Jot-Aro Kujo

Huh? There's nothing supernatural about aliens. Just because someone's from a different planet doesn't mean they're like, a ghost.

Sex, lol. But also pet names and hugs.

Be honest. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. If she doesn't stop, get better friends.

I'm not quite sure you understand the backlash allo aros face. First of all, I shouldn't have to clarify whether I won't or can't have a romantic relationship- No. Means. No. I do not need to give a backstory to have my boundaries respected, and anyone who would try to get someone to change their mind about a boundary most likely has no intentions of respecting it regardless of the reason given. Secondly, did you miss the part about being called a heartless monster who only uses people for sex? That's what people say when you tell them you're allo aro, most of the time. It's not understandable or respectable to allos. If I'm already friends with someone, and they already know I'm aro, and we end up getting sexual with each other, great. If I arrange specifically to have sex with someone I don't know especially well? No way in hell am I telling them I'm aro. Are you sure you really want to hear about our experiences? Because it sounds to me like you're just interested in pushing your own view. Don't go telling people whose lives you've never led whether or not it's safe for them to come out to strangers.

Honestly I just don't usually tell people I'm looking to hook up with that I'm aro. Why should I? It's none of their damn business. Of course I'm up front about the fact that I absolutely will not participate in a romantic relationship, only casual sex, but whenever I tell anyone I'm aro the usual reactions range from "that's not a real thing" to "oh you'll change your mind someday", so. All they need to know is what I will and won't do, not what I am.

Oh yeah, of course. My mom and brother called me a "heartless robot who only uses people for sex", and hell, I was a virgin back then and everyone knew it (I didn't really have friends and couldn't drive so logically there was no one I could've been banging, lol). Fortunately they seem to have figured out by now that I'm a normal ass person, but that comment did a lot of damage, and it's very much a viewpoint that's echoed in spirit by the rest of society. As far as "being in a relationship" goes, though, I'm nonpartnering, as are plenty of other allo aros. I suppose I have someone I'm FWB (for lack of a better term) with, but it's less of a "this is a committed Relationship we have" and more "we're friends and we also like to do sexual things together sometimes", it's not a formal thing. But what I have definitely found is that regardless of whether or not you consider it a committed relationship, if you fuck someone there's always an assumption (from others) that at least one of you will develop romantic feelings for the other. In fact, if that does happen, it's seen as the other partner's responsibility to go out with them, and you can even be called manipulative, etc. for just... not being interested in someone romantically, even if you said from the beginning that you just want casual sex. I have to be really careful to make it extremely clear before I do anything with anyone that I am NOT interested in and will not provide anything romantic. Even then, I worry.

Maybe this isn't what you need to hear, I've never been Christian so idk, but your god is supposed to be loving, yeah? So then why would he care if you're aro? If you got a guy out there who would judge you for being aro, sounds like either they're a fake or maybe it's time to find a new religion. Also don't y'all have like, nuns and shit? Seems to me like it can't be that big a deal to not get married.

I'm aro and bisexual. It's not impossible.

From what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong), being a loveless aro has more to do with rejecting the concept of "love" in any form than it does with partnerships

"Significant others" as in you consider yourself to be in a partnership with them? If so, you need to talk to them. You can't be in a partnership with someone without their consent. I totally get feeling that your friends are important to you in the way a partner might be, but you need to talk to them before actually describing them with the same type of teminology.

It's definitely overrated in the way society at large acts like you can't be happy without it, but then at the same time there's a whole bunch of demographics (namely gay and bi people, but also women, certain ethnic groups, disabled people, etc.) who are treated like it's wrong for them to want to have sex, so. Depends on how you look at it I suppose. Ultimately I think it's a pretty neutral thing, like... It can definitely be fun sometimes, but it's not world-shatteringly amazing, and it's not for everyone either. It's cool to want sex, it's cool to not want sex, and it's cool to have absolutely no strong feelings regarding sex. One thing I will say, speaking as an allosexual: It's not just finding people visually attractive. Sexual attraction is just what it sounds like, a desire to have sex with someone. You can be sexually attracted to someone without necessarily thinking they're good looking, and you can appreciate someone's looks without wanting to have sex with them. If you've never wanted to have sex with a specific person, you probably haven't experienced sexual attraction, and that's fine! It can change with age (I always knew I was allosexual but wasn't super interested until my 20s), or it can stay the same. Either way is fine. I would also be careful about calling it "gross", because while I totally get what you're saying (it's certainly messy and kind of odd in concept), the idea that sex is "gross" is something that's been used to demonize a lot of the previously mentioned groups for interest in sex. Which isn't to say you can't think it's gross- Just be careful when/where/how you express that, is all, because it can be hurtful to others. Just a little heads-up for the future. As for "how it works", if you're being literal about not understanding the full mechanics, I'd recommend checking out Scarleteen. It's a sex ed site for teens and young adults that has simple explanations for pretty much any questions people might have about sex. Sex can be way more complicated than what you might have heard about from media or shitty high school sex ed classes, which is something that can make it both fun (for people who are interested in sex) and extremely annoying, lol. But it's definitely worth looking into because there's a lot of useful information there that can help you not only understand others, but also to be proactive about your health and such. Hope this helps! Remember, there's no right or wrong way to feel about sex. Just don't be rude to other people for their opinion on it one way or another, and you're good.

I know the internet has made it trendy to put every minute detail of your identity into a carrd at gunpoint, but irl queer spaces generally aren't like that. Most people know that not everyone is going to tell strangers their identity- Be it for safety reasons, or just because it's none of their business. You may get some assumptions made, sure, but generally not in any sort of mean-spirited fashion, and it's unlikely that anyone will ask you for details. If they do, you can just politely say you're not comfortable answering yet, that you're queer, or that you're still questioning. If anyone pressures you to explain to the point of it being uncomfortable, find someone else and let them know what's going on, I'm sure people will back you up.

I've been there. Get thy ass out of that relationship right now. Fuck everybody else, doesn't matter what they think, you need to do what's right for you or it's only going to get worse. You need to pull the bandaid off and just break up with them.

I think Mai from Yugioh is really cool and everything I want to be when I grow up (I'm the same age as her though.......) and also allo aro. Thank you for your time

I totally understand what you're saying, OP, but this all seems rather insensitive to post. I'm no different from anyone else, yet I've been called everything from a "heartless robot" to a "sex-obsessed freak", simply for saying that I don't experience romantic attraction. (Even by my own friends and family!) Aros' struggles are largely dismissed, while we're pressured to develop feelings we don't experience. We also don't have any legal protections against discrimination based on our orientations, and must put our own identity and desires aside to conform to the system or experience things such as higher taxes, higher rent, difficulty obtaining loans or leases, lack of insurance, lack of legal rights for our loved ones, etc. If you feel hurt by the pressures romantic society puts on people, that's totally understandable. That means you've discovered something called "amatonormativity": A term coined by professor Elizabeth Brake, which describes the way society puts monogamous romantic partnerships above all else. But just because you're hurt by the same system that we are doesn't mean we have it any better. It's not "freeing" to wonder if you'll die alone. It's not "freeing" to be mocked by your peers. It's not "freeing" to not be able to afford a home that other people could. It's not "freeing" to be discriminated against in the adoption system if you choose to raise a child. It's not "freeing" to have to worry if the people you choose to have sex with will respect your boundaries, or if they'll harass you and accuse you of deceit for not giving them something you can't give. It's not "freeing" to be seen as a pervert simply for existing. It's not "freeing" to be told you need to go to therapy to make you "normal". It's not "freeing" to never see yourself represented in media as anything other than a villain or a flaw to be overcome. It's not "freeing" to ask for help and be told that you're making things up or just want attention. It's not "freeing" to be told there's something wrong with you for being who you are. I'm sorry amatonormativity has hurt you, and I genuinely hope you can come to have a life that you enjoy, on your own terms and not anyone else's. But please recognize the respect you get that we don't, and don't project your hurt onto us. Thank you.

Groceries

YEAH BAYBEEEEEE!!!!! THAT'S THE GOOD SHIT. LOOK AT IT. IT'S LIKE SWOOSHSWOOSH AND THERE'S DOTS AND IT'S GREEN. THERE'S THE FUCKING MOON!!!!!! GODDAMN I LOVE PAINTINGS

I mean, do you want to? Consider also: Would it be appropriate for them to say that to a gay person? Cause like, if you genuinely feel that you want romance in your life but there are things holding you back from it, fine. But trying to change your orientation through therapy for no good reason whatsoever... I mean, that's called conversion therapy, it rarely succeeds and often leads to anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and high risk of suicide. It's illegal to put minors through conversion therapy in 20 U.S. states. So like, ultimately it's up to you, but... Definitely take a good, long, hard look at what it is you want.

Yeah sure dude, do whatever you want. It's your identity and you get to choose the movie

I'm nonpartnering myself, but I think probably the most important thing you can do is ask your partner about their boundaries. Everyone will experience things differently, and while it's good to get advice from other greyros, the truth of the matter is only your partner knows what they're comfortable with and what they're not. Talk to them, and ask what you can do to make them feel comfortable. As to how you can be "in love" with someone with little romantic attraction... Love doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. I don't feel romantic attraction myself, but I love my friends extremely deeply, and I'm happier because they're a part of my life. Every time I talk to them I feel joy, I think about them all the time, and I would be devastated if I lost any of them. Whether it's romantic, platonic, or something else, it sounds like your partner really loves you! Going forward I would suggest researching the topic of "amatonormativity", and being careful with how you talk about love. For example, I see you ask if there's a "feeling of something more" sometimes; While I get what you mean and I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, this kind of phrasing is frowned upon in the aro community, because it implies that feelings of friendship are lesser or incomplete. It's better to describe them as simply being different. Little things like that can potentially make a difference in how comfortable your partner feels in your relationship. I'm glad you're trying to learn more about your partner's experience and help them feel comfortable! That's a lovely thing to do, and I wish you two a long and happy relationship. 💚

I wish you the best either way, but honestly, kinda fucked up that your partner would react badly to you coming out...

I'm not Christian and was never raised as such. My religion is not incompatible with my aromanticism and the two largely have nothing to do with each other.

Honestly, speaking as both an aro and a Hispanic woman, Isabela's character is more reflective of the very real pressure that still exists for many Hispanic women- Yes, even straight women- to marry someone they're not interested in "for the sake of the family". You have every right to headcanon her as aro, just as much as anyone else has a right to headcanon her as a lesbian, but the cultural aspect of her character should not be ignored. Anyone who insists her storyline is clearly about being a lesbian is ignorant at best, outright racist at worst.

Wait, like the utaite? Fr?

I consider myself eclectic, but these days my practice is largely evolving to be part Kemetic, part (Puerto Rican style) brujería, with some inherited bits of stregheria for flavor hehe