Jot-Aro Kujo

Ashes by the Struts. I listened to it and thought "oh wow this sounds like a good description of DSoD Yugi" and then I listened to it again and heard "I lost my lover-" and I was like. ?

GENERAL KENOBI.

Oh yeah, plenty of it. Some of it from my own family. They've gotten a little better about it over the years, though. If you're allosexual you can especially expect to hear a lot of comments about being manipulative or using people for sex, regardless of your actual personality or sex life...

Yeah! He's head carpenter, or uh... Was? Not sure what the situation with Hadestown will be once Broadway reopens tbh... But yeah

Nice to meet you! My dad worked on Hadestown! I haven't actually seen it though...

None of those things sound romantic to me.

Yep, that’s romance repulsion, and a mood.

Oh, you think the original post is bad? It's only the tip of the iceberg. Allow me to recount the drama for those of you who were fortunate enough not to witness it in real time. Part 1: The Fuckening FYA posts the above horrible take; Initially, as it's an untagged post on a multi-mod blog, readers are uncertain as to whether this post represents the thoughts of one or multiple mods, or if it's even made by an aro at all. Later it is discovered to have been Mod Rose, also known by their personal blog url, frompawntoqueen. Many aros respond with rightful criticism of the problems with said post, including: It singles out allosexual aros as using Bad Terminology™ without giving the same treatment to alloromantic aces; It essentially says that allo aros shouldn't get to use the term allo because some aphobes have used it in a bad way, which is unfair; It presents allo and especially allosexual as a bad word, undermining all the efforts the ace community has made to convince people that no, it isn't a bad word, considering it was literally coined to replace the more uncomfortable "sexual" as an antonym to asexual; It inexplicably equates allo with cis in a context that makes no sense, because it's not possible to be both cis and trans, but it is possible to be both allo and aspec via the SAM; And finally, it essentially equates non-SAM aspecs with aroaces, or otherwise implies that there should be a way to tell what "type" of non-SAM aspec someone is, completely missing the point of not using the SAM. FYA/Mod Rose later deletes the post, saying that it shouldn't stay up because it "wasn’t adding to the discussion in a positive way" and that by deleting it, only reblogs with criticism will remain available for people to see. At no point do they actually apologize or acknowledge the reasons why people were upset, only saying that it was "not their intention to speak over any allo aro voices". Meanwhile, aros who criticized the post begin noticing that responses they have made are somehow disappearing from the notes of said post, as well as other related posts FYA has made... Part 2: Upsetti Spaghetti Tumblr user deepinthedirt sends FYA an ask saying that if they really want only critical versions of the post to be seen, they should actually reblog some of them. Mod Rose refuses, and even goes so far as to say "I’ve made no attempts to block people from reblogging and following where the conversation is going themselves", despite the aforementioned disappearing notes. They also claim that they will try to boost allo aro voices "in the future", with no details as to whether that means that same day, or hypothetically at some point before they die. deepinthedirt points out just how vague and unhelpful this claim is, and that Mod Rose did not actually apologize for the hurt they caused. Deepinthedirt also makes a post on their own blog calling for people to stop supporting FYA, a sentiment that is shared by many aros in light of both this incident and many past incidents. Mod Rose says that they don't want to sort through "aggressive" messages (i.e. tone policing people who are rightfully upset) and also says "You are not allowing me to safely listen, process, and understand how to better serve my community." Presumably if Mod Rose needs time to process things they are perfectly capable of disabling the ask box temporarily, or logging off Tumblr. An anon responds that Mod Rose is not listening, and points out the issue of the disappearing notes. Mod Rose insists they are not blocking anyone or deleting notes, and goes on to say "You monitoring the notes of our posts to see how many people are saying negative things and accusing me of getting in the way of that when you cannot find them as easily as you want is triggering to me". Again, Mod Rose is presumably perfectly capable of logging of Tumblr; While triggers should always be respected, in general if someone finds that they're in a triggering situation online, they do have a responsibility to remove themselves from that space and do what they need to do to calm down. Mod Rose apparently did not want to do this, and instead, as in the previous post, put the blame on those who had been hurt for not sitting quietly and giving the person who hurt them time to calm down. Part 3: Damage Control 10 hours after the most recent post on the subject, Mod Rose posts an apology. However, instead of making a new post, they append it onto the response to the previous anon ask, meaning that only people who are specifically looking several posts back on the FYA blog will actually see it. The apology also, once again, does not actually acknowledge the majority of problems with the post, only the fact that it phrased things in a way that put the majority of the focus on allo aros. So essentially, a hidden apology that more or less boils down to "Sorry you were upset that I phrased things badly but I still stand by the things that I said". The next day, an anon politely asks if any acknowledgement is going to be made of the responses to the now-deleted original post, or the vanishing notes. A different mod, Mod Dew, responds that no one at FYA was blocking or deleting anything, and that fae were very concerned with the possibility that this may have been happening. (It should be noted, however, that it's entirely possible that someone could have lied faer about doing this.) Fae also asserts that FYA will be boosting voices, and "on a personal level", fae plan on reaching out directly to some of the people who were hurt. While this is certainly an admirable thing to do, it's... A bit telling that Mod Rose, the person responsible for the fiasco, is not doing this, while Mod Dew, who presumably was not involved, is taking the initiative to right Mod Rose's wrongs. An anon points out that Mod Rose has been responsible for a lot of issues, including the racism controversy with Yasmin Benoit (the details of which can be found here). They question how this can be seen as acceptable, and why Mod Rose is still a mod. Mod Fae responds that Mod Rose created FYA, and is the only person running the Twitter. They... Don't actually answer the anon's question, and rather give what appears to be some sort of explanation or justification for the Yasmin Benoit situation. They also claim that "Rose - and none of the mods here - would never even imply that black aspec people are worth less, or deserve less." This completely ignores the fact that just because someone doesn't intend to be racist, or doesn't actively sit down and think "Yeah, I think black people are inferior", does not mean they're incapable of engaging in racist actions. The proper response to being told you did something racist is "I didn't know that was racist, I'm sorry and I'll avoid doing that in the future", not "Uhhhhh well I didn't intend to be racist so actually it's not racist!". Two days after the original post was made, an anon asks just when FYA is going to start following up on their promises of boosting allo aro voices, and points out that the longer they wait, the less people are going to trust them. Mod Dew responds that fae's personally compiling posts to reblog on the subject, and that rather than posting them immediately, they will be queued to be posted slowly over long periods of time between FYA's usual posts. Whether or not this is the right way to go about things is a matter of opinion, but it is rather telling that once again, it's Mod Dew who's taking the initiative, rather than Mod Rose, who was responsible for the actual problem. TL;DR: Mod Rose of FYA makes a post that's ridiculously shitty to allo aros and non-SAM aros, then when it starts getting criticism, deletes the post and tries to claim they're doing it for a good reason. Mod Rose also seemingly deletes critical responses to the post, though this is later denied. When more criticism pours in and allo aros become fed up with the years of bullshit we've put up with from FYA, Mod Rose completely dodges any responsibility and insists we're not "giving them time to process things" or something (when, if they need space and time to think, they should step away from the situation themself). Later, a completely different mod starts taking initiative to make up for Mod Rose's mistake, while Mod Rose themself does not seem to actually do anything to take responsibility for their own actions. In conclusion,

Welcome! I was homeschooled all my life too, though I'm a city girl.

That's quite the, uh, intense introduction... Nice to meet you

Does the movie character self-identify as aromantic? Has the movie character been stated to be aromantic? Does the movie character constantly get assumed to be asexual? Does the movie character struggle with feeling like they don't belong? Does the movie character struggle with feeling like they're a monster for their attraction? Is the movie character told they're a monster? Does the movie character feel sick every time they hear the phrase "love is what makes us human"? Does the movie character have to choose between fulfilling their sexual desires, putting themselves in a romantic situation which makes them deeply uncomfortable, or entering an outright dangerous environment? Does the movie character constantly have to affirm their identity to others, who are determined to make them "grow out" of their own soul? Does the movie character get told that they should not seek support for the discrimination that they face, and that their identity is TMI? Be sarcastic all you want, but frankly? ANYONE who has the wisdom not to compare a marginalized group to fictional sex offenders is wiser than you. I will not be continuing this conversation any further, as frankly I am sick and tired of trying to explain to people that as an allosexual aromantic queer woman I am not equivalent to a straight man who likes having a lot of sex, but I encourage you to reflect on your biases and think about why it is that you believe that's what we are.

If you really believe that, you've never actually spoken to one of us.

Do I wish I were allo? No. Do I wish I had the privileges they do? Yes. I wish I were accepted. I wish I were treated as human. I wish my relationships were seen as worthwhile. I wish I were seen as just as valuable as anyone else. I wish I were viewed as a complete adult. I wish I had financial stability. I wish I had cheaper insurance. But I do not want to be allo. I've seen what romance gone wrong can do to people, and frankly, it's horrifying. I mean, god, have you SEEN the way allos talk about themselves when they're single? Their self-esteem is in the toilet, I have to work so hard to convince my friends that they're not ugly or worthless or unlovable just because nobody is dating them at a particular moment. Not to mention all the drama involved with romance, and the rushing into relationships that- more often than not- fail. And of course there's marriage, where if you want stability you better pray you and your partner can maintain a stable relationship, otherwise you have to go through all the bullshit involved with a divorce, or wind up chained to someone you can't stand until the day one of you fucking dies. Do I want any of that? Christ on a bike no I do not. I don't want to be allo. I want to live in a society where people aren't made to feel like they need to be allo.

Yep. Look up oriented or angled aroace.

That was the case for me. I was involved in the LGBTQ+ community as a young teen, and well aware of asexuality during that time, but no one ever told me it was possible to be aromantic and not asexual. I knew I wasn't like everyone else, but I couldn't nail how. Whenever I tried to look for answers, whenever I said I didn't get crushes, I was always just told that meant I was asexual. But I knew I experienced sexual attraction, so I couldn't have been ace. I assumed I was simply nothing, that something was wrong with me for not falling in love "yet", that maybe I had some sort of mental illness. I believed I was a monster and that I would never fit in anywhere. It took me until I was 18 or so to figure out I was aro. I knew from such an early age that I didn't feel the same kinds of feelings as everybody else, I knew from such an early age about asexuality and demisexuality and demiromanticism and greysexuality, and for all my teen years I believed I was a broken, heartless monster. Because the one thing no one ever told me about was allosexual aromanticism.

Ohhhh, ok. That makes sense. I've only ever heard the Merope version. I just wasn't sure because I know Riordan takes a lot of, uh, Creative Liberties™ with his... "interpretations" of mythology (Like, Hekate and Set being evil? Lmao ok Christian), and I've known a lot of people who talk about mythology as if it's exclusive to Rick Riordan's books without knowing/caring about any of the background behind it, so I wasn't sure which you meant.

Honestly? Sounds like just, you know, regular old interest in a person. But that's not my call to make. The aro community tends to focus a lot on compartmentalizing every feeling towards another person as some distinct, specific Type of attraction, but truth be told, that's not really how relationships work, nor is it a necessary thing. It can be a useful tool for discussion and expression, sure, but that doesn't mean you should panic if something you're feeling doesn't fit the five words people have told you you're allowed to use for your emotions. So what you should be asking yourself is not "What kind of feeling is this?" but rather, "Do I want/need to use a label for this feeling? Why or why not?" What determines whether or not they're squishes is whether or not you choose to call them that.

Are you talking about Rick Riordan's books, or Greek mythology? Wasn't it Merope that he raped, not Artemis?

Not very long tbh..?

Ey-roh-cuh-lips.

When I mentioned infantilization of asexuals, what I meant was a little different from what aromantics get. I was talking more about the "Ohhhh you're such a naive innocent baby uwu" kind of infantilization. Yes, aros are often treated as if it's a phase we'll someday grow out of- But nobody's ever treated me like I'm innocent and naive for not dating. I hope that makes sense?

Agreed about identity politics and "humanity" playing a lot into it. Romance is everywhere in a way that sex isn't. Hell, think about this: One of the nastiest ways asexuals are often treated is infantilization, where they're compared to children because they- like children, supposedly- aren't interested in sex. But kids are still people, right? After all, even kids fall in love. Everyone knows tales of puppy love, of the childhood friends who have been together for as long as they can remember... But who doesn't want romance? Well... In the eyes of society, no one, not even kids. Which isn't to say that the infantilization of asexuals isn't mega fucked up, but the point is, alloromantic aces hit closer to the target for "considered emotionally human" than aros do. It also largely has to do with the fact that the queer community at large is used to being able to just tack "-sexual" onto any word and there you've got your orientation. God forbid people acknowledge that sex without romance is a thing, right? Or that attraction is nuanced, and sex and romance aren't a package deal? EDIT: Also, if you want to help with this issue and show support for allo aros, I strongly advise NOT putting things on your pinterest that include every flag other than the aro flag, and definitely posting things that do include the aro flag. Try reaching out to artists and asking them to include the aro flag, too.

Hello! Always good to hear from fellow allo aros.

Definitely. I'm very loyal to my friends and I don't like the idea that someday I could become second tier just because someone else is willing to kiss them or whatever. To me, a friendship is a commitment, and I'm always willing to go out of my way to support friends if they need it.

I feel very similarly, and honestly? That's ok. You don't need to label a relationship. You can just like... Be close friends with someone, if that's what you want. QPRs are great and an important term for people who feel that it's useful to them, but to truly dismantle amatonormativity we need to accept and recognize that you don't need to label something as a capital-R Relationship in order to have intimacy and loyalty.