GhostyPeppers

I'm not ace, but I think I could help. The thing about aromanticism (and asexuality too) is that our experiences are very diverse, and unlike a lot of other identities, can be impacted by neurodivergentcy, trauma/experiences, etc. I know a lot of aroace people who claim that their ace identity does impact the way they view romance as well! As an alloaro (bisexual to be more specific), I also struggled with telling the difference between romantic/platonic/sexual attraction. It seems to be a pretty common experience here! Coming to terms with my aroness made me realize that, although I liked the idea of romance in theory (mostly through fiction or my wild imagination), I could not possibly see the appeal in real life. I have tried, and it never went anywhere. I would feel this strong attraction towards someone for like, the first month or so, then my interest suddenly faded away. I realized that I was mainly developing SQUISHES on people rather than crushes, and the "loss of interest" could have possibly been me finally feeling like they were the friend I secretly wanted. Some aromantics love romance as a concept and actively participate in it. Some aromantics absolutely hate romance in all shapes and forms, and may even feel repulsed around the idea of being romantically involved at all. Those, however, are two very extreme sides of a coin. Terms like aro-spec and aspec exist BECAUSE there are so many different ways to be either of those things. I say you are very likely to be aromantic as well, BUT you don't have to use that label either! Its honestly whatever you feel comfortable with calling yourself at the end of the day.

I always saw/treated romance as "a best-friendship with extra steps/benefits" , which probably explains a lot about how I view my orientation now. I just never fully grasped what made a romantic relationship different from a platonic one, aside from kissing I guess?? I actually don't mind kissing (although experience is limited), but is that really the only thing that makes it different? At least whats considered socially acceptable. I like romantic-coded things in fiction, and seeing two people with really good chemistry interact, but when I try to replicate the same thing it always fails. My longer relationships lasted because I was friends with that person before, and the shorter ones ended because I confused sexual attraction for romantic (? I think at least, still experimenting with that theory). The only thing I "hate" is that not even alloromantics can decide what the proper definition of romance is.

I usually try to restrict myself from posting a lot on these forums because I don't want to seem "annoying", but I really do wish they were more active. Unrelated: are there any good aro-spec discord servers?

I'm planning on making my own mini comic about my personal aro experiences and posting a part each day!

As someone who had a pretty lonely childhood and had "romantic relationships are the best" shoved in my face constantly, I think knowing a lot sooner would have helped prevent me from getting into horrible situations. Trying to force yourself to feel things that you don't feel can be very confusing and pretty damaging, at least for me it was. I remember going into my new classroom everyday since Elementary and basically picking one person at random to decide to have a crush on (mainly boys) because I just assumed thats how everyone else did it? And then there was sexual attraction which made things MUCH more confusing dating wise. I would feel sexual attraction in middle/highschool and just...assumed thats what love was? Wanting to bone? Thats how the media portrayed it at least (love at first sight or whatever). Sorry for the ramble but, this thread just got me thinking a lot about how I tried to force myself to be romantic as a substitute for happiness and belonging.

@HotRamen sorry for the late reply, but here it is! https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/hooverville/list?title_no=572627 Like I said, neither characters have been offically revealed yet, but I will as soon as I get the chance to. (also, I try my best to tag possible triggers/content warnings since heavy topics are going to occur sooner or later)

Aside from the various art projects I told myself I was gonna do, I think I wanna work on being kinder to myself. Last year really took a toll on me and my already horrible self esteem. I was still in deep denial of my aro identity and suffered because of it. I had also just gotten out of an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship that year, and the gaslighting that person did made me think horribly about myself. My goals are: 1. Be more open/accepting of my aro identity, 2. Continue to learn more about the aroace community, and 3. Improve my overall self image.

Thank you so much for all of this, I especially found the blog really helpful!