it was the only time I was so strongly and clearly attracted by a voice. From what you say I assume you notice peoples voices more, so maybe voices are one of the things you specifically appreciate or are attracted to. So when people talk about your 'type' of ideal partner, 'voice' should be on your list, in the same way 'tall' would be for someone who appreciates feeling smaller than their partner, or 'blonde' would be for someone specifically attracted to visual presentation/colour. Though honestly, a lot of people are attracted by voices, they are just a bit more shallow on the subject; Just think about how many people say they like accents. You can possibly even work out the type of voice you like most if you can identify similarities in those you like. I have a friend that realised recently she only likes music where men sing in whine-y tones. Many erotica authors like describing voices as gravely or husky (one of my writer friends tends to use 'deep rumble' a lot and I had to ask her if she meant a voice like Kevin Grevioux!)
  5. https://manofmany.com/entertainment/movies-tv/best-lgbti-movies-of-all-time?user_id=wolving_time@hotmail.com&utm_source=Man+of+Many+Newsletter&utm_campaign=f524eebe69-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_8a6251cd7b-f524eebe69-84203758 So I got an alert about this article. I was so happy to see someone using 'LGBTQIA+' that I was hopeful it would be a good list even if it was basically a 'top 20' style list. Disclaimer, I haven't seen all the movies on the list and they don't specify the type of representation in the movie, and the website is called 'Man of Many' but there does seem to be a significant skew towards movies about gay men, which seems to be following the general media skew towards stories about white men. Buuuut.... I don't see no 'IA+' There is some L, a lot of G, a bit of B and T, maybe some Q....and 6 out of those 20 can arguably be called male coming-of-age stories.....and it made me sad.
  6. I've been good at contacting friends recently, but in catching up I compare my life to theirs and I feel shame because I think I haven't achieved anything worthwhile. Which is some sort of internal desolate wasteland.....which make me feel lonelier when I'm with my friends.... So, completely not what you asked!
  7. This pretty much sums it up. Romance is an internal drive rather than a visible action. I'm happy to do plenty of romantic coded things like hand holding, kissing, hugs, giving flowers and chocolate, having picnic 'dates', lying together on a picnic blanket under the stars, as long as it is all no romo. If someone wants to be in a relatiā¤ļønship I would be uncomfortable doing any of these things. Except people feeding each other and baby talk. That makes me queasy.
  8. haha, yeah that is par for the course. I can't address everything you have written, and really, you know yourself the best so you will have to work though these thoughts yourself, I only hope I can maybe give you some things to think about I'll let you know that several people here on Arocalypse thought they were pansexual but later realised they were asexual. Feeling the same towards people of different genders is an 'all' or 'nothing' thing, and it can be very tricky/confusing to differentiate between the 'all' or the 'nothing'. Personal experience, hindsight, and reading other people's stories is what is going to have to guide you on that one. Unless you were living in some sort of situation like Room (2015) I don't think this would be a significant influence. Romance and love are literally everywhere in media, fairly present at education facilities, somewhat occurring in public spaces. It is kinda hard to escape seeing it. On a similar point, being on the a-spectrum has (pretty much) nothing to do with your choice of books or movies. Sure, if you have an aversion to romance fluff it could be a sign but then I know plenty of alloromantics who don't like romance fluff and aromantics who like romance fluff. Basically personal preference in the media you consume is just that, personal preference, not an orientation. How you feel around the people who have admitted to liking you in a romantic way, and how you felt in a relationship, are probably the things you should try working out. Have a read around the forums and see if anything sounds familiar or clicks. I found my own label simply by reading an obscure orientation list and I instantly recognised the definition as representative of my experience, but many others here have found their labels by reading how others feel or how they reacted to situations. Good luck on your journey!
  9. I'm really hoping that people in the Australian cities haven't forgotten the fires. I feel that the virus has taken over the news for so long that the devastation of the fires seems a million miles away. We haven't had a bad fire season this year but I hope the protections and policy changes that were getting momentum before the virus manage to be implemented. Lots of people say the lockdowns have helped the appreciate nature more. So I hope it is reflected by some activism in the future, because it seems the government used the virus as a distraction to blind people to all the environmental law reviews happening. Also, no-one talks about the swine fever still working it's way around the world as it has been for the past 4 years. I think a lot of things have been slipping out of public view/awareness. But those paying attention to the things they care about have had the time to look into those things deeply, so I think there will be some good thoughts about how to face the future, if those people speak to enough ears.
  10. Hey all, The week of awareness is coming soon! Anyone got any plans? or any Aro week resolutions for 2021? I'm going to try to get back into being active in forums and writing, maybe try making my long planned 'The Friendzone' spoof picture.
  11. It is cool that it is also a fidget! I would love to see what it looks like. My ring is plain and boring, though seemingly scratch proof/indestructible. I'm sure as long as you do fidget with it she won't question it further.
  12. Welcome! I felt the same way. I had lots of joy reading the forums and learning the different words for things I had felt but never been able to describe. I hope you can find such joy and engagement here! (even if the forums are slow)
  13. I know the original Little Mermaid is more of a dramatic tragedy but I didn't know about the song. That is so funny that my brain is fixated on the most romantic possible interpretation of both those things, all wrapped up in the disney package.
  14. I woke up yesterday with a song stuck in my head, so every free moment I have I listen to it and sing along. It is still stuck in my head. I'm still singing along to it. It may be the ultimate in songs-that-ship-people songs.
  15. Yes, it definitely should be something planned by the authors so there is consistency and direction to the character. But I don't necessarily think someone must state they are questioning, especially if they do end up finding their label and coming out. Movies and TV get tricky if the character story arc is spread over more than one movie or one season, especially if the production has no guarantees for future seasons. Even then it still comes down to the determination of the creators to stay true to the original plan for the character's orientation arc.
  16. I though I would add a bit just in case you are still around checking this. @Neon Green Packing Peanut is completely right about setting boundaries, however knowing where your boundaries are is a learning process. I was in my early 20s and still finding new things to avoid, but also finding places where I could push further. Exploring the boundaries is just as important as knowing other people realise there are boundaries (and will respect them). Basically what I am trying to say is be open in case she wants to explore but let her know there is always a safe no-relationship zone that she can retreat to.[my own example was a friend announcing his engagement and I was horrified as I was completely taken by surprise (and by his instant expectation of joy from me), he had to give me some time and space (a few days) until I could work my mind around to being happy for his happiness (even explicitly asking him if it is what he really wanted). All because for me Marriage=Romance and Romanceā‰ Happiness while Happiness=Happiness] One thing worth encouraging her to explore is whether or not she has touch aversions. Because I had very physically affectionate friends when I was growing up I don't perceive many things as romantic as they were things I did with friends fairly often, like hand holding, hugs, cheek kisses, sharing blankets, sharing umbrellas etc. This is of course very influenced by the society you both live in, and what is generally acceptable in public and private social situations. The outward social perceptions of certain actions can be painful to deal with, sort of what I'm trying to say is... thinking that everyone around you thinks you are in a romantic relationship can sometimes be just as repulsive and hurtful as more direct conflicts.
  17. I have been trying to get my friends more open to some of the RA ideas, but they kept shutting me down with 'I have traditional values'. I'm wondering if I should just throw this at them and refuse to talk about boys until they have read it
  18. Continuing the double tangent. Trying to separate sexual and aesthetic attractions is somewhat hard for me anyway but in general it is possible aesthetic attraction can be just as problematic as it then enters the realm of racism, media influenced beauty ideals, and even ableism because it is basically judging people on appearances.
  19. If this character is going to be framed as a leader and sex/romance repulsed then be careful about going too far. If other characters need help on these issues focusing too much on the repulsion might undermine the leader aspects, while focusing on the leadership responsibilities of help or direction might erase the repulsion. I don't know if this is a situation that may occur, but I just wanted to point it out so you can anticipate possible issues.
  20. I am sort of uncomfortable with the ambiguity. Ambiguity can be great because questioning people need representation too. I was vague and questioning for about 10 years. Questioning could be very easy to bring to those characters, there is no age limit or time limit, it is about seeking your boundaries, what is good and what is bad. But the characters should probably be written with questioning in mind rather than just making them some vague representation of LGBT+ness. It can be good if it shows a lifestyle or relationship, at which point it can be seen as an exemplar rather than specific representation, and then people can read what they want into the characters motivations, like Good Omens. But of course then the relationship/lifestyle should either be written to be healthy and balanced or written to clearly show it is unhealthy and not something to strive for. Movies and TV do good and bad heteronormative relationships, and the bad ones normally go by uncriticised by mainstream viewers (the relationship components anyway). I just don't want the mainstream ambiguous-queer relationship/lifestyle exemplar to be toxic/hostile/manipulative/degrading/disrespectful yet be framed as something that is cute/idealistic (To name a few eg: Twilight, Passengers, In Time, Stardust, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Big Hit, Red, Knight and Day, Beauty and the Beast, 10 Things I Hate About You, You've Got Mail, This Means War, The Notebook, Wedding Crashers). It can be bad because it gets the viewers hopes up, they interpret the character in a certain way, but because of the ambiguity the character is always running the risk of being given actions or labels that make them conflict with the viewers previous perception. Basically those in control decide they need more drama and a new relationship is a cheap solution and all our little aromantic hearts implode again. Or they can fully wuss out and suddenly just make the character heteronormative (looking at you Disney). But ultimately it is not representation unless it is clearly labelled (I guess 'questioning' might be an exception to this?). Without a label there is always the possibility of erasure. If the character identifies with a label then that later changes it would be much more fulfilling because people can experience new understandings or growth in a different direction. Ultimately queerbaiting has worked in the past (look at how much money Disney has made), but left a sour taste in the heart. I guess this 'ambiguous LGBT+ but we are not even going to label them questioning or queer' is the next step in making money off almost-representation.
  21. You know, all this time this sort of discussion has been going on and I never cross referenced dictionaries myself. English has so many registers and regional convention, so globally, the meaning of the word changes rather than the word itself when moving between different populations. You have me curious about the lesser known (Australian) dictionaries now. Not just the language, it is a big underlying echo from the past that influences all sorts of things, in all the colonial countries. Sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Then you bring all the diversity of English between differing populations into the equation.....it is a mess!
  22. I just watched a youtube thing called Cinema Therapy and they have one on Aragorn, and oh, all the no romo feels! I'd forgotten LOTR was so good. The death of Boromir would be a good one to include in your moments video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv_KAnY5XNQ
  23. May I just say that this is the best way I have seen anyone frame their orientation. I have started to worry about people using definite statements to acknowledge their orientation, when orientation can be a fluid thing. So, welcome and thank you!
  24. Wait, is this a thing? how old is too old? or is it because your friends situations change and they all travel with their spouses/partners now? šŸ˜§ that seems so sad and I realised there may be more hazards to ageing than I thought. I haven't been around my friends in a little while so I feel myself perking up again, no more woe is me. So yes, I would have to say my friends are being more insensitive because of their recent obsessive partnering and breeding drive. I guess I will just bide my time until another situation occurs, then I can tell them my feelings when it is most likely to penetrate their perception. When I say obsession I do mean obsession. Most of my friends have very traditional values (even though they have different cultural influences at work), partnering and breeding is a standard goal for them. I guess their biological clocks have started ticking louder and they are trying to come to grips with not succeeding yet. I'm so glad I have this place to decompress my feelings. Even with all my complaining I just hope I am always there to drag them back towards healthy relationship values.
  25. The general killing of humans is the basic premise to the opening introduction of the movie so when he talks about the lacking of love it seems like a big reveal moment. I guess he is declaring his love for her so it is a 'big movie moment'? but it just seems there was too much emphasis on not-loving = evil rather than 'I have switched sides because I love you'. Yeah, it is in it's own universe of bad. Twilight is like a Hitchcock classic compared to this. Actually, speaking of Hitchcock and terrible romance.... Spellbound (1945) So the movie is classified as a psychological mystery thriller. It uses romance as the only justification for the female doctor to stay with and help the male lead. A situation that plays out like compliance bordering on mental instability on her part. I really hope people who watch it now are as creeped out as I am because it is so ....insulting? disturbing? lazy? unexplained? Basically he introduced an interesting character then to make the plot progress as he wanted he hammered her into a very two-dimensional character by making 'love at first sight' her motivation for everything.
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