The Gray Warlock

You're right. I judged too rashly and jumped to a conclusion about you, as well as others in this thread. I apologize for that, and for what hurt my words might have caused. I will take better care in the future. I stand by the points I made though. And I think there is an interesting discussion to be had. These things you speak of, caring, empathy etc. it is my opinion that these things come from love. Whether or not we realize it, even if it is only momentary. And it doesn't necessarily have to involve full on devotion as in a friendship. It can be a simple gesture of kindness to a stranger. Why can that not be a form of love? Surely there is a place of love that this welling of kindness must have come from. Perhaps not for the individual, but something more universal. What ancients called Agape. A type of love that is often neglected in discussions about types of love. That love we all had as infants, that didn't know discrimination or reserve. But which as we grew and were assailed and developed our little egos in defense of the world's wicked ways, we stowed away to protect that most vulnerable part of us. But we didn't lose it. No. It's still there, deep inside every one of us. But we don't understand that it is still there, so we feel loss for what never went away. So what do we do? Look for it outside ourselves in the form of validation from others. The problem with that is everyone else did exactly the same thing. So here we are a world of the blind leading the blind, oftentimes to disaster and ruin. And the pain of such occurrences causes our egos to double down on our self-defensive tactics, enwrapping further that little light already buried so far down. And those egos that are at once trying to recover that simple innocent love they once knew, while also trying to keep it away a/o under control out of fear of further hurt, clash with other egos doing the same thing, playing the same games, and trying to control one another. All while trying to live in a world that has been built by egos, for egos, trying to control other egos. All for the lack of something that was never truly lost. And so, in our desperate search we develop other concepts of love, love that comes from others, love that gives validation to our egos. Because the ego wants to pick and choose you see. But because these are constructs of our egos, that part of us that fears hurt to that part of us that is the house of the only true love there is, these are types of "love" that we can control. But the "love" that our society so glorifies is but a Golden Calf. It is ultimately only useful as a tool of manipulation and deceit. In the end, our trying to keep love under control, only keeps us under control. That real love, Agape, cannot be controlled, and does not need to control. And it does show itself, in genuine love and kindness we may give to each other. Even the romantic kind. I hope I have adequately answered your question. Have a nice day and a happy New Year.

I going to be honest. Only someone who has never felt completely bereft of love, or felt the remaining presence of love left in their lives threatened, and has never struggled to love themselves, would ask that question. The early traumas of my life left me with these struggles to overcome. And having overcome them there is no doubt in my mind as to the importance of love in our existence. Granted media and society in general present a packaged form of "love" that is meant to keep us fearful of losing or lacking love ourselves so we will continue buying product and turning up at the polls a/o church. This is indeed a false love. Real love is found only within, and must be given to yourself first before you can give it to or recieve it from anyone else.

Here's my suggestion. Examine how you're feeling and what you think about it as objectively as you can. Disidentify with it if possible. And just watch. Ask yourself "did I really want this or is it something I've been told I want and believed it?" You would be amazed at how much in your mind comes directly from social conditioning. And also fear. A great many of our decisions and views come from a place of fear. So is there something you fear? And in being confronted with what you feared, you responded with sadness? Just possibilities to consider.

The history of bodybuilding. I find Bronze Era the most interesting.

That would depend on the time of life you asked me that question. From early life til recently that answer would variously have been: confused about myself/others, frustrated with myself/others, left out, like an outcast, hopeless, like I'm broken. More recently, up until I discovered aromanticism it would be: resigned, resentful (alternately about my condition, or having been made to feel bad about it), defiant, sour grapes, accepting but still want to know why. After discovering aromanticism: relieved, that now I understand, that I can let go of old ideas and feelings and fully put that mental energy into things that really matter to me. At this moment: I realize I'm still processing and coming to terms. But at least I no longer feel there is something wrong with me.

I think they're interesting ideas to explore.

In my experience, biology trumps identity. There are things our bodies are hard wired to do. Drives that are wired into our brains, ways our hormones and nervous systems act and react in certain situations, and these systems are completely indifferent to our conceptions of ourselves.

Anything by Robert E. Howard. Never any romance in his stories. Instead, especially in his Conan tales, there is a recurring underlying theme of the vulnerable and facadic nature of civilization. That savagery and barbarism are the true nature of mankind, and however lofty a society is built, its people are destined to revert to a primal state of being when it is no longer sustainable, or when its tenets are no longer enforceable.

I have seen, and experienced, far more evil things than that. That's the problem with so much of today's moral messaging, a lot of it comes from people who have never faced real hardship, and hence have never witnessed real evil. And so they don't understand pain is a part of growing up. This girl of yours, she could have fallen for an allo who lost his feelings for her, and she'd be just as hurt by it.

My youngest brother is autistic, with symptoms so severe he requires permanent residential care. And he's been caught several times initiating sexual contact with the female residents. So throw that at them.

His name is Robert. I don't remember whose idea it was. As for what my family knows about me, I've been meaning to talk about it, but it just hasn't been a priority.

Well, there's really not a lot to it. It was late winter in 97. My mom was at her due date, and had a few false alarms. My step-father was on the road for his job, my youngest brother and sister were at grandma's I think, my oldest brother idk probably getting in trouble someplace. So it was just me and mom that night. We made a pot of spaghetti for supper. I made my plate and was leaning on the counter. Mom made hers and went to sit down. Before she even touched the seat she said "That felt weird!" I asked what is it, she said "my water just broke." How I didn't go into panic mode I don't know. Because I thought I was going to have to drive her to the hospital and I was very inexperienced with driving. In fact the last time I drove a car I steered it straight into a ditch. But no, she got in the truck and drove herself there and I rode along. It's a small town. The hospital is like a 5 minute drive away. Anyway we pull into the ER and ring the bell. As the nurses came up my mom said "It's for real this time!" and they took her away. I was led to the waiting room where I watched TV. A couple hours later my step father came in and took me home. The next morning I had a baby brother.

I've been there. It sucks. But what can you do? People are going to live their lives, and their plans don't always include you. On the other hand, your life will go on as well. If it helps, ancient philosophers regarded platonic love to be the highest form of relationship. And I agree. Even long before I discovered what aromanticism is, I have always disputed the claim that a romantic partner is the greatest achievement. Any flake, fake, loser or dipshit can fall in love. Not many can earn a true friend.

Trammeled

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret kid. Nobody is just happy. They are just good at hiding how shitty they feel. Maybe not everyone has depression, but everyone is dealing with something no one else knows anything about. That's why I say envy is ignorance. And I get what you're going through with your mom. Mine was the same way. I know now she meant well, but if I could go back to 25 years ago I'd tell her "You clean out your own damn closet before you tell that kid how to live his life!" I'm not sure what else I can tell you except you just have to struggle with this. Everyone struggles with something, but it's the struggling that teaches you who you are, what you're made of and what you can do. And don't take life advice from Disney. They are the fucking Antichrist.

yep

My mom had me, her first, at 26. Had my youngest brother at 42. I was there when labor began. I'll never forget the moment she said her water just broke.

I'm not "old" per se, I'm 42 years old. Yeah I know that's old as shit to some of you yung'uns, but let me put it in perspective. Video games and cell phones existed when I was a kid. I have still-living relatives who were around when people primarily got around by horse or train. Anyway, how has being aro affected my life as I got older? I'd say mainly social life. People in my life go on, have families, lose touch because they are so busy with kids. Maybe I run into someone every now and then, but for the most part friends aren't really a thing. But I understand this is not uncommon even for allos. One joke I hear is dads don't have friends. Their wives have friends, and they have husbands. Nothing has convinced me my quality of life would be any better for having found a partner and started a family. Quite the opposite to be honest. I have no children, it's not likely I ever will. But I am not without family. I still have mom and brothers and a sister, and wonderful nieces. Solo life, for the most part is not bad at all. I don't see myself as the "cat lady" (I'm a dude for one thing) but instead as more of a Bilbo Baggins enjoying his solitary life. Having no wife, kids or child support means my time and money are free to do with as I like, and I have all the space I need to do it in. I've done a good job of taking care of my health and maintaining my fitness so I'm overall feeling pretty good physically. Still, it's not exactly a glamorous carefree life. The biggest struggle for me has been finding meaning. I have no fear of dying alone. No one can control that anyway. I'm really more concerned about what kind of difference I have made. Or what my purpose for being here is, or do I have to make a purpose. These kinds of existential issues have dogged me since I was a kid. I try to find things to challenge me, to develop in ways I had not before. Or to find things around me I can take responsibility for, to try to improve, such as my house or workplace, or maintaining connections among my family. I now find myself walking into the second half of my life wondering what's next for me. I have been turning my attention to higher pursuits, to matters of the soul, to ways of expressing my own spirituality in my own way. As for developments in the Aro community over time, I couldn't really say since I didn't know it existed before the latter half of this year. But I do observe how youth driven it seems to be. And that's no bad thing. That youthful fire is just the thing to get the movement going and get visibility. But I also see a need for tempering and guidance from older gentlemen (and ladies. And whatever else there is) such as myself lest the fire burn out of control.

A couple of suggestions for deities from various pre-christian mythologies: Artemis: Greek. Expert archer, refuses the love of men. Ullr: Norse. God of hunters, as closely associated with his bow and arrow as Thor with his hammer, dwells in a copse of evergreens.

What the hell does that even have to do with learning Spanish?

Sounds familiar. Except it took until my 40s to figure it out.

I hear you. My mom used to press me into attending gatherings a lot. And these were big. Her grandma had 11 kids who went on to have families, and their kids etc. And everyone was expected to show up. We're talking 100+ attendees. But after the Matriarch died everyone just fell into their own cliques. Now gatherings are just me, mom and siblings, and grandma when she can make it out.