Christianity and Aromanticism

[katicha]

Hi people~

I wasn't too sure where exactly to create this topic, but decided that this would be the most relevant category to the subject of this discussion. 

I wanted to know if any of you are christian?

 

If so, do you intend to share your romantic attraction with other people, since marriage and kids are so well seen in the christian community?

I'm scared of showing myself as anything but straight since every time I try to bring up the topic of me not necessarily wanting to get married or anything, everyone always tells me "Ohh you'll see, you'll see." (And maybe it's true, but eh.)

And aromanticism and asexuality are so unknown that people would immediately see me as someone who tries to be a special snowflake and all. I'm not feeling pressurized to come out, I just would like to find someone to spend my life with, maybe? Or to be able to share it without being immediately invalidated?

 

[Tal Shi'ar]

In spaces like that, its usually better off to avoid the subject all together, lest it turn ugly. Also, getting a partner should be something you actually want, not something that you think you have to do to fit in, or something others tell you that you should do.

[deltaX]

I grew up in a Catholic environment, and I still practice Christianity today.  For me, I was able to justify my orientation by religious doctrine.  There are three vocations that God can call you to be a part of- the religious life, the married life, and the single life- and I see the fact that God made me aro ace as a way to call me into the single life.  I don't know how or why I was meant to be single rather than married or religious, but I can feel that I am.

 

As for how to come out to others in a Christian environment- I don't really know. I think that in a perfect world Christians would accept you for who are because of Jesus' call to love all people, but as you probably know that isn't always the case.  I know, for example, my parents are the type to judge people in the LGBT community as being special snowflakes seeing attention, so although I think they'd be okay if I never married, I don't think I can ever really "come out" to them as aro.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Born and raised Catholic. Now a recovering Catholic.

 

I'm pretty sure the Bible mentions singlehood being a blessing in several places. The problem most people would have is if you got into a platonic relationship, somewhere between singlehood and marriage. To not get married might be considered "sinful" as they assume what you are doing in your bedroom (when you aren't if you are ace, and isn't really harmful anyway).

 

As for being a "special snowflake", people are just using that as an insult. You are bearing this important facet of yourself to be truthful and honest, and they throw that snowflake crap back in your face. You've got a few crappy options, according to these folk:

• Live a miserable life to conform to other people's expectations
• Lie about yourself to appear to conform to their expectations, which is miserable
• Tell the truth and be labelled an attention seeking "special snowflake"

So see, no matter what you do here, you can't win. In my opinion, it's better to tell the truth if you feel like doing so. Those people can't be won over anyway, better to lead the life the way you want to and be open about it.

[Confirmed Bachelor]

Thankful I'm not religious

[DannyFenton123]

6 minutes ago, eddie said:

Thankful I'm not religious

Eh, I've met a lot of very awesome religious people. Chistianity has a bad rep for being anti-LGBT but there's bigots in every (and no) religion.

But that's just my atheist 2 cents, and I may be completely missing the point

[katicha]

15 hours ago, Tal Shi'ar said:

In spaces like that, its usually better off to avoid the subject all together, lest it turn ugly. Also, getting a partner should be something you actually want, not something that you think you have to do to fit in, or something others tell you that you should do.

True, true. Though I want my partner in crime to be christian too, so I think that finding someone for me is going to be really, really hard. But yeah, I intend on doing what I know is right for me, and what God thinks is better for me c:

 

10 hours ago, deltaX said:

I grew up in a Catholic environment, and I still practice Christianity today.  For me, I was able to justify my orientation by religious doctrine.  There are three vocations that God can call you to be a part of- the religious life, the married life, and the single life- and I see the fact that God made me aro ace as a way to call me into the single life.  I don't know how or why I was meant to be single rather than married or religious, but I can feel that I am.

 

As for how to come out to others in a Christian environment- I don't really know. I think that in a perfect world Christians would accept you for who are because of Jesus' call to love all people, but as you probably know that isn't always the case.  I know, for example, my parents are the type to judge people in the LGBT community as being special snowflakes seeing attention, so although I think they'd be okay if I never married, I don't think I can ever really "come out" to them as aro.

This is actually extremely interesting. I know that Paul actually encouraged people to be single if they wanted to be, so I know that God can be calling me to the single life. Though, I don't know- It's kind of hard for me, giving this up. I'd like to share my life with a best friend or a qp partner or something, yet I want to do what God has in mind for me, so I guess I'll pray and see. I'm happy for you, that you've found what He wants for you c: 

 

I don't think I will ever come out as aro are openly because of those reasons, but I'd like to tell one of my close friends. I'm just- unsure if they'll invalidate it. I mean- I'm kinda used to it by now, but sometimes I want to like make a joke about it but then I remember that they don't know and it's like -ah, right.

 

 

1 hour ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Born and raised Catholic. Now a recovering Catholic.

 

I'm pretty sure the Bible mentions singlehood being a blessing in several places. The problem most people would have is if you got into a platonic relationship, somewhere between singlehood and marriage. To not get married might be considered "sinful" as they assume what you are doing in your bedroom (when you aren't if you are ace, and isn't really harmful anyway).

 

As for being a "special snowflake", people are just using that as an insult. You are bearing this important facet of yourself to be truthful and honest, and they throw that snowflake crap back in your face. You've got a few crappy options, according to these folk:

• Live a miserable life to conform to other people's expectations
• Lie about yourself to appear to conform to their expectations, which is miserable
• Tell the truth and be labelled an attention seeking "special snowflake"

So see, no matter what you do here, you can't win. In my opinion, it's better to tell the truth if you feel like doing so. Those people can't be won over anyway, better to lead the life the way you want to and be open about it.

 

Oooh I'm happy for you c:

But yeah, I completely agree with you.

I'm usually a rather private person, but I'd like to tell only some specific people, though I'm really not sure at all because of those reasons and I don't know if it would change anything at all ^^' It's just- you know, the feeling of being ridiculed isn't nice, since I feel like that's the way some christians will answer, y'know. Blerh. Oh well ^^'

 

1 hour ago, eddie said:

Thankful I'm not religious

Actually, it's not that bad at all! c: Sure, just like @DannyFenton123 said, there's bad people everywhere, but not all of us are bad! Plus, there are lots of good sides to being spiritual! It's just a matter of point of view, I think c: 

There are good and bad sides to everything! 

[hangryeowyn]

I was raised in a conservative Baptist church. These days I go to a more modern non-denominational church that's a lot more relaxed about single/not single. I think it helps that most of the congregation is 18-25 age group because it's in a college town and that's not as much of a hot issue as it was in my hometown which was very middle class mandatory picket fence culture. 

 

The tricky thing for me when it comes to discussing this kind of thing with other Christians is that there's this huge stigma against sex outside of marriage. I'm not asexual. I do want sex, but I don't want the traditional romantic marriage that those in the church would be used to. Barring a platonic marriage, in their eyes I would be "living in sin" by either cohabitating or generally having sex outside of marriage. So at this point I not only have to fight against those who have a problem with being single (Hellooooo, Paul anyone??), I also have to wrestle with the sex part. I personally don't see a problem with it, but I've only met one other Christian who agrees with me. 

[katicha]

34 minutes ago, hangryeowyn said:

I was raised in a conservative Baptist church. These days I go to a more modern non-denominational church that's a lot more relaxed about single/not single. I think it helps that most of the congregation is 18-25 age group because it's in a college town and that's not as much of a hot issue as it was in my hometown which was very middle class mandatory picket fence culture. 

 

The tricky thing for me when it comes to discussing this kind of thing with other Christians is that there's this huge stigma against sex outside of marriage. I'm not asexual. I do want sex, but I don't want the traditional romantic marriage that those in the church would be used to. Barring a platonic marriage, in their eyes I would be "living in sin" by either cohabitating or generally having sex outside of marriage. So at this point I not only have to fight against those who have a problem with being single (Hellooooo, Paul anyone??), I also have to wrestle with the sex part. I personally don't see a problem with it, but I've only met one other Christian who agrees with me. 

Oooh That's actually very nice c: I'm glad you've found a place like that c:

 

Though, keep in mind that no matter the choices you make, there will always be someone to criticize it. It's important to learn that not everyone will agree with us and that's okay. We can't control anyting but ourselves. That said, I think that if you're confident that what you're doing is approved by God, then only you can know about it! c:

 

 

 

[pearl]

I was raised in a non-denominational church with very religious parents. As in, homosexuality is wrong and sex before marriage is wrong and the Bible is God's word, every bit of it. As for my beliefs, it is up in the air right now. I don't think things like homosexuality is wrong, especially since I am bi. I am fine with sex as long as it is consensual and of age. I don't believe in the whole Bible. As for God and Jesus, I don't know honestly. I have been getting into witchy stuff recently. I think I may just go pagan but I don't know yet. It is all just a big mess right now.

[Coyote]

*casually revives old thread*  I only skimmed, but -- has no one brought up Paul yet?  Dude's a flaming aro ace.  (edit: Oh okay, now I see where he was brought up.  D'oh.  Oh well, I'll leave this here anyway.)

 

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. " --1 Corinthians 7

 

He's literally like "not being married is best, but if you can't stand it, then go ahead, I guess."  

 

Logically, if people can be cool with him saying something like that, then they should be cool with modern aro Christians too.  ...Unfortunately, people can be pretty stubborn about the arbitrary value they place on nuclear family.  Just popping in to say, that has to have been a more recent development, not something that's actually embedded in the Bible.  Feel free to point that out if the occasion arises.

 

 

 

[artemis]

My family is full of very conservative Christian people, and I have said on multiple occasions that I'm not interested in dating. The responses usually are "ok, but don't count it out completely." and since I'm in High school "you're just more mature than other people in your school."

So it's fine as long as I don't use the term aromantic, but I wouldn't come out to them.

[morallygayro]

I'm a former Christian, now a pagan.

[brsajo]

I grew up going to a baptist church, then hopped around a few other churches for a couple of years, then settled down at another baptist church for about five years before moving to the Church Of Christ I go to now. Most of the churches I've been to haven't been too conservative so that's cool. 

I wholeheartedly believe in Jesus and God's word and I strive to show people around me that love is what it's all about (no, not romantic love).

 

Being an aro/ace ally is one way of showing the love 

[Louis On Air]

On 8 June 2016 at 11:24 AM, brsajo said:

I grew up going to a baptist church, then hopped around a few other churches for a couple of years, then settled down at another baptist church for about five years before moving to the Church Of Christ I go to now. Most of the churches I've been to haven't been too conservative so that's cool. 

I wholeheartedly believe in Jesus and God's word and I strive to show people around me that love is what it's all about (no, not romantic love).

 

Being an aro/ace ally is one way of showing the love 

I don't believe in God but know that you can't exactly know the truth about this thing (hence the concept of belief) so I just like anyone who spreads love and that because regardless of what happens next, we're alive now so don't screw it up! Keep being you.

To put it into a joke: in theory Agnostic, in practice Athiest.

[Spud]

2 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

I don't believe in God but know that you can't exactly know the truth about this thing (hence the concept of belief) so I just like anyone who spreads love and that because regardless of what happens next, we're alive now so don't screw it up! Keep being you.

To put it into a joke: in theory Agnostic, in practice Athiest.

I'm an agnostic atheist, here to stalk the thread

[techno]

I was raised Catholic, but when away from my family I choose not to label my religious beliefs both because they are rather nebulous and because of my own personal philosophical beliefs regarding religion. Mostly I guess I'm still vaguely Christian in some way or another, and frankly I would never come out as aro/ace to any super-religious Christian that I know (for all the same reasons as you guys mentioned already). The kinds of Christians who wouldn't accept aro and ace people are the kinds of Christians that I don't like; they're dividing people and spreading hatred when the way of God is supposed to be about love and peace, and those kinds of people in my opinion don't deserve to know something that personal about me. I get by with just saying "I'm not really interested in relationships" when confronted, I brush off the inevitable "you'll change your mind someday" because we've all heard it a thousand times, and then I move on.

[SoulWolf]

I've been generally evading this topic for years with family and religious friends, saying stuff like "I'm really picky" and "I'm not looking for anyone". Usually got the "you'll find someone someday" thing... easy enough to just brush off.

 

But more recently, because I live with a male friend, now people keep asking me when we're getting married. I'm not really sure which is worse, TBH... I mean, a simple "never" is quick to say, but then the "why not" can be... well... somehow it seems harsh, y'know? They think I'm being horrible to him.

 

Sometimes I just want to yell at them to F*#%& off and butt out of my personal life. I think my parents have probably accepted by now that they're not getting grandkids... that subject hasn't come up in a while at least.

 

At some point, when I've figured out a reasonably efficient way of explaining aromanticism and asexuality, I will probably explain it to people who pester me about it, if I think they're worth my time. Everyone else will just get something like "nope, not interested, because reasons".

[Ettina]

On 4/6/2016 at 6:12 PM, hangryeowyn said:

The tricky thing for me when it comes to discussing this kind of thing with other Christians is that there's this huge stigma against sex outside of marriage. I'm not asexual. I do want sex, but I don't want the traditional romantic marriage that those in the church would be used to. Barring a platonic marriage, in their eyes I would be "living in sin" by either cohabitating or generally having sex outside of marriage. So at this point I not only have to fight against those who have a problem with being single (Hellooooo, Paul anyone??), I also have to wrestle with the sex part. I personally don't see a problem with it, but I've only met one other Christian who agrees with me. 

Yeah, I figured allo aros would have more issues with traditional Christian mores than aroaces do.

 

Personally, I became an atheist at 8, so my sexual/romantic orientation never really entered into it. It was me being autistic and gifted that they couldn't stand - they wanted me to leave my brain at the door and respect what authority figures said was true, even if it didn't make sense to me. And to stop being so weird and troublesome in general - they told me that I'd be going to Hell.

 

It's sad for my parents, because they're nice accepting Christians. It's my school and church that drove me away.

[Coby Asola]

I'm catholic and out as ace aro to some people at my church. I've never gotten any hate for it. In this situation for you, just follow your gut instinct. If you feel like your church environment is safe and welcoming, coming out will probably be fine. If you feel in any way that it would put unwanted attention on you or cause harassment, I would say that you plan on staying single, but not coming out at church. However, as mentioned by other people earlier, the Catholic Church had a bad reputation because of extreme bigots who say they practice it. From my experience, most Catholics are very accepting. Good luck! I hope this helps.?

[RiceCrispyTreat]

I follow Christianity, and this is a topic that I have done EXTENSIVE research when I started to toy with the idea of being aromantic and asexual. 

Obviously nothing I say is FACT, I am not God, and therefore know that I am making assumptions based on what I have a) read in the Bible b) talked about with pastors and other followers, and c) prayed about and talked to God about. 

But anyways... 

Many Christians will dismiss aro/ace specrum individuals because there is no specific versus that say "and thou shalt be aromantic and asexual." They lump it in with LGBTQ+ (which is a whole other topic, not to sound stuck up or anything, I just think as far as religion goes being gay and being ace are totally different topics.) and call it a sin. Or they deny it's existance all together but that seems so be universal... 

HOWEVER!!

If you took the time to do ANY kind of reading, it states right in the Bible in MULTIPLE places that being single is a blessing. 

Jesus himself tells us in the gospels that God gave us marriage because we are filled with sin and needed a way to express sexuality in a holy way other wise we would live in sin because we can't control ourselves. 

It states over and over again that marriage is a tool so that we don't commit sin, but the Bible flat out says if you do not struggle with those urges COUNT YOURSELF BLESSED. Jesus tells us that those who do not struggle with urges of those kind have been blessed with the opertunity to live without one of the biggest struggles man has. 

I think the only place where you would run into trouble are these three situation. 

1. Aromanticswho still have sexual relationships. 

God created marriage so that we could have these relations in a holy way, and having souly sexual relationships without the commitment is considered a sin. 

Or 

2. Asexuals who are in romantic relationships and refuse sex against their partner's wishes. This sounds bad but let me explain. 

The Bible tells us that AGAIN, marriage is there to help us do the deed without sin. If you get married but never have sex that is okay as long as it is mutual. If your partner is 100% okay with not having sex then that's okay. However ,if your partner wants sex but you refuse to have it with them once you are married, that is when you can get into some trouble biblically. No sex is okay as long as it is 100% mutual. 

Or

3. Having a nonsexual marriage, and allowing your partner to have sex on the side. That is also a no no. 

For the most part though, aro/ace is actually incouraged biblically, as long as you are following the other guidelines listed above. 

Anyone who tells you other wise, spit some direct Jesus quotes back at them!

[JetSettingAro]

This is an interesting thread. Here is the thing... Many modern Christians especially in Western Countries have this notion that you need to be in love to be happy, and that you need to get married at a young age with your "soulmate" and start popping out babies. I see this at play especially in conservative Protestant and Catholic circles, and my own Christian church. If you don't follow this path, people will either think something is wrong with you or they will feel bad for you and tell you that you will find "true love" soon. The thing is, in Medieval Christian Europe and before that in the Roman Empire...Christians rarely married for love and most marriages were arranged. All these modern notions of true love, and soulmates that have infiltrated Christianity are actually unorthodox when it comes to Christianity. So in many ways, an aro or ace Christian is behaving more on par with historic Christian morals than their peers in this regard.

[aroacebananas]

I'm struggling with the same thing, that's actually how I found this (and here I am, 15 years old, in 2022...eh, yolo). Honestly, I have no idea what to do. On one hand, I am totally okay with not marrying/having a relationship (one day). But people like my church members and my dad say: "you'll change your mind when you're older." But will I though? This one guy had a crush on me and I freaked out. I overreacted and gave him death threats (in a joking tone, guys. I wasn't really gonna kill him) for a week and then he left me alone. For a while, I thought I was Ace but I realize that the topic of sex just makes me squeamish and so I wasn't. Now my lesbian friend says I might be Aromantic and honestly? I think I might be on the spectrum. So someone please help me! I really need advice from other Christians and I HAVE NO IDEA how to come out or even bring up the topic around my dad or my friends. 

Edited May 26, 2022 by bananananana

[Collie]

I'm Christian. There's nothing in the Bible against being asexual or aromantic, and in fact Paul encourages singlehood and celibacy. So people who naturally have no desire for romance or sexual stuff could be considered blessed or as having a gift!
But yes, I have run into a lot of ignorance from other Christians. I am out as asexual, but don't plan to come out as grey-aromantic. Instead, I came out as a lesbian who is abstaining from romance - which is my main reason for not coming out as aro. I feel like it'd only confuse people.

Another thing I've run into is the assumption that aromantic and asexual are the same thing, and the Christians I've spoken to being bizarrely bent on insisting on this.
In the end, to what extent you choose to make your identity known is entirely up to you. Ignorant people gonna ignorate, but don't let that stop you from being yourself.

[The Gray Warlock]

When I was a teenager my mother was a Jehovah's Witness. They have, let's say very strict dating policies. But no objections to remaining single. I rationalized that as my reason for never dating. 

I've explored many spiritual avenues since. I always favored libertine creeds that encouraged the individual to decide on their own morality, including taking charge of their own sexuality, and the only "sin" is to impose one's norms on anyone else. If it sounds countercultural, that's because it is!