Jot-Aro Kujo

Lol, that's valid. I mean, I'm goth too, and I wear bright colors- You don't have to wear one aesthetic all the time, nor do goths have to have a certain personality. The idea that goths are all exactly the same in every way all the time, and that anyone who isn't is somehow a fake goth, is a common misconception.

Oh goth??

I understand how you feel. But you know what? Sometimes I like, look at a Pokemon card I really like, and then I get so overwhelmed I'm like damn allos need to have whole ass social arrangements in order to feel the Special Good? Whaaaat? I don't need a partner, I already have Mewtwo, they are very good and very shiny and I would die for Mewtwo. Thanks for coming to my TED talk

Oh yeah, the management is shit for sure, but there definitely were aroaces coming into their inbox- As well as, for whatever reason, people who didn't even run the server and simply reblogged the post- Complaining that it wasn't fair for them to make an allo aro only server. I even saw someone directly call aroaces "the most important part" of the aro community, which... Yikes!

If you're talking about the one run by aro-allo-positivity, yeah I also hate that one cause the owner is super fucking racist, but that really doesn't change the fact of the matter: Someone made a server for allo aros only, aroaces demanded to be let in and complained that they were being exclusionary. Can you imagine if someone made an ace-only server and allo aros demanded to be let in? That wouldn't be ok. And from what I understand this has also been happening with the other allo aro server, which I am also not in.

I'd say yes, of course, unless it's specifically a space for allosexual aros, though I don't expect there to be many of those offline. Some allo aros want spaces just for us in addition to general aro spaces, because general aro spaces still often come with alloarophobia (I can even give specific examples of this happening). There's been a problem with aroaces getting upset at us "excluding" them from such spaces, when these spaces are meant to be safe spaces for us, and there are plenty of general aro spaces they could join. But if I were to, say, start an irl aro group, or make a general aro Discord server or forums or whatever, then I would say yes, aroaces would absolutely be welcome (so long as they aren't disrespectful to allo aros), and I think it would be important as well to be considerate of those who are sex repulsed.

I think we need both. We absolutely do need ace spaces to become more inclusive of aros, but we need aro-specific spaces as well. The other, perhaps more pressing matter, is that we need everything labeled as "ace and aro" to show that it's not just a name. Sure, anyone can slap "and aro" onto a title- But will they make space for romance-repulsed folks? Will they make space for allosexual aros to talk about our sexualities? Will they actually do anything to welcome aros, or is it an ace space in all but name? In an ideal world where both orientations are treated with equal respect, as an allo aro I might actually feel totally comfortable with "ace and aro" events and such. But as it is, I tend to distrust them unless they do something to outright state that they are welcoming to allo aros, because I can never tell if something is genuinely by and for aros (and by that I mean, not just aroaces who exclusively interact with the ace community), or if it's just an ace group that changed their name for the sake of keeping up appearances and pretending to be inclusive without actually trying.

I'll be honest: My point in the other thread was NOT actually about the literal history between the bi community and the aro community. My point was that for someone to say that they "feel sexuality and romantic orientation are inherently connected" and then exclusively use this as reason why aros and aces need to stick together, while also claiming to support allo aros, would be entirely hypocritical; If sexuality and romantic orientation are connected and therefore something something history community ties, and aroace is not the "default" or "correcT" form of aro, then surely any orientation an aro can have is just as important something something history, right? I used the bi community as an example because I myself am bisexual, but it was only an example. I was not talking about a literal history. That being said, if you really are interested in the real history between the aro community and the bi community, I'm going to second everything @VoidArcana said, and also politely and gently ask that you research it yourself if you want to learn more. This isn't me saying "Meh meh, do it yourself!", this is me saying I'm just really not mentally up to doing a deep research dive for someone else right now; As someone with asthma and a heart condition, I'm currently a bit emotionally drained by the fact that I don't know if I'm going to be alive at the end of the next two months and also that the people around me keep repeating eugenicist rhetoric (which admittedly has nothing to do with Arocalypse, this is just what's going on with society in general), so I just... I can't do that for you right now. I highly encourage you to do some research if you're interested, but I cannot do it for you right now for mental health reasons. Thank you for understanding.

Sure. What I mean is, myself and others mentioned that many aros have left AVEN, or never joined in the first place, due to hostility towards aros and especially towards allo aros. You and the other AVEN rep here said the following: These two things do not line up. If AVEN truly does "crack down" on such behavior, then why have so many aros distance themselves from AVEN? Why does so much of the aro community so strongly sideeye AVEN? If AVEN was completely welcoming towards aros, then the question of "should AVEN take up Arocalypse" wouldn't be nearly as controversial, because people would feel much more comfortable knowing that it's an inclusive and welcoming site, and thus we would be able to trust the people who would be working with us. But that's not the case. The fact that everyone says "Yo, AVEN is horrible for aros" and everyone from AVEN says "Oh no no, that's not true, we definitely don't let that happen!" shows a. a level of unawareness towards aro issues and the aro presence on AVEN, and b. a lack of respect for the Arocalypse userbase, by denying our experiences or acting like they're some strange fluke. And while, again, I'm sure that's not done out of maliciousness so much as just not thinking carefully enough about it... That's still a thing. And it's not cool. I hope that explanation made sense?

Another allo aro chiming in to say that sexual QPRs are definitely a thing. There was actually a big fiasco related to that on Tumblr recently... But what else is new, honestly ? Tumblr is always a mess.

I don't mean to be rude, but like... This is part of why I don't want AVEN to be the ones to take over Arocalypse. You don't understand how toxic it is to allo aros to have aromanticism constantly tied to asexuality like this! "People still often learn about aromanticism through the asexual community." YES. That's why I fucking hated myself from age 13 to age 18! That's why I thought I was fucking broken! That's why we CANNOT continue to let aromantic resources constantly go hand-in-hand with asexual resources. The connection between the aro community and the ace community may be important to aroaces, and yes, it is a part of our community history that cannot be denied, but what about the rest of us? Why is no one waxing poetic about, for example, the history between the aro community and the bi community? Because you do not view aromanticism and bisexuality as being tied together the same way you view aromanticism and asexuality as being tied together, even though, for me, a bisexual aromantic, they are tied together. In my experience, yes, the relationship between the ace community and the aro community is very much the same as the relationship between the ace community and the wider LGBTQ+ community- As in, some members of the larger community are welcoming to members of the smaller one, but in general the larger community rejects the smaller one and is full of microaggressions against members of the smaller community who don't fit their mold of what they think it should be, what they want it to be. The fact that AVEN folks apparently think they have some holy sanctuary of enforced rules supporting allo aros shows just how much this is true; If your site is so well moderated, why do so many aros leave due to a hostile environment? I know AVEN's intentions are good, and I appreciate that. I really do! I know you're not acting out of maliciousness. But you are acting out of ignorance. Before you start talking big, you need to put yourself in an allosexual aromantic's shoes- Yes, I do mean an allosexual aromantic, not just looking back on being an alloromantic asexual. Those two things are very different. What may have done you a world of good may have done a world of harm to us, and if you're not even going to believe us when we express this... That really is not making a good case as to why we should let you handle the site. Again, I know your intentions are genuinely good, and I thank you for reaching out. But it really would not be good for this community, and you need to understand why if you are to strengthen your allyship with the aro community. You need to understand that we are allies, not conjoined twins.

I wouldn't necessarily consider any of them definitively "dealbreakers", so I'll just list my reasons here. AVEN has historically treated aros pretty badly. In fact, there are a good number of Arocalypse members who have joined specifically because they were looking for a more aro-friendly alternative to AVEN. (I can't name any in particular off the top of my head, but I've definitely seen plenty of intro posts along the lines of "Hey, I'm new, I used to be active on AVEN but..." etc.) For this reason, especially as an allo aro, I really don't feel comfortable associating with AVEN. As other people have pointed out- It still really does not do much for the notion that aromanticism is just a subset of asexuality. Yes, even if it's not openly advertised as part of AVEN. Arocalypse is one of the few examples of an aro space that isn't tied to an ace space in some way. As an allo aro, I really don't want to lose that. Look, the fact of the matter is, a lot of aros can't stand AVEN. Now, you say the community itself would still be run by Arocalypse, with AVEN only back end stuff- But here's the thing. Most people don't like to be shit-talked, yeah? So let's say a bunch of us are commiserating about how much we've been treated like shit by AVEN. Along comes AVEN User #307, curious about what aros are up to- And what do they see, but a whole conversation about how much AVEN sucks! So the higher-ups at AVEN get wind of it, and they decide, well, why spend time and money on some ungrateful moochers? And so they pull the plug on us. I'm not saying this is necessarily guaranteed to happen, but I am saying that I would feel a lot less comfortable speaking openly about aspec intracommunity discourse if one of the parts of the community that treats us poorly is in fact keeping the site operational. It's a question of security vs. freedom. This isn't really specifically a logistical thing, more a personal thing, but honestly? It'd just leave a bad taste in my mouth to be that closely tied to AVEN, even if it wouldn't change a lot. It would really feel like a slap in the face, and I'm sure other allo aros would agree. So TL;DR yes, I would accept AVEN as our new owners if it was the only way to keep the site, in the same sense that I would eat cardboard if I had no food.

Also, something I just noticed: What does this mean, exactly? Because if "being inclusive of aros even if they do not primarily identify as ace" is considered a core value of Arocalypse, well, in many people's experience it sure ain't a core value of AVEN.

If there is literally no other alternative, then I guess that's what we have to do. Better than having the forums go down. But I would prefer not to have AVEN involved if there is literally any other possible solution, for a number of reasons.

Anyway, what’s up allo aros! How y’all doin today?

...You compared us to cishets without even knowing what cis means..? Dude.

I've LITERALLY already explained to you why it's rude to compare queer folks (us allo aros) to cishets "wanting to be included". You came into OUR space- Admittedly, yes, a public thread, but still a thread made for allo aros, meaning it would be polite to respect that- And essentially called us cishets, and said that having terminology to describe ourselves (which, might I remind you, was created BY ASEXUALS) "seemed dumb". You REALLY don't think that's rude?

You didn't have to be so rude about it, though... But whatever. I guess I'm used to taking the hits for the sake of education at this point anyway. What else is new.

...Did... Did you just come in a thread about allo aros just to vague about me?? Bruh.

I know people act like nobody ever wants to, but really, aros can still date. If you want a romantic relationship, you can just, like... Have one. Of course if you don't, then that's that, but honestly? I get how you feel about wanting to be someone's top priority, and my advice is just... Make friends with other aros. I know that the bond I have with my friends is stronger than anything, and I think that's a kind of friendship anyone can develop if they've got the right people

Yes, that is the case. The elections were closed without anyone having been nominated.

Hello! Always good to meet other allo aros. What class do you main?

Oh noooo!! Big F... I wonder if anyone will take over. (Sure ain't gonna be me, I'm a horribly disorganized college student, but I wish the best of luck to whoever does.)

It would depend on context, usually. If someone talks about just "allos" it usually means alloromantics, but the phrase "allo aro" refers to allosexual aromantics. As for the rings, I've... Never actually heard of anyone using green rings? White ones, sure, but never green... Although I have heard also of wearing rings with arrow themes. You could also just get aro merch, if you want to be more direct about it. I own several aro pins and a T-shirt.